And I Wrote This Book.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Horsing Around: Sundays in My City

UnknownMami hosts a scenic worldwide party on Sundays. Visit her site to tour the world. 

Welcome to California's true North. Today, we'll appreciate horses - a majestic animal of key importance to folks around these here parts. Chico's local Horse Store, appropriately named The Horse Store, decorates its model horse every month. In February, the horse looked like this:

In March, the horse was re-decorated.
I love the spirited intent, but have you ever seen such an ugly horse-bunny?
Still, it kind of makes me want to vote for Mr. Ed for President...
This car was parked at a local gym. I respect its owner's choice in bumper stickers.

Happy Sunday, new week, and new month.
May you not fall for any April Fooler's horsing around. 
Sending good thoughts to all my blog friends embarking on the A-Z Challenge. Have fun with it. I'll be visiting.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Latest in Chocolate: Chocolate Cream Cheese

This one recently hit Safeway's dairy shelves: Kraft Philadelphia Indulgence, dark chocolate cream cheese made with real Belgium chocolate. Having just spooned the last of it, I can assure you it's yummy - sweet, rich, chocolaty, and similar to Nutella. Between the two, though, I'd stick with Nutella. It's lighter and works better as a spread. 

A spoonful of Indulgence makes for a tasty mini-dessert. It's creamy but not cream-cheesy, and so chocolaty it will drown out the taste of whatever you eat it with. This isn't a complaint, coming from me. I just wish to properly inform those of you who aren't as addicted to cocoa as I am. 

Healthy it's not, at 20% saturated fat and only 2% calcium. Of course, that's not why I was anxious to try, and keep trying this one. And I still highly recommend it for the "Yum" factor alone. 

I give Kraft Philadelphia Chocolate Cream Cheese Spread an 8 on a scale of 1 to 10. Go Indulge (say, on a cracker, bread, or plain bagel). Let me know what you think. 

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Living the Dream, A Saturday Centus

 
Jenny Matlock's Saturday Centus keeps us challenged in fun and interesting ways. This week, we're assigned to write a piece in exactly 100 words, including the 5 words of the prompt (bolded below). 

Please enjoy. Jump aboard, if you haven't already, and visit other centus posts here.
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Living the Dream

I’m living the dream, man.
But don’t get me wrong.
I work real hard
Dude pass me my bong.
I’m up before noon
Then act like a fool.
It’s a stretch for me, bro. 
Do I look like a tool?
The babes aren’t too smart.
But they’re stacked like IHOP.
When I just wanna nap
They whine “Dontcha stop!”
The lights are too bright and shiny and stuff
At eight grand per show
This work’s way too much...
*Bleep* they send me to Rome
I don’t even speak Dutch!

Say, wanna puff?

Reality TV -
‘Nuff said. It’s real tough.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A Moment of Auntie Moments

Hi. I've missed you and am back with some snippets of discourse between me and my nephew...
----------------o---------------o-------------------o------x----o----x
Jeremy: You live in Paradise? 
Me: Yes, well Chico. It's very close to Paradise.
Jeremy: No, you live in Paradise. Paradise is far. Is it more than 40 miles? 40 miles is far. One finity is bigger than 40.

Jeremy: How old are you?
Me: 45.
Jeremy: 45? That's a lot.


When showing me how to play Angry Birds, Jeremy asked: "Are you good at knocking stuff over?"
I responded, "All the time, sweetie. All the time."

Upon watching me attempt to play Angry Birds, Jeremy decided (accurately): "You're not very good at it."

At an eatery, Jeremy told the waitress: "I want chocolate milk."
With great pride, I announced, "That's my nephew."

In the car en route to his T-ball game, Jeremy said: "Auntie Robyn, Robyn is your second name."
I responded, "You're right, sweetie. 'Auntie' comes first." 

Throughout my visit, we smothered each other in kisses and hugs, played "Tickle and Tackle" (I made that one up; it's played as it sounds.) and couldn't stop laughing. I already miss my five year old love bug.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Starring YOU!

Not to brag, but I have the funniest followers in the blogosphere. The proof follows. Inspired by Mr. Jr. Collage (see #174 in the last post), I've compiled a collage of some of your comments from the last 10 days. Forgive me for taking your words out of context and shaving them down a bit. It seemed to make for an even more humorous read. Still, you're natural comedians. Thank you for always making me laugh. I hope you enjoy...And sorry if your comments are missing. It would've been too long to include all of them, but I'll likely do this again. It was too much fun not to.
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Beth I’ve saved a few choice (loving) letters from my kids. “Dear Mom,I’m sorry I told {insert brother’s name} to piss up a flagpole.”Author – age 8. He didn’t learn that expression at home – it was the first time I’d ever heard it – and was somewhat impressed.

Alex J. Cavanaugh He'd make the perfect senator.
Al Penwasser I DO need a topic for 'H' during the A-Z Challenge. You think the world is ready for "hemorrhoids"? Err, the story, not the anal affliction....Art. I'd like to meet him. I hear he does good work.

