A life by chocolate entails finding sweetness in the light and dark. Moreso, it's about addiction to cocoa. An insatiable sweet tooth doesn't hurt. Well, not until the yucky tartar buildup and stuff. To the point, I strive to entertain with topics such as the utter hilarity and cuteness of children; the challenges of dating, my related rationale for celibacy; and chocolate as a precious remedy for it all. Thanks for sampling Life by Chocolate. I hope you keep coming back for more.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Interview with Author of 50 Shades of Grey: IWSG




Alex J. Cavanaugh  founded the blogosphere's one-and-only Insecure Writer’s Support Group. We’re posting monthly, exposing our vulnerabilities and/or offering support to one another. Please check out Alex’s blog to visit others’ posts. It’s a great group.  Join us, if you haven't already! All that's required is an insecurity or two hundred.
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**The following interview might be real. Any resemblance to a real author, though, is a mere coincidence.**

Robyn: Ladies and gentlemen, today we welcome Erika James, better known as EL James, author of 50 Shades of Grey! Erika bites her lip. She walks on stage wearing a very low-cut pale grey blouse, tight dark grey leather skirt, and black-grey stilettos. Robyn shakes her hand. Thanks for taking the time to come here. Please have a seat. Erika and Robyn sit in leather recliners; hers a deep grey, Robyn’s a fainter grey.

Robyn continues: I’ve seen your interviews on other shows, and I’m disappointed. You seem nice and humble. It’s hard to hate you. But I’m extremely jealous of your success, especially since you write like *bleep.* It’s not fair of me to judge, because I didn’t read it, but it’s *bleep.*

Erika sits erect and bites her lip again. I’ve sold over 40 million. How much of your work have you sold?

Robyn changes the subject, slumps over and digs into her purse. She pulls out a Big Hunk bar. Want some candy?

Erika: No thank you. She bites her lip again. I get my nuts back at home.

Robyn: I bet. I don’t. Robyn ravages the Big Hunk. Mmm mm, so um, -she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand- when I first heard your book has a lot of BDSM,* I got excited. I like big dark sexy men. I wanted to research and write about them too. And make millions. Something was wrong, though, because lots of real authors write about big dark sexy men, and they’re struggling. So I googled BDSM, and good Lord! Robyn’s face turns red. She giggles. My idea of risqué sex is doing it over the bedsheets. But only with the lights out. At night. During the summer.

Erika: She bites her lip again. I understand you’re an expert on celibacy. I’m not surprised really.

Robyn: Yeah, but on the other hand, sex shouldn’t be torturous. I mean, there’s build-up to a scene in your book in which the young woman tells the man to punish her to the full extent. So he beats her with a belt, and then she’s devastated because they aren’t compatible. That’s pure *bleep*! Your success raises my insecurities. Do I have to write like that to be successful?

Erika: It depends how you define success. She bites her lip again.

Robyn: Ah yes. That’s the deepest thing you’ve expressed. Thank you!


Erika: You’re welcome. She bites her lip again. Listen —she grabs her purse you keep plugging away, and I’ll keep whipping them out and making millions. Erika stands up, waves at the audience, then graciously shakes Robyn’s hand. Toodles!

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*In case I’m not the only one who needed to look up this term, it means: bondage-discipline, dominance-submission, and sado-masochism.




39 comments:

Ms. A said...

It's not on my reading list. Actually, I have no reading list, but if I did, it wouldn't be on it.

Joanne said...

That *Bleep*! I mean who the *bleep* does she think she is?!! And she refused candy?!!! Is she *bleepin'* crazy?!!! I haven't read her *Bleepin* book and don't *Bleepin* intend to. Ok I think I'm a bit bitter >:0/
Great post Robyn! Have a great day!
Blessings, Joanne

M.J. Fifield said...

I read the books. And I agree that they're *bleep*.

But that line... "it depends on how you define success"... very deep and very true.

