And I Wrote This Book.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Meryl Streep Visits Life by Chocolate: IWSG

 

Welcome to March of 2015's IWSG. As you know, it's thanks to the incomparable Alex J. Cavanaugh that scores of us gather to admit to insecurities and lend each other encouragement.  I strive for laughter. That's what we need most. Sure, we need love too, but laughter's free (it requires no investment) and easily accessible. So let's move onto mocking the rich and famous.   Key: Robyn's dialog / Meryl's actual quotes , fake quotes


Ladies and gentlemen, I'm ecstatic to present you with perhaps the most phenomenal, versatile, and exceptionally gifted actress of all time. Let's welcome, Meryl Streep! Jennifer Aniston pops up and takes pictures, cheerfully shouting, "Selfie! Selfie!" Meryl sports an aged, re-re-polished Oscar. Robyn greets Meryl with a high-five. She directs Meryl to sit in an Oscar de la Renta chair. Robyn plops onto a gray folding chair designed by and for Nobody Important (e.g., Macaulay Culkin). You're so amazing! My goodness! I remember so, so long ago when the Oscars meant The Meryl Streep Show. Robyn chuckles. And you're still so elegant even though you're a 65 year old senior. WOW! 65! How does it feel to take roles now as women in their fifties? Meryl's eyebrows shoot up. Frankly, the reason I chose the movies that I did was based on where they were being filmed.
Robyn nods. Makes sense. I mean, why belt out endless whiny versions of "Mamma Mia, here I go again" if you can't tour Greece? Tell me, with all your talent and glory and age, how do you stay grounded, Merls?

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Interesting. That's why I'm not spoiled, Robyn jokes (but not really), I don't iron!

Furthermore, if everyone that had two cars had a Prius instead of an SUV, we wouldn’t be in the Middle East right now.
I'm beginning to realize why they sat you and J Lo together in the front row for the very --Robyn raises her index and third fingers to make quotation marks in the air--special guests.
I jest, Ms. Streep, but you're a wonderful actress and a strong family woman. You've raised four kids and have a long term marriage.

I once read that in any good marriage, one partner is the gardener and the other is the garden. We take it in turns to be either. Robyn nods slowly, perplexed. You mean one of you spreads seeds while the other hoes?
Meryl changes the topic. I love Chinese movies and don't get enough of them in the United States and that's why people hold film festivals to make others aware of films in other countries.
Yeah, Godzilla was pretty cool. Cheech 'n Chong's stuff is classic too. What's next for you, girlfriend? Have you, say, ever written a book? Meryl bites her lip. Well, uh -- she looks at her diamond encased Oscar de la Renta watch -- I'm afraid I must depart. Robyn fist-pumps the air, as a sign of victory. I take that as a "no." Jennifer Aniston scurries to get in a selfie with Robyn and Meryl. While posing for the photo, Robyn checks Oscar for anatomical correctness.*  The show ends.

Thank you for visiting.
We would like to thank our sponsors, the cast and crew of Birdman, for making it all possible.

*It has none.

87 comments:

  1. Another celebrity space cadet. Another seriously overpaid space cadet. I wonder whether they realise how lucky they are to be interviewed by you? And suspect the answer is in the negative.

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    1. Thank you, EC. I wanted to ask her for a higher rate to be on my show, but I didn't want to come across as arrogant. Now, I wish I had.

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  2. I'm impressed her eyebrows can shoot up - Botox anyone?

    Poor Macaulay, he wasn't anatomically correct. Oh, sorry, that was Oscar. Poor guy.

    Hugs and love to you, Robyn! Thanks for the morning chuckle :)

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    1. Elsie, thank YOU for the chuckles. Great quip about Macaulay not being anatomically correct. I wonder if that's the case. I also wonder how much she spent on Botox. Love back to you, my friend.

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  3. I love your 'celebrity interviews'. They're hilarious.

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    1. Thanks, Vanessa. Some are more fun to write than others. This one was high on the fun scale.

