And I Wrote This Book.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Love Hate, Anti-Valentines Giveaway Special Report

Dear Silly Lovers of Love Hate,

The cast and crew of Life by Chocolate love your love-hate. Citizens came* from far and wide to cast their write-in comments and votes. We need another day or so to analyze the competition.

I'm highly disturbed to say that Al Penwasser's entry had some *unidentified fluids that need be run through airport security. Janie Junebug's numerous identities, added to a few seemingly legitimate voters she'd clearly done personal (i.e., sexual) favors for, but whose names aren't listed on our travel roster, confused us even more. While Elizabeth Seckman imparts a clear, clean, wise message, the race is too tight to call.

Tune in tomorrow (Or Tuesday. Sorry. We're really confused and need some more time to toss a coin) at Life by Chocolate for the polling results.

Sadly, two candidates didn't drop out willingly. I kicked them out. Yet I love them. Their entries were hysterically original. Please enjoy and HAPPY CHOCOLATE DAY, my friends.
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I think someone needs to write a poem to Cam Newton. He was a grumpy cat last night:

Poor Cam you got sacked
in the process your shoulder looked jacked
I'm sorry that your team got beat
and you walked off the field in defeat
at least your team made it to the big game
my team, the Giants didn't, how very lame
no Super Bowl ring for your Valentine this year
only chocolates, flowers, and some salty tears
maybe this will humble your arrogant ass
remember this too shall pass

 Image result for crying cam newton
OK, I was shooting for a limerick but most of my poetry just gets long winded. Here is my thought..Valentine’s Day Bust

He sat on his chair, immersed in despair
As he pondered the path of his life.
It didn’t seem fair, being only one in a pair
when all his buddies had acquired a wife.

But then he heard ‘her”, though her speech was a slur “Honey, would you buy me a beer?
His vision quite hazey, am maybe it’s crazy,
But he said “Let’s get out of here.”

WELL…He awoke in a bed with a pain in his head
The events of the night but a blur
He looked to the right to a troubling sight.
The parts he saw weren’t a “her”.

Yep, not to be crude but the babe was a dude.
This isn’t quite what he thought it should be.
He might of got laid, but mistakes had been made.
His dream women was clearly a “he.

So if you are in a bar and your drunker too far
for choosing your companion for life
If you’re wanting a chick make sure there’s no d…
Well…Depending on what you want in a wife.

31 comments:

  1. You are too kind!! I deserved to be disqualified...I was not only late with my entry but it was over the word limit. Still...love your contest and always have fun reading the entries.

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  2. I tuned in to see the results. Will be back tomorrow. These last two though out of the race, were quite funny.

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  3. Can't wait for you to announce the winner.

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  4. Ha! Can't wait to see who won!

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  5. haha they were fun ones even if disqualified. It will be interesting to see the winner indeed.

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  6. I am excited to know who the winner is. I will look forward to the news! Oh and Happy Valentine's Day!

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  7. Those were terrific! If the winner is a guy, a nice gift would be a fur lined jock strap for these cold winter months. You know, a willy warmer of sorts. Just a suggestion.

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  8. I do love a good limerick, though I don't like dudes that are ladies (sorry ladydudes). And Cam Newton's tears are pretty tasty. Looking forward to the results!

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    1. I missed that being a limerick by about 18 lines or so but I never was great at being concise. I really need to start reading directions when I enter giveaways.

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  9. Lotsa sexual favors. I would say I'm so tired that I need to go to bed, but I never got out of bed today. Nor yesterday. Nor the day before.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. I see I'm not on your list of favorite blogs. :-(
      What can I do to make it to the list? Don't tell me more sexual favors.

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    2. You don't want to do more? Damn. I guess I'll settle for big bucks and Belgian chocolate.

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  10. Elsie's is awesome! I don't like Cam Newton.

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  11. Hee...hee...hee. Elsie said 'sacked.'
    R. Simmons

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  12. Sorry the coin hasn't been tossed yet, but it was worth it to stop by just to see those two poems. :)

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  13. That last meme...laughing so hard...people are staring at me. Note to self- never read Robyn's blog in public.

    Clear, clean, and wise. That's me, all right. ;)

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    1. You're not the first, and hopefully won't be the last, who got attacked by hard stares in public upon reading my blog.

      We'll just say your entry is clean, clear and wise. ;)

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  14. Love the Cam Newton poem!!! That's fantastic! Can't stand that guy and I'm so glad his arrogant ass lost! :)

    Michele at Angels Bark

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  15. We were watching Carson on Antenna TV the other night and he and Ed were talking about a limerick that he often brings up and Ed panics because you can't finish it on TV. I don't know if you can finish it here or not either, but I looked it up so here goes...

    There once was a hermit named dave
    who kept a dead whore in his cave.
    "I know it's a sin,"
    he said with a grin,
    "but look at the money I save!"

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    1. Oh, that is terrible, Chris. Good thing I like you.

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  16. Well to keep in line with CWMartin's comment, when I was a little girl my grandfather used to day, There was a young man from Nantucket..." and my grandmother would come RUNNING to make him stop before he went any further. Years later, I heard the whole thing. No wonder my gran came running to make him stop. ;) Happy Valentine's Day weekend Robyn. I LIKE being single (well, technically I'm still NOT, but I'm getting there). :)

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    1. I know it's a long and seemingly unending legal process. But what's most important is that you like being single. I'm very happy for you, Rosey!

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  17. That's quite a poem by Cheryl, but I'm not sure it passes the political correctness test in this day and age! Didn't the Caitlyn lady tell us that a chick with a 'd' is entitled to be attractive to men?

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  18. You brought out the awesome in everyone with your contest, Robyn. :)

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  19. Poor Cam indeed! I don't really care for sports, but his face looks very sad.

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  20. I got an honorable mention - look at me!! Figures I missed it haha

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