And I Wrote This Book.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Ode to the Oreo (sort of): The Latest in Chocolate (sort of)


First, and Ode to the Oreo (sort of, though it's more like a hazing)

Oh Nabisco
Why’d you go
And desecrate the Oreo?
I liked it fine before the change
To an array of flavors gross and strange.
With double stuff, you should have quit.
But birthday cake?
Who’d eat that sh*t?
You’re triple stacked
And berry burst. Neapolitan.
And it got worse.
You hit new lows with the words “low fat.”
What PR guru thought of that?
Nabisco, tell me, why’d you go
And make a "springtime" Oreo
That’s dyed in freaky loud yellow?
Could that be cream or real bright snow?
You’ve gone peanut butter and mint too.
A Girl Scout rip-off -- Shame on you!
So Oreo, now I must go.
It’s you, not me, if you must know.
You gave good licks and chews to start.
But Big Fig Newton’s my new tart.

Next, A Review: the Golden Oreo - chocolate cream, vanilla cookie. It's the only one I dared taste. And tasted. And tasted. As regular cookies, they are okay. Meh. Neither exciting nor lousy. As Oreos? No, no, they must go! So I give this brand a 3 on a scale of 1to 10. Nabisco didn't solicit this review. [They are not the brightest, but they're clearly not stupid either.]

What do you think about the 20 varieties of Oreos? What's your favorite? Have you tried them all, BabySister? {I ask, because my dear longstanding bloggy friend, BabySis, has posted photos of many an Oreo.}

45 comments:

  1. Oh Robyn, I'm sorry to confess I've declared sugar off limits. Had the sweetest tooth you could imagine and remember well the Oreos of my youth though I also confess I was more into Crispy Crunch chocolate bars :) Maybe about six or seven years ago, I figured out that my arthritic joints got miraculously better on a sugar-free diet. Still eat sweets. I've discovered a company called Eightfold Eats and a few places around Vancouver that have them in their cafés. Still eat lots of fruit too. Weird, huh? Loved your poem though and will keep coming back for more :) So neat that your Granny lived here!

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  2. Only time I have eaten/used Oreo cookies was making a dirt cake. Never actually eaten one. Sorry they have spoiled them for you.

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  3. No to Oreos! I used to like them but then they started doing all that weird stuff and I haven't been able to look at them the same. And now they've turned Klondike bars into candy?!? Is nothing sacred???

    LOVED your poem!

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  4. We are only just starting to get Oreos on this side of the world. But a number of our own companies have started the 'one flavour is good, five is ten times as good' thing.
    Hiss and spit. Colour and weirdness do not win my heart (in a biscuit anyway).

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  5. Tried one of the Birthday Cake Oreos... You are dead on in your review! That's like when they started putting "AIR" in Hershey's bars!!!!!! I know you are not a big Hershey's chocolate fan but I bet you can still join me in saying "What the what??????" when they started advertising that!!! I'mma need my chocolate full strength, thanks!

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  6. I never go past double stuff. If they just don't REQUIRE me to buy the others, we'll be fine.

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  7. The only other Oreo flavor I like is mint. Chocolate and mint go great together.

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  8. An Oreo should be just an Oreo.
    Do you like the regular or fat free Fig Newtons? Believe it or not, the fat free ones are higher in calories.

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  9. I didn't get the diabeetus by eschewing Oreos in any flavor.

    Original Oreo: Not my favorite, I don't like the chocolate cookie that much.

    Double Stuff Original: The stuff of legends. I love those because the ratio of cream to cookie is much better.

    Golden Oreo/Doublestuff Golden: Also the stuff of legends. Divine. Since I don't love the chocolate cookie that much, these are awesome.

    Weird Flavors I've tried:

    Candy Corn - stop it.
    Cookie Dough- why god why?
    Marshmallow Crispy- gaaack.
    Lemon- yes, bring me more for my face hole.

    My favorite: Oreo Fudge Cremes. They are the best cookies ever made and all other cookies should be ashamed of themselves because they in no way taste as delicious as Oreo Fudge Cremes. I'm not allowed to buy them because I will eat an entire package in one sitting.

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  10. I bow down. My Favorite band-? Oreo Speedwagon! I too pass by my favorite snack as there are too many choices, and I only ever asked for the original!

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  11. Should just leave it alone indeed. I've never tried a one, as no sugar under my sun or processed anything

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  12. I don't eat the Oreo's plain. I do like them crushed for dirt pudding and as a pie crust. But to eat them straight out of the packaging is a no for me. And a reduced fat? No f*cking thanks! Full fat makes everything taste better!

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  13. What's the world coming to? I always loved Oreos and especially Double Stuffs - but I hadn't even heard of this new disaster of multi-flavored Oreos. Why do people have to go and mess with things that are already great? Your poem was awesome! :)

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  14. Lexa, that's what I'm saying. Why mess with a good thing? Though I agree with Christina, the cookie part of the Oreo isn't good. Plus, it turns your teeth black.

    Alex, that's funny. I haven't try fat free Fig Newtons. It's all about sugar calories when it comes to desserts. Marketers tag on "Low Fat" or "Fat Free" when the item was already low fat or fat free.

    Invisible, thank you. I heard that from someone else too, regarding birthday cake. I'm with you girlfriend; Imma need my chocolate full strength too.

    Christina, thank you for the break down. It's awesome. Everyone, read Christina's comment. I can't say it better nor speak to near the amount of flavors she's tried.

    John, silly man! xo

    Thanks all.
    Keep life sweet.
    xoRobyn

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  15. I also like the original Oreos best, though the mint ones are pretty good too. I love your poem with a delicious beginning, oh so sweet middle, and an ending with extra bite!

