InSanity~Normalize, Don't Stigmatize Mentall Illness.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Reasons for Celibacy #277-285 and MARRY CHRISTMAS!

It's been a long dry spell, lasting through most of 2013. I've expelled more reasons for this below. As always, the ads (in bold) are lifted from men's actual attempts to attract women on-line.

Enjoy, and keep a smile.
We're almost through the holiday madness. Right?

REASON #277:
Well well well what have we here?
Another question it's That I feared
I have no hobbies. What are goals?
I raked all my woman over the coals
It wasn't something that I'd planned
They had it coming you ladies understand?
Messing around don't get mad

Well, aren’t you funny?
Quite the card.
I bet your man-card’s big and hard.
Don’t mind my rhyme; it’s on-the-spot.
And big, hard man-cards make me hot.
Don’t take it out, though
You can’t come in.
Your card’s expired.
My patience thin.
I’m going now, but don’t feel bad.
I prefer men who can rhyme with “mad.”

REASON #278:
Marry Christmas! 
Dude, I don’t like it that much.. I’m Jewish. I don’t even eat ham.

 REASON #279:
Ok I'm here now, what're yout next 2 wishes?  
 1) A nice luscious piece of chocolate cheesecake for me.
        2) Hooked on Phonics for you.
     
      REASON #280:
      Time is non-existent
      In that case, I have loads of time for you, Einstein.

REASON #281:
LIVE LIFE LIKE IT WAS YOUR LAST 
Do you know something that I don’t?

REASON #282:
Looking for a european super model:) 
Have you checked out the Lamborghini dealer on the north side of town?

REASON #283:
Things that go clunk in the night.
Hint, honey: That might be the reason your women never spend the night.

Oh, the irony in these two, REASONS #284-285:
Headline: Live in the now    
Bio: I'll do this later...

Headline: Not ready to commit to an essay at this time
Looking for: Actively seeking a relationship

Posted by Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com
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36 comments:

  1. Al PenwasserDecember 19, 2013 at 1:07 PM

    In the spirit of the season...
    It was Christmas Eve at the Playboy Mansion and everyone was feeling merry.
    But Mary left.
    Then, they jumped for Joy.
    But, she hadda go, too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 19, 2013 at 1:10 PM

    LOL. Thank you, Al! Thank you. I need time to respond in kind...I'm thinking about Santa's sack, reindeer play, and a big fat guy who shouts "ho!" and can fit into narrow spaces.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Alex J. CavanaughDecember 19, 2013 at 1:16 PM

    Do you know something I don't - priceless!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Happy WhiskDecember 19, 2013 at 1:34 PM

    I love the line about do you know something that I don't. That's a good one, indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Gorilla BananasDecember 19, 2013 at 3:28 PM

    What sort of woman would be interested in the first guy? A confidence trickster might find his stupidity alluring and a masochist might enjoy the coal-raking. Is there any way you could find out what goes clunk in the night without going on a date with #283?

    ReplyDelete
  6. David OliverDecember 19, 2013 at 4:13 PM

    GB, I'm guessing #283 is looking to upgrade his sex robot.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Christian at Point Counter-Point Point PointDecember 19, 2013 at 4:14 PM

    Sorry human race but your future is not looking too good.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Pat HattDecember 19, 2013 at 5:04 PM

    haha such a bad rhymer, can't even rhyme mad, pathetic lol

    ReplyDelete
  9. klahanieDecember 19, 2013 at 5:31 PM

    Hey Robyn,

    Good to see those dudes are keeping it up, so to speak, with their witty personal want ads. What they really want is...oh never mind...

    I was looking for a European super model. I ended up with a old Mercedes banger.

    Have a good one, eh.

    Gary :) x

    ReplyDelete
  10. UnknownDecember 19, 2013 at 5:44 PM

    That live life guy may have something else and not be happy to see you

    ReplyDelete
  11. D.G. HudsonDecember 19, 2013 at 5:57 PM

    You're much too good for any of that bunch. . .

    Hope Santa brings you chocolate and happy memories. I don't say how. . .that's up to you.

    Happy Holidays - have a relaxing and safe time, Robyn!

