My Story, Yours Too.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Dude Three, The Break-up but Not the End of the Tale

Hi, Dear Sillies,
I hope life is treating you well and that you're treating yourself even better.
When last we read, Dude Three showed an angry, unattractive side.
Here we are talking, trying to smooth things out.
Note that I wrote this a few months in retrospect.

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Dude Three: I need you to respect my wishes when I say I don’t want to talk about something. Look, I’ve been respecting you all along, and the one time I ask for privacy, here we are. You turned this into a whole big production, and now you’re the victim somehow. It’s simple, just give me my space when I ask for it, but you made this into something so much bigger. When I bring something up, I just want you to listen. And I'll do that when I'm ready. You understand what I’m saying?

I shifted my head from my right to my left. We need to get through the hard times together, or this can't work. It's about two of us, not just you.

Dude Three: All I'm saying is you will respect my feelings when I say I don’t want to talk about something.

Whoa. I tried to feed his language back to him so he'd hear how he sounded. You will . . . no, I can’t even talk like that. I can't believe you said that.

Dude: Well you will respect my wishes if this is gonna work. There are a lot of things I'm private about. He unleashed a huff-sigh. This is only going to get worse.

Me: That’s not fair.

Dude: Yeah, it’s not fair to me. He'd been squirrel-y during the discourse, as if about to dart out the door but trying to sit through it. He stood up now. I'm just going to the bathroom.

Seconds later, Dude Three came out of the bathroom. I'm leaving now.
    
Robyn: I'd like a hug before you leave.

Dude Three: No. You’re just going to manipulate me into staying. You’d say 'just stay 15 more minutes,' then more time, and more time.
    
Robyn: I don’t play games like that. I was just asking for a hug.
   
Dude Three: No I’m going. He walked to the door. Come here and give me a kiss.
Knowing it was the end, I walked over and gave him a quick (final) peck when he stood under the door frame.

   The next day, we exchanged a few messages. First, I told him I needed space.
   He said "Okay, I'll leave you alone" and then “Why do I feel like we’re done.” [Yeah, Dude doesn't use proper punctuation.]
   I responded, kindly and (perhaps too) lovingly, that we are done. "I won’t be censored. I won’t be worried about what I say or don’t say from one moment to the next. I’ve been through this before and it ended in divorce and disaster. I need to feel safe expressing myself in a relationship. I woke up at 2:30am the past two mornings, anxious. My body was telling me I can’t do this. I won’t do this. I love you, and this is breaking my heart too."  I went on to say everything I appreciated about him and our time together.    

   The break-up was painful, as breakups are. Every time I go through it, I remember and can't believe how much it hurts. It's like your insides are ruthlessly yanked out of your body, sent through the world's most powerful super sized, razor-sharp bladed saw mill, then tossed out for turkey vultures to gleefully feast upon for dinner, dessert, and an after-dinner snack. 
   Yet I’m glad I did it and did it fairly swiftly.
   A month or so later, I resumed a positive outlook. But things would take an unexpected turn through a twisted set of circumstances.  
   Please stick with me for several more posts. Thanks for your patience and loyalty, my dears. You're the best of blogland's best. I appreciate you!

33 comments:

  1. Good he got kicked to the curb, no need for a power trip all about me me me in your life. But more? Did he get a lobotomy and come back normal?

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    Replies
    1. No, he's not smart enough for that. Doesn't even know about the question mark, Pat.

      Delete
  2. That's best to let him going. A relationship should be work but not an unsettling struggle from the beginning.

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    1. Yes. Thank you, Alex.
      If you can't have a simple conversation, it won't work. Geeze.

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. Thank you, Wilma.
      It's an unexpected dynamic (the seemingly sudden turn into an angry man) - I'm working on understanding the warning signs, so I can steer clear of it for a change. Ain't got no time for that.

      Delete
  4. Your turkey vulture analogy is very apt.

