Monday, May 17, 2010

It's A Non-Post BDFH Post


My Dear Followers,

I know it’s been a while since I’ve updated you on the dating scene. I’m sorry. I just don’t have the material for a post. Thus, the best I can do for now is this Non-Post BDFH/Blind Date From Hell Post. Let me further explain.

A few men have expressed interest, but they really aren't worthy of mention.

Dude #1 kept messaging, and I kept ignoring these messages. His reported weight is 220 lbs. Mind you, if you didn’t already know this, I’m a tiny person. On a good day (say, a Saturday morning before I’ve eaten breakfast), I weigh 105 lbs. Okay, make that 106.5 lbs (naked and while holding my breath, leaning slightly to the back of a generously kind scale). It’s not that I’m skinny. I’m just extremely short - less than 5 feet tall on a good or bad day, without heels or a top hat. Thus, the thought of being crushed (literally) by a boyfriend simply does not appeal to me. So you see, there’s nothing yet to write about.

Needless to say, Dude #1 persisted and persisted for weeks, progressing to a “What about me? I’m a nice guy.” Clearly, I needed to respond, else the messages would not end. Because I’m so nonjudgemental and sensitive, I took full accountability for our weight differential and emailed back: “I’m sure you’re nice, but I’m less than half your size. Good luck to you.” I’m rather proud of my diplomacy. You'd vote for me, right? At least, I hope you understand why I don’t have enough material for a BDFH post.

Onto Guy #2. He never actually emailed but listed me on his “hot/favorites” list. Even more flattering, he – or more likely the model whose photo he posted in his profile page- is pretty darn gorgeous. So what’s the problem? Well, for one, he lives in the Middle East. Those overnights would have to be through-the-roof to make it worth the commute. Worse yet, let me share a snippet of his introductory blurb: “Let's sing: Fill your heart with love today, don't play the game of time, things that happened in the past only happened in your Mind - So Forget your Mind And you'll be free. Happiness is happening, the dragons have been bled.” He goes on with this jingle a bit, but I’m sparing you the rest, because I like you and all. However, I am rather scared by this little blurb. Are you? Well, at least you're getting why I don't have the material for a BDFH post.

Door - I mean Dude - #3 lives a lot closer, but still across state lines. He emailed offering me M&M’s for merely chatting with him. Outrageous! What kind of a person does he think I am?! Of course, I responded immediately! I did tell him that he’s geographically undesirable, so he naturally suggested a meet-up in Vegas. Isn't that where all the geographically undesireables hang out? Please dude, you didn’t even forward the M&M’s. That isn't even the worst of it my friend. Are you ready for this? He’s a lawyer. Excuse my profanity. Alas, I hope you’re finally realizing why I haven’t been able to keep you updated on the dating scene.

Onto an actual date that’s not worthy of making it onto my blog either. This past weekend, I had coffee with Dude #4. At first, second, and third sight, he has a very long forehead . But that’s understandable, given he’s quite intelligent. I mean, I cut him slack because his brain must be at least 30% larger than most. The guy's trilingual and has a Ph.D. The problem with some brainiacs, though, is that their intelligence often trumps any semblance of social aptitude and courtesy.
You see, I ordered a bran muffin and a chai tea. He asked for a croissant and coffee. Those four items sat on the counter, and I stood behind him so that he would be directly in front of the cashier. Still, the cashier asked, “Are you paying separately or together?” I heard the Jeopardy music start to play in the background. With my watch ticking loudly, time stood still during a gruesomely awkward pause. He said nothing. Annoyed as hell, I broke the silence with a definitive, “We’ll pay separately.” “Yeah, yeah, it’s separate,” he agreed with relief. I know, I really should’ve bolted right then and there! Freakin tightwad!
Because I'm so nice (as we all know, right? right!), I reluctantly gave him another 48 hours (or was it minutes?) of my time. As soon as there was another gruesome pause, I announced that I had errands to run, and zipped away following a quick goodbye handshake. Don’t you wish you were back out on the dating scene to experience this type of exciting romance, my friend? You do at least get by now why I don't have enough for a post, right?

I suppose I should look on the bright side. It could’ve been worse. He could’ve talked incessantly about his ex (I’m guessing he doesn’t have any exes. At any rate, he seemed rather enamored by his mother). Further, he could’ve paid for his croissant with a coupon. He also could’ve had a double chin in addition to a long forehead. But he didn’t. For all of these things and more, dear Lord, I’m truly blessed.

Still, I wish I had some good material for you on the BDFH front. Sorry I have no updates. I hope you understand.

43 comments:

  1. This is like a really bad episode of the dating game, except without the long microphone.

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  2. Oh man, I'm hating your dudes. I especially hate cheap men who can't spring for a coffee and muffin. I just don't get that. Like to be honest, I don't think it even has anything to do with money, it's the principal. I almost think they feel as if by paying it means you're like boyfriend-girlfriend. So dumb!

