And I Wrote This Book.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Reasons for Celibacy, #368-375: Cape Diem!!

Dear friends, here's to a sweet 2016! A new start is always a good thing. Right? So is silliness. That said, here we go with my Reasons for Celibacy, #368 through 375. As usual, I posted these "accidentally" -shall we say?- for your entertainment.* They've been lifted directly from current on-line dating ads. Actual headlines are bolded, and my snarky commentary is italicized. Please enjoy.
*I can't imagine what else they might be good for. Can you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #368: family man and a thrusworthy friend to have. 
Gotta admit, I like a man who’s thrusworthy.

REASON #369: im just looking for someone to do things
You haven’t found one, huh? The world’s getting lazy, ain’t it?

REASON #370: you don't half to look no more
You’re my better half? Are you related to the guy who says we should whole ass one thing? Or the one who’s a full-time dad 50% of the time? Do you even half siblings or half-siblings, bro?

REASON #371: i am looking for gril friend
Don’t you need a good, hard poker for that? 

REASON #372: Are you down?
Sometimes, sweetie, like when I miss loved ones who died, contemplate the fate of human existence, and read personal ads.

REASON #373: Cape Diem!!
Woohoo!! Have I met my soul mate in an Underdog fan? Mighty Mouse? Batman’s “little buddy”? *smirk* Cape Diem to you too, Boy Wonder!!

REASON #374: looking for a great adventue
Pee-wee Heman’s?

REASON #375: *Insert cleaverness here*
Okay: *Ward, I think you were too hard on the Beaver last night.*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keep a smile, and a stash of chocolate in the event of emergencies or non-emergencies.
HAPPY 2016, my sillies!!

54 comments:

  1. I love a man who is "THRUSTworthy"!!! Bahaha I've missed reading your blog. It always makes me laugh!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad, Yvonne. Thank you. Be good to yourself.

      Delete
  2. Thrus(h) is not something I want to have. I really, really don't want it. Even if it is kept in the family.
    Celibacy never looked so good.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Funny, I was playing off of "thrust" and just looked up "thrush." I'm learning something new every day around here. Never had thrush, thankfully, but 368 seems to get yeast infections all the time. What a weirdo.

      Delete
  3. Never fish off Cape Diem. All you catch is Carp, which are oily and have too many bones.

    ReplyDelete
  4. LOL! Can't believe these things. So hilarious.
    Happy 2016!

    ReplyDelete
  5. These dudes clearly did not get the memo that yesterday was the busiest day of the year for online dating. However, if you don't half to look no more, go with a caped crusader 'cause thrush is nasty, you might not wanna get down, and there was somethin' not quite right about those Cleavers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're always good for words of wisdom, JKIR. And -as I wrote above- I learned a new word this morning. Will avoid thrusworthy men.

      Delete
  6. Cape Diem? I wonder if that's near Cape Cod. lol I kid...I live on Cape Cod.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Reason #375: Are you sure it's not Norman Bates? "Coming, Mother!"

    Been thinking about you, my dear friend. Lots of love and hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. I didn't think of that. It might just be Norman. Yikes.

      Thanks for your friendship. It's much appreciated.

      Delete
  8. I was going to comment about sailing off Cape Diem, but Geo's comments about fishing there beat me to the punch. Happy New Year, Robyn.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Like the last one, Robyn! Although you never want to be too hard on the beaver...

    ReplyDelete
  10. lmao the poor beaver. The cape may be more Blank Man with no boys to wonder.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think #371 is just looking for someone to make hamburgers with.
    Oh. There should be TWO l's in 'grill'?
    Okay, maybe they're SMALL hamburgers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So long as there's a long kosher wiener, I'm good.

      Delete
  12. Related to the whole-ass guy - LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think Ward was looking for his gril friend but may have ended up with thrush

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're so witty. I think you're right. Thanks, silly lady.

      Delete
  14. every one of these deserves a poke in the grill (i.e.mouth - I'm going ghetto this year). Awesome reads for Monday - thanks for kicking off 2016. I am shaking my head. Good luck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. High-fives and fist-bumps and sagging trousers for the ghetto slang, Joanne.

      Delete
  15. Cleaverness and cape...BAHAHAHA! Maybe those two should get together :) Thanks for the laughs, Robyn!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm, yeah, they could make a cape for the beaver, I suppose.

      Anytime, Martha. Thank you.

