And I Wrote This Book.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Miss Piggy Visits Life by Chocolate: IWSG

First Wed of Every Month
Woohoo! It's time for Alex's brainchild, the Insecure Writers' Support Group. Writers throughout cyberspace convene to unashamedly express our insecurities and generously provide support. At Life by Chocolate, we embark on silly interviews with some of the world's most (in)famous of celebrities.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 black font= Robyn / dark red=Miss Piggy / blue = Maccullay Culkin

Thanks for coming, folks. In the past, many humans have graced this stage. Today, we'll converse with swine. Ladies and gentlemen, Robyn shouts enthusiastically, let's welcome the most domesticated pig in Hollywood, Miss Piggy! Stagehand Maccaulay Culkin (he still needed the work, and Robyn's a pushover) spins the applause knob to "hog wild," and raucous oinking blasts the studio. Miss Piggy prances onto the stage, donning a glitzy dress, mink stole, and sparkly pink pumps. Robyn shakes Miss Piggy's right hoof and gestures towards a velvet pink cushioned chair. Have a seat. Miss Piggy lifts the hem of her dress daintily and sits. 

Thanks for being here, Miss Piggy. You're really inspiring. I know. She flings her hair back.
 You've risen from a harsh childhood, growing up on a farm to becoming a fashion magazine editor. What advice do you have for insecure writers of the world?

Well, she flings her hair back again, looks are everything. Make your cover pretty with a photo of moi. She smiles and bats her lashes at the camera.

Yeah, the cover's the only way to stand out at first sight. Say, how do you deal with criticism? You see, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may become necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.*

I agree. Girlfriend, you and Kermit are pretty solid, right? Let's just say he can't get enough of my--she lowers her voice, and in a raspy, risque tone, Miss Piggy finishes her statement: piggyback rides!

Robyn blushes. I'll bet. Why is it that nice, humble types like Kermit so often get stuck with arrogant, controlling pigs  like you?  Miss Piggy is admiring herself in a compact mirror, oblivious to Robyn's insulting inquiry.
  
One more question about romance, dear... Hm mm?
 How far should a girl go on the first date?  Tucson.  However, if you live in Texas, you can probably go a bit farther.*
We really should contribute something meaningful. I think we writers need to lighten up and not take ourselves too seriously. That's why I brought you here. Our insecurities are often unreasonable. And they only stifle our creativity. Look at you; you're a pig who loves herself. It really comes down to self-love, doesn't it?

Miss Piggy looks disturbed. Well, I guess. I mean, if you don't have a guy to get amphibious with. She giggles. I hope you have good batteries. She looks directly at Robyn. I don't need them. She flings her hair back.

Robyn nods. I do, hon. Everready. Thanks. And thank you for your time. Robyn gestures at Maccullay to escort Miss Piggy off the stage. He sets his needle down and shouts, That ain't in my job description, b****! Miss Piggy looks at Robyn for approval, and Robyn nods "yes." Miss Piggy lunges at Maccullay, knocking him to the floor. (He only weighs 60 pounds, so he went down fast.) She karate chops him repeatedly and we cut to a commercial about kosher wieners, as Robyn shouts, ''Lighten up, folks! That's all for today."
 
*Actual Miss Piggy quotes.

37 comments:

  1. Miss Piggy is very hot now, as she has a new movie that's about to hit theaters soon. You must've offered plenty of chocolate to lure her here. This was fun!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  2. What fun, especially the Culkin goin' dooown.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey, but at least she took Culkin down. Pig's good for something!
    Hilarious as always, Robyn.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Fun way to help me start my day, lol!

    ReplyDelete
  5. OK I'm still stuck on that disturbing image of Kermit and Miss Piggy doing piggyback..... o.O

    ReplyDelete
  6. That pig is such a diva but it seems to work for her. Interesting love connection between her and the frog. Off camera did you ask questions?

    ReplyDelete
  7. EmptyNest, I offered her a bacon flavored chocolate bar. She was offended and said she doesn't need to eat her kind to take the spotlight.

    Jac and Alex, I guess I need a new stagehand, but it was worth it.

    Debra, LOL. I'm blushing.

