My Story, Yours Too.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

I Dance to Forget, Part III. ~ with credit to the Eagles

continued from IDancetoForget,II.
Note: As a few of you predicted, this story does not end happily. It was a tough write, because of it. But as you see, I've recovered quite well and am still dancing with pretty boys. I just wish I hadn't covered my face in the tanning booth! Excuse the uneven tan.
There was a uniqueness to our dance. It differed vastly from the dancing I did in LA years earlier.

The LA club scene offered an attractive mix: the pricey, snooty hot spots in downtown; the more sketchy but accepting venues in West Hollywood; the trendy, cozier hangouts on the Santa Monica Promenade; and the random restaurants-turned-dance-clubs-at-dusk in all the beach towns.

Wherever I was, I was seduced by the shallow and freeing scene. I loved the boys’ attention, especially when I got it from the cute ones. I wasn’t picky, though. I was just happy to have a partner. Any partner would do.

She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends I loved the flirtations, the touches, the movements, the excitement of feeling wanted.

How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat. This world was my refuge from reality. I needed to forget. So I did, until 2am or closing time, or whichever came first.

Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
I met him 13 years after leaving LA. He didn’t usually dance with me, but he always came along. He tried the steps a bit every time. Though he sometimes became uptight when either of us (i.e., he) made the wrong move, I was patient and forgiving. I was just happy to be in partnership with someone and with him.

He hated when I took the lead.
So I called up the Captain,'Please bring me my wine'

I hated that he hated it when I took the lead. It’s just a habit, and I’m the better dancer. That’s usually the case. The really good ones don’t dance with me, so I get the annoying beginners who count aloud and blame me when they make the wrong move by, for example, stepping on my feet.

I’d get antsy with him, I guess, and would try to be in control. I’m not a follower. It’s not my way. Perhaps I just wanted that combination of freedom and control that I experienced on the dance floors in LA. Perhaps I didn’t fully trust him to take the lead.

I suppose I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine'
Nonetheless, our loving relationship went along at the idyllic pace – dating for one year before moving in together, engaged for one year before marriage, leading up to the happiest day of my life. Our wedding dance was elegant, graceful, and impressive – especially the final dip.

And still those voices are calling from far away,
One night shortly thereafter, I woke up screaming. I felt and saw the presence of a man who would do harm to me; an intruder was hovering over me at the bedside.

It’s the only time in my life I remember having a nightmare like that.

Wake you up in the middle of the night My screaming woke him. He held me briefly, and then we went back to sleep.

Just to hear them say... Everything would be okay.

Welcome to the Hotel California He would take care of me.

Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place) I had nothing to fear.

Such a lovely face I would always be safe.

They livin' it up at the Hotel California
I just needed to get used to it. That’s all.

What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)

Everyone had bad dreams once in a while.
Bring your alibis

Our love and commitment would see us through anything.

Mirrors on the ceiling, We created a beautiful home and life together.
The pink champagne on ice We had it all, and there’s always a price. There’s always work. There’s always sacrifice. He was worth the investment. We were worth the investment.

And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device' The price kept rising.

And in the master's chambers, Below the surface was great pain and turmoil.

Still, we had parties and socialized. We were loving and giggly, at least in public.

They gathered for the feast I tried everything, every day, every hour. Nothing worked. Nothing made me happy.

They stab it with their steely knives,
Nothing made me less miserable.
But they just can't kill the beast
I was committed to him and the marriage for a lifetime. But he declared us through, so I left immediately.

Last thing I remember, I was
In shock, I didn’t turn back.

Running for the door
Four years, the chance to be a mom, and my lifetime of dreams dashed. I was lost.
I had to find the passage back
“You’ll meet someone new,” they all say.

To the place I was before I certainly didn’t plan on being single -and childless- again.

'Relax,' said the night man, But I’m not living in tension. I have my freedom back.
'We are programmed to receive.

Trauma fades in and out,
You can check-out any time you like,
but it doesn’t ever go away.
But you can never leave!'

Now, I’m back to dancing. Now, I dance to remember how much I’ve always loved to dance.


  1. Particularly loving the third installment. A lot of feeling in those words.

  2. Your posts are very creative. I have been working my way back through you work and I am saddest that there are only 101 of them. I look for unique and smart and you deliver both girl friend.

  3. Best one yet! I want to stand up and dance right now. Screw it, I am doing it. Who cares if they boys are sleeping!

    Now where did I put my old Eagles CD?!