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  3. Not even a bran muffin and a chai tea... Wow

    At least I have something for you today LOL

    http://baygirl32.blogspot.com/2010/05/look-mudder.html

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  4. He couldn't even pay for tea and muffin? What a loser. I do like the M&M bit, too bad that guy was more of a milk dud (see what you got me doing now? All your chocolate jokes are starting to effect my brain).

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  5. The last guy sounds like he has Asperger syndrome. They are socially inept and cant make up their minds about anything BUT they are bright individuals. Sounds like you could write a book about it but I guess a blog is more interesting for the feedback. Keep us posted. Thanks for sharing.

    Anne-Marie

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  6. Not in a million years! If anything happens to the one I've been training for over 3 decades, I'm done. (actually, no one can compare to mine, usually)

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  7. Wow that is just down right sad. A freaking muffin and a chai tea and he didn't pay for it? I wanna smack him for giving guys a bad name.

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  8. lol... good reason not to post a thing on bdfh ;)

    so, with you, size DOES matter? :O

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  9. What happened to old fashioned wooing?

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  10. HAHA. Now, those are four scary dudes. Seriously! Especially, Dude #4. The long forehead, the awkward pause and the Ph.D all suggest he was an alien. Don't thank me now...:)

    Toodles!

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  11. These stories are most definitely "good material." Oh. Yeah. Big smiles here.
    I’m taking notes…. ;)
    Imagine enduring the dating scene without a sense of humour? Brutal x 2.

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  12. Wow...I cant believe this is what's available....great blog fodder though...I was just discussing the perils of online dating to my single gal pal...and she has decided definitely not...I guess she made a good choice...have a great day Robyn..!

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  13. You should have reminded the first guy of the Fatty Arbuckle scandal. If anything happened to you people would immediately suspect him of giving you the a bulldozer treatment. The cheapskate is a Class-A gumboil.

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  14. Cheeseboy, very funny. I forgot about the long microphone on that show.

    Ally, thanks. It is very dumb and annoying as hell.

    Thanks Margg.

    Thanks Babygirl. I needed that (really).

    Sorry TS. I still feel badly that you weren't flooded with chocolate milk. Damn the luck!

    Anne-Marie, so great to have a visitor. I do know about Asperger's and the spectrum of autism. Clearly, I've had personal experience. That's an astute comment on your part too. Thanks.

    Ms. A, I'm very glad for you. Keep the tune-ups going, and you're in good shape.

    Aah, thanks Jerry. I wish you would!

    Gillian, good question.

    Mr. Stupid, I didn't think of that either. It's all coming together now. He's an alien with Asperger's!

    True Beth. Thanks.

    Thanks smArtee. Yep, it's slim pickins' at the bottom of the barrel out there. But you have a great day, too. Thanks!

    You are so strangely funny, GB. Thanks.

    Chocolate kisses,
    xoRobyn

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  15. PS Laughingwolf, I don't know how I could've forgotten to respond to your comment. Yes, but quality is more important than quantity.
    xoR

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  16. np... with a little thought, there's no reason for the big guy to crush, much less hurt, the smaller gal... easiest is 'woman superior' :O lol

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  17. Long foreheads make it easier to stamp "STUPID" on....Just sayn' It would have been fun to stamp stupid on his forehead,,,Then you could have wrote about that....

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  18. In the event that you ever fall prey to an attack by a dragon, will there be the slightest sense of regret that you hadn't opted for Bachelor #2? He's a dragonslayer, you know.

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  19. Ha, oh goodness, sounds like me. Except without any perspectives whatsoever. :) My summer needs to get more exciting! This did make me laugh though.

    I envy your height. I am tall and very fond of heels. This puts many cute guys who are too short off of my list. I wish you luck in the future!

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  20. Can you imagine doing the walk of shame from baghdad?

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  21. Uh, did someone say M&M's?

    For me, a long forehead, represents a masculine face. It looks sexy on men. What can I say, I'm a long forehead kind of woman.

    Have a nice Tuesday :)

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  22. The one that ticks me off the most is the tightwad!! I wanna scream FOR you!

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  23. {looking intently in the mirror at the area of my forehead...}

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  24. haha - cool post.. well, its hard to tell what your going to get until you get there i guess... perhaps he didnt want to offend you by offering to pay for it and get labeled sexist?? Just a thought.. those first meetings are horrendously awkward..b ut sounds like you sussed him out anyway.. Keep trying.. or maybe dont try. Thats when he will appear!
    You deserve a good one, so hang in there...it will happen..

    =]

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  25. Wow, what ever happened to the real men! It seems that they've been replaced with quirky d-bags with zero charm and charisma and questionable intellect. Well, I bet there are always single men at the Tea Party rallies!

    Best of luck in your search, Robyn. I'm sure it ain't no picnic!

