And I Wrote This Book.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Life by Chocolate's Year in Review, Starring YOU!! Part II.



My following rose to 707 in the spring, but it plummeted to 680 overnight a few weeks ago. At this rate, if Martha Stewart keeps invading my blog, I’ll have 16 followers by 2082. That b*tch! For now, let’s continue to enjoy the silliness that enriched Life by Chocolate in 2015. 

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said My boys like to make reverse prank phone calls when telemarketers call. They answer and say, "Dominoes pizza would you like to try our 2 for 20 deal"? Those pesky folks don't know what to say.
Gorilla Bananas  said There's no need for any writer to feel insecure about a book written by J-Lo. Some books are used as sex toys rather than read. I bet the cover is harder and smoother than Jennifer's butt.
Geo said Dang, saluted St. Pat before rubbing the charm again. Could I just number these instructions?
Empty Nest Insider said Poor Jan Brady. Did she get her braces off yet?
Pickleope Von Pickleope said Poor Stagehand Macaulay Culkin. He can't even make it to stage manager? Who does a guy have to trick with tar and a flamethrower and concussive paint buckets suspended above stairs by a rope in order to move up in the world and get some respect!?!

In July, A Beer for the Shower's beloved Peggy Sue helped spotlight one of my greatest achievements, publishing  my first full-length novel. And she's a good one (both the mentally challenged goat with an orthopedic shoe and Woman on the Verge of Paradise). Peggy and I posed for look-alike photos during a drunken chocofest.
Anthony J. Langford  said 'I absolutely did not have chocolate relations with that woman.' 'The stains prove otherwise Mr President.’


Book Dedication:
To the Readers of my blog, Life by Chocolate,
You have been unfaltering in your loyalty, caring,
encouragement, hilarity, and playfulness.
And so, my dear sillies,
This one's for you.
Lovingly.
                                       The author does not recommend this book for: 1) Children
2) The Narrow-minded or
3) Martha Stewart
She's 4 feet, 8 inches of heartfelt ferocity, and nothing can stop this post-pubescent spitfire from claiming her fairytale--not jarring tragedy, not penile incompetence, not even the explosive demise of a new marriage. Not until Robyn finds her happily ever after...alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<<>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've noticed many authors begging for honest reviews. That's weird. I'm begging for reviews - honest or dishonest, I don't care. So if you haven't already read and reviewed Woman on the Verge, and you'd like to, kindly send me an email. Rawknrobyn@aol.com.  I'll forward the book in paperbook or ebook, in exchange for any 'ole review whenever you're able. Thank you!...Okay, on with the show...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
Giggles continued through to year's end, along with life's challenges. But we always manage to return to laughter at Life by Chocolate.

L. Diane Wolfe Are you reveling in the fact your Almond Joy has nuts? Al Penwasser said The very first thing I noticed was the hotdogs. And I felt so lacking.
Robin said think of it as "tuition." You, my friend, received one more learning experience...and they always cost. The upside: you're smarter. So, that's something. Connie said Acting like a mule's tuchas is definitely a deal breaker. Baby Sister said I've dated myself before, sometimes that's the best you can get! JoJo said It feels so wrong to think of Santa as a sexual being! Pat Hatt lol Santa will sure have a merry christmas. Mrs. Claus may catch fleas though being out with Vixen.

Jono set afire my laptop AND computer screen with this one:
You heat up the coldest winter night
With your chimney smokin' hot.
I'll bet your cookie tastes of chocolate
Now to give you all I've got.

Last but not really, and not least, my favorite comment of 2015 is...  Jeremy Hawkins asked What is going on here...I am feeling a little wrong? It might just be me... 

It's not just you, Jeremy!

Thank you, my sillies. And I'm sorry about all the obscene images. For obvious reasons, I couldn't push her off the stage.

Be safe, warm, and loved as we enter 2016. 
Always keep a smile and a stash of chocolate. 
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

38 comments:

  1. Hugs.
    And, the loss of your followers? Almost certainly a blogger glitch. I think most of us lost a few. And I doubt that real people (other than Martha) would leave once they found you. And if they do, bad cess to them.

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  2. Martha Stewart couldn't handle your book!
    Everyone lost some followers these past couple weeks. I think it was just some people cleaning house. No worries.
    Happy New Year, Robyn.

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  3. Happy New Year!!!!! Considering people were losing followers in droves a couple of weeks ago, I shouldn't feel so bad that my followers dropped by just 5 people.

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  4. LOL! I love the bit about answering the phone as a pizza place. I've always wanted to do that but never have.

    Happy New Year.

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  5. Mine dropped by a ton too, thought it was just me, guess not. Hopefully Mrs. claus got rid of her fleas haha fun ones. I let the cat meow in the phone for telemarketers when he's willing.

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  6. So some of your followers de-followed you, Robyn? I hope they had a good reason, like joining Donald Trump's campaign team. Getting spooked by Martha Stewart is not a legitimate excuse - readers of an adult blog should be able to look her squarely in the belly button. Have a great 2016!

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  7. Happy New Year..may you never run out of fun ideas for your blog posts.