  4. Ms. A, thanks. Yes, I'm really feeling this one. xo

    Cal, you're sweet. From such a creative guy, that means a lot. xo

    So glad to get you up and boogie'ing, Cheeseboy! Did your wife happen to get that on webcam? PS This song is the BEST, isn't it? xo

    Thank you, Gayle! I appreciate it. xo

  5. This series has possibly been my favorite of yours. All at once heartbreaking and beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us.

  6. Super post! Hotel California always brings to mind one particular memory. I'll have to post it one day.

  7. This latest installment is wonderful, Robyn. It has such pathos, and yet at the end you celebrate your freedom and your love of the dance. Such a lovely metaphor! And of course Hotel California, with it's dark and mysterious feel, is a perfect accompaniment to this piece. You did it again, girl! Well done!

  8. This was fun. I truly enjoyed your post. Good job. Smiles:)

  9. Brilliant idea! i like what you did.. unfortunately i dont like the song.. heard it far too many times as a kid..

    Love the pic too.. hilarious!

    well done on a great performance!!


  10. I bet you would love Don Henley's
    "All She Wants to do is Dance"..

  11. ps- The best position you can be as a wife/ the one in the pic. You doing too much "Leading" will go against the grain of a real/non-pussywhipped kind of man.

  12. pss- The 'Hotel California' performed on their 1996 reunion TV special (Hell Freezes Over) sounds great coming through my Tower JBL speakers...

  13. pssssss- I'm not the writer like you are, but come over to my Blog and read my own 'short story'.

  14. There is more freedom and joy to be found dancing alone (or with “the pretty boys”) than with a partner who extracts a price for the dance. You can now “lead” your own true life.

  15. Beautifully done! As always!

    I should start to dance again for real again...

    Maybe it's time..

    Hugs wonderful wonderful friend!!!!

  16. Sometimes I dance naked in front of the mirror... A sight others would most likely want to forget...

  17. Thanks TS. I've been mulling this one over in my brain for a while, so your comments mean a lot. xo

    Ca88, thanks. You've got me curious now. Do post. :)

    T-go, I really appreciate it. The song has so much depth and parallels to life - especially life in LA. xo

    Smiles and thanks to you, Mr. Stupid. =-]

    Thanks so much, Anthony. Sorry you don't like the song. It's pure brilliance, in my book. But I haven't heard it too many times. xo

    Blase, (1) Don dedicated that one to me. (2) Some men need and like being pussy whipped. (3)I'll be over soon, babe. ;0]

    Beth, yes, yes. Nicely stated. Let's remember that. YOU too, friend. xo

    Seductress, my wonderful friend, yes. It's always time for dancing (and olives, in your case, chocolate, in mine, and -well- other things. Wink.) Hugs back to you. ;-)

    Dr. Heckle, naked boogie in front of the mirror is true freedom at its best (or worst?) or, at least, it's most memorable. xo

    Cheers and chocolate kisses,

  18. I'd dance with you any day of the week! I'll even let you lead because the same word describes my feet- LEAD! LOL.

    Love this Place! Absolutely Love it!

    Big Hugs!


  19. Eagles definitely owe you credit (or some cash) for revitalizing that hit from years past. BTW..way to rock that outfit.

  20. ...Wow ..I loved how you wrote this...painfully do have a creative knack...I think Im hooked are Rawkin...Robyn....!!!!..keep dancing...and next week is the new season you watch..its my fav show....!!

  21. I LOVE when you do these posts! Will be humming this song, but thinking of your post.

  22. This was one of your best pieces yet (and that is saying something because I've enjoyed them all).

  23. I'm singing again! You write so well.

  24. You are one talented lady!!! I love when you do posts like these! Very enjoyable....well done!

  25. one to date!

  26. Thanks John. Lets dance! Big hugs back to you. xo

    Copyboy, I thought that outfit did justice to a perfectly sculptured bod. (That b*tch!) I mean, thanks. xo

    SmArtee, thanks! I don't have a tv, but I've enjoyed watching that show when I work out. Those dancers are incredible! xo

    BB, thanks for thinking of me in reference to the Hotel. You'd be the first. :) xo

    Toca, thanks so much. xo

    Thank you kindly, Marlene! xo

    VKT and ~J, thank you ladies much! I'm loving all the praise..go on. Really, go on! :) xoxo

    Chocolate kisses,

  27. I hope time has helped ease your pain, and made you smile again. I hope you never stop dancing, alone or partnered. Love this piece.

  28. One of my favorites Robyn. The comments that your readers leave, are almost as good as your writing. I laughed so hard, it felt good first thing in the morning. My what lovely legs you have in that picture there..