And I Wrote This Book.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I Think You Are Hot!


Because I think you are hot, I've done two things:

1) I made this collage of coldness especially for you. I hope it helps you forget how hot you really are. (Don't worry. I won't.)


2) I revived my coldest post, and it's actually from the Ice Age. It's a bit early for Thanksgiving time love, but I'm hopeful this will chill your bones.

INTRODUCTION: The following excerpt was relayed by the fly on the wall. Note that this is the same courageous yet depleted fly that zips from wall to wall upon hearing someone exclaim, “I’d like to be a fly on that wall.” According to said fly, this brief segment typifies Thanksgiving meal conversations throughout the country.

JUNIOR: Put some turkey on my plate, you bastard.

STEVIE: Are you calling me a turkey?

JUNIOR: No, I’m calling you a bastard.

STEVIE: Okay. White or dark meat?

MAMA DOLORES: That’s enough boys. You’re grown men now. Quit the squabbling. Herb, stuff it! Stuff that turkey. It’s too dry, and you haven’t done a damn thing all day to help get dinner ready. Like father, like son. Junior, I remember when your cousin Mike made a pass at Auntie Mabel one fine Easter Sunday. You stood there and didn’t say anything to protect her.

JUNIOR: Ma, I was only 6 years old, and that was 35 years ago. Would you let it go, already!

MAMA DOLORES: Yes, 6, and a well spoken child. Slender and fit, I might add. You just stood there like a bump on a log. Where did I go wrong? It’s no wonder you can’t keep a good woman.

PAPA JOE: Dolores, it would be nice if you took the cranberries out of the can and put them in a bowl for a change.

MAMA DOLORES: Excuse me?! You come strolling in here only 3 hours ago, turn on the boob tube, and tell me I need to do more work to appease your snoody patoody tastes. I’ll tell you where you can put the damn cranberries! Sally, when is that loser of a husband of yours going to get here?

SALLY: Ma, he’s sitting right next to me.

MAMA DOLORES: Oh, well in that case, have him pass the rolls. Wake him up first, would ya, it’s rude to sleep at the table. Let us all now join in prayer. Thank you Lord for this blessed meal with our loved ones.


Stay cool, because I still think you are hot! xo

25 comments:

  1. Ah family meal times....nothin' like it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Man, I would love to be the fly on the fly on that wall.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Too funny dialog! Thanks. You just made my day, Robyn.I love your subtle sense of humour!
    B xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm on mama's side because she's always talking about food and "Dolores" is the name of a big-breasted women.

    ReplyDelete
  5. So, I didn't read past the I think you are HOT title, because, well thank you...and yes, I'm blushing and it is from a friggin hot flash.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I was hot--how did you know? I will be hot again today. Thanks for the ice cream!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lol!! I'm glad my Thanksgivings are'e like that!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks for that refreshing burst of cold!

    ReplyDelete
  9. My Thanksgiving


    (looking in cabinet)

    What flavor pop-tart shall I have? Hmmmmmmm

    (rubbing chin)

    Strawberry it is!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I like these kinds of conversations!

    ReplyDelete
  11. LOL! Thanksgiving makes me think of my family drinking wine and eating and drinking more wine and arguing and drinking more wine and fighting and stabbing others in the arm with forks...ahh sweet memories! Holidays do bring families together. Thank goodness there aren't too many of them.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think I've had some family functions more than vaguely resembling this one!

    ReplyDelete
  13. You always have the most hilarious and interesting word play. I am stuffed just reading about the turkey. Those poor guys don't have the giblets to... I've got nothing.

    ReplyDelete
  14. ADSL, good thing you don't have T-giving in So. Africa, huh? xo

    PTM, but you'd be the one sacrificed if Mama Dolores got out the fly swatter. You're right; it'd still be fun. :0)

    BettyM, thanks so much for the high praise!
    I appreciate it. xo

    SirT, I guess that makes sense, given your writing's so steaming hot. (-:

    GB, smart move. She is rather bosomy. You don't want to cross her. xo

    Ninja, darn, I thought I was hot too. As in hot. Damn flashes! ;o}

    You are always hot, Sarah. I'm glad you liked the ice cream. xo

    Babysis, I'm glad for you too. <-:

    TWS, thank you, and thanks for visiting! xo

    Baygirl, sure thing. I hope it helped. ;-]

    TIS, mmm, can I come to your home for thanksgiving? Please?! xo

    BB, really? Sounds familiar, huh? <~:

    Tgo, absolutely. This is exactly why we must drink wine and more wine and then more wine during such gatherings. xo

    Marlene, glad you can relate. I mean, I'm sorry for you but happy for me. Abnormalcy loves company. :>)

    Cheeseboy, thank you so much, Mr. Hilarious! I think you've got nothing because those poor guys don't even have giblets. xo

    Stay cool, hot people!
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  15. Sounds like my family...could we be related?

    ReplyDelete
  16. would it be wrong to admit i can't wait for thanksgiving now because of this post.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Family. You can't live with them. You can't shoot them.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Sounds like a normal Thanksgiving to me. =]

    ReplyDelete
  19. Very funny.

    For the past several years my parents have catered Thanksgiving.....so presentation is never an issue for us.

    ReplyDelete
  20. hahaha - What the hell? You are mad! lol but as Dick Emery used to say... 'But I like you..'

    Cool Montage too! Again!
    x
    =]

    ReplyDelete
  21. Ha! So true. It reminds me of those SNL skits where everyone sits around clanking (is that a word??) silverware on the plate in an awkward silence. Will Ferrell then pipes up with "And I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!!" He was awfully proud of that. This was an entertaining post! :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Marnie, my cousin? I'd be honored. You'd be scared. Smiles! xo

    Ally, it's okay. Stuffing's really good. ;->

    DDG, so true and so profound. xo

    MMH, me too - especially with the cranberry sauce from a jar stuff. [-:

    Erika, catering's a great way to go. xo

    Anthony, I'm mad about you too - in a platonic, silly, Dick Emery kind of way. ;->

    Kelley, thanks! That is really funny. SNL humor is what I strive for. It's the best!

    xoKeep laughing.
    Robyn

    ReplyDelete