    ReplyDelete
  12. ConnieDecember 19, 2013 at 6:00 PM

    "Hooked on Phonics for you." hahaha! :D

    ReplyDelete
  13. JoJoDecember 19, 2013 at 6:33 PM

    Are these from dating websites?? Guys put that stuff out there and really expect women to date them? lol

    ReplyDelete
  14. Theresa MahoneyDecember 19, 2013 at 7:06 PM

    Oh, these were just too good! I about died at the European Super Model! Such witty comebacks :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Rhonda AlbomDecember 19, 2013 at 7:36 PM

    I need to spend more time reading the personals, although I am sure this was rather time consuming to get these gems. Thanks. Love your added commentary too.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Pat TillettDecember 19, 2013 at 7:38 PM

    You are so funny and they are so pathetic! Very good Robyn.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Debra She Who SeeksDecember 19, 2013 at 7:53 PM

    Plenty o' fish? Throw those ones back. GAH!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Empty Nest InsiderDecember 19, 2013 at 11:35 PM

    Another masterpiece Robyn! My favorite lines were, "I prefer men who can rhyme with 'mad,' and of course the Lamborghini super model! I had a very hard time narrowing it down to just two. The worst part is, I can't help wondering where their mothers' went wrong.

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  19. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 20, 2013 at 1:15 AM

    Your comments are priceless, my dear friends. I think I need to do a collage of comments post.

    Thank you for making me laugh. It's an added bonus to the entertainment value of these ads.

    David, that's an astute theory. You're probably right.

    Christian, truth.

    Thanks, DG. You too.

    Julie, your thoughtful and humorous comments are always appreciated.

    Keep a smile, everyone.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  20. L. Diane WolfeDecember 20, 2013 at 4:35 AM

    At least the first guy was creative. And honest.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Optimistic ExistentialistDecember 20, 2013 at 5:47 AM

    LOL oh lord reading these makes me embarrassed for my fellow males...they give us a bad name!

    ReplyDelete
  22. RobinDecember 20, 2013 at 9:48 AM

    These posts make me want to laugh and cry at the same time. Marry Christmas... oh dear!

    ReplyDelete
  23. CperzDecember 20, 2013 at 9:59 AM

    Robyn, you are hysterical. I know I keep saying that but it is true. These are a riot!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Betty ManousosDecember 20, 2013 at 10:28 AM

    LOL! you're so funny! i mean in a good way. here i am wiping coffee from my laptop screen and it's all your fault!!
    also chuckling at chery's comment...robyn, you are hysterical!

    love ya xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  25. Betty ManousosDecember 20, 2013 at 10:29 AM

    ...and marry xmas!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. stephen HayesDecember 20, 2013 at 11:13 AM

    I don't want to tempt you but I can rhyme with "mad."

    ReplyDelete
  27. Momma FargoDecember 20, 2013 at 12:33 PM

    Always a riot, Robyn! Thanks for the laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  28. The CrankyDecember 20, 2013 at 1:50 PM

    Can't rhyme with mad?
    How very sad!
    To me they all looked like sooky plooks...
    Perhaps they should be reading (your) books!

    ReplyDelete
  29. The Invisible SeductressDecember 20, 2013 at 4:46 PM

    I think it may be hopeless. I keep thinking I'm single because I have "Big Toe" thumbs,,,,, I hear that makes me unlovable,,,, but on the upside, I believe I would be an accomplished hitchhiker, should the need arise,, and that's "kinda" like dating right? Love you more!

    ReplyDelete
  30. The Happy WhiskDecember 20, 2013 at 7:02 PM

    Thanks for stopping by. Yes, I agree, the eight strand plait does look similar to Jewish bread. My favorite Jewish bread to make is bagel, but two weekends ago I made teeny rolls in the shape of a Jewish star.

    Do you have a favorite Jewish Bake?

    ReplyDelete
  31. A Beer for the ShowerDecember 20, 2013 at 7:17 PM

    Am I the only one that read that first one as a really bad rap? I mean, not like it could really get any worse as is.

    I always live my life like it's my last. Thankfully I'm only on my fourth life, so I'm just kinda slacking off with this one. Tried sticking a fork in the toaster and all it did was break my toaster. Oh well, no big loss either way!

    ReplyDelete
  32. UnknownDecember 21, 2013 at 4:32 AM

    Snarfing coffee Part Deux. Loved your rhyming response.

    ReplyDelete
  33. UnknownDecember 21, 2013 at 9:33 AM

    #281 was especially funny - how many lives does he have? And "Marry Christmas = too funny! Thanks for the laughs. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  34. Eat To LiveDecember 21, 2013 at 12:43 PM

    Hahaha... love your reply to the European Super Model.

    Have a wonderful Holiday!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Dawn@Lighten Up!December 22, 2013 at 10:18 AM

    Headline: Live in the now
    Bio: I'll do this later...

    Bwa Ha ha haaa!

    Marry Christmas, Robyn!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Baby SisterJanuary 3, 2014 at 10:47 PM

    Well 277 is a real winner, for sure. If I weren't married...

    ReplyDelete

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