Warning: This is the naughtiest thing I've ever written. The audience was very, very attentive during my performance at a local open mic last night. Here's The Climax:
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Note: Hot Tamale line is for Mini-Alex (since Alex is married, and Mini-Alex is adorable and -as one of my clients tells me, especially after I do a wildly silly victory dance when I win an UNO game against her- I need help).
Back to open mic night, Igor was no where in sight. Perhaps he was busy moving corpses for Halloween.
When I finished the reading, I received solid applause, the announcer thanked me for the "Halloween porn," and one man gave me a fist bump.
A friend we'll call George - he reminds me of George Costanza (short, balding, wears glasses, and works in Latex. Or maybe healthcare, but there's a lot of latex in healthcare) showed up later. He asked if I was reading, and I told him that I already read. To ease his disappointment, I showed him the poem. George chuckled quietly and said that he was sorry he missed it. Afterwards, George asked for my number and suggested we meet for coffee sometime soon. We exchanged contact info. I'll keep you posted.
HAVE A THRILLING, DELICIOUSLY SWEET AND SAFE HALLOWEEN!
Hope George is more promising than Igor.
ReplyDeleteMini-Alex thanks you for the inclusion of Hot Tamales in your hot Halloween Erotica.
Have a great Halloween, Robyn!
Goodness, Robyn! Haven't passed by this way for a while *wipes perspiration from brow* What a post. Enjoy Halloween.
ReplyDeleteHilarious! Love it! Now i feel i should put away my costume to be Goo( from Gumby) and be a sexy kitten...who am I kidding:) I hope this man turns out to be a nice guy-good luck!
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome! And now I want hot tamales. I love cinnamon candy! So does George work for Vandalay Industries? lol Happy Halloween Robyn!! XOXO
ReplyDeleteWow, Robyn, this is rapidly becoming a new art form that might replace lap-dancing! I hope George's expectations haven't been raised too high - you'll let him know if they have!
ReplyDeleteYou evil woman you.....I'll never look at Halloween treats the same way again.
ReplyDeleteYou really really need a TV show based on your life :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Halloween Robyn!!
Thanks, Alex and you're welcome, Mini-Alex.
ReplyDeleteRosalind, I'm not sure if I should apologize or say "you're welcome," so I'll consider this response both.
Birgit, thanks. Goo was kind of sexy and flexible. Well, no, but it's a cute costume idea.
JoJo, haha, yeah, and he showed me a photo of his sexy hot ex-fiance.
GB, I'm not worried about it. When they're over 35, I'm lucky if their hopes get raised at all.
Delores, sorry & you're welcome. Smiles.
Optimistic, thanks. We'll start with a book.
Happy trick or treating, dears,
xoRobyn
Thanks for the smiles today, Robyn! HA! Your poem is very clever. I'm glad it was well received. Have fun with George and happy Halloween to you! :-)
ReplyDelete*fanning self* Ooooooo Robyn, these poems of yours just get better and better! I think erotica may be your niche!
ReplyDeleteHot chocolate erotica....oops, sorry, make that hot tamale erotica... whichever, I do believe you've found the perfect combination Robyn!
ReplyDeletehilarious! thanks for the laughs today.
ReplyDeletehappy halloween! xoxo
That's funny. Great! I hope George works out. (I guess that can have more than one meaning. Perhaps he'll bench press you.)
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
I think I am having a hot calorie laden flush here. Or that is my excuse anyway.
ReplyDeleteHappy Halloween you sweet temptress.
If he asks to bring his friend Kramer over, I'd bail. I liked part three the best! I'll bet it was fun doing that in front of a crowd.
ReplyDeleteNothing like Halloween chocolate porn to get George in the mood I guess..
ReplyDeleteHey if George has to dough of the real George actor, may be worth a go haha that is some halloween porn
ReplyDeleteA date with a George Costanza type of guy could prove a lot of fun! Plenty of great blog posts could come out of that :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Halloween, Robyn!
That's some poem Robyn. Maybe George will turn out to be "the one".
ReplyDeleteWhat a lot of candy, I think!!
This was awesome. I only wish I could have heard it recited. I'll never look at candy the same way again.
ReplyDeleteAnd just make sure George doesn't have any "shrinkage", alright?
Would have loved to have been there, cheering along wth the crowd. Well done, and good luck with George :)
ReplyDeleteCaramelize those pumpkin seeds - haha that's gotta win some award for hottest new come on line.. Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteGood to hear you swallow too - thatta girl haha
:)
xo
ps.
ReplyDeletePerhaps Part 4 could be 'George cleans up the Mess.'
Halloween porn is THE BEST. Beyond clever. I shall chuckle through the weekend. Now it's All Saint's Day (11/1), but the Hot Tamales line keeps me a sinner. Well done!!!
ReplyDeleteHa! Ha Ha! Oh, how I loved this. You naughty, naughty girl you. Halloween porn indeed! It's perfect!
ReplyDeleteBest Halloween post I've read. I'm still chuckling over it.
ReplyDeleteFunny that you had to practically fight for your right to read at the first Open Mic night. Now people eagerly wait on you... and are unhappy if they missed it. You are the bomb!
ReplyDeleteThank you, my dears. I'm loving your comments and shall be visiting you soon if I haven't already.
ReplyDeleteI will have more on George. I mean, I will likely have more bits of info to tell you about, in time, about George.
BnB, haha, thank you. I forgot about "shrinkage." Will suggest he avoid all contact with water.
Anthony, you are being very hopeful for me. Those are high expectations. After all, I'm usually the one cleaning up the guy's mess. Oh Lord, I can't believe I said that. But really, I also can't believe I wrote and recited this one.
PS The swallow line is purely fictional. Yuck! Why waste good chocolate?
Joanne, that's funny that it's All Saints Day. Oops. Good thing I'm Jewish and non-Saintly.
Happy Day After, friends.
Safety and sweetness to you all.
xoRobyn
I was thinking about rummaging through my son's Halloween candy here in a minute, but now it feels dirty... hahahhaha
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome!
ReplyDeleteHope you had a terrific Halloween!
Hilarious! I never thought chocolate could be more enticing. Hmm. I vote pass on Igor. Now George could be interesting. I've got nothing against bald guys.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are lying in a comfortable position, Robyn. Yes, yes, yes, it's me and I decided to finally cum, um come over to your site. Did you miss me? Have you been starting without me? Um, who is this guy? :)
ReplyDeleteGeorge over Igor, methinks. Well for you, not me! LOL
Hope you had a happy Halloween, or is that "Howloween"?
Hugs n' stuff,
some dude named Gary! x :)
I'm not going to be able to loot my kids treat sacks now without having dirty thoughts. Thanks a lot Robyn! LOL
ReplyDeleteI've always suspected you were into M&M. I hope you and "George" enjoy talking dirty to each other while devouring candy bars with a fork and knife! I'm snapping my chocolate covered fingers now!
ReplyDeleteJulie
Whoa, not too shabby. This candy's better for one's teeth.
ReplyDeleteLee
Tossing It Out
This is great!
ReplyDeletewww.modernworld4.blogspot.com
Good job. SO creative!
ReplyDeleteNow that is clever. I'm impressed at how dirty you make all of that delicious chocolate sound. ;)
ReplyDeleteCongrats on being desirable to such an array of erotica-loving men. I like your style. You're gonna make it kid.
ReplyDelete