And I Wrote This Book.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

On Why I Choose Celibacy Reasons #123-130: Orange Beer and Groin Children

Lifted directly from current on-line dating ads, here’s a sample of today’s most eligible bachelors. This batch illustrates my reasons #123-130 for maintaining celibacy. I’ve added comments as usual and despite the fact that I’m often rendered speechless by this painstaking process. But I hope you’ll enjoy. 
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REASON #123: If it is true that 20 percent of relationships start online, wouldnt it be wiser that we all realize that 80% DO NOT START ONLINE? If only I could just have the bar come to my house humm. Hanging out in the bar in our underwear would surely spark conversation immediately. I didn’t think it was possible but you just lowered the bar, babe.

REASON #124: please be sexy! Well ok, but please have at least one active brain cell!

REASON #125: I have this glass slipper and I'm looking for my princess who is just the right size. It seems I keep meeting the mean step sister and not my Cinderella. I always suspected that evil step-sister had a thing for cross-dressers.

REASON #126: love working out,riding my harley,hanging out with my groin children is such a great time,i love old rock music Elvis, skinnard and the blues. Um, you’ve got groin children? Not to judge, but you’re one sick b*stard!

REASON #127:  Still romanticly enclined just not so taken with the "domestic arrangement" It seems people forget why they are together in the first place when all you do is fight and stuggle over the day to day battles of life . I would love to have a special person to devote all my attention to and focus on the fun things like movies and dinners and dancing. Just dont want to hassle with who forgot to pay the car insurance,overdrafted the bank accout or left the cap off the tooth paste ....Life is Short....these very things can find u getting a lawer to help divide all of your stuff True, and it’s tough to find a good lawer. Did you try the weed-wacker aisle at OSH?

REASON #128: But seriously now. Ya Im a light hearted guy with a bit of whit. Ya seriously, your whit speaks for itself, darlin’.

REASON #129: I am ntelligent, attractive, available, romantic ,artistic. Financially stable. I like to travel. I like nature. My life is firing on all cylinders which for me feels like 1000 horsepower.  Woohoo! Ride em, cowboy! I’m so glad I is not part of your ntelligent plan.

REASON #130 thinks he’s a brilliant romance writer. I think he’s on something. Crystal Meth, perhaps? What do you think?

 We walk along the river and I watch sunlight broken by the maples dapple her hair. She smiles when she sees the poppies along the far bank and her voice strong and sure of their beauty speaks endlessly about them. I love her voice, it floats like crystal meth? through the air and I could sit and listen to her speak about nothing and anything all day. You don’t have much of a life, do you, sir? Sometimes I would catch myself just watching her. Wow, those are some strong drugs. I love to watch her. Her movements are graceful and flowing while she walks along. Her beauty … It is angelic, unearthly….She laughs and I look away, sometimes it hurts if I look for too long. She says something about lip gloss and I pull the tube from my pocket and hand it to her. That’s rather coincidental and effeminate of you to carry lip gloss for these very moments. Our hands touch momentarily and I smile. It is the simple moments like this with her that I enjoy. No purpose, no agenda, just time.

We walk back to her place and she asks if I want another beer and presses a slice of orange into the top of the bottle. We clink our bottles together and I take a sip. I like her idea of a beer. It seems to taste better with a slice of orange and a slow dance. The dance ends and I look at her but it always takes her a moment to look back, I don’t know why. Maybe someday she will tell me. Maybe not. Maybe I don't want to know. Maybe none of us wants to know, babe.


We move to the couch and sit in the sunlight. She puts her bare feet up on the footstool and snuggles into my shoulder. A slight breeze coming through the open window carries the smell of the tiny flowers hanging on the maples. Happy… It had always made me uncomfortable. It had always seemed alien. Happy was always something that happens right before something bad happens and I was feeling happy in spades. She hugs and kisses me before I leave and I laugh a bit. She eyes me with suspicion and questions my laugh. I ask her if it is alright for me to be happy and she smiles. On the other hand happy is the thing that happens before a bad thing happens. I laugh because I am happy, but I also laugh because I got a mental flash of my house burning down and it really didn’t bother me all that much.
Um, hm, that was your personal ad? It's longer than War and Peace! That was meant to attract a woman? Sweetie, first off: call 911 if your house is burning down! (Hint: press 9, then 1. Then another 1.) Next, go off of the drugs and the lip gloss. Then, put down the pen. Don't pick it up again. Ever. Just relax and enjoy orange beer alone.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Now, Go Away Hurricane Irene!

Hi dear friends,
I wasn't (yet) moved by today's Saturday Centus prompt, though it's a good one. I'm just a bit distracted with concern for those of you in harm's way. This poem is dedicated to all who are or may be affected by Hurricane Irene. Please stay safe!

