Interview with Tori Spelling: IWSG

    

Thanks to Alex J. Cavanaugh for founding and continuing the IWSG. As you know by now, the IWSG provides a space for revealing writers' insecurities, supporting each other, and -in my case- interviewing some of the brightest, dimmest and weirdest of celebrities.
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I really wanted to talk with the most successful Film and TV Producer of all time, Aaron Spelling. But he's dead, so that was going to be risky. Next I sought his childhood dog. Dead too. I'm afraid we're stuck with the daughter of the amazingly talented but dead and sorely missed Aaron Spelling. She played TV's most annoying virgin in the hit series, Beverly Hills 90210, produced by her father, the late great Aaron Spelling. May he rest in peace!

A troubled, tearful, emaciated Tori Spelling  walks onto the stage. There's no applause. There's no audience. We can hear stagehand Macaulay Culkin snorting something. Robyn shakes Tori's feeble hand and gestures towards a sofa set that was once admired by the late great beloved Aaron Spelling. May he rest in peace.
Robyn: Thanks for being here, daughter of Aaron Spelling. May he rest in peace.
Tori: Daddy was my hero. It's been really tough. But my father, Aaron Spelling --he was my rock-- taught me the value of working real hard and how to love and be a good person with strong family values.  My father, Aaron Spelling, was a very good man.
Robyn: May he rest in peace. Say, you played a virgin for seven years. How'd you pull that off? Tori looks perplexed, as always. You also claim to be an author. An actress too. Your father, the phenomenal, sadly dead Aaron Spelling, may he rest in peace, paid for acting lessons for you. It didn't stick. Tori's eyes widen, and she changes the topic. I've written six books, with a top best seller too. Robyn: On that note, let's read what one reviewer wrote to you about your authorship. Robyn reads from a large flashcard. "Aaron deserved a better family, not a golddigger wife and spoiled brat child. And to top it off, any success you have is from your fans, yet you seem to be ultimately bothered when they want an autograph, and you did not even thank them in the book! Wow! So grateful!"

Tori defends herself. It's not that easy. I'm only worth $15 million*, and we can't even afford a vasectomy for Dean. *actual estimate of her worth; **actual complaint she made regarding financial hardship.

Robyn:  If you think it's hard before the vasectomy, watch how hard it grows after -- Robyn giggles, blushes and nudges Tori with her elbow. At 80 pounds, Tori falls off her chair and onto the floor. She stands up and takes a seat again, as if nothing happened.
Tori: Just because I'm the daughter of TV Network Producer, Writer and Filmmaker, the late great Aaron Spelling, don't think that I have it easy. But Daddy taught me to always be strong.

Robyn's had enough. Look, you and Dean cheated on loyal spouses and destroyed two families. Your first husband found out about your infidelity when he saw the supermarket tabloids. Now you're acting all --Robyn pinches her nostrils to speak in a nasally tone-- 'Poor me! I'm such a victim! How could he do this to me?' Get a grip, b*tch!

A shocked daughter of the late great Aaron Spelling, may he rest in peace, runs off the stage crying. The camera zooms in on Robyn. My friends, I think I've proven that while money and nepotism might land you the starring role as a virgin, lacking any redeeming qualities, your cheating, drug addicted, worthless but attractive husband will tire of you. So will the the rest of the world. 
     If she can write six books, you can too. Right? Write! Be confident. There's more than enough room for talent to rise to the top and take center stage.