A life by chocolate entails finding sweetness in the light and dark. Moreso, it's about addiction to cocoa. An insatiable sweet tooth doesn't hurt. Well, not until the yucky tartar buildup and stuff. To the point, I strive to entertain with topics such as the utter hilarity and cuteness of children; the challenges of dating, my related rationale for celibacy; and chocolate as a precious remedy for it all. Thanks for sampling Life by Chocolate. I hope you keep coming back for more.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

REASONS FOR CELIBACY, #201-208

from Google images


Hi there! Lifted directly from popular on-line dating sites, and embellished by my italicized snark, I now present reasons 201 through 208 for [not just me but] any straight, single woman to choose celibacy. Excepting the last two, these are all internet dating ad headlines. Please enjoy...
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REASON #201: I'm distrustful of gnomes.
I’m distrustful of men who are distrustful of gnomes.

REASON #202: Headline Shmedline    
Weirdo Shmeirdo

REASON #203: No
"No"? That’s your headline? I can’t think of a weirder way to promote yourself. Wait, here’s one:

REASON #204: Man bites dog
Upon further research, I see that this is a movie title. Still, it’s a weird personal ad headline!

REASON #205: Headline 
You’re not a creative type, I take it.

This one I'm not touching:
REASON #206: I'm a Clyde looking for my Boney

REASON #207: I,m well grounded
And so is your apostrophe.

REASON #208: For the last year I lived on a yatch, and I lopve it.
Curiously, I posted this one over a year ago. But I see you’ve grown to lopve your yatch since then. Glad someone does.


22 comments:

Ms. A said...

LOVE your comment on the apostrophe!

YeamieWaffles said...

I really laughed at the apostrophy being grounded and the Clyde and Boney thing was hilarious too. I definitely have a level of distrust for a bloke who is distrustful of gnomes, I guess he thought he was being funny or something.

Ruth said...

That first dude is not going to save the money he could by shunning Travelocity and it's gnome.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

#207 got me! And #201 doesn't trust gnomes? I wouldn't trust him either.

Gorilla Bananas said...

The guy who said 'No' must be hearing voices. He might have been responding to a female voice saying "Leave me alone, you pervert!".

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

MsA, thanks.

YW, the word "bloke" is a good one. We don't use it much, or at all, here, but anyone distrusting of gnomes is a true bloke.

Ruth, yeah. He clearly didn't think it through, or he clearly just doesn't think.

Alex, thanks for affirming my distrust in a man who distrusts gnomes.

GB, I think you're onto something. Sounds feasible.

Keep smiling, all.
xoRobyn

Empty Nest Insider said...

These are all great! It would be fun to put on a beret, and set up a meeting with Clyde! So what if he can't spell. I'm sure you, Clyde and your police escort would be in for an eventful evening! Julie

Pat Hatt said...

LOL well the first one at least admitted it, yeah I'd never touch Boney either hahaha

Chuck said...

Wow! There are some spectacularly illiterate people out there is lala land. I doubt you'll change your name to Boney though. That one made me laugh.

sue said...

Has anyone thought of offering some inexpensive (obviously on-line) tutoring for these blokes? For a few dollars per ad or even less, I reckon you'd be well on the way to being wealthy very quickly. Offer some over the top promises about how they'd be more successful in their quest for true love etc and taa daa!!
thanks for the laugh Robyn
Sue

Yvonne said...

oh lord! these are ridiculously funny!

Stephen Hayes said...

Clyde and Boney? Shaking my head and laughing.

Betty Manousos said...

oh man!
these are hilarious! here i am wiping coffee from my laptop screen and it's all your fault!

xoxo

Melissa Bradley said...

LMAO! One wonders what passes through their minds as they type. Probably nothing, it's clearly not the big head that is doing the thinking.

Terra said...

I think 207 made me laugh the most!

Cheryl Klarich said...

Excellent reasons for celibacy! Oh my!!

Margaret Benbow said...

Hmm, from what I can remember of BONNIE AND CLYDE, Clyde was looking for his Boney there too. Found it at the end right before they were mowed down by a thousand machine guns. You're right, celibacy is better!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Julie, that would be interesting. Can I recruit you to go in my place, though? I'm scared.

Pat, I'm not touching your comment about not touching Boney. Good response.

Chuck, nah, I'll stick with Robyn. Glad to make you laugh.

Sue, there should be a niche there, though I think these men believe they're brilliant.

Yvonne, Oh Lord is right.

Stephen, I'm still doing the same.

Betty, I'm sorry and glad. Thanks.

Melly, one wonders if there's even a brain in the big head.

Terra, it is rather humorous to see a comma used in place of an apostrophe, by a well grounded man no less.

Cheryl, thanks for affirming that.

Margaret, good to see you. That's funny. I didn't remember how the movie ended. At least he found his Boney before dying.

Keep a smile, all.
xoRobyn

Melissa Ann Goodwin said...

I'm actually distrustful of gnomes, so that #201 guy and I might be a match :)

David Macaulay said...

show me the way to go gnome - hopefully not on a yatch, whic sounds like an unpleasant place to hang out - there are always great Robyn x

Al Penwasser said...

That picture of the gnome is right up my alley (ooh, that's probably an unfortunate phrase).

Baby Sister said...

Yeah, I wouldn't trust the gnome distruster either. Who does that? Such a creative group this time!! :)