Sunday, August 15, 2010

On Why I Choose Celibacy, Part I


To follow are 5 of my reasons for choosing celibacy. These blurbs are taken directly from internet dating ads. Several of the guys emailed me, expressing interest. I found the others during a failed search for a grain of normalcy. Bottom line: I choose celibacy. Here’s why (My comments are in bold italics):

REASON #1: Note the specific categories to which this guy responded, because he clearly did not.

MY ETHNICITY: I feel like u should treat somebody with respect and like they are a person not a peice of meat or whatever. I am the type of person who wants somebody to feel wanted not just as a trophy. Hmm, sounds like you’re one of those misunderstood mutts who has to check the “Other” box a lot. It does kind of make you feel like a peice of meat, doesn’t it? Sorry, trophy boy.
MY RELIGION: I am a very affectionate person and I love to cuddle, I like to show somebody how I feel not just telling them Are you trying to say that you're a Mormon?
LAST READ: I am very relationship oriented and I believe life is too short to waste. Where can I find this book, and is it illustrated?

MY PETS: I consider myself to be very simple…Indeed you are. I believe that women needs to be treated with respect and as a equal partner in a relationship, but all I seem to find is the ones that does not know how to respond to that or is untrusting to it. Maybe that’s because you consider ‘a women a equal’ to your pets. Do you serve them cat food in a bowl, or do they eat it straight from a can?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #2: ..A man that will stick to the oath of for better for worse and till death do us part i am not saying i am looking for a perfect man but the right man . What the – ok, dude, I don’t know if you skipped out on Sex Ed. Day in 5th grade, but you do know that you are listed as a man seeking a woman. Right? Um, are you seeking a man or a woman? See, there’s actually a difference. The more I communicate with you, the more fascinated I am becoming. I am very definitely interested. We are very definitely at a very early stage of a relationship We are? Funny, I didn’t correspond at all. It’s like this: I’m avoiding any kind of interaction, because you are a weirdo. and I don't expect any unreasonable commitments. I only ask that you be totally honest. See above for total honesty. Hint: You are a weirdo.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #3: I am a firm believer of freewill. Freewill? Isn’t that the movie about a boy who falls in love with a killer whale? Cool, I believe in that stuff too! I must connect with persons who also believe in solid freewill. Oh, “solid freewill.” The whale’s pretty burly. Is that what you mean? I mean freewill Yeah, I got that much; of choice with no regrets, Hmm just understanding about life’s gifts and lessons. Enjoy every moment possible for tomorrow may bring the end of those moments Not good. Quite sad. Gotta tissue?, which is fine when you appreciate the time spent with another. The future will always come to give us a hopeful interest and enlighten our lives. How does that work, if tomorrow may be the end? This is why I respect others and pay attention to each person’s character, which I may fully connect with the ones they and I choose to connect with in a mind, physical and emotion relationship. This freewill stuff is kind of a downer. I think the Director had a different tone in mind. Excuse me while I ride my solid freewill outta here.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #4: I have a mother so, you don’t try to do my chores and I will make the effort to view your comments about your life as an expression, as such I will try not to see them as problems to fix. Deal?! Who could refuse such a warmhearted deal? Tell you what, darling, I will let you and your mommy do your chores together. I’ll even give you plenty of space. It's a deal!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #5: Just to be completely open, anyone who claims to be a Liberal should just pass me by. I'm only interested in women who can actually think for themselves, so therefore they cannot be a Liberal. Just to be completely open, my brain cells are simmering right now. I think I'm having a thought. Wait! Here it is: You are a pea-brained dumb ass! Guess what? I thought of that one all by myself, and I’m a Liberal.
Any questions as to why I choose celibacy?...I didn’t think so.

29 comments:

  1. Oh my. Some interesting specimens from the shallow edge of the gene pool...

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  2. These are the kind of men who fall in love with sex dolls. You could tell them they might like your quiet sister and charge them an introduction feel of 200 dollars.

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  3. That guy that likes to do chores with his mom sounds like a keeper. I bet she will make you some delicious chocolate chip cookies after playtime.

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  4. Proof that certain people shouldn't breed! LOL! These guys are so pathetic! I know I could make a fortune writing their online dating profiles for them, but I couldn't do that to the poor, unsuspecting women checking them out.

    This is great! The last guy really cracked me up. As if any follower of Rush, Palin or Glenn Beck was capable of an original thought. Ha!

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  5. Wow Robyn, where did you find these people! Very funny and very amusing!! Didn't know there were much like these left, but seems like we learn something everyday!

