One Rainbow Tribe in an Orange World (but only for now).

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Dude Three, The Beginning of the End but Not Really



   Things were blissfully happy with Dude Three but yeah, I’m naïve. Plus I ignore(d) the red flags. And I need to sharpen my radar. Then again, I'm not sure I have one. I should get one, I suppose. 
   Point is, I believed his lies. He’d told me he’d only been with three women. That endeared me.  
   But weeks into our passionate courtship, Three boasted about having recently learned that he’d slept with so-and-so years ago, and she's the daughter of so-and-so. Yeah, he was proud.
   "Wait, you told me you’d only been with three women?"
   “That’s three women since Judy*” he responded. *Judy is his first of two ex-wives. Hm, so, how does marriage negate all of one’s sexual history? Is that new math? Does this mean that people who never marry are virgins, regardless of how many sexual partners they had? Oy. I believed there were only three before me; seems there were approximately 103.  
   Also, when we met, he boasted about his “great kids.” I liked him for that too - a proud dad who did right by his kids, it seemed. In time, though, I realized he’d written his daughter out of his life, and without valid reason. This was bothering me. His rage towards her didn't sit right. I needed to talk to him about it.    
    “Does your daughter get along with your son?” I broached the subject, during dinner on Halloween night.
   “I guess. Why do you ask? I’ve been thinking about her all day. I don’t want to talk about it.” He got tearful, and I took his hand from across the table. “No, don't go there!” I’d never heard him sound so angry or angry at all. “You’re not a parent. You have no right to give me advice! You don’t know—”
   “I’m not trying to give—” I let go of his hand.
   “What, you’re a therapist, so you have to ask questions? You have no idea. She’s dead to me. You have no idea what I went through for her. And I’ve been thinking about her all day. This is going to be my first holiday season without her. It’s tearing me up.”
   I slowly, quietly, took my dishes into the kitchen.
   He followed me. “Where is this coming from? We were having a great time. I brought over movies, we were going to give out candy and have a fun night. Then you made me talk about something I said I don’t want to talk about. You need to respect my wishes.”
   “Okay. I won’t ever bring it up again. I love you.”
   “I love you too, but you kept poking and poking. You made me talk about something I said I don't want to talk about." He reminded me of my ex husband, leaning towards paranoia. I began to see Jekyll’s Hyde or Hyde’s Jekyll and/or someone ugly.
   “You’re scaring me. I’ve never seen you angry like this.”
   “Oh, if you think this is angry, honey, you haven’t seen anything.”

   …Dude Three assured me we’d be okay. He needed time alone, though, so he collected his things and said he was going home.
   "I'm going to kill her," he said, standing under my door frame, "I'm not kidding." He then blew me a kiss and left.
   Whoa. Right? Scary stuff. Sigh. And I'd fallen in love with such a nice man. I thought. Again. A sudden explosion from an angry, troubled man who didn't seem at all angry at any point before this.

To be continued once more, and then more. Because even when our story’s over, it’s not over. You can’t imagine why. I wouldn’t have ever imagined things as they are now…

40 comments:

  1. Arrrrgh.
    I am so very sorry to learn that Dude the Third is indeed Dude the Turd. And blowing you a kiss as he says he is going to kill his daughter? That is not an alarm bell, but a klaxon.

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    1. Indeed. Perhaps only in my life for good story? Yikes.

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  2. Yikes. 2 ex-wives and an estranged daughter? I must concur with Elephant's Child. Be careful, Robyn. One is either a parent or one is not. I invoke a favorite Jane Wagner quote: "All my life I wanted to be somebody. Now I realize I should have been more specific."

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    1. I love it, Geo. You always say something both caring and thought provoking. Too many people birth kids and decide they deserve full respect because they got a woman pregnant. They need do no work after that.

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  3. Sounds a bit unbalanced to me. That's one heck of a giant red flag.

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    1. I really didn't expect it, Alex. That it is.
      Thank you.

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  4. Damn, you went from nutballs to potential serial killer. Screw the alarm bell, get a taser at least lol

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    1. Well, I do have pretty pink pepper spray. Will that help? Note to self: Get a taser.
      Good advice, Pat.

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  5. I'm pretty sure you can leave with a self defense plea. Don't just leave, but run and run fast. He's way too volatile to get to know any better.

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    1. Yes, true. Thank you.
      And yet, there's more to tell.
      Be well, Jono.

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  6. *gulp*

    Not cool. Not cool at all. I understand that sometimes things happen between kids and their parents that cause them to become bitter towards each other, but as parents, it's our job to sort through that stuff and come out the other side with love and compassion, not anger. Especially that kind of anger. Whew!