      Delete
  16. Oh my. I start to wonder about the fate of the world sometimes when I read these ads. Loved your witty comments! :) Happy New Year, Robyn!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I think I've actually been to Cape Diem. Went surfing there when I was a kid. Ward was always firm when it came to the Beaver. Happy New Year Robyn!

    ReplyDelete
  18. 368- prolly would have worked better as "thrustworthy"...

    370- " Are you related to the guy who says we should whole ass one thing? " Just keep in mind, that AIN'T me...


    371- Should that be "grill friend"? He wants to cook with you? That could fit nicely into your Independence day erotic poem...

    372- The proper answer here is, "Not if you're up..."

    373- since you took all the best lines on that one, I'll just add, at least he didn't misspell it "Crap-e Diem". I know it's not my best, but trying to come up with a superhero that speaks Latin AND wears a cape is too much work.

    375- Now there's the perfect response!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. These are great, CW. I might need to steal/borrow/plagiarize your response for 372. It made me LOL.

      Delete
  19. Thrusworthy and a good poker might make the perfect pair. Add in a little adventure and off you go.

    Happy New Year.

    ReplyDelete
  20. You've made me wish the last one had written *insert beaverness here*. I'm not sure that makes sense, but it reminds me of your erotic poems. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hey Robyn,

    Okay, I do understand how much you've been waiting, with eager anticipation, a response from shy and humble me.

    Nicely done and nothing like a bit of Saturday Night Beaver. "Thrushworthy", perhaps? :) Ooh, yuck!

    Here's to 2016, 69 and 34 1/2.

    Gary :) x

    ReplyDelete
  22. Whenever I read these things it's a reminder to proofread. Proofread, people, proofread. Of course, that might not always help. The fella who used half rather than have probably did proofread and didn't see any problems. Egads.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Glad you got one in for the Cleavers! June was a precursor to The Stepford Wives. I think you should consider being #371's gril friend. If he's willing to cook and clean up, he don't need to spell good. Happy New Year, my friend!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oh back in my online dating days, I could have given you more than a few of these. I saw crazy typos all the time...but even crazier were some of the lines they came up with to try to win over women. It showed men just have no clue what women want.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I came around from the IWSG, but I'm glad I stumbled on these. Great chuckles, and good reasons, if not to remain celibate, to stay the heck away from on-line dating sites!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I'm just sitting here shaking my head. And that one word comes to mind...DUMBASS!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Haha. Yes, Bouncin. Rebecca and anyone else who stopped by for my IWSG posts, SORRY. You're nagging at my sense of guilt for stopping the IWSG. I'd announced it last month or so. I miss it, but those Tuesday night crunches to post were too much. THANK YOU for stopping by. I'm not quitting my interviews with the stars altogether. Silliness will continue.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hilarious! And so ridiculous (dating ads)at the same time! Your comedic snarkiness reminds me of Kathy Griffin. What a hoot your are! Thanks for the laugh:)))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a compliment. Kathy Griffin is hysterical. At least, she used to be. We haven't heard much from her lately.
      Thank you, Terry.

      Delete
  29. I don't tend to read introductions so I thought these were actually somehow tie suggestions and I thought you were a psychopath.

    Nothing personal.

    IWSG January

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kathy Griffin (see comment above) vs a psychopath? Yeah, I'll take either label. Thank you kindly, CD!

      Delete
  30. Do you think he meant thrustworthy or thrushworthy cause one sounds doable and the other one is just icky.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True, Ruth, let's hope he meant the first one.

      Delete
  31. haha these are so great Robyn. You could print these up and sell them! Open at any page and grab a laff.. er, laugg..laugr.. lager?
    mm beer

    ReplyDelete
  32. I need to find a gril friend too!! Hubby and I don't have a gril yet, so having a friend who has one would come in really handy!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Keep waiting, babe. You keep waiting.

    you wait news article LOL
    LOL news article wait you
    Just wait article news only you
    dumbass

    ReplyDelete




  34. شركة تخزين اثاث بالطائف
    شركة المنزل هى شركة نقل عفش بالطائف لدينا العمالة المدربة التى تقوم بخدمات نقل العفش عن طريق الاوناش والروافع المجهزة والسيارات التى تقوم بنقل العفش بالطائف كما اننا لدينا المستودعات المخصصة لتخزين الاثاث بالطائف وجميع مستودعاتنا خالية من الحشرات والقوارض ومؤمنة من الحرائق والسرقات ونحن نقدم جميع خدماتنا بأسعار مناسبة فى متناول الجميع
    شركة تخزين عفش بالطائف
    http://elmnzel.com/moving-furniture-taif/

    ReplyDelete