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  6. Oh. Oh My. Yes, I totally understand your decision now. Oh My.

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  7. I think the dude that has a mother still lives with his.

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  8. wow..... which park did they come from?

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  9. but these guys sound super duper fantastic. Living with their moms, not being able to spell, don't the time to read, think offspring.... hahaha

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  10. Another great bunch of nothings. Freewill the whale... hilarious.

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  11. What sites do you go to? dumbRus.com? Seriously...

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  12. I'm wiping the tears from my eyes on the whole freewill/Free Willy blurb!!!!

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  13. Wow!!! Where do they come from???

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  14. Being in Utah, the Mormon comment cracked me up.

    I am afraid if I were a single woman, I'd be dead in the water: being so liberal and all. I am surprised I can even type this sentence.

    BTW - I hear that we will soon be PARTNERS! I am excited.

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  15. Thanks for the Monday laughs! Great picture too!!

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  16. Comment from Marnie, posted under wrong post (mainly my mess-up. Sorry.): As usual, this was a great post Robyn, but I couldn't stop laughing at "misunderstood mutts who has to check the “Other” box a lot". Beautiful...lol. I can think of a few people whom this phrase would apply. Thanks!

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  17. I am so sorry for all your dating woes. Ok, not really because this stuff is absolutely HYSTERICAL!!!

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  18. Your comment is hysterical, Marla! Thanks! Our Bumpkin loved these posts too. That's why I felt okay posting it so soon after the tribute to her.
    Cheers,
    xoRobyn

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  19. That family tree definitely has no branches.

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  20. Do any of the jdate suitors know about this?

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  21. I think my IQ went up 30 points reading this!

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  22. John, "interesting" is a very nice way to put it. xo

    GB, I could. My sister would never speak to me again, though! :-)

    PTM, that's true..mm, chocolate chips..I'm reconsidering the mama's boy. xo

    BB, I'm glad you get where I'm coming from. ;-}

    Ninja, no doubt. What a loser. (I probably already dated that one, too.) xo

    SirT, I'm thinking it may be People's Park in Berkeley. They seem to have all originated from there. It's a rather interesting place. :o)

    Tgo, yes. Thank you! That f*n redneck conservative who thinks he has an open mind. Ooh, don't get me started. [-:

    CSR, yeah, there seems to be nothing like these guys left. It's both sad and funny. Thanks. xo

    Baygirl, I vote proChoice - if you catch my drift. :0]

    TS, glad you liked that one. I kinda do too. xo

    BabySis, that's funny, but I think they wouldn't know how to spell "dumb" - or "R" for that matter. {-:

    TIS, actually, I didn't get the text from the Lord like you did. You're right, I do get the best offers! xo

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  23. Marlene, I'm so glad that freewill stuff (solid,no less)brought tears to your eyes!:-)

    Noelle, Mars, perhaps. xo

    Cheeseboy, it is difficult to float being dead in the water. Excited about the partnership thing, too. (-;

    Sarah, thanks. I'm glad you like my photo too. It was difficult to pose and keep my hair dry at the same time. xo

    Marnie, thanks! Yeah, it's sad how many of 'em need to look for the "Other" box. They probably have a hard time finding it too. xo

    MMH, well put! Yes, it's pretty much just a pile of dirt with some fertilizer. {-:

    Copyboy, I think these are all non Jdaters. I've given up on that site. This "m" one has more material for my blog. xo

    Chuck, you are a genius now, huh? Just you wait until Part II. :-b

    Thanks all!
    xoRobyn

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  24. Hahaha - these are absolutely unbeleivable!! Are they real? Theyd have to be.. I have a mother.. lolz! Not a liberal.. jesus.. no wonder theyre single..and will be for a very long time..
    Robyn I suggest changing sites right now!
    unless of course, you are already at the 'very early stages of a relationship...'what the? haha
    and I love the 'Freewill' pic... Hilarious!!

    =]

    xo

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  25. Wow sharing that your mom helps with your chores. Very hot. Your passing up a winner here.

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  26. Oh my gosh you really made my day! The first one is hilarious!! (Great pic of you too with FreeWilly, by the way ;)

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  27. You know how there are people who will help with your resume? Why aren't there people who will help write your personal ads? I should get on that. I know exactly what not to say by reading crap like this! I used to love the ads on Nerve.com - the people were way cooler but that was back in like 2001, when Craigslist was cool. Once shiz gets out, it gets corny.

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  28. people are important we are important and we need to have a partner who values us, showing respect and loe. take care. rose

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