Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Martha Stewart, Alphabetized and the IWSG

Happy April Fool's Day! Speaking of fools, Martha Stewart said this on TV in 2013: "Who are these bloggers? They're not editors at Vogue magazine. I mean, there are bloggers writing recipes that aren't tested, that aren't necessarily very good, or are copies of everything that really good editors have created and done. So bloggers create kind of a popularity, but they are not the experts, and we need to understand that."

In response, I said this. My point, and a message I wish to convey for April's IWSG, is: Laugh! Don't take yourself too seriously and go all snobby-clueless-fool like Martie. Someone might think you're an expert at something. Or request a gluten-free vegan homemade quiche. Or offer one. And you might land in the stony lonesome. (Thanks, JustKeepinItReal, for that phrase.)

Now, on with the show.
   
Hi, I'm Martha Stewart. Of course, you knew that. Everybody does. But perhaps you didn't know that I'm hosting the A to Z Challenge here, as an act of charity and to introduce my new 
Adult Lifestyle line. Pictured here, for the letter A, I'm wearing my
Attractive And Aesthetically Appeasing Anklet 
for House Arrest
I stole this beauty from Chico's Clothing Store in Chico, CA. That's the same city where the *bleep* who runs this blog lives. You see, I wanted to get a lay of the land or - well - a lay, but oh, those small town hicks aren't tasteful enough to bed me. But I have friends, and dogs, and batteries, and this jeweled anklet that shimmers with a delightful burst of bling. You'll find it especially useful for those times when you're under house-arrest and hosting what Lindsay Lohan and I like to call -Martha raises her index and middle fingers, then curls them over to indicate quotation marks- "tea" with the real housewives of Beverly Hills or New Haven, Connecticut. *Wink.*



54 comments:

  1. I think I would like to see Martha wear that stunning piece of bling in a smaller size. Around her throat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great suggestion, EC. Thank you. I'll work on it.

      Delete
  2. Love that new anklet Martha. Happy AtoZ, are you ready . . . too late, it's here.

    ReplyDelete
  3. What Elephant's Child said!!
    You are going to have so much fun this month...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have no feelings for Martha one way or the other. Perhaps we'll be spending this month attempting to change that. By the way, it took me a while (to the end of the post when I saw the button) to figure out "IWSG".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really? I thought everyone knew that WSWG I mean ISGW err IWSG means...WTH does it mean? I always have to look at the badge too, Pickleope Von Pickleope.

      Delete
  5. Maybe she could put that around her eyes and not see blogs anymore, or keep it there and go play in traffic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Surely she could find a better use for it, as you suggest, Pat.

      Delete
  6. It's the snobby attitude that gets to me. But I don't pay much attention to this woman, so who really cares?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly, millions do, Martha (sorry you share her name; you're not at all like her). She has an endless group of worshippers.

      Delete
  7. I can think of other places that bling ankle thing would be more appropriate...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BEST COMMENT AWARD GOES TO YOU! Thanks, Jacq. Love it!

      Delete
  8. Yeah not a fan of ol' Martha but I have wondered why she went to jail for insider trading but most rich white men don't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good point, JoJo. I suspect it's because she's Martha Stewart. But the jail house (Anderson) looks more like a B&B.

      Delete
  9. Ha! What defines an expert, anyway? If you're blogging about something you're likely passionate about it. So you've probably spent a fair amount of time doing/writing/baking/sewing it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly, Nick. Plus who wants to be an "expert?" We're about relating with each other on an equal playing field, not from a glass house on a hill in Martha's Vineyard with 25 acres of lush green fields, one dozen beautiful white horses...and, oh, it would be nice. Right?

      Delete
  10. I would be very interested to see how one makes a vegan quiche.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought of that too, Ruth. It'd likely turn out like flat bread, right?

      Delete
    2. Pretty much. Instead of real eggs, you'd have to make flax eggs which is ground flax mixed with water. Mmm. tasty.

      Delete
    3. Haha, I'd rather chomp on paperclips.