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  4. Those are really real quotes are they? I think this goes to my point of not learning anything about an artist. What does that garden/gardener thing mean? Are they so imbalanced in their relationship that one has weeds constantly sprouting out of him/her that the other needs to dig out? Instead of a metaphorical gardener, get an actual therapist.
    Also, I didn't want to tell anyone this, but my real name is Kieran Culkin, I came here looking to read something fun and funny. When, out of nowhere, boom, my older brother Macaulay takes a shot? I turn your book question back on you, how many movies have you made!?! Pardon me as I comfort my crying brother in the corner. What hell hath you wrought, Robyn!?!

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    1. Dearest Kieran, why the hell did your parents choose that name? Sweetie, you have my sincere, deepest sympathies. For one, you have a stupid name. Second your brother is Nobody Important. He used to be a cute kid, but then he started tweaking and blowing and whatever else the Hollywood kids do in dark alleys. Have you looked at him recently? Feed the boy, would ya? Anyway, sorry to add to your misery, Kieran, just when you thought life couldn't get worse. Heck, I didn't even know you existed. And I've starred or played a supporting actress in over twenty five family films directed, filmed, and produced in-house (in my family's house). So there.

      PS Thanks for dropping by. It's not every day the sibling of a fallen child star drops by for some laughs.

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  5. "Mocking The Rich and Famous" I never watch reality TV shows, but if such a show existed, I might tune in. I don't do ironing, either! I cannot stand it and become quite hostile when I have to iron. There is undoubtedly some strange psychological explanation for this :)

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    1. It freaks me out to deal with the hot, hot iron too, Martha. Plus it takes long. Plus I don't dress up nicely for anything.

      There used to be a show called "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous." They spotlighted humungous mansions. It was a bit intriguing, but more irritating than anything.

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  6. It's time to take your show before the cameras Robyn!

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    1. Well, thank you, Jacqueline. Maybe Jennifer Aniston will help with publicity.

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  7. As long as one of them isn't the 'ho.'
    Sorry, I really don't want a Prius though.
    Now, get your butt out of that folding chair, Robyn. You are way more important that Culkin.

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    1. I appreciate it, Alex. Okay.
      Dare I tell you I have a Prius? Smiles. (I really do, though I haven't noticed the country's diminished presence in the Middle East because of it).

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  8. Poor Meryl-I am so glad she understands what it means to be an underpaid female. Maybe she could give a Prius to Culkin.....oh what if they ever mated and had a love child...Freaky!!

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    1. Yes, haha, a very freaky thought. It was hilarious seeing her and J Lo cheering about fair wages for women. Please, ladies. You deserve a raise?

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  9. No thank you, I don't want a Prius. Try again, Meryl. Get yourself a better chair next time!! Those aren't comfortable at all.

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    1. It wasn't comfortable, BabySis, but I didn't want the interview to last too long.

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  10. There was a time in my life when I liked Chinese movies. Most of them were kung fu revenge flicks with subtitles. It was just a phase I was going through. Some call it puberty.
    Awesome garden analogy, btw.

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    1. Thanks, Jono. It's funny watching those movies when the sound track is a split second off of the acting. Kinda annoying too, right?

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  11. I didn't think Oscar had a dick.

    I don't iron either.

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    1. Apparently, you're right, Diane. Dixie confirmed Oscar's female. But shouldn't he/she be named Olivia?

      Thanks for commiserating about ironing. Why bother? Glad you're not spoiled either.

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  12. lol she must ave her own very special seat in the front row with the very special guests

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    1. It's why she always sits in the first row at the Oscars.

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  13. I have two cars, but neither of them are a Prius OR an SUV? Help! Meryl! What am I supposed to do? Should I still go to the Middle East? I'm confused!

    Also, in my marriage, I'm the gardener and my wife is the garden... If she tries to wander outside my yard, then I chop off her limbs with lawn shears.

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    1. I have a Prius, and I haven't been to the Middle East since before I got my Prius. Hm, maybe the woman's onto something.

      So you have a no hoeing rule? That's a good thing. Nobody should spread seeds in their neighbors' garden.

