And I Wrote This Book.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Robyn Pops the Question to Oscar Pizza Delivery Guy: IWSG

First Wed of Every Month     
It's thanks to Alex J. Cavanaugh that we bring you the IWSG on the first Wednesday of the month. Insecurities are revealed, support is offered, and - in my case - weirdness abounds. If you haven't joined us, please do. You won't regret it. All that's required is an insecurity or two hundred.
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  dialogue:  Edgar / Robyn

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
Did you watch the Oscar Awards? Today's guest had the most stellar performance of the night. He's Edgar Martisyan, the pizza delivery guy who helped feed the audience at the Awards Show! Come on out here, Edgar. Edgar struts out, dressed as he did on Oscar night with a stack of pizzas. Brad Pitt jumps up, as he did on Oscar night, takes the stack from Edgar, and helps distribute pizzas to our audience. Angelina scoffs and drags their 25 kids out of the studio.

Robyn notices that Meryl Streep grabs two pieces, handing one slice to her husband. Robyn turns to Edgar. What, the guy can't stand up and get his own pizza? Edgar shrugs his shoulders and holds a polite smile.  Robyn motions to a small red-velvet loveseat. She sits down and pats the meager space beside her thigh. Have a seat. Robyn flings her hair back. 

Edgar blushes, awkwardly. It's okay, I'm used to standing.

Robyn crosses her legs and pumps her chest out. Standing position is good too. Edgar, I don't see a wedding ring. Edgar doesn't respond.

I hear you like Julia Roberts, and she and I are the same age. And I heard you mention having lived in Moscow. What a coincidence! I've, I've, I've heard of Moscow.

Edgar looks at his watch, flustered. You performed with such coolness and confidence, and you didn't expect to be watched by the world. Did you? Edgar shakes his head. No. It was a total surprise. 

I think you're a fine example for writers, you know the writers you were supposedly going to deliver pizzas to. But writers didn't get any. It went to the filthy rich celebrities. As if they can't afford pizza or Sicily. Robyn clears her throat. Sorry, I digressed. You know, I'm naive like you. We should heat it up together, if you know what I mean. Robyn winks and bats her lashes.

Edgar fidgets, clearly uncomfortable.

Don't worry honey. I don't bite...Unless you want me to. She winks again, then slowly unbuttons the top button of her maroon silk shirt. Sometimes we perform our best when we don't know what we're getting into. I had no idea how many years it would take to write a novel and how many trees would be sacrificed. I just jumped into it. I'm glad I was naive like you, babe, because I might not be doing it if I knew how hard - Robyn blushes and giggles - excuse the expression, it would be.

Edgar nods and in a matter-of-fact tone says, Yes, I was calm because I had no idea what was going on. Robyn eyes him, head to toes. I like that about you.

Edgar's clearly had enough. He nods and gives a courtesy wave to the audience. Then he turns to Robyn, preparing to impart a curt goodbye.

Wait, don't leave, babe. Edgar politely stands still and listens to Robyn.  

I bet you deliver hot and fast sometimes, and slow and sizzling other times. She fingers her neckline. I like mine stringy, with lots of spice and hearty sausage. She chews on her lower lip. Actually, sweetie, I brought you on the show to ask you something. Will you marry me? 

Edgar appears terrified and runs off the stage. Robyn shrugs her shoulders. Brad Pitt hands her the last slice of pizza and a $700 tip for Edgar. Thanks, dude! Brad nods. Robyn rushes off the stage, chasing Edgar and failing to properly end today's show.

45 comments:

  1. Even if you don't catch him, you have his tip money.
    Didn't he realize there's not string cheese attached? Come on, dude.
    Any pizza left?

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  2. Isn't that the most original account of Oscar night I read this week? :)

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  3. I can't really tell whether Edgar is handsome from the picture, but he does seem to have slim hips. Did you get a good look at his tush, Robyn? Unfortunately, his responses to you suggest the possibility of gayness.

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  4. You almost had him, Robyn. I think it was seeing Brad Pitt that scared him off. He didn't want to have to fight Brad to get to you.

    You gave me a renewed hope. I'm the same age as Jennifer Aniston. Therefore, I'm hot just like her.

    Elsie
    AJ's wHooligan in the A-Z Challenge
    co-host IWSG

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  5. LOVE this post and the uniqueness of your take lol. And wasn't that the most awesome Oscar moment ever??

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  6. Cute.

    I didn't see this part; I bailed after Pharrell Williams did 'Happy', and I only watched that because it's my fave song and a friend's teenage daughter was one of the dancers.

