And I Wrote This Book.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Taylor Swift is Here!: IWSG

It's time to join the IWSGers in being loudly, proudly insecure. We encourage and support each other's writing journeys too. This ongoing monthly gathering is thanks to Alex. He's a gift, that Alex.
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Robyn /  Taylor Swift pretend quotes / Taylor Swift actual quotes

Ladies and gentlemen, and Macaulay Culkin, today we welcome one of the richest, most famous, and most popular singer-songwriters of all time! She dominates the industry, and she dated John Mayer! What more is there to say? Here's Taylor Swift!

Dressed in all white, Taylor steps sexily towards center-stage. The audience roars and whistles, as our camera-man scans the crowd. An all White, young, clean-cut mix of Taylor's exes beckons her return to their arms. Taylor quickly surveys the crowd and bursts into song: "We are never ever ever ever getting back together!" John Mayer stands up, flips her off, and storms out the Emergency Exit.

Robyn turns to Taylor, smiling: Well, who needs him, right? All that 'say what you need to say. Say what you need to say. Say what you need to say,' and he never gets to the f*n point. Do you see the irony?
Taylor appears confused. Oh, no. I don't, I don't like to iron. She giggles.

Oh, sweetie. It's a good thing you're so talented and you have beautiful hair and...Robyn eyes Taylor's long sultry legs...Ever consider dating a woman half your height and twice your age?
Slightly shocked but ever-graceful, Taylor composes herself for a response. Well, I'm actually very happy with my current sweetheart, Calvin.  She takes a few small steps back, further from Robyn.
In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot, Taylor continues. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.
Robyn rolls her eyes. It really isn't all about looks though, right?
No. There's more to life than dating the boy on the football team.
Do you have any words of wisdom for insecure writers, sweetie?
Taylor smiles proudly and looks at the camera. You can write a book about how to ruin someone's perfect day. That seems awfully anti-Taylor Swift of you. I thought you were going to belt out that profound song you wrote. You know, with all kinds of deep, insightful lyrics: 'Shake it off. Shake it off. Shake it off. Shake it off. Shake it off. Shake it off.'
Sure. Taylor smiles, then launches into Shake it off! Shake it off! Shake it off!
The curtains drop, blocking Taylor from view and we cut to a commerical.
 
Colour Me Swiftly has arrived! With two Amazon reviews and an average rating of 2.5 stars, take a look at this adult coloring book:

If Colour Me Swiftly doesn't do it for you, how about Colour Me Good Harry?
This one has a solid five-star review! A review. As in, one. One review. *Robyn sits erect, with chin towards ceiling.* The book's been out since last year.

We hope all this nonsense makes you more confident in your craft. If not, shake it off. Shake it off. Shake it....


60 comments:

  1. Hey, "a woman half her size and twice her age" sounds like a pretty good catch to me! Now that would be something to sing about. Another priceless IWSG, Robyn!

    Julie

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  2. Shake it off is such useful advice in so many situations. Thanks Taylor :)

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    1. It is useful, but much easier for her to say and do than the rest of us. I don't applaud songs that have 3 words only, though, plus a few little soundbites thrown in. I like songs with a bit more depth. At least 6 will do.

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  3. I know people who could write a book on how to ruin someone's day...

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    1. Why write about it, when you can stick your leg out and trip them, Alex? Much more expeditious. That's my philosophy.

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  4. Did you have to research actual Taylor Swift quotes? That had to be tedious. Not that she's not smart, but reading the philosophies of any teen-through-twenties person is fraught with self-important, shallow nonsensicalities.
    Saying a young songstress "dated John Mayer" at this point is like saying, "Trump said something obnoxious and ill-informed," or, "they're rebooting Spider-Man," or "that magician was a perverted creep," or "my cat is aloof." I'm saying John Mayer gets around, not to slut-shame him, but he's pretty lecherous.

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    1. Haha. I did. She's a nice young lady, Pickleope Von Pickleope, but Taylor Swift IS NOT SMART. There are so many "your" instead of "you're" in her writings, for example. She really hasn't a clue. I still like her, and I'm hoping she's considering my proposition.

      I don't get any of the John Mayer hype - not so slut-shame him. Well, that too. It's valid. Smiles.

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  5. Taylor Swift may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but she's always struck me as having a strong workable shrewdness. John Mayer might be the faux fairy prince that she made her reasonably insightful comments about...definitely a pretty man, all shiny, but what sort of boor makes cruel, public remarks about an innocent ex? (Jessica Simpson. And yes, I do read trashy showbiz columns.) Maybe these days it's too much to expect that "a gentleman never tells," but at least he should have a glimmer when to STFU. We should slut-shame him to death. And please forgive my rant, Robyn, as you kindly always do.

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    1. I love it, Margaret. I need to have John Mayer here next, and your help slut-shaming him. Thank you!

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  6. I've dated enough bad guys, that's for sure. Taylor's right that they come at you looking all perfect.

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    1. You're lucky for that, at least, Diane. The bad guys I've dated or been tempted by have scraggly hair or no hair at all.

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  7. I believe I have entered another dimension. Say what? Giggling through the whole thing. What an imagination!! You go, GRRL!!

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    1. Haha. It does take courage to pay a visit to Life by Chocolate. Thank you, JQ. I'm quite lucky to have so many regulars.

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  8. Umm... shaking it off. Hope things are going well for you!