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  14. These interviews are always entertaining. :)

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  15. Honestly I never got the big hoopla and hype over Meryl Streep and her various and sundry movie accents. I was pissed a couple years ago when she won best actress over one of the women from The Help...Viola Davis I think. It's like, yes we get it, Streep is Hollywood royalty, can someone else have a chance to win maybe?

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    1. I know, or even just nominated. They didn't have to nominate Streep (again) this year for her role as a witch. Really, people. Let the woman move over already, and make room for other stars.

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  16. very funny and clever as usual. I do think that amongst celebrities, she actually is a tad more "normal" than many. But that's not saying much. You made my Wed. Thanks

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    1. Yeah, I agree, Joanne. She's also a lot more talented. But you'd think she'd be brighter than she is - given how quickly she learns different languages and accents, and memorizes dialog, etc. Alas, she's clueless like the rest.

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  17. LOL I think taking movie roles JUST for the purpose of touring Greece is a good idea... but I guess when you've got her kind of money, when and where you will travel isn't a money/time issue (like it is for us gray fold-up chair folks). ;) I like Meryl Streep's roles, she really is a good actress. :)

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    1. I can't argue, Rosey. She's phenomenal. Just not the sharpest tool in the shed.

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  18. ["While posing for the photo, Robyn checks Oscar for anatomical correctness.*
    *It has none.']

    Come on, Robyn. You never realized Oscar is female? Look closer, there's a little 'streep of v' in the front.

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    1. Dixie, how could I miss that? You're BRILLIANT (and I'm not). Of course, there's a streep of V, and it was the Meryl Streep show for years, so it's all coming together now. Thank you!

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  19. I want you to keep on thinking about that garden/gardener analogy, Robyn. Just the thought of you thinking about it puts a smile on my face and gives me a tingle. ;)

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    1. Will do, GB. Excuse me while I go moisten the soil.

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  20. Excuse me? What's "WOW" about 65? A lot of us are 65, kiddo.

    Just saying.

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    1. Neither you nor Meryl look 65, LD. One of my besties is 70, and I say "wow" all the time to that. She's very gorgeous and youthful. Just sayin. Smiles.

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  21. Laurie used to have an Oscar. He was a cat. Never asked if he had a dick, though.

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    1. So you don't know for sure if Oscar was a male or female? I hope he had a dick; kinda cruel to call a female Oscar.

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  22. I wish you'd posted that selfie with Meryl and Jennifer.

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    1. Me too, Stephen. Jennifer has it. I'm waiting for it to go viral on twitter.

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  23. Loved this! How lucky you are to get Meryl to visit. ;)

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    1. I do give her credit for taking the time, Diane.

      Thank you for dropping by and for enjoying this one.

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  24. Hey Robyn!

    You are not imagining this. First you have an interview with Meryl and then a comment from me. Yay and gosh and thanks for such a clever and insightful interview. I reckon she was starstruck by you, dear Robyn :)

    Thank goodness she wasn't dressed as Maggie Thatcher!

    Hugs,

    Gary :) x

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    1. Gary! It's AWESOME to see you, dear friend. I hope you're well. Yes, what exciting times these are...Meryl Streep then you. I'm spoiled. But I don't iron, so I'm not spoiled.

      Big time hugs! xo

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  25. Entertaining as always. Nicely done! :)

    "It has none." hahaha!

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    1. Just thought I'd share that, in case anyone else was wondering, Daisy. Thanks.

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  26. Your celebrity interviews never fail to entertain ;)

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    1. I'm glad, Keith. I didn't think she'd be an easy target for mockery, but she's really very easy. Uh, that's doesn't sound respectful. Does it? Oh, well.

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  27. That was hysterical! I was eating milk and cookies and almost spit out my cookies when I read "Yeah, Godzilla was pretty cool. Cheech 'n Chong's stuff is classic too." Still giggling.

    Please tell me you fake-quote-interview often. This is a gem of an idea.