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  8. Oh Robyn - you brought much joy and a great book in 2015. I shall remain a loyal follower and choc-a-holic. I wish you the best for 2016....

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  9. That's the best comment of 2015!?! I have to step up my comment game. May you close out 2015 with happiness and carry that through to 2016! Happy new year to you and yours!

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  10. It's been a weird and wacky year over here. Love it. Happy New Year, Robyn!

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  11. Happy New Year, Robyn! You pulled a crappy year out of the dumpster for me. I owe you!

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  12. I lost one person but I only have 129 so why worry? :) Love these comments-too too funny. I always thought Santa got it on with Vixen not Mrs. Claus unless she recently saw the film Carol.

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  13. I lost some too, but then again, I've been more than absent-minded. Chin up, have a snickers!

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  14. Happy New Year!!

    all the best in 2016!
    xoxo

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  15. I lost followers too, but I think some of mine phase in and out of reality. We live in a strange continuum. Good thing too. Happy new year!

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  16. Wishing you a year of sweet memories, lots of love, and a gazillion smiles. Thank you for enriching MY life! Damn, I still haven't downloaded your book. TODAY! My one and only resolution!

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    1. Woot! I like your priority, Mitchell. Thank you.xo

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  17. Robyn, may all your dreams come true in 2016! Happy New Year!

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  18. Ahh I've missed this blog! Happy New Year to you! May all that you aspire come to fruition this year!

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  19. You do have some very witty readers here. I always love reading through the comments, almost as much as the post itself! Wishing you a Very Happy New Year!

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  20. Hey, that's me... I will be in history for your 2015, thank you... I wish and hope for the very best for you in the 2016's... we all need a good break from the pack [smokers too] and remember life is sweet and so are you...

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  21. OMG, I love your son's idea about telemarketers. We just don't answer. I Google every unknown number and call back if it's not a spam call. Most of the time it's spam, even on my cell. Frustrating! Earlier this week the Jehovah's Witness people knocked on our door and my husband was on a conference call (we work from home). He answered, bluetooth on his ear, and when they said they wanted to share a message with us, he said, "I'm sorry, but I'm on a conference call." They went away...so that works! Of course, they promised to come back later...so I'm not sure what we'll do then.

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    1. Tell them "No thanks, I'm Jewish." That's why I do. They aren't trained in how to respond to this statement, so it works every time.

      And it's JustKeepingItReal's son's gimmick regarding Dominoes. It's a great one. I have yet to use it.

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  22. Hey Robyn,

    You can now put your feet up, relax and think about having that "Happy Boob Year."

    Yep, finally, amazingly, I have landed on your blog site. *Splat!* I would like you know that I thoroughly skimmed through your post :)

    An awesome list of quotes and to note one of my bestest starstruck fans, Jeremy (watch out for zombies) Hawkins, has received such an accolade from you, yes you, the chick from Chico!

    In regards to the mystery of the missing followers, I have a plan. Yes, that's right, I have a plan! I shall go and create 320 new blogs and have them follow your site. That way, you will have reached 1000 followers. Then I shall get the 320 new blogs I've created to follow my blog. That way, I will have a grand total of 320 followers.

    Have a really nice 2016, Robyn.

    Gary :) x

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    1. I should've known you'd fix the problem, Gary. You and Penny are beyond great. And to do all that blogging too. Oy vey. But you have plenty of fans, and we're of good quality so no worries about numbers. Just keep a smile and your heartfelt spirit. The world needs you, and blogland wouldn't be the same without you. Have a sweet '16.

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  23. Happy New Year to you, Robyn, and may all her children be masculine children.
    Oops, sorry, I hate when I quote "The Godfather."
    Leave the gun, take the cannoli.
    Damn, I did it again.

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    1. But if I take the cannoli, I'll need the gun to kill the hungry mobsters. I mean, thank you, Al. Happy New Year to you too.

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  24. Speaking of penii - Glad to have made the cut!

    Congrats to you for a great year in both your blog and getting your book out - a huge year, in what was also a difficult one personally.
    You've got heaps of talent and sassiness and I hope things escalate from here. You're a beautiful shining star.

    xo

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    1. Thank you, dear friend. So glad for our connection. You've kept me going more than you know.

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  25. You've got some saucy followers over here, don't you??? :) Happy New Year to you!

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  26. Have a prosperous new year and best wishes to you!

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  27. I think Google went through and cleaned up spam blogs/old deleted ones/etc. because we lost about 100 followers and I highly doubt 100 people suddenly hated us. Could be, though.

    I don't have to tell you I love these posts. But I will. I love them. Also, add one more thing to "Would not recommend this book for": inept Kirkus reviewers.

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    1. Absolutely. Those inept reviewers should not do reviews. Or if they must, they should keep their opinions to themselves. Thank you, BnB.

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  28. Great year in review, Robyn! Thanks for the smiles over the past year. :)

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  29. Umm, I think I need to try the prank phone call for when I answer to telemarketers. That is awesome!!
    I always feel special when I make your "top comments" list. :) What I said is still true!

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