Friday, March 20, 2015

Reasons for Celibacy, # 333 - 340! aka, Quality Solo Bedroom Time

Though I'm glad to have George in my life these days, I'm determined to continue this series. How can I not? There's too much good material. So here we go with reasons #333 through 340 for a smart single gal to choose celibacy - lifted from actual, current dating ads. [Note: You might think that these ad blurbs don't adequately represent the modern day pool of eligible bachelors. I agree. In person, it's even worse.]~~~Be well, my friends. Keep a smile and a stash of chocolate. Enjoy the weekend!~~~

 

REASON #333: You had me at let's make out!
You must’ve misunderstood, sweetie. I said “Get the hell away from me!”

REASON #334: there is no spoon...
No spoon? Stick a fork in it? Cut it up? Dig in with your hands and feet?

REASON #335: What Good is Sitting Alone in Your Room?
It’s great for reading, writing, talking on the phone or masturbating, to mention a few.

REASON #336: Do you have it in you?
Not right now, babe, but I hope to on Saturday night. 

REASON #337: Guaranteed more fun than your ex!
It’s good to set the bar low.

REASON #338: R U the 1 ! 
No. Why might you think so!

REASON #339: Can you make me jump on Oprah's couch? 
Do you have liability insurance?

REASON #340: For our first date, we can go anywhere except -name of a bar-, because I’m banned for life after firing a plastic arrow into the owner’s eye’s on Halloween, while dressed as Cupid. In my defense, I was aiming for his girlfriend, but confessing to flirting with his girl probably won’t get me back in.
I’ understand your dilemma, sweetheart. While I’ prefer a steady shot like George who nails the target effortlessly, kudos to you for the funniest ad I’ve’ seen in a long time.


62 comments:

  1. It's difficult to believe that these could get funnier and funnier, but you truly made my Friday. I'm glad I have Ray. Glad you have George. And glad also for plenty of free space in my house - I am okay with sitting alone in my room (and he can be in the media room!). Chocolate cheers to you.

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    1. Alone time is so pleasurable on so many levels, right? So glad to have made your Friday, Joanne. Thank you, and happy weekend.

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  2. "REASON #336: Do you have it in you?
    Not right now, babe, but I hope to on Saturday night. "


    "While I’ prefer a steady shot like George who nails the target effortlessly..."


    Y'ever notice how annoying the people who are getting some can be? Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust kidding lol.

    (Don't mind the cranky old man. He's too sick to look for it and not sure what to do with it if he wasn't...)

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    1. There's nothing more nauseating than someone who boasts about getting some, I know. Sorry, CW. It's rare that I get to annoy in this manner, so I intend to hammer down the point as long as I'm able. Wink.

      Delete
  3. Reason #335: Priceless response. Thank you.

    I needed to clean the screen anyway...

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    1. Your laughter makes me laugh, and my screen needed a cleanse too, Jac. Thank YOU. Smiles.

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  4. At least the last one was honest!
    #336 wins for your response.

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    1. I'm glad you like it, Alex. The ones I spent the least time on usually turn out to be the funniest.

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  5. lol #336 is the clear winner as he loses out while you go sinner.

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    1. Let's hope he doesn't have to ask the next gal that question when he attempts to go sinner with her.

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  6. Oh my flippin' gosh...there are really people like that out there! :)

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  7. I doubt Tom Cruise will ever live down that maniacal stunt on Oprah's couch. He isn't even married to that woman anymore.

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    1. It is ironic, isn't it? Destroy Oprah's couch and end up divorced...the whole saga doesn't bode well for that dufus.

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  8. REASON #334: there is no spoon...

    My goodness, Robyn, you have no idea how many times I've heard this, and wanted to shout: You little boy-men, how can you beat ya meat, if you can't find a spoon to eat your pudding??!!
    Must I do everything? Really Robyn, that's the one I relate to... now I'm off to find an ice cream sandwich. I know how to use my hands just fine. :)

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    1. Your responses always throw me into a giggle attack, Dixie. "How can you eat ya meat..." You're hysterical. And really, dude, find a spoon before you venture into the dating world.

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    2. I'm just tickled you knew the song!! (smile)

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  9. #340 has some charm.
    And all of your responses are a clear indication that George is a winner. On a lot of levels.

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    1. #340 does have a silly side. He's a cut about the rest, especially the one who has no spoon. I assume he has no knife either.

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    2. You know I'm thinking West Side Story:
      "No knife, no life, and you ain't got no wife!"

