Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Me and Father Time: Insecure Writer's Support Group

 
Because writers might on occasion grapple with insecurities, Alex J. Cavanaugh founded an Insecure Writer’s Support Group for bloggers. We’re posting monthly, exposing our insecurities and/or offering support. Please check out Alex’s link to visit others’ posts. It’s a group of exceptional writers, authors and fun folks.  

And now, kindly excuse or enjoy, or excuse and enjoy, my weirdness.
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I’d scheduled the appointment ages ago. Alas, my turn came. There was so much to say, but how would I say it? How does one talk with Father Time? I wondered if I should start with “Hey, what’s up?” Or perhaps a joke. The guy’s gotta have a sense of humor, right? [Look at Joan Rivers.] Before I planned my strategy, Father Time stepped out to greet me with a flimsy handshake. 

He then walked me over to his office: a room the size of a football field. Enclosed by cream colored walls and turquoise shag carpet, it boasted multitudes of hot red La-Z-Boy Recliners.

Father Time looked young for his age, like a mix of George Burns in Oh God II and Charleton Heston in The Ten Commandments, but with Homer Simpson’s belly after a round of Krispy Kremes.

“Come on over,” he said. I heard the slapping of flip-flops against his heels, as he escorted me to a pair of recliners in one corner of the room.

The man extended his arm towards the smaller of the chairs. “Have a seat,” he offered. 

I nervously eased into the chair, watching Father Time recline with a loud sigh. He then lifted his left wrist to his face to check the hour.  It seemed he also wanted to impress me with his lustrous gold Rolex.

“Ebay find?”  I asked.

He nodded proudly and pulled out a flask from his inside jacket pocket. The man took a swig. “Would you like some?”

“Oh, no, no thanks. Not now,” I responded with increased angst.

“So what brings you here?”

It seemed I’d need to work at getting him focused, so I slowly crossed my right leg over the left. Then I subtly shifted my hip to the side, while seductively running my fingertips through my hair. “Um I just, I wish you were on my side more like you are with the other writers. The ones who talk about taking it easy on themselves and ONLY writing one book per year because they’ve just published their eighth novel in the past 5 months and meanwhile I struggle with you to write anything. We’re talking like one comment on someone’s blog. And then after I’ve pressed publish I see a typo. And then, Father Time, then the dilemma really hits: should I correct myself and look stupid? Or should I not correct myself and look stupid? Or should I delete my comment altogether, re-write it, and look stupid? And by this time, it’s like –“

His roaring snores interrupt my rant.

“Well, I guess I’ll be going now,”  I say cheerfully, checking the hour on my Hello Kitty Wal-Mart special Kid’s watch. Before I leave, though, I tiptoe over to grab the flask that’s now resting at the foot of Father Time’s chair. I gulp down the rest of its contents and dart off.

27 comments:

  1. Father Time is easily bored, isn't he? I've always thought Blogger should allow you to edit your comments. If anyone deletes and reposts a comment on my blog, I remove the deleted comment to make things tidy.

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  2. Yep! I find all sorts of typos, or sometimes comments that just don't make sense, when I read them back. I have deleted comments before and re-written them. Other times, I don't notice until I revisit the blog, and then it's too late because everyone's seen it.

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  3. I'm exactly the same with typos so don't worry Robyn. I understand too well what it's like to battle with time and sometimes lose!

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  4. Ignore Father Time & the writing pace of every other author – work at your own speed/time – it’s about quality, not quantity…
    Sounds like you may have a devil of a time when you get to the editing stage – that’s always a challenge for me!

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  5. time the great equalizer, and that element that most people lie about often.

    With posts this funny, who cares about typos.

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  6. Father time is just a pain, the snoring is so annoying. Just shove a sock in his mouth and be done with him..haha...yeah I type fast and see typos too, but as long as it mostly makes sense, I leave them in comments.

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  7. You are so funny! Loved how you imagined Father Time. I cracked up at the part about him falling asleep. Loved this! (Sorry I've been MIA lately!)

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  8. I CAin'T stande typoes!! I fiexed them awl!

    Love ya Mean it!

    Father Time is a dick for falling asleep on you.

    Sorry--can you say dick in comments?

    Robert- wink wink.

