Dear Sandra Letter

Dear Sandra,

Let’s talk, girlfriend. First, congratulations on your little angel! Louis is precious! How you managed to keep him a secret is more impressive than your Oscar winning performance in The Blind Side – or so I assume. (I will see the movie soon, really. I did think you were cute in Miss Congeniality. As far as the movie itself, it wasn’t good. Not good at all, but I’ll write another letter about that later.)

Second, thank you for confirming that such a gorgeous, talented and seemingly grounded person can marry their soul mate with full heart and commitment. Yet in an instant, it all snapped into a nightmare far beyond the predictable. You’ve shown us that this is just part of life’s raw deal, because the depths of human psyche surpass human comprehension. All of us have the potential for things unseen at the surface, and sickness is best hidden by those who are the most disturbed.

People are stupid, though. I heard a DJ criticize you for not seeing this coming – given Jesse’s history with women. Damn her for saying that, but I get it. No one wants to believe that life is so random, that a good person could suffer without at least in some way having done something wrong to thereby merit their fate. They don’t want to believe it, because this means they too are vulnerable to losing it all in an instant. And they are. We all are.

Now, if only you would see things more clearly. You are quoted saying that your current relationship with Jesse includes “forgiveness” “and support for his recovery.” Don’t you think it’s a bit early to forgive? Why forgive that bastard at all? Did he do any apologizing before the world learned of his escapades? No, he was playing the loyal husband. You married a good actor, by the way.

Next, there is no “recovery” for infidelity. Perhaps you and Elin should do some research as you contemplate these all important decisions. There's no 12-Step program for sex addicts [On that note, dear followers, and I’ll delete this little aside before I mail this letter, can you imagine it? “My name is Jesse, and I have a sex problem. I will surrender this problem to the Higher Power, after I get a sponsor for my sex problem. I’ll take one with at least 35 tattoos. And when I say ‘take,’ well, you can guess what I mean.”], nor is there a specific “therapy for sex addicts.” Alas, nor are there interventions that have successfully treated people whose sexual activity enters the realm of infidelity or, worse, crime.

We know that your adoption – which has not yet been made legal- bodes much better for you to adopt as a single mom under the circumstances. After all, what Judge would grant the scumbag equal custody now? So I’m nervous that you merely filed as a strategic ploy.

I don’t get it. I’m speaking as a woman almost your age, but, well, 2 years younger than you (excuse me for a moment - “Woohoo!!” Sorry). Even though I’m younger than you (Did I already mention that?) I’ve been blind sided too. From the moment it began to end, though, I did not look back at all. He didn’t even cheat, Sandra. I’d think you’d be at least as wise as me, given you are, after all, 2 years older than me.

My actual point is that I cannot begin to fathom how you would even be on the fence. Girlfriend, have the self respect to make the divorce stick! Learn from your blind sidedness. The world desperately needs your role modeling right about now, as does baby Louis.

PS I’m a good, mature babysitter (but not quite as mature as you, given I'm 2 years younger than you. I'm just sayin'), available evenings and weekends. Call me.

Fondly,
Robyn