    Cheryl, I asked how she gets her hair so shiny. She said eggwhites and beer. What do you know?

    Keep a smile, all.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  8. It seems to me that Maccullay has a bit of an attitude!
    Haha! Very cute post, Robyn!

    ReplyDelete
  9. That is one piggy that has some bank. Culkin just needs to remain home alone.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Where in the world did you find actual Miss Piggy quotes? Please don't tell me there is a page dedicated to them somewhere!

    I heard Miss Piggy's voice while I read this. I used to watch her all the time. Even had a puppet. Ah, the good ol' days.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I didn't know Miss Piggy was so fiery. Some of her comments were downright salacious. And the MacCauley take-down... it's Pigs Gone Wild over there.

    ReplyDelete
  12. That was good and funny Robyn!
    I only think one thing when I see this babe. BBQ!

    ReplyDelete
  13. OMG, Robyn, this is hilarious! Love Miss Piggy and her attitude...and the words you stuffed in her mouth. Bwahaha! You go, girl. I hope she didn't eat all the chocolate while she waited in the green room.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I always wondered how that worked between Kermit and Piggy. I mean, frogs have no external...er..."organs". Does he get creative with his flippers? I mind reels.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I've always thought Kermit deserved better.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I must remember to ask Miss Piggy out on a date. This is ugly but well, truthfully, it wouldn't be the first time I went out with a pig.

    ReplyDelete
  17. This is a very fun post to read!

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. She is truly the sexiest pig that ever lived, but she's lying about not needing batteries. Kermit lacks the equipment to pork her porky loveliness.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Loved it! I miss The Muppet show more than any other that's long gone!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. HA! That was not only creative, but downright hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I can't tell who's more the diva. Mrs. Piggy or Culkin?

    Hilarious as always Robin :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. She's pretty smug for an undercooked slab of bacon. And am I the only one who was surprised that Macaulay went down so easily? It's like he didn't even try to elaborately boobytrap the stage so that a can of paint swinging from the ceiling hit Miss Piggy right in her ladybits.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Funny post. Thanks for the early morning pick up!

    Nas

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hahaha, thanks all.

    GB, it is difficult to imagine Kermit satisfying her. Not a pretty picture. Oh, sorry, all for the piggyback image.

    David, me neither, buddy. Good luck getting to her before I do. Wink.

    Tara, thanks so much for the follow.

    Theresa, that's a great point. Thanks. *Laughing.*

    Bryan 'n Brandon, drugs killed his savvy. It's too bad really. Now he's out of a job, and I'm the only one generous enough to have hired him.

    Keep a smile and stay warm.
    Hot cocoa works wonders.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  25. How could Miss Piggy not love herself. She's literally made of bacon.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Miss Piggy
    ....ahhhhh....bacon....mmmmm.
    Uh, excuse me, I lost myself for a second.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hey Robyn,

    Have you missed me? Yes? No? Who the hell is this person?

    Miss Piggy is my hero. So awesome you could interview the legend that she is. I'm not going to boar you with a long comment and try to hog things.

    Is it true that Miss Piggy has been somewhat unwell? Something about a frog in her throat...

    As per usual, an excellent and kinda' surreal posting. I hope Culkin is not Home Alone....

    Gary :) x

    ReplyDelete
  28. You always delight me with your interviews, and this was priceless. I could hear Miss P's voice and see her gestures. And loved the entendres. You are too much.

    I've been a lazy boy lately and haven't spent much time blogging (I decided to post on the first and third Wednesdays, and that was a while ago!). Have missed the laughs you share...I may just stay with weekly. Trying to get sooo much done. Not enough hours in the day and I always feel tired.

    But you always have a way of picking me up. Hugs.

    M.L. Swift, Writer

    ReplyDelete
  29. Piggyback rides! lol The post was hilarious, Robyn! Thanks for the laughs, and have a great weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Ammusing post.

    Thank you. Love love, Andrew. Bye.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I dedicated something to you on the HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY post. I hope you like it:

    ReplyDelete
  32. Moi?? Lol. This was awesome. You "pigged" her to a t. ;)

    ReplyDelete