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  9. Oh Robyn!!
    Hey, I can't even write a novel a year.
    When your time comes, it will be awesome.
    And Christine Rains posted about women and Facebook and dating stats today - thought of you when I read it, because it reminded me of some of the 'want ads' you post.

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  10. GB, that's kind of you. With the time difference between others' posting of comments relative to my reading them, I'm not inclined to be so efficient. But you're of a higher species.

    Annalisa, yeah, they've already seen it. Truth is we're probably the only ones noticing our mistakes. At least sometimes. =)

    YW, thanks for understanding.

    Beth, there's no editing "phase" for me; I'm always editing. Thus, it's all a devil of a time. I agree about quality vs quantity. Thank you.

    Farawayeyes, you are sweet and witty. Thanks so much!

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  11. Pat, I don't know why I didn't think to shove a sock in his mouth. I guess I was too focused on the flask. Thanks.

    Johanna, thanks for appreciating that one. The woman's a sight to behold. Isn't she? LOL.

    Kelley, it's great to see you. Thanks for your comment. Sorry I've been MIA too.

    John, yes, you can say dick. Just don't capitalize it. He doesn't deserve it. LYMI.

    Alex, thanks for pointing me in that direction and for your support as always.

    xoRobyn

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  12. This was hilarious and oh so true!

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  13. You have the most inventive IWSG posts ever. I love them and look forward to reading them every month.

    I so hear you. I wonder what's wrong with me, why I can't seem to get out all this stuff that's churning in my brain to my satisfaction. And I want to punch Father Time in the nose. ;)

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  14. What a wonderful question for Father Time! I'm still chuckling as I write this, because I also obsess about the silliest things. People are churning out books while I'm googling simple words that I can't remember if I spelled correctly! You are one of the wittiest people I know period exclamation point whatever Julie

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  15. Have been there, done that.
    Of late, too many typos at my end, makes me cringe and like Empty Nester pointed out, pointless when there are so many other priorities. Thanks for the laughs and loved your Sunday snaps.

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  16. Good post - keeping going is my problem but I'm close o getting further than before. You just have to push sleazy old Father T to one side.

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  17. Very glad I finally got out here to read this this week!

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  18. Love the EBay line!

    I am the worst for typos, so I can relate.

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  19. Ha! Father Time has an attention span like Homer too. Thanks for stopping by my blog. New follower here and fellow chocolate lover. :)

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  20. Thanks, Donna and Yvonne!

    Melissa, I'm flattered, especially since you are one of those "other writers" whose accomplishments I envy. You're so nice and sassy too. I wish we were neighbors and could go rough up Father Time together.

    Oh Julie and Rek, we are so hard on ourselves about the most petty of things. Aren't we? Not that we ease up in terms of the biggies, though. I adore you both. Thanks.

    David "close to getting further than before" <-that's an exceptional way to word it. Let's keep getting closer to further.

    I know what you mean about keeping going. I get to certain points (e.g., the end of a chapter, sentence, word or syllable) and am frozen in "where do I go from here? I can't possibly continue!" angst.

    Terra, thanks, friend. Sorry I've been pretty MIA. Will drop by soon.

    Talli, thank you. I can picture Father Time wasting himself away on Ebay.

    Christine, thanks so much. Welcome. So glad to make a connection, especially one through Alex.

    xoRobyn

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  21. Turquoise shag carpet! Father Time is color blind as well as unresponsive. Robyn, you are an original with amazing creativity. Joan Rivers is no longer original. She is a clone made from bionic play dough. Don't worry about typos, claim you are creating a new language.

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  22. lol - yep, drinking does it for me too. Kills the insecurity..until the next morning.. it returns with a venganence!

    Very funny.. whenever I see joan Rivers, i think, she looks pretty good for 133..pity she can't smile though. And Charlton Heston, well, he's kind of ruined all his movies for me, with his pro gun rants before his death.. so even as Moses, I can only see him as toting a shotgun.

    Hilarious Robyn!

    xo

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  23. This "And then after I’ve pressed publish I see a typo. And then, Father Time, then the dilemma really hits: should I correct myself and look stupid? Or should I not correct myself and look stupid? Or should I delete my comment altogether, re-write it, and look stupid? And by this time, it’s like –“ is the best thing I've read all day! TOTALLY relate!

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  24. Father Time is soooo not cool. I have issues with him regularly.

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