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  26. Great idea, IS. Too bad I left my huge "Stupid" stamp at home. I'll bring it next time. xo

    Jeremy, great point. Those dragons "have been bled." (WTF!?) lol. ;->

    Lindz, I don't know. I've seen plenty of short men who prefer tall women. I think they like the vantage point - if you know what I mean. Guess it's difficult on either extreme of the size spectrum. xo

    Copyboy, that's deserving of the best comment award. Lord help me, it should never come down to the walk of shame from Baghdad.

    DDG, I'll forward the long foreheaded guys to you, but only if they're also cute. Have a good day. :)

    THANK YOU, MARLENE! AARGH!!!!

    Blase, you handsome fellow, no worries - especially since you can view your entire forehead in a mirror. xo

    Thanks Anthony. That's sweet. =}

    Tgo, I wonder if they have chocolate at those tea parties. It could be worth a try. Thanks! :->

    xoRobyn

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  27. Oh dear. The Dude Report is more like the Dud Report. Hang in there!

    P.S. I'd buy you a muffin!

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  28. unattractive and a tightwad? the guy sure knows how to make a great first impression. but they do provide good blogging material.

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  29. haHA!!! i'm CRACKING up at Copyboy's comment!!!! HILARIOUS! yeah, seriously.... HORRIBLE GUYS!!!!!! ew, ew, ew, and EW! poor you!!!! i've got some of my own advice about guys.... usually the brainiacs think they're God or something, and just try to be all macho and superior and well, it's just a completely turn off. never date a guy who has a REALLY nice car.... although at first thought, it sounds nice.... chances are they fall into this ew category and thinking they are some God-like creature.... ew. i hope you have much better luck!!!!

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  30. If nothing else you got good material for your blog out of those losers!!! Better luck next time...

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  31. Sorry, but are you sure it was M&Ms Dude #3 offered you? Not S&Ms? Not that I think that'd make it any better. Just asking...

    Oh, well, the browning grass here just got greener. So thanks for that!

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  32. This makes me so glad I'm off the market!

    PS-I'm jealous of your weight!

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  33. Nothing( NO, NOTHING!) is worse than an cheapskate. He probably didn't tip either....The guy not sending the M and M's is just another form of cheapskate. The first encounters are their best behaviour too!

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  34. Great pic. That was pretty entertaining if you ask me. The people in other parts of the world are always funny since they all seem to bank at the same Nigerian bank.

    I'm always amazed at the guys who don't pay, but I hear it enough from my female friends to know that its pretty big out there. What you should of said is that you were paying seperatedly and to make yours to go. No offense to anyone, but if you can't pay then the date never happened.

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  35. Wow, I think I must have snatched the last 'Knight in Shining Armor' almost 2 decades ago! He is absolutely amazing and I don't know what I would do without him. In fact, I selfishly pray that when the time comes, the good Lord will choose to take me first or at least take us both at the same time.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving such a sweet comment. I also appreciate that you became a 'Follower'. I have just returned the favor and I can't wait to come back and read more soon! In the meantime, good luck in your search for Mr. Right. I know he's out there somewhere.

    Blessings,

    Teresa <><

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  36. Oh, my dear girl, that was both hilarious and horribly tragic, all at once! Don't give up, he's out there, I know it! Just get through all these frogs, your prince is waiting!!

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  37. BB, you would? It's a date. Thanks. ;->

    Sarah, yeah.They don't even seem to try to make a mediocre impression, much less a good one. Yikes. xo

    Ashley, thanks for all the ew's! LOL. I totally agree about the money and nice car thing. If they flaunt either, that's a humungous red flag. xo

    Thanks, Ca88. xo

    Alyssa, I think I would have been offered the S&M's if I had met up with him in Vegas. He was building up to it. I'm glad I could make your grass greener. :)

    ~J, I'm jealous that you're off the market. Call it even? I'm dreamin.' You've still got it MUCH better. :)

    Mike, that's the perfect line for next time. Wish I'd thought of it this time. Thanks! xo

    Thanks Teresa! So nice to see you here. Glad you have your knight, as I just go back to my night over here. :>

    Thanks AFANM! xo

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  38. I'm glad I'm not going out with chicks with giant foreheads.

    BTW I have always loved your blog name. I'm thinking about changing mine to PTMGBW (Powdered Toast Man Gone Blog Wild)

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  39. Sorry for your lack of post material. What a bunch of losers! Here is hoping Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now will show up soon!! :)

    Lydia

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  40. What I don't understand is that even when you say that you have nothing to say, I'm still hanging on your every word and laughing all through this nightmare! There has to be some good, un-cheap, normal guys out there..don't lose hope!;)

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  41. PTM, I'm glad for you too. Powdered toast and big foreheaded women would not mix well. Thanks for liking my blogwild name too. xo

    Thank you, Still on the Verge (like me). xo

    LOL, Sarah. Thanks! I'm sure there are some, but I'm thinking they're all married or play for the other team. xo

    Choco-kisses,
    Robyn

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  42. I give you credit Robyn...how did you keep a straight face with Don Juan in the coffee shop? Lol!

    I love your sense of humor BTW :0)

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