And I Wrote This Book.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Erotica and Men and Open Mic. Night

Because my friend Elizabeth so kindly and curiously asked, I'll inform you all that Troy (aka Merchant Marine Minute Man), who was supposed to return last month, has not contacted me. It's been five+ months since the granny panties fiasco. Troy went overseas in May, and hasn't called, sent a text, or emailed me. Nothing. He's likely moved onto someone else, and perhaps he's on her now, trying for a five minuter. I'm fine, not hurt at all. Damn bastard can't even pick up the phone. As if he's all that! If you're reading this, Troy, you're very handsome. I missed you. Call me. Wink.

So I've moved on also, on to erotica. It lasts longer. And as you know, I've recited poetic erotica at local open mic nights. At my first reading, I felt the audience --mostly men-- hanging onto every word, as excited tension simmered throughout my reading...
          I love and fear you just the same.
          Your candy corns scream out my name.


I made as much eye contact as I could, and saw expressions like this:
so I continued...
     Let's nail down this dreaded task
     ...And score and score until the dawn
     We'll lick and chew til candy's gone.


I've done three readings of Halloween Erotica. Each was met with enthusiastic applause. One guy - we'll call him Igor (he walks with a limp) - escorted me to my car and then said "Let's get frozen yogurt. My treat." I was parked in front of a frozen yogurt place, (un)luckily. It was one of those moments during which a gal can't be rude, yet she knows she'll regret it later. I'm just glad he didn't say "Walk this way." I'd have been too tempted to pull the Young Frankenstein walk-this-way move.

We sat across from each other, eating yogurt and chatting. Igor's a quiet rambler, and it took work to understand him. But even when I heard his words, I failed to comprehend.

"I'm moving," he reported, "so I should get going soon."
"You're moving? Where are you moving to?"
"No I'm not moving. I'm moving things. I have a lot of work to do and stuff to move around."

So, yeah, I'm not interested in Igor. But he seeks me out at open mics, rubs my shoulders and calls me "honey," as if we're an item. Perhaps he believes I wrote lines like this for him: So hold it out and let me see. The big, long ones work best for me. Could he be that confident? At any rate, I'm trying to make contact with others when I read.
                   I've one rule, though. Make no mistake. 
                      If it's not wrapped, I won't partake.
Some men wouldn't get the double-meaning there.

                                                                          all are google images of Simon Cowell

I'll read and post Halloween Erotica III, The Climax, later this week.
In the meantime, have fun and be safe.  

Halloween Erotica, the original.
Halloween Erotica II.
Halloween Erotica III, The Climax ~ stay tuned. I'll post that one this week.

38 comments:

  1. You make me smile, Robyn. I swear you meet the most interesting people...'Igor' being one of them. All these encounters make for a good book.

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  2. The Young Frankenstein walk! That's why you are awesome, Robyn.
    And dug your rhyme today with Pat.

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  3. "The Climax"? You punster you. No wonder Igor is giving you cheap massages and awkward conversation at yogurt joints. Maybe the source of his confidence is also the source of his limp. Speaking of which, you must have giant ovaries to be reading erotica out loud to groups of drooling dudes. You continue to impress and inspire. Well done, and great story. I agree with Martha.

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  4. The Simon [Bar Sinister) Cowell photos are the perfectly creepy Halloween imagery.

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  5. lmao you have an open mic stalker. At least you can outrun Igor. Good idea with the wrap, you don't need the clap.

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  6. Igor doesn't sound like he has it all together.

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  7. Just the fact that you didn't end up in Igor's basement dungeon sounds like a victory in itself. Plus, frozen yogurt!

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  8. I'm one of those men who don't get the double meaning. maybe my wife can explain it to me.

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  9. Igor sounds like an interesting character!

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  10. you crack me up. A Young Frankenstein reference is always good for a chuckle. Glad all was safe at the yogurt shop with Igor. Interesting times

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  11. Ah Robyn, you're such a worldly woman! Your version of the adage is far more poetic than "No glove, no love".

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  12. LOL At the Young Franken'steen' reference.

    I hope you don't have a stalker in Igor. Don't let him ever see where you live.

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  13. Stephen, hint: Trojan. If that doesn't explain, we'll let Mrs. C. do it (safely).

    Pat, I can run faster. Haha, good point.

    JoJo, BnB, and all, Igor told me that I need to go to his place to work with him on making my poetry into music. Yeah, not going to happen. Plus, as Pat pointed out, I can run faster (and I'm a slow runner).

    Cheers, friends. Thanks for making me chuckle.
    xoRobyn

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  14. All I can think of is, "Limping through the dating life..."

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  15. Came over to give you a shout out as I liked your rhyme today with Pat. Hey, you never know who you will meet at an open mic. I may go to one tonight.

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  16. Simon Cowell is getting fat lately.

    Erotica, hmmm.

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  17. Well, if it's not wrapped, chocolate will melt in yo....ohhhhhhhhhhhh, I get it.
    I think Igor moves corpses. So stick with that local yogurt place.

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  18. Uh, five minuter? Willy Dunne Wooters and I once made love for 22 out of 24 hours. Of course, he died at hour 23 and the last two hours were spent calling the funeral home. But if you wanna get laid at least once before you die, find yourself a Willy.

    Love,
    Janie

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  19. I think Igor really wanted some of your candy. Not frozen yogurt ;) Maybe that's why he said he was "moving"?

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  20. You probably made Igor's evening by spending time with him. You're so romantically altruistic.

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  21. You make me laugh, Robyn. Sounds like open mic night was fun and interesting. What a hoot!

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  22. You are so very thoughtful to do an update for curious little old me.

    That Marine with his quick attention span and flacid personality doesn't deserve a hot gal like you. Neither does Igor...so keep walking this way outta the way.

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  23. Theresa, haha! That's the best comment in a long time - clever and possibly accurate.

    JJ, does WDW have a brother, or do you mind sparing him for an hour?

    Fredulous, why thank you. Anything to make the world a better place, give my readers a semblance of a story, and get frozen yogurt for free.

    Smiles and love,
    xoRobyn

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  24. What man wouldn't get the meaning of that last line? You're clearly saying that any man you're with should be wrapped to be up all night eating candy with you.

    Simple!

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  25. Never trust a man who mysteriously invites you to frozen yogurt! Happened to my third cousin once and long story short she can't watch a Yoplait commercial to this day.

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  26. Simon used to be not so bad looking. He is getting pretty scary lately.

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  27. So many quotes to choose from…

    my favorite, "put the candle back" in a close tie with "Abbey something, Abby normal?" Such a great classic movie.

    Again, you display such courage by taking the risk and reading your work at open mike night. Kudos to you. I'd be petrified!

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  28. My point exactly, Michael. Glad you understood. Wink.

    Happy Halloween, all. xo

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  29. I'm still laughing! Absolutely Loved it! and Love you too Robyn!

    J

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  30. If its not on, its not on right? haha

    Nice work. Well, you know what they say about the quiet ones... you never can tell whose capable of melting your frozen yoghurt...

    ;)

    x

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  31. Darn Internet! I wrote a comment a few days ago that didn't take. When Igor said he was moving, I wondered if he meant his hump was moving, and that's why he rushed off. Another silly Marty Feldman reference that is probably only funny at 3am!

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  32. Thank you, sillies. I love you all. Julie, all hump references are funny. I love when Marty Feldman asks "What hump?"

    xoRobyn

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  33. That jerk Merchant Marine Man. Don't you hate when they don't use phones?
    Poor Igor....he and the Frankenstein walk will never live it down.

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