This Year's Top 20 Best of the Worst Pick-Up Lines from Internet Dating Ads

We're closing 2013 with this year's 20 best of the worst pick-up lines from internet dating ads. This post is strictly non-fictional. Our cast and crew shortened, but didn't alter, these ads. We simply ordered them from the best of the worst of the the worst to the worst of the best of the worst -- generally, though we don't know what that means. At any rate, please laugh, enjoy, and have a safe and love-filled New Year's. [Note that "love-filled" is often most wisely accomplished Solo - as in (1) alone or (2) not Chewy.]
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1) love Star Wars and met Chewy in the Woods once during a family vacation.

And then what, sweetie? Did he show you his lightsaber? Reveal that he’s your father? Teach you how to Dougie?

2) some of y'all are more stuck up than tampons
Oh yeah? Well some of y’all are more dense than a Tolsty trilogy.

3) i plan to work as a penetration tester for a career.

Don’t all men?

4) trust me, I'm a lawyer

That’s like saying, “Respect me, I’m Anthony Weiner.”

5) Single as a Pringle

Judging from your photo, you’re Macho as a Nacho. Might you also be Free-to Lay, like right away?

6) I know. i should have used spell chick 

Spell chick? Vanna White? I don’t think you’d be the first to use her.

7) I can only say im a hard worker, that want a life long patter. 

A patter for your whole life? I might suggest moving into an airport security check-point.

8) I lick the outdoors.

Caution: Beware of cactus plants, porcupines, and yellow snow.

9) short hairy men make better lovers  

According to your photo, babe, you are bald. Just thought you should know. (Hint: This may be why your bed is cold.)

10) lets play hide the sausage

You mean, because small things are hard to find?

11) You've slept with worse???? (Message for pic)    

Without your photo, I can’t say for sure, though I probably have.*Hanging head low in shame.*

12) Real eyes realize real lies! 

Initially, I found your wordplay rather clever. Now I’m just confused.  

13) LIVE LIFE LIKE IT WAS YOUR LAST 

Do you know something that I don’t?

14) I'm not here to impress any of you mother****ers.  

Job well done!

15) need a dumb womin         
I can't argue with that. 

16) Anyone have a extra slinky, mine is in the shop!! 

No, but the last one I played with was too flaccid. Same problem?

17) Marry Christmas! 

 Dude, I don’t like it that much. I’m Jewish. I don’t even eat ham.

18) I am me and no one else.

Be glad you’re not me, honey, because if you were, you’d be running away from yourself.

19) I'm the biggest jerk you'll ever meet. 

Not true. We won't be meeting.

20) I'll know you're it when I fund you!! Fund me, babe, and I’ll know you’re it!!