I Dance to Forget, Part III. ~ with credit to the Eagles

continued from IDancetoForget,II.

Note: As a few of you predicted, this story does not end happily. It was a tough write, because of it. But as you see, I've recovered quite well and am still dancing with pretty boys. I just wish I hadn't covered my face in the tanning booth! Excuse the uneven tan.

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There was a uniqueness to our dance. It differed vastly from the dancing I did in LA years earlier.

The LA club scene offered an attractive mix: the pricey, snooty hot spots in downtown; the more sketchy but accepting venues in West Hollywood; the trendy, cozier hangouts on the Santa Monica Promenade; and the random restaurants-turned-dance-clubs-at-dusk in all the beach towns.

Wherever I was, I was seduced by the shallow and freeing scene. I loved the boys’ attention, especially when I got it from the cute ones. I wasn’t picky, though. I was just happy to have a partner. Any partner would do.

She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends I loved the flirtations, the touches, the movements, the excitement of feeling wanted.

How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat. This world was my refuge from reality. I needed to forget. So I did, until 2am or closing time, or whichever came first.

Some dance to remember, some dance to forget

I met him 13 years after leaving LA. He didn’t usually dance with me, but he always came along. He tried the steps a bit every time. Though he sometimes became uptight when either of us (i.e., he) made the wrong move, I was patient and forgiving. I was just happy to be in partnership with someone and with him.

He hated when I took the lead.
So I called up the Captain,'Please bring me my wine'

I hated that he hated it when I took the lead. It’s just a habit, and I’m the better dancer. That’s usually the case. The really good ones don’t dance with me, so I get the annoying beginners who count aloud and blame me when they make the wrong move by, for example, stepping on my feet.


I’d get antsy with him, I guess, and would try to be in control. I’m not a follower. It’s not my way. Perhaps I just wanted that combination of freedom and control that I experienced on the dance floors in LA. Perhaps I didn’t fully trust him to take the lead.


I suppose I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine'

Nonetheless, our loving relationship went along at the idyllic pace – dating for one year before moving in together, engaged for one year before marriage, leading up to the happiest day of my life. Our wedding dance was elegant, graceful, and impressive – especially the final dip.


And still those voices are calling from far away,
One night shortly thereafter, I woke up screaming. I felt and saw the presence of a man who would do harm to me; an intruder was hovering over me at the bedside.


It’s the only time in my life I remember having a nightmare like that.


Wake you up in the middle of the night My screaming woke him. He held me briefly, and then we went back to sleep.


Just to hear them say... Everything would be okay.

Welcome to the Hotel California He would take care of me.

Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place) I had nothing to fear.

Such a lovely face I would always be safe.

They livin' it up at the Hotel California
I just needed to get used to it. That’s all.

What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)

Everyone had bad dreams once in a while.
Bring your alibis

Our love and commitment would see us through anything.

Mirrors on the ceiling, We created a beautiful home and life together.

The pink champagne on ice We had it all, and there’s always a price. There’s always work. There’s always sacrifice. He was worth the investment. We were worth the investment.

And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device' The price kept rising.

And in the master's chambers, Below the surface was great pain and turmoil.

Still, we had parties and socialized. We were loving and giggly, at least in public.

They gathered for the feast I tried everything, every day, every hour. Nothing worked. Nothing made me happy.

They stab it with their steely knives,
Nothing made me less miserable.
But they just can't kill the beast
I was committed to him and the marriage for a lifetime. But he declared us through, so I left immediately.

Last thing I remember, I was
In shock, I didn’t turn back.

Running for the door
Four years, the chance to be a mom, and my lifetime of dreams dashed. I was lost.
I had to find the passage back
“You’ll meet someone new,” they all say.

To the place I was before I certainly didn’t plan on being single -and childless- again.

'Relax,' said the night man, But I’m not living in tension. I have my freedom back.
'We are programmed to receive.

Trauma fades in and out,
You can check-out any time you like,

but it doesn’t ever go away.
But you can never leave!'

Epilogue:

Now, I’m back to dancing. Now, I dance to remember how much I’ve always loved to dance.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x21dc5_eagles-hotel-californi-music