THE AWARDS CEREMONY IS HERE, ALAS!!

Millie (left): Thank you! Thank you! So sorry for the delay. It took a while to strip down.
We were getting hot and bothered in the saintly garb. The long awaited (interrupted by Gertie)-
Gertie: Millie, you bad girl. You said LOONG!
Millie and Gertie giggle together. Hehehehehee.
Gertie, trying to compose herself: Robyn asked us to announce the winner of the 10th Worst Song to Play When You Want to Get Lucky. The girl thinks we know EVEN MORE than she does about how NOT to get lucky. Can you believe her?!
Millie, moving in closer to Gertie and staring deeply into her eyes: No, I ah..Oh, back to the ceremony. In the tradition of all the big shindigs like this, we're going to fill the time with lots of nonsense until the final credits roll out. Then, we'll make the big announcement.

Gertie: Let's look back at this sentimental journey. Shall we? We had 12 voters, a handful of commentators, and 24 ballots. We let people vote as many times as they liked, since there was no shortage of "I Voted for the 10th Worst Song to Play When You Want to Get Lucky" stickers. One singer clearly took the lead. You guessed it, Rod Stewart!
Millie: Boy, I'd like to stew his rod.
Gertie: Millie! You bad, bad girl!

Millie, blushing: I'd like to thank all those who voted, starting with Aion! Aion, you won. Well, almost.
Gertie: Don't be a tease, Millie.
Millie: Sorry Aion. We did hate the lyrics for Rod Stewart's stay with me: "With a face like that you got nothin' to laugh about." I'd stay loyal to the church with that one.
Gertie: I hear you, Millie. My dates used to play that for me all the time. I didn't let them get to fourth, I mean first, base.

Millie: Next, we almost gave the award to The Invisible Seductress.
Gertie and Millie in synchronicity: Love her!
Millie: And that swinging in the car thing (Cheery Pie by Warrant) wouldn't do it for us either, sweetie. But Gertie here was slightly aroused, I mean a-annoyed, by it. 

Gertie: Lisa Marie managed to shock us a bit by suggesting that our Madonna is "like" a virgin. We thought she was a virgin, Lisa, else we might have gone Jewish and all. We've got some thinking to do, Millie.

Millie: Yes, yes. But let's speed it up so we can go back to the dressing room. You know, together.

Gertie: Here we go. I want to thank KrippledWarrior for his random Rosie vote, and Michael for suggesting my favorite music (death metal and hard core grunge. We'll see you at the after-awards rave, Michael!). Thank you, Alice, Kitty, and Blase - nothing blase about him, I gotta tell you. Hubba hubba!

Millie: Plain Ole Bob is one you can always count on. We love you, Bob! That Copyboy sure knows what's wrong. Did you see his profile picture? It's getting really hot in here!
We also thank Rapunzel for rushing from her tower to the polls at the last minute. Thank you, sweetie. Tell that Fishy to quit the Lionel Richie tunes, for your sake. And his.


Cut to final credits.

Millie: Here we go. Really. There was one song that is by far the most repulsive, repugnant piece of ***bleepin bleep**** We will never be tempted again.

Gertie: This is true, dear audience. If you try this one for a "lucky moment," we'll be sure to see you at the convent. Millie, giggly and blushing: And you can share our bedroom with us!

The Winner is, the one and only Uber Grumpy who nominated "I'm a Wanker" by Ivor Biguns.  

Gertie: BIGuns. Get it, Millie?! Millie: Stop, Gertie. The curtains are shutting. CONGRATULATIONS Uber!
 
Gertie: Did you see Uber's photo? I'm feeling temptation come on again.
Uber, your prize is, oh, we forgot a prize.
Don't try this at home, especially not if you're on a date and want to get lucky: I'm A Wanker