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  5. He wouldn’t give you a hug but demanded a kiss? (Shaking my head)

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  6. If he flies off the handle about something like that, imagine what he'd be like in a real crisis?

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    Replies
    1. Right. This was so minor. Some people can't deal with an ounce of reality, and he's one of them.
      Thanks, Diane.

      Delete
  7. Well, drat. You've got to trust your gut and your sleeping pattern. If your brain wakes you up or won't let you sleep at this stage of the game, then something is off. Sounds like you did the right thing...but you said TBC...I'm hanging with you girlfriend. Just want you to feel good and okay...that's my concern. Happy Monday and week. Hugs!

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    1. You're a sweet friend, Joanne.
      I thought about adding that I'm fine. We didn't reunify. That's all true. I just didn't want to give too much away.

      Delete
  8. Looking forward to the next installment!!!!!

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  9. Seems kind of like a Dr. Jekyll - Mr. Hyde kind of a guy. Not good. Sorry to hear this didn't work out. Glad you have returned to a positive outlook. I'll stay tuned for the next chapter.

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    1. Exactly, Connie. It's that Jekyll-Hyde thing I keep coming up against. Yeah, not good at all.

      Delete
  10. Hi human, Robyn,

    Dude number three seems like one weird human. Here you go, here's a doggy hug.

    Pawsitive wishes,

    Penny! 🐶

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the furry warmth, dear Penny. You're precious.
      Hugs to you and your human.

      Delete
  11. Oh Robyn, I'm sorry you went through this. He seems...unbalanced. I've got plenty of hugs if you need some. No strings attached. xo

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Martha. I accept them all. In fact, I'm always good for giving or receiving no strings attached hugs. Only, as you say, an unbalanced person would make a game of it.

      Delete
  12. Robyn, You are a woman of superior intelligence --superior to mine, anyway-- incisive intuition, keen observation and social consciousness. I met such a woman deep in the previous century and married her 48 years ago. Had I not, I'd drive over and propose to you right now --but it's after midnight and I'm sleepy. In my dreams, I shall try to reach out psychically and nudge some suitable guy in your town toward you. Haven't tried this before, no guarantees.

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    Replies
    1. Ah shucks, Geo, there you go making me blush. Between you and Jono - I've a good thing going. (Plus, batteries.) I beg to differ, I'm not smarter than you. I'll agree that we're both intelligent, though. And my instincts about men are lousy, or maybe I don't follow them closely enough. I forgive and ignore too many things. I see the best in them, and then I see the worst. The worst is pretty ugly. So when you do this nudging, would you please send me a radar too. Or perhaps a studfinder. THANK YOU.

      Delete
  13. I wonder what it is he won't talk about? Maybe he can't tell you his father was a space alien. In my experience open hostility is rarely good for a relationship and he seems to have it.

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    Replies
    1. In spades, right? Yeah, open hostility never breeds love and affection. Does it? Geeze. He's ashamed of himself, but he'll never realize this.
      Thank you for your support and friendship, Jono.

      Delete
  14. My heart broke for you as I read this. You are worth only the best and I'm so glad you're in a place where you are able to recognize that important piece of the relationship puzzle. Keep being you because you rock. Much love, my friend.


    Elsie

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  15. Breakups are tough. But hopefully it will provide an opening for something better - what you deserve!

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  16. Breaking up is tough, but without good communication it can't last. Sorry to hear that this happened Ropyn.
    Don't give up. Someone is waiting for you.

    Peace
    xo

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Anthony. Someone may be waiting for me, but I'm not gonna wait for him. =D
      You're a great friend.
      xo

      Delete
  17. Well, he was looking for a way to call it off but didn’t have the balls so he went off on something minor and put the blame on you. Manipulative, condescending, sad sack..or 2 sad sacks actually as I am assuming he has 2 albeit small. What a jerk but that goes without saying. No more mixed signals, the next man has to just say what he wants, not get so pissed over every little thing and if he can’t deal with the lady you are then he can hit the road.

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