Melissa Bradley said...

LMAO "You write like *bleep*" How true. As an erotica writer, I find her books not at all explicit or sexy. She writes erotica for the same people Oren Peli directs his Paranormal Activity movies to...Those who really don't read or watch the genre. People who don't read erotica are of course titillated by her email style delivery "I asked you to punish me to the full extent and you did." Yawn!

Stephen Hayes said...

I've heard such mixed things about this book. I doubt I 'll read it.

Empty Nest Insider said...

While my friends were reading both sequels, I couldn't even get through the first book. I never understood what all the hype was about. Your Halloween post alone was much more colorful than the first several chapters of Grey. Loved your clever interview too! Julie

Annalisa Crawford said...

Her success is the epitome of 'right time, right place'. I'm gobsmacked it's become so mainstream that it's sold in supermarkets though!

YeamieWaffles said...

"No thank you. I get my nuts back at home," Oh my goodness that made me seriously crack up haha. I think that EL James is a woeful writer myself and I'm pretty baffled by her success. Generally I assume something that's successful has to be good, at least in some aspect but I just can't see that with 50 Shades of Grey, her work is just poor in my opinion.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That's what the *bleep* means???
Hilarious as always, Robyn. And you're successful because you are one awesome person with a wicked sense of humor. That is priceless.

Cheryl Klarich said...

Robyn, I love that you had the guts to um...tackle? this!!

I loved your shades of gray...you were probably wearing your grey shades for the interview, too...:)

Rosalind Adam said...

I'd rather read your version of a smutty relationship than hers any day. I will not be reading that book!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Thanks for your wonderful comments and for agreeing with me, all. I knew you would. What it says about humanity that her book is such a hot item - that's sad. But I'm floating by with the election results. What that says about the population is much happier. Hopefully it all balances out in the end, or weights towards goodness (not of the "inner goodness" variety) and non-filth.

Love ya,
xoRobyn

Pat Hatt said...

haha such a one sided interview, guess you don't have to be smart to sell 40 million books, and it is crap.

farawayeyes said...

All too true and all too hilarious.

Gorilla Bananas said...

She deserves to be caned on the butt for writing a book like that! I've got a feeling it might read better if you don't read it. Just ask someone to draw pictures of all the wicked deeds.

kimlajevardi.com said...

Wonderful IWSG post today! I'll take the chocolate if she doesn't want it :) Rather have a candy bar than even 5 Shades of Grey based on the reviews I've read. Keep plugging away, and as always, keep the candy dish filled. ;)

David Macaulay said...

BDS sort of heard of it but how the heck can you write three novels all about kinky sex? - hear it's written like a 7th grader's history project.

Yvonne said...

I didn't read that crap. I mean, I can only read about sex for so long, for me to be captivated (in a book) I need substance. She didn't have any. The writing was not very good either. How do I know this? Because while I didn't read it, per se, I skimmed the first few pages and yeah, it sucked. She's fortunate that society embraces mediocrity. -But I did like this line: "...it depends on how you define success..." :)

L.G. Keltner said...

Thanks for the follow! This interviews made me laugh, as well as reminded me of another insecurity I have. Love your blog, so now I'm a new follower.

Momma Fargo said...

Loved this! You make me laugh!

Tara Grover Smith said...

"Robyn ravages the big hunk." Now there's a story!
~Tara, biting lip.

Teri Vonn said...

Pet Rocks were a marketing success too and more entertaining than her books.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Pat, yeah, this interview really only has 1 shade. There's nothing positive about the book.

Farawayeyes, thanks so much.

GB, that's an interesting suggestion. I bet she'd sell even more if they were illustrated and wordless.

Kimla, thanks for visiting and for your encouragement. I'll forward the treats. Do you like Big Hunks?

David, someone told me the second book is redundant. So I'm sure the third is re-redundant. And we know the first one is *bleep.*

Yvonne, I agree. I also can tell from a quick glance if a book is good or not. Society isn't nearly as enlightened as the blogosphere.

