Monday, July 4, 2011

Woman on the Verge of Paradise: Breaking the Rules, True Freedom


 Sign reads: "May you find Paradise to be all its name implies."

Thanks for joining me on the verge of Paradise, as this chapter of my life unfolds. If you're new to Life by Chocolate, or just madly trying to catch up with your blog reading (Can we ever truly catch up?), this non-fictional story begins here. My last Paradise post is this one. While I strive for accuracy regarding place and time, I alter names as I see fit.  
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I've always followed the rules like a good girl. Maybe that's why it's incredibly freeing to break them, if only unintentionally. 
 
The Rules: (1) get educated, (2) get spouse and (3) have kids. I check-marked one and two as three tiptoed into focus. Then it all vanished. 

Years later, I reflect on a wonderful week in LA. I was showered with love and chocolate in celebration of my 45th birthday.* Being Jeremy's Auntie is pure heaven. His beautiful beaming smile, flavored with a heaping teaspoon of mischief, tickles my heart.  He adores me too. I can tell by the way he body-slams me with an elbow to my rib cage, a choke-hold taxing my windpipe, and a stinky foot pressed leisurely against my nostrils--all accompanied by ferocious laughter. I love the kid so much it scares me. 

Sure, I would've been a great mom some of the time. I'm equally convinced I'd have been a lousy mom at other times. Being an auntie leaves little room for the lousy. I like it that way. 

Undoubtedly, life would be completely different were it completely different. But it's not. I'm now okay with that. Actually, I'm more than okay with that. And I"m plenty okay with being more than okay with that, though I'm not supposed to be. I'm free to pursue my own interests, write, nurture me, and enjoy being an auntie. 

I didn't make the rules. I've just broken them. I didn't mean to but maybe I was meant to.

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*I know it's hard to believe. I look decades younger. Right? If I were a drinker, I'd surely get carded - if only to make up for the fact I didn't get carded on my 21st birthday. I even ordered a drink then too, non-virgin. (Not me, the drink. I was still, well, that's a story for another time. Or not.)

12 comments:

  1. You're home! Welcome back. Glad you enjoyed yourself and that precious nephew. Where's the photos?

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  2. Happy Belated Birthday! Fabulous at 45 -that's going to be my motto, it should be yours as well! :)

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  3. Welcome back, Robyn. Being a beloved auntie is not a bad outcome when you consider all the "issues" human kiddies have with their parents. I'm sure Jeremy won't ever vent about you to a shrink.

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  4. happy birthday Robyn and here's to breaking the rules - David

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  5. Yay! She's back! Happy belated Birthday, my new friend. And yes, life with children isn't all "a stinky foot pressed leisurely against my nostrils". (Awesome, awesome sentence, right there. Love it, my talented friend.)

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  6. my brother and his wife have chosen the no kids route and it seems to work well for them...I know they would be excellent parents but like you say that doesn't mean it is meant to be...Some rules are just meant to be broken

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  7. Happy Birthday! Great post!
    "I didn't make the rules. I've just broken them. I didn't mean to but maybe I was meant to."
    I love this. We all hopefully get to that place in our lives when we say yep thats my life and its pretty damn good!Though I still do wonder if its not too late for me to be a ballerina.....naw people don't want to see a dancer whose butt slaps the floor and stays there every time she does a Plié.
    awesome post! Blessings, Joanne

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  8. Let me just say, Joanne's comment cracked me up! Happy Belated Birthday! Body slamming, choking, stinky feet? Is that what they call "tough love"? Enjoy your freedom!

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  9. welcome back missy! you are only as old as you feel, trust me some days I'm a toddler

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  10. First off, Happy Birthday!
    We really don't have much control over how the chips fall. We make the best of it. I'm with you about the nephew. We have five kids and I'll take the grandkids over "raising" kids, anytime! Don't tell 'em I said so...

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  11. Thanks, all.
    love and chocolate to ya,
    Robyn

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  12. Happy late Birthday!! I hope you had a wonderful day. And I think you would have been an awesome mom. Your nieces and nephews are incredibly lucky to have you as their auntie. :)

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