My Story, Yours Too.

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Reasons for Celibacy, Not Giving A Dam, Free Willy Returns!

Dears,
I hope you're well and in a silly mood.
If not, may this help get you there.
Love you.
Ladies and gentlemen, taken directly from internet dating ads, I now present you with reasons number 6 through 11 as to why it's wise for a straight woman like me to choose celibacy. My comments are boldfaced. Naturally. Enjoy! 

REASON #6:

50-year-old man
Juneau, Alaska, United States
seeking women 40-53
in Idaho, United States

Excuse me, Junea, d'you know you didn't mention relocating, right? D'you know you live in Alaska and indicated that you are exclusively looking for an Idaho woman? Is there something you're not telling us about an Idahoan woman's ability to heat a guy’s  igloo?
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REASON #7:

i am fun loving ,love to laugh and make jokes, honest, loyal, nice , friendly, outgoing, my date should be a nice girl who also has a great sence of humer She really would have to. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #8:

These descriptions can be redundent and over-abundant As can you, sir. This wannabe writer Keep wannabe-ing, dude. is somewhat of a dreamer yeah, yeah, I got that much!, once confused by the unrealistic morphed reality of experience. Shocked no more by the power of suggestion, GRACED FREE WILL Why do you guys always bring up this Free Will stuff? You’re really into that movie with a killer whale. Huh? REINS Oh, maybe you’re into deers. FULL CONTROL TO THINK, SAY, DO, AND BE..IS TO FEEL THE TRUE KNOWING OF THE NOW! Wingspan Wait, it’s birds you’re referring to! You can’t fool me. Always here, arriving never is promise found within, showing up once again. the kept hope to parallel life to the end. LIFE UNCERTAIN garanteed by LIFE INEVITABLE No rhyme or reason needed None whatsoever, babe. Not one smidgen of it.
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REASON #9:

Interests:
WRITTING
You writting some bookkies, honey?

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REASON #10:

loking for catslove making money. traveling the world keeping. fit the beaches of the world tanning. Do you tend to see both the world keeping and world tanning on the same trip? i like all sorts of music. want to retire on the a nice beach. enjoy family. am very carrerrminded Does this mean you’re interested in the backsides of cars? abd llove pets Sounds suspiciously like animal cruelty.
I urge all readers to keep their felines away from this loker!
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REASON #11:

This has got to be the most endearing headline out there:
Frankly my dear! I dont give a dam!
It’s a good thing too, sweetie, being as I don’t have room for a dam around here.

44 comments:

  1. Most excellent reasons for celibacy. Except, dare I say it, it would give you something in common with these very special people who I strongly suspect are celibate. And likely to remain that way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's always something to ruin a perfect plan. Good point, EC.

      Delete
  2. I'm surprised that the word "covfefe" doesn't pop up more often.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too. I think they just have no idea how to spell it. (Understandable, because I don't.) Thanks for bringing it back, Deb.

      Delete
  3. Idaho, you know? I'd a ho. That's why he wants someone from there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, silly me. Or silly men. I never would've thought of that. And yet, can this possibly work in his favor?

      Delete
  4. Bahahahaha! Reason No. 8 gave me a headache. Didn't you know I da ho women are ho's? Ha! Have a great week!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, but you and Ruth taught me something. I learn so much from my bloggy buds.
      A great week to you, Yvonne!

      Delete
  5. Reason #8 might think the Kung Fu guy and the old blind guy( have to love Keye Luke) are real. Unfortunately, the old guy would kick his ass and tell him he is no grasshopper. Thanks for the laugh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. Thank you for the laugh, my dear.
      Much love and faith to you.

      Delete
  6. A sense of humer is important in any relationship. See what I did their?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Replies
    1. I always wonder about that, Mitchell. I'm guessing that it's either a lot of success or none at all.

      Delete
  8. I think there is a lesson to be learned here. Don't drink and type.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And don't smoke weed and type. (I've never done it, but I'm guessing #8 hasn't taken a break from it. Would you say? How can anyone be so happy and morbid at the same time).
      Thanks, Jono.

      Delete
  9. #8 and #10 just hurt the head. The last one must really be rich have have dams he won't give away. Sadly, the first probably thinks Idaho is beside Alaska.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good point. He's looking for a woman in the cornfields. First, to find the Alaskan cornfields.

      Delete
  10. What's with the multiple slam-poets? I wonder if there's a call for dating profile editors? I could do that. Mostly it would just be me, putting a hand on their shoulder, stifling laughter and saying, "Oh, sweetie, delete your account."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please get moving on this. Don't tell them to delete their accounts, though. They won't know how. Just start deleting. That should keep you in business for a few years or decades. Thank you, PVP.

      Delete
  11. Never has Spellcheck been so desperately needed... A couple of those guys are just so confused.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's truly bizarre, isn't it? Typos are one thing, but those pseudo philosophical ramblings - yikes.
      Thanks for stopping by, Alex.

      Delete
  12. Maybe #7 meant seance and is into all kind of nightly rituals. As for freeing yourself of free-willers, find a Calvinist!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hm, a seance of humer - that could make for a fun, interesting night, I suppose. I found Calvin (ala Ca's Canadian Cave of Cool), but he's in Canada. Drats. There's always something.
      Thanks, Sage.

      Delete
  13. Free Willer. lol
    Hey, there are lots of bloopers online. I'm sure singles aren't feeling sorry for themselves coming across these.

    ReplyDelete
  14. writting is hard to do. Also it is tough to give a dam, unless you have a pet beaver who makes dams. Oh so ridiculous. Celibacy looks like the smart choice indeed. Happy Silly Monday

    ReplyDelete
  15. I wonder if these guys are filling out their profiles whist drunk.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or high, or drunk and high at the same time. Or are they just that weirdly stupid? Likely, all of the above, right, JoJo?

      Be well.

      Delete
  16. Maybe I should start a service of proof reading and editing out the crazy in personal ads? Might make more that way than with the books.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You'd probably make more money, but once you edit out the crazy, there's no ad left. Actually, please get on this. Pickleope and you would make great business partners.

      Delete
  17. REASON #8 sounds like he may have smoked a little too much weed before he wrote that :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Once again, I'm reminded of the words of that anonymous dyslexic monk: "Celibacy? What do I care for fame?"

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hey Robyn,

    This was dam funny and hopefully, my damn dam wont burst.

    Celibate good times, come on!

    Gary :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're gonna have a good time tonight!
      Thanks, kind friend.

      Delete
  20. They walk among us. Yikes! Ads like these would make me run the other way. Going the single and celibate route sounds like a good idea to me if these are your other options. Hope you have a great week, Robyn.

    ReplyDelete
  21. So, um, don't most computers have spellcheck these days? Are they in such a hurry to get romance they can't remove that red-lined word? Ugh! Love you!

    Have a beachy week!
    Elsie

    ReplyDelete
  22. Haha I was looking at Dam and going huh? Until I reached the end haha Nice one.
    Good writting Robyn.

    xo

    ReplyDelete