      Delete
  11. Hilarious, Robyn! Martha really is getting extra bitchy these days. And your line "I have friends, and dogs, and batteries" made me laugh out loud -- I expected Martha to break out into her own version of "These are a few of my favourite things."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Debra. She wanted to sing for this series, but - sheesh - I had to draw the line somewhere for that diva b*tch. I don't want to lose all my followers.

      Delete
  12. If only she would stay under house arrest forever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It would be nice for the world.
      Thanks, Diane.

      Delete
  13. So she gets the bang(le) without paying the bucks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well said, DC. LOL. I'm laughing. Thank you.

      Delete
  14. Now Martha doesn't realize but they are making a special crystal button that will attach to her mouth:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excellent. I like it. She'll probably be okay with it if it's nicely polished crystal too.

      Delete
  15. Bloggers are keeping Martha relevant... so I guess the jokes on her.
    Thanks for keepin' the laughs coming'!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I think we bloggers made her realize this after those asinine statements on her part. She supposedly took back her statement, for whatever that's worth. (Not a half-penny, if you ask me.) Plus SHE is and was a blogger when she said it. That idiot.

      Thanks for joining the fun, Lauren.

      Delete
  16. That's a pretty anklet actually. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it nice? I think I'll steal it when she's sleeping.

      Delete
  17. Lay of the land?
    That would hurt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, you are right, Al. And think of what it would do to the soil. Ewww.

      Delete
  18. Sooner or later everyone will realize that Martha Stewart has made her fortune by making women feel miserable. Really, who can afford her lifestyle? It would take an annual income of millions of dollars.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's ridiculous, Stephen. Even seemingly simple crafts she advertises are way out of the range of your hard working family. She's completely clueless.

      Delete
  19. I am going to have to make up words for this month, just to express my joy at your writing and creativity. Oh Martha - this shall be a cruel (but hilarious) month.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like it, Joanne. Can't wait to see new words around here...at Martie's expense. Woohoo! Thanks.

      Delete
  20. Does Martha really think bloggers (or anyone) are experts at everything they write about. I love you Martha S. but seriously, be quiet. Happy April Fools Day to you too Robyn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. High-five, girlfriend. I'm laughing at your statement to Martha. Seriously, Stewy, shut that trap of yours.

      She doesn't understand that we don't like and don't want to be "experts."

      Delete
  21. Now that's a stunning ankle bracelet! Martha has been pretty brazen lately, as she really let The Bieber have it at his roast. Your twenty-six roasts of Martha, will be a lot more fun and original! An A+ on your first A to Z post, Robyn!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know about the Bieber's roast, Julie, and I suspect that's a good thing.

      Thanks so much. I haven't seen an A+ in years. WOOHOO!

      Delete
  22. I'm feel kind of bad for Martha...being a snotty know-it-all-b*tch is all she has. She'd never understand blogging since it's all about community.

    Seriously? She must be a little scared that we're moving in on her territory.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She IS clearly intimidated, Elizabeth. She bashes those she's threatened by (bloggers, Gwyneth Paltrow, etc.) But she's also got her millions. Or is it billions? Disgusting, I tell ya.

      Thanks for coming by. Happy April.

      Delete
  23. This should be a very interesting A-Z challenge. I look forward to it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Replies
    1. People have been asking for decades, Happy. You'll learn who she really is here, this month.

      Delete
  25. The sad thing is, I can totally see her bedazzling her ankle bracelet. And for the record, her products are shit. Bought a few in my younger years and find they aren't even fit to wipe a butt with.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. Your reviews are always spot-on, so I don't doubt this. Plus, plenty of others have said the same about her products. Plus all the lawsuits...

      Delete
  26. https://www.behance.net/gallery/46472895/_
    https://www.behance.net/gallery/46463613/_
    https://www.behance.net/gallery/46463247/_
    https://www.behance.net/gallery/46451097/_
    https://www.behance.net/gallery/46460639/_
    https://www.behance.net/gallery/46462575/_

    ReplyDelete
  27. https://www.behance.net/gallery/46450923/_
    https://www.behance.net/gallery/46450419/_
    https://www.behance.net/gallery/46430977/-jumperadscom
    https://www.behance.net/gallery/42972037/_
    https://www.behance.net/gallery/40396873/Transfer-and-relocation-and-Furniture-in-Dammam

    ReplyDelete