Ruth Maybe he's gonna make somethin' purty.
Johanna Garth ‘Look at Joan Rivers' Bahaha!

Anthony J. Langford Whenever I see joan Rivers, i think, she looks pretty good for 133..pity she can't smile though.

julie fedderson The threat of being stabbed with a pencil seems to be a powerful motivator.

Stephen Hayes I'm sure you did the best that you could with this pre-Mensa marvel.

Pat Hatt Just shove a sock in his mouth and be done with him.Rek I have love notes from 6th grade (11-12 yrs)...One of them had written among other things..."very neat, always wears Iron clothes."

David Macaulay I'm closer to getting further than before.

Teri Vonn Joan Rivers is no longer original. She is a clone made from bionic play dough.

Chuck I laughed until lasagna came out my nose...do you now hard you have to laugh for THAT to happen!
Amanda I love Killer Klowns From Outer Space!

Donna Hole I hear ya girl

Jeremy Bates Ho Ho! If these are actually real, they'd have a better chance of hooking up with a Nigerian scammer than anyone in their local area. The English is about the same.

Stephen Hayes When I was dating my wife I invited her upstairs to see my etching collection. She got mad when I showed them to her. 


Empty Nest Insider I don't know why you haven't found a cocoa plant grower yet!Joanne I say the unemployed pot grower shows potential.
*       
*     Annalisa Crawford er, yeah - there's a lot going on in his world, isn't there? faraways Maybe these guys should date the Nigerian scammers.

*       Beth After reading these, batteries for something other than a flashlight would seem quite appropriate.
*       
    John McElveen MSOMN!!! Thanks Robyn, Milk Shot out of My Nose all over my Keyboard! 

    Sarah Is it me or are they hard to understand because they don't realize they don't make much sense?
  
Susan Flett Swiderski Oh Lord, do you think they represent the BEST these guys have to offer?

*      The Frisky Virgin And this is why I'm still a single v-card holder. Seriously, those are the types that seem to cross my path. The "live me, everything about me" guy...yeah, there was one guy who used "me" and "I" so much, I knew there was no room for a woman in his life--he was too much about himself.

*      Melissa Bradley I think all together they have one half of a functioning brain.

Al Penwasser A few thousand years in Purgatory for me, for sure.
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P.S. I'm going to be away for a little while. It's related to my nephew's doing the unthinkable; he's turning 5. I first met him when he was 3 months old, asleep in my arms, on my wedding day. (At least one of us was smart enough to sleep through it.) Now he loves life too much to spend any time napping. So I expect to be frenzied for several days, then hopping on back here around Tuesday. Be well, happy St. Patrick's day, and have a great weekend!

Monday, March 12, 2012

On Why I Choose Celibacy, Reasons #168 - 175

Well, hello! I've missed you. Just stepped out of a writing cave - dusting self off and releasing fingers from nostrils. It was dank and smelly in there. I'm extra glad to see you. Would you like a sampling of today's most eligible bachelors? Lifted directly from popular on-line dating sites, and embellished by my italicized snark, please accept the following reasons for my choice to live a celibate existence. I hope you get by now that there really is no better option - retreating back into the dank, smelly cave, in search of batteries. For a flashlight, that is. Just a flashlight.
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #168: Im a unemployed pot grower. I am looking for something casual that could grow!
I’m not good for suggestions on the matter, dude. But I hear pot’s about as casual as you can get. Have you tried mixing in soil nutrients?

REASON #169: I am looking for a woman who will live me and everything about me.  
You mean like a Medium, a High-Level Spirit Guide, or an innocent stalker? 

REASON #170: Currently I am planting a garden with vegetables and flowers and Cantalope, wow I love fresh cantalope. I love to study the weather. I am going back to college to earn a Phd in Psychology. I would like to be a Comic that doesn't cuss either... so a mix of a Christian Comic with a Phd. Can you image the Lord Jesus with His head thrown back, in full bellied laughter?!
Wow you mean with a half eaten cantelope resting on his lap, the hot sun rays beaming down on him as he accidentally bangs his head against the bookshelf, knocking over Sigmund Freud’s Psychopathology of Everyday Life? No, babe, I can’t imagine that one.

REASON #171: time does'nt wait for anyone...    
Neither does it wait for appropriate punctuation!n darling,

REASON #172: I want someone exciting. If you are new to the game, or been out of it for awhile, I can understand you not knowing exactly what to say to break the ice. Asking me what my favorite movie is only terrifies me for the future.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space, huh?


REASON #173: Sweep ME of MY Feet =) 
Do they make brooms for that =) ?

REASON #174: I am attending the local junior collage in town.
Keep attending, babe. Keep attending.

REASON #175: I want cant eat or sleep thinking of you feeling
Oh yeah, well I want cant feel you thinking so there