Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Cinderella's and Prince Charming's Match.com Ads Revealed!


To follow is a snippet from Woman on the Verge of Paradise, due for release sometime, someday.  Enjoy.
 
How would the world’s most perfect couple have described themselves on Match.com, had they not met at the ball? I imagine something like this:

Name:  Cindy Rella

Sex:  Oh no, not until marriage *giggling and blushing*.

Appearance:  They say I’m beautiful - perfect height, weight, figure and feet.

Hobbies:  Talking to birds, playing with mice, sewing, cooking, and cleaning.

Seeking: Male, any age, religion, ethnicity, and employment status. Criminal and substance abuse history - doesn't matter.  Relationship history - doesn’t matter. Kids or no kids - doesn’t matter.
Looks and money a plus.
 
First date preferences: Marriage.

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Name: Prince Charming

Sex:  Please, frequently and often.

Appearance:  Gorgeous, manly, and extremely handsome.

Hobbies: Waltzing.

Seeking: Beautiful female – perfect height, weight, figure and feet. Nothing else matters.

First date preferences: Family is pressuring me to marry. I kinda just wanna get laid.

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On that note, happy hump day, all. 
Keep a smile and a stash of chocolate.

39 comments:

  1. You know the mice called her Cinda Relly. That's cute she decided to do something similar. Or maybe they did call her Cindy Rella. Been a long time since I saw it.
    I don't have chocolate, but I did splurge on a 9 lb box of cocoa powder so I can make lots of chocolate stuff.

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  2. Looks like these two are a match. I wonder if, after marriage, she keeps her maiden name? She should - Cindy Rella Charming. You know Americans are big on doing the "ie" and "y" thing to names so since she's into naming anyway maybe she should just got for it and change Rella to Really. Any thoughts on baby names?

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  3. Isn't that how all guys would fill out a Match.com form? Even is it's not the truth? (Except for the sex part of course.)
    Hilarious, Robyn! Cindy does sound a little bit nuts.

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  4. This post makes prince Charming sound like a bit of a dick haha but I agree with you all the same Robyn, she'd have taken anything and he'd have taken only the best, yet they still met. Fairytales are a strange thing.

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  5. How could they NOT live happily ever after with each other, LOL?

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  6. I think poor Cindy would shun me, the birds and mice would be toast and she'd have no one to talk too.

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  7. A match made in the strangest of heavens, right!

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  8. I'll continue smiling so long as I have my stash of chocolate.

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  9. I think Prince Charming would date all of Hef's playmates before getting to Cindy. And Cindy might end up with Mike Tyson if she's not more choosy.

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  10. Funny one Robyn!
    That kind of changes the whole fairy tale! Probably in a good way!

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  11. Lol! Sounds like they're perfect for each other.

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  12. That is so true it is plain sad. Although I did laugh a lot. My mind is a strange, scary place.

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  13. Thank you, everyone. One of my main goals with this novel is to blow the fairytale to smithereens. They did, afterall, kiss and marry on their first date - knowing virtually nothing about each other. But then they lived happily...well, we all know the rest.

    Be well. I'll be visiting your blogs asap.

    xoRobyn

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  14. This was very funny. Yes, small feet highly desirable!

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  15. First date preferences: Marriage.

    Not only did this make me laugh out loud, but back in the time that I actually was online dating... this is not far off. I can't believe the amount of women that would hit 28-29 and wake up one morning thinking, "I'm going to create a match.com profile, and tell everyone my goal is to be married before I turn 30. Yeah, that won't scare any guys off!"

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  16. Well, I would probably put...
    Seeking: Female. Should I say human?
    Luckily for me, Mrs. Penwasser turned out to be beautiful. That was kind of a bonus.
    Especially since I'm no Prince Charming.

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  17. Good thing fairy tales are make believe because those of us that are not ultra beautiful would never get the prince.

    Very funny slant on dating, though.

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  18. So funny!

    There's a lot of "Princes" online, not sop much when ya meet 'em in person.

    I do, for whatever strange reason, love the Cinderella story, even though my feet are MUCH too big for a glass slipper. Love the version by Mercedes Lackey in Phoenix and Ashes. Even told my own version as a short story.

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  19. This was so cute, and I loved Cindy's choice for a perfect first date! Wishing you a very happy and healthy birthday Robyn!

    Julie

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  20. Thank you, Julie and everyone.

    PS Happy birthday to me and John Cusack. =) xo

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  21. My goodness, Alex. How did you know? Do you have Ninja's on facebook? THANK YOU! xo

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  22. Happy Birthday Beautiful...

    Hope you have pampered yourself in Paradise!

    xo

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  23. Prince Charming sounds like a typical frat boy in his match.com ad. I can see him sitting back in a secret room in his palace watching his hidden stash of Girls Gone Wild videos.

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  24. That's funny. They don't sound so appealing in that light, do they? I think you "nailed" them, though.
    I like your description of the blog. Will have to look for your celibacy posts...but something's niggling in my brain that I may have read them before...
    Tina @ Life is Good

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  25. LOVE this. One of the most creative posts I've read in a while :)

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  26. Hi Robyn,

    Well, kiss my glass...slipper. This was very clever and a witty ditty. I really appreciated the light relief, (no innuendoes), with this posting, Robyn.

    Yikes, my carriage just turned into a pumpkin....:)

    Thank you for you kind, supportive comment on my latest posting.

    A lovely weekend to you.

    Gary :) x

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  27. Ah to hump or not to hump.
    There is NO question.

    ;)


    xo

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  28. bahahaha! cindy-rella!!! this was hilarious! :)

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  29. ha,ha,ha, with a Prince charming like that = who needs the chocolate?

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  30. Optimistic, thanks so much!

    Gary, if the shoe fits, I'll kiss it. Whatever that means. =)

    Farawayeyes, that's a great one.

    Thank you, everyone.
    You are the best!

    xoRobyn

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