      I'm so sorry! It just happens. I hear music when I hear dumb sheeeet.

      Delete
  10. Reason #337 and your reply are my favorite. What are people thinking when they write these?

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    1. They're not, Rhonda. That would require accessing braincells.

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  11. If it doesn't work out with George, Robyn, you should go on a date with the Cupid guy. His aim isn't great, but he should give you good material for your next novel.

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    Replies
    1. I can't argue with that, GB. Good recommendation.

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  12. These are hilarious, as usual. I wonder (but not much) about their success rate.

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    1. I wonder too, Mitchell (but not much), if they think this strategy is a winning one. Or I simply wonder if they think.

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  13. And they wonder why they aren't getting anyone to answer their ads???? Lordy.

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    1. There are some wacky women out there, JoJo. I wonder if any of them ever respond favorably. Nah! What am I thinking?!

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  14. Replies
    1. Haha, we gotta give that guy credit for the best strategy of the litter.

      Delete
  15. It’s good to set the bar low - LOL! Why would anyone think that was a plus?

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    1. Heehee, maybe it's only a plus relative to the competition's self-promotional tactics, Diane.

      Delete
  16. what's the matter, Robyn, with #340. Don't you want to be seen with a guy dressed a cuid? That one is too funny

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    1. It really is funny. I'm afraid I'd be walking around with plastic arrows sticking out of every orifice. Eww.

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  17. I am rising from the dead and looking at blogs:) You made me laugh so thank you and I loved your response to 336 and 337. The last guy...oh my, not a good way to say hi to someone

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    1. You'd think a simple "hello" would likely be more effective, right? I'm glad to make you laugh, Birgit. Thanks.

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  18. You know Robyn, I MIGHT could get a date after all! LYMI ~ John Boy

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    1. You might prolly could you might, John. Love you.

      Delete
  19. Not long after I met Willy Dunne Wooters, I told him he was much nicer than my ex-husband. He said, Well, he didn't set the bar very high, did he?

    True, but I love WDW for being a kind person.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Funny, I got a guy really excited about our first date, after telling me a story about a former bf who got us stuck in the mud overnight in his four-wheeler. He said, enthusiastically, "So he set the bar low, huh?"

      I'm glad WDW is kind. So is George, despite the bar being so low.

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    2. PS I meant that I told him that story. =)

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  20. I love 335. As I think I say after reading all of these: posts like this make me deliriously happy to be married, and having done so before online dating became popular.

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    1. I'm happy for you and your partner in Pickleoping, Pickleope Von Pickleope. It's hard to remember the pre-online dating days. At least, I met George in a cafe at Open Mic night, and not on-line. Phew.

      Delete
  21. If I'm alone in my room, I know for sure what I'd do.
    Reading, of course.
    What'd you think I meant?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Writing, of course. What do you think I thought you meant?

      Delete
  22. I love #338's brainless, lazy code speak. I had a book like that growing up, where full sentences were spelled out in simple letters.

    I F E-10 Z L-F-N. U 8 1 2?

    (I have eaten the elephant. You ate one too?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the translation, BnB. That's a lot more clever than #338's RU the 1! He B N id it!

      Delete
  23. But why is there no spoon?!?!?!

    And number 240? I have no words.

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  24. Hahaha...That's the question, BabySis. Why, oh why is there no spoon??? The world may never know.

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  25. Great responses as always! I wish you could arrange a meeting with #340. He sounds like a lot of fun, and you could probably auction him off in a contest to promote your new book, if he can still fit into his Cupid costume!

    Julie

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    Replies
    1. As fun as he sounds, I'd be scared to meet him alone. Maybe I'll take George along.

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  26. Gotta agree - 340 is an absolute classic. Why would you admit to that? lol

    Yeah, masturbating is as good an activity as anything I can think of...
    Great stuff, again - dont give the series up!

    x

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    1. Haha, thanks Anthony. Yeah, I can't give it up. It's an addiction. How sick is that?!
      xo

      Delete
  27. 340 sounds like a fun guy. I'd go out with him once for shits and giggles. Who knows, he could be fun in the bedroom too. Doesn't sound like he'd say no to a little role play action.

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    1. You always make me laugh, Theresa. I agree, except that he has bad aim. That doesn't bode well for a lover, you know?

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  28. "It's good to set the bar low." Hahaha! Another great edition. :)

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  29. Oh my goodness- those are just too funny.

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  30. Nice job on the Tom Cruise reference. He's a weirdo and they got divorced.

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  31. https://medium.com/@naklafshdmam/

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