LG, I'm glad I made you laugh. Thanks for the follow.

MommaFargo, thank you. I'm always thrilled when I make people laugh. That's my main goal.

Tara, if only it were non-fiction. Oh well, I'll run with it as a fantasy novel. The main character will bite her lip 7 times per chapter.

Thanks, all.
xoRobyn

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Terri, I'm laughing out loud at your comment. Thanks, and that's a very good point!

xoRobyn

Anonymous said...

I bet you could sell 50 million on a bestseller focusing on a sexy lover affair between a woman and her chocolate bar....

Tammy

Anthony J. Langford said...

'..get my nuts back at home.' hahaha

That't f-g hilarious!

There's no real reason for the success of this shite. As you say, there are plenty of other books like it and this one is written terribly. I just don't get it. No wonder it came from the Twilight universe. It's so full of poo over there.

Great post Robyn - very very funny.
xo

Powdered Toast Man said...

and I thought it stood for Body Doubles for Steve Mcqueen. Erika must of had a bloody lip after she bit it so many times.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

LOL! Just makes you want to smack her.

Tara Tyler said...

ha!
no interest...too many other good books on my tbr list!

and i love your reasons for celibacy posts!

Christine Danek said...

That's funny. It's so nice to meet you. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Well, since you're one of the most loyal of my readers, you know that I read this, purely for , um, research purposes, and LOATHED it. The writing was HORRIFIC. I have read, um , other "interviews" with the author, and she does seem kind of adorable though.
And how many books have I sold? Yeah.
And how many books have I finished writing?
Yeah.
Have a great weekend, my dear!

Al Penwasser said...

"Erika sits erect"?
I would think that would be impossible. Unless she isn't what she appears to be.
And I should know because I sat erect when Pam walked into 10th English class wearing that halter top.
No way was I going to stand up.

Lexa Cain said...

It is rather frightening, but it's not her fault. It's the fault of a very, very gullible, shallow, and stupid public. If they want to read badly-written trash, I guess it's their right. But I'll never get published if you have to write junk in order to appeal to the masses. (I hate Twilight, too. I mean, vamp has his pick of high school girls for years and years and yet falls in love with a needy, little Mary Sue? Puh-lease.)

But the important thing is your post was really funny, and I enjoyed it! :-)

Betty Manousos said...

these are hilarious but so true!

happy weekend, dearest!

big hugs~

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Anonymous Tammy, I'd need to change my name; it's a little embarrassing how I spend my nights. Even if I adopted a pseudonym, though, everyone would still know I wrote it.

Thanks so much, Anthony. Always glad to make you laugh and flattered by your praise. Twilight universe indeed.

PTM, that was my second guess. But big dark sexy men are more popular than him.

LDiane, yes, but across the face not on her butt. (Don't want to give her the wrong idea.)

Tara, thank you. I agree. Too many quality books out there. No time for trash.

Christine, you too. Thanks.

Dawn, yes, you provided some fuel for this post. I thank you for that.

Al, you'd be surprised at how little effort it takes for a gal to sit erect. We don't even need a dirty magazine.

Lexa, I fully agree and never watched Twilight. Puh-lease! So glad to make you laugh.

Betty, thank you. Happy weekend to you too.

xoRobyn

Christine Rains said...

Ha! Loved this! I have the same opinion of that book. I can't understand how it's so successful. I knew what BDSM was, and I was bored by what was in the book.

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Ravena Guron said...

Ha! I love this interview. A few of my friends have read it (shudder. I mean, a few years ago we believed in fairies and that Hannah Montana was a real person... okay, so many longer than a few years ago, but still.) They described it as "sexy" and that they'd want a guy like the male lead, which terrified me.

Baby Sister said...

Haha. Nice interview, Robyn. I've never read her books, and I don't intend to. No thanks!!