    Love you!

    Have a beachy week!
    Elsie

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    1. Yes, it's a parents job to be the grown-up in the scenario. Far too many parents never grew up enough to understand this. It's sad.

      Love you too, hon.

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  7. well, crap. Lies begat more lies. Bummer. And anger with kids, estrangement, etc. Not good. Oh Robyn...

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    1. A sudden shake-up, for sure.
      Thanks, Joanne. I'll be okay. I am okay. Smiles.

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  8. Dude, chill! Wow, you did nothing wrong. He flew off the handle. That's a red flag the size of China.

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    1. Thanks for the validation, Diane. Right? When you can't ask your partner a question, something's wrong.

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  9. You certainly know how to build up suspense and intrigue in a story! And I'm glad to hear that, according to the New Math, I'm a virgin again! Woo hoo!

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    1. I don't know who created New Math, Debra, but I'd bet it's a guy who kept himself busy during peak hormone years.

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  10. Oh my. So sorry to hear this. I hope you locked the door up tight after he left. Very scary stuff.

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    1. I did, though I was more shocked and disappointed than scared at that time.

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  11. Was he threatening to kill his daughter? Or you? Either way, put on your best boots and give him a boot in the ass and shove him out of your life.

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    1. It was an empty "threat" but what kind of parent talks that way about their own child? Horrible. (Yeah, her, not me.) Plus, I'd have had to act on it, and would've called the police, if I thought he meant it. Fortunately, he's not a gun owner, and I knew it was just coming from a confused place. Oy vey. Oh what it takes for me to put my boots on, girlfriend. But I have several pairs, and they're pretty good. I'm wearing some now, in fact.
      Thank you. Love ya.

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  12. Whoa...a bit overly sensitive, defensive and somewhat explosive... I'm curious to see what happens next. You certainly deserve much MUCH better than this.

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  13. I wouldn't date a man on a bet. We are all damaged creatures who only make things worse for the most part. I am a self hating male. We are like Caillou. We don't deserve love nor hair.

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    1. Haha, oh, Cal. I'm at a loss. You do deserve some hair, honey.

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    2. Cal's got a point. For instance, I'm thinking I should be a hermit.

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    3. Hermitic existence is sometimes the best option. Well, friends and batteries - those help too. At least us gals have fun mechanical "tools." You guys just get to go into the bathroom and - shut the door, Al. Nobody wants to see that!

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  14. Families are complicated as we all know, but that's just over the top. Not a stable man.
    Better off without him.
    Sorry to hear that this happened Robyn.

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    1. Thank you, Anthony. I'm exhausted by this pattern. Thinking about buying a goldfish. (See Al's comment below).

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  15. Relationships. Never easy. Frequently heart-rending.
    Better we should buy a goldfish...?

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    1. They die a lot faster, don't they? Petco, here I come!
      Thanks, Al. You're the best.

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  16. Dude Number Three sounds very scary indeed! I'd run away from that one!

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  17. He didn’t want to talk about it but kept talking about it way after you said ok, that you would drop it. He proceeded to place blame on you for his actions and his ne’er that he can’t control. He wants to “kill” his daughter?? WTF??? If I told my mom this, she would never understand how a parent could disown their own child. I can hear her laughing in that certain way meaning that he is someone to drop kick. Remember, she chased her first husband down Queen St. In Toronto with a huge knife after he threw all her chopped tomatoes on the floor. She owned a restaurant in the late 50’s and was preparing for the day. He was abusive to her and when he chastised her for waking him Up and slapping the chopped veggies on the floor, she finally snapped and chased him. When his bottom of his longjohns fell open with is butt hanging out, she stopped and laughed and cried at the same time. She realized that was all she had to do so she made sure to put fear into him but giving him coffee and then placing rat poison on the table..stuff like that.

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    1. Your comments always make me laugh and feel better. Thank you, Birgit. Exactly, he "didn't want to talk about it" yet he clearly needed to talk about it. Your mom was one tough cookie, like her daughter.

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  18. Aww I'm sorry Robyn. But I am glad you saw that side of him before things got more serious. Sending you big Texas hugs :)

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  19. I encountered snappiness any time I mentioned the rift b/t Russell and his daughter and oldest son. But eventually I just killed the kids with kindness (sending cards/gifts for bdays and holidays) and it wore them down. He's still not close w/ his older son but at least they talk and his daughter & I are thick as thieves. Sorry Guy Three flipped his shit so bad.

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    1. Thank you, JoJo. Of course, it's sensitive business, and it's not my business, but something was telling me I needed to get into it with him. Despite the outcome, I'm glad I did.

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