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  7. So he didn't accept your proposal?! The nerve! Well, it never hurts to ssk! :D

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  8. Thank you for this. Totally made my morning!

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  9. Jeez, the pizza guy's always ready "to deliver" in any hetero porn that I'VE ever seen. Is this poor bastard a Mormon or something?

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  10. He didn't want to marry you? The nerve.

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  11. Ready to chew him up and spit him out, taking a bite out of ummm pizza

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  12. You really like your.... pizza.

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  13. As I understand it, those celebs coughed up around six hundred bucks, which is more than enough to pay for three pizzas, even with extra toppings.

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  14. LOL! I'll take some of that cheese, thank you. ;)

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  15. I'm not sure if what you do is double entendre or inuendo but in either case - or both - you are very good at it and it's funny!

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  16. So you like pizza...What a coincidence so did Brad Pitt!
    You are too much fun!

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  17. Wish I'd watched it now. Like your version though. Keep the tip, he ran away.

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  18. Apparently he doesn't know a good thing when he sees it.

    Take that $700 and order a lot more pizzas. Eventually, you'll get the right delivery boy that has a piping hot saugage.. pizza just for you.

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  19. I loved that! And isn't it awesome when it happened at the Oscars? Ellen rocks! :)

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  20. I think you should have waited to propose after you had a slice of pizza...you know ...play hard to get.
    Blessings, Joanne

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  21. OK, I admit it. I came by for your IWSG post hoping for an interview and you did not disappoint, even if it was a bit one sided.

    Edgar didn't seem too responsive, might just be an indication o fhis being way to 'star struck' that and of course your blinding beauty.

    Good luck on the catch, hope he really can deliver!

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  22. Sorry, Alex. McCaulay Culkin snagged my piece. That little runt!

    Stephen that's a lot of extra toppings.

    Joanne, do you think I was a bit too aggressive?

    Farawayeyes, I'm cracking up over here. Thank you. That must be it.

    Thank you, sillies. I actually didn't watch any of the Oscars, except that scene. He's hot. I'm still trying to bribe him with my big...bucks (thanks to Brad Pitt). I LOVE ELLEN, too. She's hysteria plus heart.

    xoRobyn

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  23. "then slowly unbuttons the top button of her maroon silk shirt"

    Heh...I knew this piece was eventually going to plummet off into the abyss, but I still got a huge laugh when I saw this line. "Aw yeah, we're headed off the rails," I said to myself. Genius piece! :-)

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  24. Hey Robyn,

    After reading this, I have the urge to break the "law" in Britain and eat some pizza with my fingers, instead of separately.

    Nice one, Robyn,

    Gary :) x

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  25. Awesome post! Thanks for the laugh!

    Don't know why he didn't stick around...guess he doesn't know a good thing when he sees it! Oh well, his loss!!

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  26. Oh that was awesome. I say you keep the tip though, $700 would be so nice!!

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  27. Hi Robyn, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris
    http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.ca/

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  28. Haven't you always had a thing for pizza delivery boys And this one is practically mute to boot! Lots of great lines here. This is one of your best IWSG interviews ever! You will definitely have a hard time topping this piece!

    Julie

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  29. LOL. Thanks for the laugh. Love Ellen and that pizza bit. Totally unexpected.

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  30. I hope you do track him down and snag him, because he's not just technically a delivery boy. He actually owns the place. From what I've read, he's owned it for the past 8 years.

    So... minor celebrity and a successful business owner? Score for Robyn!

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  31. I don't think Edgar realized you were interested in him. You needed to come onto him stronger.

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  32. A perfectly good fantasy wasted on a reluctantly delivery guy. Well, we're just not gonna order any more pizza from him.

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  33. I did not get a chance to watch but I did get to see some clips.They were really funny.

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  34. Good one!
    When choosing between the "act" and the huge tip, always settle for the tip. Or both...

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  35. The pizza man ignored you...? His loss...
    Great post Robyn!
    Writer In Transit

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  36. Very funny Robyn - got and get that sausage man!

    Yeah, like they needed free pizza..Did he know what it was for? Anyway, it was a good Oscar moment..

    lol at the 25 kids... ;)

    xo

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  37. Great post. I watched the Oscars last night- a replay- and saw the pizza man!

    Nas

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  38. Thank you, all. I had fun with this one. I wish I could say that "this one" means Edgar. I can't, but I'm still chasing him, though.

    Be well.
    Keep a smile and a stash of chocolate.
    xoRobyn

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  39. *Really very interesting post.I do appreciate you for your work.
    social media consultant in ct

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