    Julie

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  16. I love your ode to the Oreo :) Oreos are one of the great loves of my life LOL. I can (and have) eaten whole packages before. And yes, one should never mess with perfection. BUT I must say I tried the Candy Corn Oreos a couple years ago and I was rather smitten...

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  17. Sacrilege! Take heed, Makers of Oreos. The Lord shall smite thee for thy folly. I have spoken.

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  18. Give me the good old fashioned double stuff and I am content. I haven't tried the new ones. I'm allergic to change.

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  19. I am not keen on all of the various flavors. I tried the vanilla several years ago and it was okay. Not a bad cookie, but not as good as a Doublestuff Oreo. Some companies should quit while they are ahead.

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  20. I must say I only eat the Original Oreos. Instead of dipping them in milk I put them in a bowl and cover them like cereal.

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  21. Lol. My family is a big Oreo lover. We each have our favorite flavor although I am liking the original best.

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  22. Original Oreos is the way to go!! Paired with milk - that's a no-brainer. Double Stuff - too much stuff. And I dare not try all those other wacky flavored ones. Great post Cheers!!

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  23. Yeah...I've got too many kids in the house to introduce that much sugar. I'm a fan of the classic, but admittedly, I've only tried about 4 varieties. You have to admit, it will increase sales for a little bit, just because people are curious.

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  24. Yellow oreos? What were they freakin' thinking? I haven't seen these new varieties since I no longer have milk to dunk them into. Plus, I avoid that whole isle, pretending it doesn't exist. *sob*

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  25. I can only stand classic and double stuff Oreos. The rest are weird.

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

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  26. There is only one true Oreo - the original!

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  27. I bought the peanut butter ones and they are HORRIBLE!!!!!!!

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  28. I like the original Oreos the best, but if I was hungry and the others were around, I wouldn't say no to them. :)

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  29. ooohh who's a cutie!

    Cant say I know much about those products, but as always, appreciate the skill and humour in your words.

    Youre the bright spark in the blogo-verse.

    =]

    xo

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  30. I knew I loved you all. We're on the same page with the Oreo craze. Originals and double stuff, good. But most of the others? What were they thinking?! They keep adding new ones too. I heard there's fruit punch. Yuck. Stop it, Nabisco!Stop the madness!

    xoRobyn

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  31. Thank you! Oreo's are supposed to be chocolate with white filling. Period. End of discussion.

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  32. I'm an Oreo purist. I'm not much on store-bought cookies, but if I do, it must be the original Oreo-- no funky flavors, no double stuffing (that sounded kind of dirty huh)?

    LET'S KEEP THE OREO PURE!

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  33. My oldest likes the mint Oreos, and the other kids like only the regular (except for the little one who truthfully only likes the middle). ;)

    I saw those yellow ones and laughed! I think I saw banana split once too, speaking of yellow Oreos.

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  34. I'm going to say something that will shock your for weeks: I've never tried ANY Oreos in my life.

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  35. Hey Robyn,

    Have you been waiting for me? Yes? No? Who the hell is this guy? :)

    Did you know
    That the Oreo
    That sales are slow
    In the shops I go
    Hardly bought here
    They're something we fear
    Sorry they messed them up for you
    What can you do.

    Anyway, there's always "OREO Speedwagon." "Can't fight this reeling any more...." Or something like that....

    A happy weekend to you, Robyn.

    Gary :) x

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  36. HA! That was so good and so funny!
    I like the original by a LONG SHOT!
    I've tried a lot of the new flavors and it just didn't work for me. None of the new ones taste good dunked in milk.

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  37. Uhm, I have to admit, I've never had an Oreo (just a bit of the Oreo ice-cream cake with the Original ones so I think I have an idea what they taste like). But I was confused, too, when I saw all the different flavors and wondered why. Good to know they are not worth it to try them. I will go and try the original ones - I think that'll happen rather sooner than later with Keith anyway since he loves them so ;) We even have them here in Germany! :)

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  38. It's been a long time since we've had Oreos of any kind, but all those newbies don't sound like Oreos at all... just some sorry Oreo wantabes.

    LOVE your poem.

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  39. I only use Oreos to cut my veins. But I truly love your ode

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  41. Lol! That was hilarious. :) Personally, I don't like the original. Not enough cream for me. So my all time favorite will always be the double stuf. But I also like fun, new flavors so most of the time I enjoy them. I hate birthday cake, candy corn is not my favorite, I don't like lemon because I don't like lemon flavored things. I think they could have made the cookie dough better, a little less coffee flavor. For some reason I don't like neapolitan flavored things so I don't like that one, and I hate the golden oreos, I much prefer the chocolate. I don't mind the golden that have flavored creme because the flavored creme suits the cookie better, but I hate the original. Mega stuf is one I'm so glad they came out with cause I love lots of creme!! And the stupid reduced fat/sugar creme/knock offs can just go jump off a cliff. They can never even come close to comparing. Other than that, I've been pleasantly pleased with the other flavors. They've done a pretty good job at picking some really nummy ones. My all time favorite other flavor is mint, mint and chocolate is one of my favorite combinations. I also love their fudge creme cookies. Those are divine. My other all time favorite limited is the creamsicle they came out with a few years ago. I'm still waiting for them to bring that one back out.

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  42. BabySis, I knew you'd share yummy words of wisdom on the matter. Thank you! =)

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  43. Wow! I've never heard of these weird new Oreo varieties. I've never seen any of those here. Oreos are our road-trip standard. I love double-stuff. But I don't think I'd like any of the other "crap" you've described. Oh, your poem? Well, it's shear poetry.

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