Celebrity Book Fails: Resting Idol Face?

 

Dear Silly Ones, 
   How are you?
   I hope this finds you having a decent (or better) day.
   I thought I'd bring you a few Celebrity Book Fails. They didn't all get bad reviews, but I reviewed the reviews. From there, I posted amusing comments that did well to capture general sentiment.
   Tell me, please. I'm not a big Idol fan. Is that his resting Idol face? Does he ever smile? Could that be why he dances alone? Just curious.
Be well, and be good to yourselves. 

Seriously...I'm Kidding by Ellen DeGeneres
0 out of 5 stars   Most reviews that were negative included "I love Ellen but..." This is one of them.
Great Book...I'm Kidding February 15, 2013

I cannot wait to become famous so I can write a "book" of scattered thoughts and drawings to color so I can have it published and sell millions of copies. In one chapter she has fakfjgdifjd with a "whoops, I had my hands on the wrong keys", another was just drawings to color, which was very annoying since it was the Kindle addition. There were some amusing things, after all, she is Ellen. I hope in the end of the book she didn't reveal the secrets of the universe because I stopped reading.

Heart to Heart by Britney Spears

1.0 out of 5 stars  Bad reading!!!

December 5, 2001

Format: Paperback

This book is full of bubble gum talks, come on, can she be sooo nice and sweet, this book made her look very dume and stupid, very immature and childlish.

Well, reviews reflect the readership drawn to the celebrity. Right? 


Billy Idol has a book. See above. Who knew? It seems as though he actually wrote it too. Reviews are mixed but mostly good actually. That said, I'm posting a couple of 3-star comments that I found entertaining. 

Dancing With Myself by Billy Idol
 3.0 out of 5 stars Billy likes to bang lots and lots of girls,,, and I guess some other stuff...
November 30, 2014

Perri Lister, his girlfriend who actually was well known back in the 80s, gets no development. He says all the time how much he loves her, but why? She is simply a cipher. 

3.0 out of 5 stars Drugs Are a Drag

February 26, 2018

Billy's story is drugs, sex, and, in a minor way, rock and roll. Yes, I know the order is wrong, but that's how it is in this biography. Billy did a lot of drugs. Congrats, Billy, but it gets boring quickly. The big insight here is that drugs are bad. This is not new.

 

Robyn Pops the Question to Oscar Pizza Delivery Guy: IWSG

    

It's thanks to Alex J. Cavanaugh that we bring you the IWSG on the first Wednesday of the month. Insecurities are revealed, support is offered, and - in my case - weirdness abounds. If you haven't joined us, please do. You won't regret it. All that's required is an insecurity or two hundred.
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  dialogue:  Edgar / Robyn

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
Did you watch the Oscar Awards? Today's guest had the most stellar performance of the night. He's Edgar Martisyan, the pizza delivery guy who helped feed the audience at the Awards Show! Come on out here, Edgar. Edgar struts out, dressed as he did on Oscar night with a stack of pizzas. Brad Pitt jumps up, as he did on Oscar night, takes the stack from Edgar, and helps distribute pizzas to our audience. Angelina scoffs and drags their 25 kids out of the studio.

Robyn notices that Meryl Streep grabs two pieces, handing one slice to her husband. Robyn turns to Edgar. What, the guy can't stand up and get his own pizza? Edgar shrugs his shoulders and holds a polite smile.  Robyn motions to a small red-velvet loveseat. She sits down and pats the meager space beside her thigh. Have a seat. Robyn flings her hair back. 

Edgar blushes, awkwardly. It's okay, I'm used to standing.

Robyn crosses her legs and pumps her chest out. Standing position is good too. Edgar, I don't see a wedding ring. Edgar doesn't respond.

I hear you like Julia Roberts, and she and I are the same age. And I heard you mention having lived in Moscow. What a coincidence! I've, I've, I've heard of Moscow.

Edgar looks at his watch, flustered. You performed with such coolness and confidence, and you didn't expect to be watched by the world. Did you? Edgar shakes his head. No. It was a total surprise. 

I think you're a fine example for writers, you know the writers you were supposedly going to deliver pizzas to. But writers didn't get any. It went to the filthy rich celebrities. As if they can't afford pizza or Sicily. Robyn clears her throat. Sorry, I digressed. You know, I'm naive like you. We should heat it up together, if you know what I mean. Robyn winks and bats her lashes.

Edgar fidgets, clearly uncomfortable.

Don't worry honey. I don't bite...Unless you want me to. She winks again, then slowly unbuttons the top button of her maroon silk shirt. Sometimes we perform our best when we don't know what we're getting into. I had no idea how many years it would take to write a novel and how many trees would be sacrificed. I just jumped into it. I'm glad I was naive like you, babe, because I might not be doing it if I knew how hard - Robyn blushes and giggles - excuse the expression, it would be.

Edgar nods and in a matter-of-fact tone says, Yes, I was calm because I had no idea what was going on. Robyn eyes him, head to toes. I like that about you.

Edgar's clearly had enough. He nods and gives a courtesy wave to the audience. Then he turns to Robyn, preparing to impart a curt goodbye.

Wait, don't leave, babe. Edgar politely stands still and listens to Robyn.  

I bet you deliver hot and fast sometimes, and slow and sizzling other times. She fingers her neckline. I like mine stringy, with lots of spice and hearty sausage. She chews on her lower lip. Actually, sweetie, I brought you on the show to ask you something. Will you marry me? 

Edgar appears terrified and runs off the stage. Robyn shrugs her shoulders. Brad Pitt hands her the last slice of pizza and a $700 tip for Edgar. Thanks, dude! Brad nods. Robyn rushes off the stage, chasing Edgar and failing to properly end today's show.