NOW

We don’t know why

We don’t know how

All we know is what is now.


Now is breath and hope and life.

Now is poised to meet the strife.

In now resides all that we need

To face the tides ‘til storms recede.


A glass half empty’s just as full.

The heart lifts more than sorrow’s toll.


We don’t know why

We don’t know how


All we know is what is now.


PS Also, get the hell out of there if you are in harm's way! I love you and am sending positive thoughts and calm weather from Northern CA.  

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Mating Game!


Jim Socks:  Welcome to The Mating Game! Let’s meet our eligible bachelors, and HEEERRRREEE they are.
   Bachelor #1 is a former heavy weight champion and political body. Currently a father of many and counting, he’s Arnold Snortsnnailsher. *Arnold comes out flexing his triceps to the music of “You’re so Vain”. *
   Bachelor #2 is a former actor now seeking a hobby. Let’s welcome Charlie Sheethead! Charlie walks onto the stage sipping a martini and stuffing his pockets with baggies of white powdery stuff. The song “Let’s Go Get Stoned” blasts our studio.
   Bachelor #3 is a retired politician with a penchant for tweeting. Welcome Anthony Oscar Meyer! The Oscar Meyer theme song plays as Anthony walks on stage proudly pointing at his groin region.
  
Our lovely bachelorette likes necklaces and performing. Let’s welcome Lindsay Quickhands! Lindsay strolls in wearing shades, a diamond- studded evening gown, ankle bracelet and flip flops. Her lawyer stands by her side, helping Lindsay read the questions.

First question: So like, I like big shiny things. What would you gift me with if we became an item?

Bachelor number 2, Charlie? You like big shiny things huh? This bag of cocaine is pretty darn shiny. Charlie tosses a Ziploc filled with white powdery stuff over the stage divider, hitting Jim Socks in the face. Jim picks it up with a grin and stashes it in his pants pocket.

How about Anthony, number 3? Well, Lindsay, I really would like to “gift” you, if that’s what you want to call it.  Anyway, it’s not shiny, but it is big.  I’m thinking, though, you can rub it to make it shiny.  Wait, I’ll send you a picture...what’s your ‘Twitter’ name?

Question 4 (lawyer whispers in her ear), Oh, second question: The paparazzi love me. I can’t do anything without being photographed.  If you’re gonna be with me, you’d have the cameras on you. How do you feel about that?

Arnold, Bachelor 1? I have made plenty of sex tapes. I am not camera shy. By the way, did you see the one with Jesse "The Body" Ventura?

How about Anthony? Cameras usually are on me, I’m so damn stunning.  Compared to me, Brad Pitt is Brad-the-Homeless-Guy-With-No-Teeth-and-a-Collection-of-Cans-Who-Lives-Under-the-Overpass.  And you’d be Chaz Bono.  So, don’t worry.  Hey, how ‘bout I also ‘friend’ you on ‘Facebook’ along with ‘Twitter’?

Question 3: I’ve been at home in my beachfront mansion a lot these days. It’s kind of boring. What would you do to spice things up for me?  

Bachelor #1, Arnold? May I suggest a threesome with Danny Devito?

How about you, Charlie? Well I know this group of porn stars we could invite over along with that "shiny" stuff and we could have a little party.

Last question: It’s been a long time since I had a boyfriend. *Sigh* Most guys think I’m just a partier. But I like other things too, like shopping. Are you, like, into different things? If so, what?

Number 1, Arnold? I like to pick things up and put them down!! I also like doing maids, democrats, libertarians, librarians, brussel sprouts and an occasional German shepherd.

How about you, Charlie? Well we could go shopping for lingerie and strippers, babe.
Number 3? I’m into mirrors, restraint, recording devices, meat, and meat-related products.  But, mostly meat.  On second thought, do you have an I-Phone?  That may be the best way to shoot you a video I took of myself at the gym.  With no pants. 

*The Love Boat theme song plays.*

Jim Socks: Our time is up. Lindsay, which of these desirable *licking his lips* bachelors do you choose? Lindsay pauses for a moment, confers with her attorney, nods and says “I choose you, Jim.” Jim blushes. They stroll off stage gushing. Lindsay is seen sliding her hand into Jim’s pants pocket, pulling out the Ziploc full of white powdery stuff. The three bachelors are left dumbfounded but they’re used to it.  