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  9. Dating is one experience that really teaches you can't judge a book by it's cover. So many rotten apples.

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    1. So true. And the ones that aren't rotten are taken or dead.

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  10. At least her bad guys don't have warts and peg legs or eye patches, etc.

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  11. Taylor sure does wear all white quite a bit huh? Maybe that virginal persona carries over to the bedroom which is the reason why she can't keep a man. Guys are gonna shake off that virgin and go for a little bit of experience.

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    1. That's probably it, JKIR. She does wear an awful lot of white. I can't keep a man either, but I never wear white and...where am I going with this? Um, well, I haven't gotten complaints in the bedroom but maybe that's because I don't wear white. Yeah, that's it. That's a way to come full circle with my (lack of an) argument.

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  12. Some things can be shaken off, some washed off - and others we have to scrub. And scrub. And scrub some more.

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    1. And sometimes we shout "Out damn spot, out I say!" but it's still there.

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  13. So I'm supposed to "shake it off? If only that were possible.

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  14. So, is this Taylor Swift person the one that causes all the masturbation among the boys? Or is that Miley Cyrus?

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    1. They both do, Jono. The one difference is that Miley also masturbates on the boys.

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  15. You can do better than Taylor Swift. She can't do better than you....well, maybe Jake Gyllenhaal - he has dreamy eyes. Clever post, as usual. Your perspective on stuff just amazes me (in a good way). Shake it off, indeed

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    1. You're sweet, Joanne. And Jake is dreamy. I think he was her cutest.

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  16. "For good color-inners"? Is that Common Core English?

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    1. I'm not sure, CW. I was thinking Ebonics, but it has too many syllables for that. And what about color-outers? Seems lacking in political correctness. Don't you think?

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  17. I often make women laugh and I have great hair (or so I've been told). Does that mean I'm the bad guy? Should I invest in a black cape?

    If you think her thesis on "Shake It Off" was poignant, you should hear her dissertation on "Bad Blood", in which she so brilliantly states: "Cuz baby now we got bad blood. You know it used to be mad love."

    It's deep on so, so many levels*.

    *one

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    1. Oh Lord. The girl thinks "blood" rhymes with "love"? And she's known for writing her own lyrics. And she's very proud of this. And her fans love her lyrics. And you should NOT invest in a black cape.

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  18. "There's more to life than dating the boy on the football team." Yes, dating the girl on the cheer team! Like you, I would have made a pass at Taylor Swift too. Whaddya mean, she's way out of my league???

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    1. I wasn't thinking that at all, Deb. I was thinking you're way out of her league. You can write and spell and you're super smart.

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  19. This girl is somewhat annoying but seems to have a good eye for business, dresses well, knows how to sell, sings well and still screws up (a lot) with men. Wait.....what a bitch! :)

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    1. High-fives, girlfriend. High-fives. You never fail to cause me to burst into loud laughter. Thank you, Birgit.

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  20. But I keep cruising, can't stop, won't stop grooving... I can't help it. I like her. :)

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    1. ...Everything will be alright! I know, Rosey. I like her too. She's no writer, though...Shake it off! =)

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  21. Well, Batman has a black cape, and I always thought he was supposed to be a good guy! I'm so confused. :) Great post, Robyn. Thanks for the smiles.

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    1. Yeah, Taylor has a weird thing about black capes. I didn't think any real (vs fictional) characters wore capes. She's kinda in another realm of existence. Must be nice!

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  22. I'm a guy and don't understand a lot of stuff. I take it this "Shake it off" song isn't about hygiene.

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    1. Nor is it about perfect hair. Then again, I'm not sure, Geo. The song gives little cues as to its meaning - not sure it has any.

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    2. If you don't shake it off...time to stick your crotch under the hand dryer before you go back out into the office.

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  23. Well, I don't have perfect hair.
    I think that's what makes people laugh.
    Well, that and my small p...stature.

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    1. Oh, Al, it's not about size.
      *snort, guffaw, giggles.* Seriously, it's snot.

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  24. First Martha, now Taylor... Thanks for the laughs!

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  25. Hahaa wtf? Omg, she is pretty dumb. Never bothered to invest any time in her, but now I'm glad I havent. Only felt sorry for her that time when EgoManical dumbass Kayne crashed her acceptance speech.

    Funny as always. and what the hell is with those Coloring books? May have to track it down!

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    1. Adult coloring books are trendy now, Anthony. I have no idea why. It's odd. If I'm going to color, I'll happily do so in a kiddie coloring book.

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  26. Ooh, I bet I can guess who the bad guy is! She definitely needs a good girl like you, Robyn. :)

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  27. I wonder what Janis Joplin would say about Taylor Swift?

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    1. I wonder. She'd probably be so tempted to rewrite all Swift's songs - adding a 4th or 5th word and all.

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  28. I admit, I do love Taylor. Her charitable kindness and her genuine love of her fans is a breath of fresh air in a world full of shitty "celebrities" who whine they hate not having privacy, but try to get their face in front of any lens they see.

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  29. Very nice post, impressive. its quite different from other posts. Thanks for sharing.

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  30. Well I certainly have to agree with her about the bad guy/prince charming advice. I learned that one the hard way. Plus, I have to admit, I like a lot her music. It's just too bad her blonde roots come through a little too often. But then, I'm not blameless there either. :)

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