And I Wrote This Book.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Holiday Quickie: Santa's Naughty Behavior and Rudolph's Special Problem

   I've resurrected an oldie inspired by Jenny Matlock, queen of the Saturday Centus.The prompt is bolded, and I'm dating myself. And we all know how much luck I have with dating, so dating myself is really my best option.
   Keep a smile and a stash of your favorite chocolates. They say it's the most wonderful time of the year. Yet for so many, it's the lousiest.
  Take gentle care, and let's get ready to welcome a new start!


Rudolph's Special Problem
    Times are tough. Rudolph's lost his charge. The poor deer's tried everything: LED bulbs, performance enhancing pills, Emotional Freeing Techniques...to no avail.
    Meanwhile, Santa patronizes Starbucks. Gulping a grande chai-nog, he ponders Plan B. Do I pick the Tom Tom, Garmin, or Magellan? Shall I shop Best Buy, Costco, eBay or Amazon? Farklempt,* Santa skypes the elves for a consult.
    Vixen and Prancer strut by, giggling about Rudolph's special problem.
Eyeing Santa's laptop, Vixen sneers, "What was he thinking? OMG! Elves are soooo 2009..."
    "Totally," adds Prancer. "Hasn't he heard of outsourcing?"
    Santa flashes the deers a gesture inappropriate for the season.

 *Farklempt = Yiddish for utterly flustered and discouraged.

34 comments:

  1. When I was a teenager, I had no choice BUT to date myself.

    Hey, far be it from me to solicit readership (yeah, that's kind of a lie), you need to go to Penwasser Place.
    I wrote another post about Chanukah and Joanne said she won't comment until you approve.
    Hey, what can I do? Gentiles, right?

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    1. For a Gentile, you did good. I don't like baklava, though. It's too sticky and sweet. Donuts are better, but sufganyiot reign supreme.

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  2. I was going to be all over you dating yourself, but you beat everyone to it. Good idea. I suspect Rudolph is still in therapy dealing with his shortcomings.

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    1. If you were going to be all over me, Jono, how could I date myself?

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  3. Poor Rudolph. No reindeer "games" for him! :) Have a great weekend, Robyn.

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    1. No, he falls too short.
      A great weekend to you, Connie.

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  4. I can't really tell how naughty Santa was without seeing the gesture, Robyn, but was it naughty enough for you? I trust your judgement on naughtiness. ;)

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    1. Let's just say I've never seen a rabbi behave that way. It's appalling, GB.

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  5. Dating myself... Is that anything like dancing with myself? Never mind. I'm a bit farblunget.

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    1. Dancing with yourself is mere foreplay to dating yourself, Mitchell. Did you make up a word there: "farblunget"? I love it!

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  6. Well that's OK...Santa was a jerk to Rudolph till he needed him for something. Rudy should just go on vacation and let Santa sort it out.

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    1. Santa's one selfish b*stard disguised as a jolly fat buy.

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  7. I would love to see the Rudolph sequel where he loses his light-up nose. It would be real dark and not for kids. And couple that with the "Occupy the North Pole" movement when Santa switches to online shopping.

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  8. The jolly fat guy isn't too jolly anymore. Hey, I've been dating myself for a long time. It works.

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    1. And no worries about who's going to pay, whether or not there'll be a next date, someone else hogging the bed-sheets...so much more. It works splendidly.

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  9. sometimes you get the best answers when you talk to yourself, date yourself, etc. You are SO funny. Happy Friday and weekend

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  10. Hi love how are you today? Cute post babe thanks so much for sharing. I want to invite you to visit me whenever you have time at http://its-dominica.blogspot.co.uk/ Merry Christmas, Dominica S. xXx

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    1. Sweetheart, there ain't nothin' cute about Santa's flipping the birdie. I want to invite you to buy Woman on the Verge of Paradise - a copy for you and for all your friends. It's a fabulous read. I'll flood you with the link. Clearly you think my blog is a good place from which to advertise, so I'm sure you'll appreciate hearing from me again and again. Toodles and Happy sixth night of Hanukah.

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  11. At the end of the day I am the only person I have to live with, so it makes sense to date myself. Among other things.
    And yes, this time of year is difficult for at least as many people as it is wonderful. I will spend time on the crisis line and be grateful to come home - to myself.

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  12. If I hadn't met Ray when I did, I was ready to date myself exclusively!! Did Santa really flip off the boys? Yikes!

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  13. See..they're just like the rest of us, right down to the flipping off :)

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  14. I'm thinking a good bottle of Admiral Nelson (I'm to cheap for Captain Morgan) would light him right up!

    And doesn't santa wear mittens? Kinda hard to gesture with no fingers (come to think of it, hard to type too! I mess up enough with 2.. er, I mean ten... fingers!

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    1. You're one of the three wise men, aren't you, CW? Drats. My secret's out. This one is fictional.

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  15. Love that "inappropriate" last sentence."

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  16. I guess those holiday creatures aren't as jolly as the stories would like us to believe ;)

    Have a great weekend!

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  17. No wonder Rudolph is in trouble with Santa flashing so much. Farkling Hell!

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  18. Elves are soooo 2009, but reindeer are soooo 2014. This year Santa's delivering everything by drone. That's also how he spied on you, uh, I mean watched you to know if you were naughty or nice.

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    1. Per my poem above, I sure hope Santa's drones saw how naughty I've been. ;~)

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    2. Per my poem above, I sure hope Santa's drones saw how naughty I've been. ;~)

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  19. I've dated myself before, sometimes that's the best you can get!
    As long as Santa doesn't shop from Wallie World, I suppose I can accept the online shopping. I don't like it, but it's not like I have any control over Santa.

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