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    1. Thanks so much, Tanya. Yeah, I realized months ago that what these stupid rich and famous people say is funnier and more bizarre than anything I could come up with. Brainyquote.com (I think that's the site) has been pretty darn helpful.

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  28. I couldn't stop laughing about your seeds and hoes line! Meryl Streep is a great sport who's the first to joke about herself. I'm impressed that you're getting higher caliber stars for your interviews now. Meryl must want a role in the film version of your new book!

    Julie

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    1. I think she's a bit self-conscious about her age and the rust that's accumulating on her Oscars, Julie. That's why she accepted my rate. Then again, it's a fair wage. I pay Macaulay the same.

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  29. I never watch folks receiving an Oscar (doesn't that stand for Orbiting Satellite Caring Amateur Radio) but I'm glad to hear about yours experience. But we didn't learn the most important thing, what did you wear?

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    1. That's an excellent question, Sage. I was being modest. But I'll tell ya. You heard about Lupita N's $150K pearl Oscar dress being stolen? It was returned after I did this interview. I'll say no more. Smiles.

      PS As if I could fit one arm into that thing.

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  30. This is hilarious Robyn. I love the twists and turns of your extremely flexible imagination!

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    1. I like the way you worded that. Thanks you, Stephanie.

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  31. You mean this Oscar show is going on? I thought it was over all ready. Damn, these award shows are really long!

    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    A Faraway View

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    1. It's never-ending, Arlee Bird, kinda like that A to Z thing. Smiles.

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    2. Touche! It's the never ending blog hop that keeps on giving--and taking.

      Arlee Bird
      A to Z Challenge Co-host
      Tossing It Out

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  32. These interviews never fail to entertain. TY for the chuckles:)

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  33. It's true. Oscar's like a Ken doll that way.

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    1. I never had a Ken doll, so I guess that's why I never noticed. Thanks for confirming, Debra.

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  34. Marvelous interview. I do have to agree with Meryl. If I could act, I'd pick crummy roles too just for the free travel!

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    1. I know, Theresa. And I've always wanted to go to Greece. But to have to keep singing "Mama Mia, here I go again"? I don't know -- it's kinda a toss-up.

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  35. Robyn wins again! These snobs!
    I do love how she picked her movies.

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  36. Thanks, Pat. I'm surprised she wanted to go to the jungles of Africa way back when, though - given what a snob she is. That one's curious.

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  37. Hehehe...Awesome! I don't iron either!

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    1. I need to start a club for women who aren't spoiled because we don't iron. =)

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  38. I love her. She can't do anything wrong on films. :)

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    1. True. Unfortunately, she doesn't do great interviews, though I suppose I should be grateful for her time.

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  39. Apart from the comment on film festivals, she sounds completely loony! I had no idea she was such a nut job lol
    Funny stuff as always.. but man, I lost tons of respect for her...
    hmm maybe I need to garden more..

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    1. Really, Anthony? You like that comment? I think it's as loony as the rest. LOL.

      Get back to hoeing. Smiles.

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  40. The problem with watching a Chinese movie is that, fifteen minutes after you've watched one, you're starving for another.

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    1. Yeah, the Chinese have short ones, don't they? Sorry, I shouldn't stereotype. It's just want a girlfriend told me.

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  41. I commented on this but it didn't appear :P It was a good comment too, it dealt with love, death, power... It had dragons and cheerleaders and I think Morgan Freeman made an appearance at one point.

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    1. Haha. Damn, it's always the high-powered ones that are completely dismissed. I'll have to check with my lowly stage assistant, Macaulay Culkin. Bastard's trying to get even with me by deleting your comment, I think. Nah, he's not that savvy - stupid computer glitches.

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  42. I'm just here to tell you my 1st grader is doing a play for school. The grand finale' is them singing Rockin' Robin. When he's practicing I think of you, lolol!!

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    1. I love it, Rosey. Thank you for thinking of me. Rockin' Robin's my song (though they misspell Robyn). =)

      When I worked as a Naturalist years ago, I loved getting in front of all the campers and leading them in Rockin Robin. This week, I saw an American Idol contestant rock the song. It was awesome.

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