A life by chocolate entails finding sweetness in the light and dark. Moreso, it's about addiction to cocoa. An insatiable sweet-tooth doesn't hurt. Well, not until the yucky tartar buildup and stuff. To the point, I strive to make you laugh like never before, cry in a good way, and hoard all the fair trade chocolate I haven't yet found. Thanks for sampling Life by Chocolate. I hope you keep coming back for more.
And I Wrote This Book.
Monday, December 30, 2013
This Year's Top 20 Best of the Worst Pick-Up Lines from Internet Dating Ads
We're closing 2013 with this year's 20 best of the worst pick-up lines from internet dating ads. This post is strictly non-fictional. Our cast and crew shortened, but didn't alter, these ads. We simply ordered them from the best of the worst of the the worst to the worst of the best of the worst -- generally, though we don't know what that means. At any rate, please laugh, enjoy, and have a safe and love-filled New Year's. [Note that "love-filled" is often most wisely accomplished Solo - as in (1) alone or (2) not Chewy.]
1) love Star Wars and met Chewy in the Woods once during a family vacation.
And then what, sweetie? Did he show
you his lightsaber? Reveal that he’s your father? Teach you how to Dougie?
2) some of y'all
are more stuck up than tampons Oh yeah? Well some of y’all are more dense than a Tolsty trilogy.
plan to work as a penetration tester for a career.
4) trust me, I'm a lawyer
That’s like saying, “Respect me, I’m
5) Single as a Pringle
Judging from your photo, you’re
Macho as a Nacho.Might
you also be Free-to Lay, like right away?
know. i should have used spell chick
Vanna White? I don’t think you’d be the first to use her.
7) I can only say im a hard worker,
that want a life long patter.
A patter for your whole life? I
might suggest moving into an airport security check-point.
8) I lick the outdoors.
Caution: Beware of cactus plants,
porcupines, and yellow snow.
9) short hairy men make better lovers
According to your photo, babe, you
are bald. Just thought you should know. (Hint: This may be why your bed is
play hide the sausage
mean, because small things are hard to find?
slept with worse???? (Message for
your photo, I can’t say for sure, though I probably have.*Hanging head low in
12) Real eyes realize real lies!
Initially, I found your wordplay
rather clever. Now I’m just confused.
13) LIVE LIFE LIKE IT WAS YOUR LAST
Do you know something that I don’t?
14) I'm not here to impress any of you
Job well done!
15) need a dumb womin I can't argue with that.
16) Anyone have a extra slinky, mine is
in the shop!!
No, but the last one I played with
was too flaccid. Same problem?
17) Marry Christmas!
Dude, I don’t like it that much. I’m
Jewish. I don’t even eat ham.
18) I am me and no one else.
Be glad you’re not me, honey,
because if you were, you’d be running away from yourself.
19) I'm the biggest jerk you'll ever meet.
Not true. We won't be meeting.
20) I'll know you're it when I fund
you!!Fund me, babe, and I’ll know you’re