Sunday, August 29, 2010

On Why I Choose Celibacy, Reasons #7-12

Ladies and gentlemen, taken directly from current internet dating ads, I now present you with reasons number 7 through 12 as to why I choose celibacy. My comments are boldfaced. This should not surprise you. Enjoy! Remember, I do this strictly for your pleasure. [Someone’s gotta have some fun around here.]
REASON #7:

50-year-old man
Juneau, Alaska, United States
seeking women 40-53
in Idaho, United States

Can anyone explain to me why an Alaskan man, who does not mention plans to relocate, must find himself a woman in Idaho? Perhaps those Idaho gals know how to heat a guy’s igloo.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #8:

i am fun loving ,love to laugh and make jokes, honest, loyal, nice , friendly, outgoing, my date should be a nice girl who also has a great sence of humer She really would have to. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #9:

These descriptions can be redundent and over-abundant As can you, sir. This wannabe writer Keep wannabe-ing, dude. is somewhat of a dreamer yeah, yeah, I got that much!, once confused by the unrealistic morphed reality of experience. Shocked no more by the power of suggestion, GRACED FREE WILL Why do you guys always bring up this Free Will stuff? You’re really into that movie with a killer whale. Huh? REINS Oh, maybe you’re into deers. FULL CONTROL TO THINK, SAY, DO, AND BE..IS TO FEEL THE TRUE KNOWING OF THE NOW! Breath & Wingspan Wait, it’s birds you’re referring to! You can’t fool me. Always here, arriving never is promise found within, showing up once again. the kept hope to parallel life to the end. LIFE UNCERTAIN garanteed by LIFE INEVITABLE No rhyme or reason needed Oh, hmm, I got it! You are a freak of nature!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #10:

Interests:
WRITTING
I must admit, that does sound interesting.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #11:

loking for catslove making money. traveling the world keeping. fit the beaches of the world tanning. Do you tend to see both the world keeping and world tanning on the same trip? i like all sorts of music. want to retire on the a nice beach. enjoy family. am very carrerrminded Does this mean you’re interested in the rear-ends of cars? abd llove pets Sounds suspiciously like animal cruelty.

I urge all readers to keep their felines away from this loker!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #12:

This has got to be the most endearing headline out there:
Frankly my dear! I dont give a dam!

It’s a good thing too, sweetie, being as I don’t know where I’d put a dam around here.

22 comments:

  1. #9 sounds like the love I spew when I am overly intoxicated LMAO

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  2. I just...
    I'm sorry that your potential matches are similar to the men I meet in real life.
    At least they aren't openly asking you for sex. Yet.

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  3. It seems like a trend that these guys don't know how to spell or use correct punctuation. I would be celibate too.

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  4. "...catslove making money?"

    Is that a typo? Did he mean "cats who love making money" like Top Cat? I can't fault him for that, I'd like to meet Top Cat too.

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  5. Ouch! Those are some _____ reasons! Spelling? C'mon, what's a dropped y or a missing consonant have to do with matters of the heart?

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  6. Oh, let's keep it real, Robyn.

    All it would take is some guy with a nice smile and quality chocolate to get in your panties...

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  7. Funny how people just dont want to tell the truth---you just never know where it will get you

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  8. ROFL!!!! "Does this mean you're interested in the rear-end of cars?" !!!!!!!!

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  9. I'm looking for a little catslove too. Who isn't?

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  10. I am roflol now. #9 is priceless! Someone needs to slap him out of his mindlessness.

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  11. LMAO. You are friggin hilarious. I especially love how the Alaskan man wants an Idahoan woman.

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  12. So you are saying you are not interested in bad spellers? Actually, I don't think it is that they spell so badly, it's the WORDS they are spelling wrong.

    "sence of humer"

    HOLY CRAP!

    Funny as usual Rawkn.

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  13. Hahahaha. I really do enjoy these posts. It's good to know there are still some idiots out there. ;)

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  14. Donda, that's funny. I'd hate to see what this guy spews when intoxicated! Thanks. xo

    WomanConfused, true. I guess the sex talk comes after theorizing about catslove. ;0)

    PTM, thanks for affirming my celibacy. xo

    GB, you are a riot! Very good point, my friend. {0:

    Copyboy, hmm, what do matters of the heart have to do with these mutant freakazoids? xo

    Blase, yes, between you and me, I have virtually no standards beyond a pulse. Let's just keep that between us, hon. :-b

    Clyde, people are indeed funny and very strange. Thanks for visiting & commenting!xo

    Marlene, thanks. Hugs. {-:

    BB, good point. Who wouldn't be seeking catslove, especially catslove making money?xo

    Sarah, I totally agree. I just don't want to be the one. Will you (please)? :-D

    Baygirl, yeah, #12 is pretty dam stupid. xo

    MegO, thank you! Yeah, I just don't get that Alaska-Idaho thing. No one has offered an explanation yet. d-:

    Cheeseboy, exactly. Thank you! xo

    Cheers and Laughs,
    xoRobyn

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  15. If they start using jolly phonics or mad gab RUN for the hills!!!

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  16. You break me up.... I can't get through any of you posts without having to take a laugh break. Thanx for the smiles!!!
    Salagatle!

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  17. Haha too funny!

    I found your blog from Follow me Back Tuesday. Have a great day!

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  18. I love popping over to your blog for a good laugh. I am definitely looking for "catslove making money" too. My darn cats are all about spending my money. Clearly they haven't been keeping up with the times! :)

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  19. If these guys only knew!! So funny!!

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  20. Marnie, that's very funny! I'll keep those two in mind. :->

    Wrecless, anytime, dear friend. I know you deserve plenty of laughs. Thanks! xo

    Amanda, thanks so much for visiting. Have a great day too. [-:

    Ro, LOL! That's really good. You have some special (shall we say?) cats there. xo

    Gayle, yeah, I don't even think they'd be upset with me. They're so darn clueless. ;o]

    xoKisses and smiles,
    Robyn

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  21. haha - what a nutter! Spelling badly on a dating site is like turning up for a date with no pants on. It's all about the presentation.. unless they're hung like Jonny Holmes, in which case, it may be in their best interest to turn up sans pants, then any prospects should run a mile.. or click Block..just incase he discovers that you exist.. (reason enough to send a chill down the spine.. or up the female equivalent of a Johnny Holmes..)

    ;)

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