Cut to the CREDITS ~ Much thanks to a manly, hilarious cast of bachelors: 
Powdered Toast Man, who played Arnold Snortsnnailsher;  
Oilfield Trash, who played Charlie Sheethead; and  
Al Penwasser, who played Anthony Oscar Meyer. 
Love you guys, even if Lindsay doesn’t!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

A Wednesday Teaser

* COMING SOON to Life by Chocolate, The Mating Game *

Have a great, peaceful Wednesday and don't forget to laugh! xo Robyn

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Signs of Chico, Sundays in My City

Unknown Mami hosts a picturesque worldwide party on Sundays. Check out some wonderful photos here.

Welcome back to Chico, CA. So glad you dropped by. 
Today, I've got three more signs to show you.

Just in case you're in the market for a mortuary, this one is clearly affordable (wheelchair accessible too).

Observe this nicely designed sign on solid wood, words spelled perfectly in bold black paint and stretched across the family's front yard. Yet the house is up for rent and scene is rather desolate. Do you see children playing? Me neither. Do take note: children are undoubtedly playing throughout the world, as they should.

The little sign in front of the barren tree reads "Extreme Water Dangers." I walked a bit further and found myself at glistening pools of tame water. [Perhaps it's extremely dangerous for those who get drunk and take nose-dives off of the rocks.]

I didn't plan on a morbid post. Sorry. I truly hope you have a lively week full of fun scenes and signs, and children at play (for real).
xo Robyn

Saturday, August 20, 2011

First Will and Testament, A Saturday Centus

The Saturday Centus challenge usually entails creating a piece within 100 words. This week, Miss Jenny has allowed 150. Please visit the groups' offerings here. If you haven't joined us yet, consider jumping aboard. It's always fun and great exercise. 

I skipped class last week, so I'm combining last week's prompt (underlined below) with this week's (bolded below). Enjoy and have a great weekend. xo Robyn 
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First Will and Testament

If I die young or an old shrew
Keep a smile for me, another for you.

Laugh out loud when it’s right
Bathe in tears when it’s wrong
Dance with ants in your pants
When you can’t stand the song.

If I die young or an old shrew
Keep a smile for me, another for you.

Publish my writing, all credit to me.
Produce my life story with Sarah J.P.*
A bold, brawny hottie will play my main squeeze
Any looker will do. No Scientologists, please!

If I die young or an old shrew
Keep a smile for me, another for you.

Devour fair-trade chocolate
When life's sour or sweet
Catch hope in your heart and
Spring in your feet

If I die young or an old shrew
Keep a smile for me, another for you.

*Sarah Jessica Parker  or, if you’d rather, Jennifer Aniston

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Alone, Poetry for a Quiet Wednesday

Hi friends.

Here's a poem for you from my younger self (age 11-1/2). Remember when those half and quarter years counted and counted a lot?


I hope you have a quiet Wednesday with some time alone or, well, good ear-muffs.


PS I can't explain the ear-muff thing, especially since I've always lived in California. I do appreciate powerful ear plugs (e.g., 32 decibel noise resistant) nowadays, though.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Welcome Back to Chico, Sundays in My City

Unknown Mami hosts a very scenic worldwide party on Sundays. Check out the other offerings here.
 Today, I present a bit more of Chico, CA.

Welcome to Chico, where:
It's not uncommon to park next to a boat. (Hint: My car is the non-boat.)

And you can find some of the world's weirdest bumper stickers.
(This one reads "Guns kill people like spoons made Rosie O'Donnell fat.")??

But turn around and you will see nature at its best! 
We're now at Bear Hole in Upper Bidwell Park.
Thanks for visiting Chico, California. Have a great Sunday and new week!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Fat, Ugly Boss With a Moustache: Hate Post

Time to break from all the sap.Tessa's hosting a Blog Hatefest today. Check out the collection of angry offerings here. Mine's dedicated to former bosses, those lacking in scruples and driven by insatiable ego and control needs. You know who you are, and I'm glad to be in a better place (i.e., away from you) but I still hate you. 
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Eileen limped around the office with a cane, moaning about her pained ligaments and fall from the “damned step ladder.” She was 40 then, as wide as she was tall, and utterly unrefined. Plus, most irksome of all, she bore a rather obvious dark brown moustache.  But I was extremely lucky to have her as my boss. That’s what they all said. 

“She has exceptional skills with the toughest of clients, Robyn,” they told me. “You’ll learn so much from her!” 

I said “She’s fat, ugly and needs to shave her moustache.” [I did, and clearly still do, hate her guts.]

It was my birthday when I got the offer. The salary was twice what I’d earned on my last job. 

“Is the amount okay with you?” the manager asked.

“Oh, hmm, yes, it's fine.” I suppressed my enthusiasm. 

“Welcome! Welcome! We’re so glad to have you here.” They were warm and hospitable when I arrived. Alas, I was a professional in a professional setting earning professional pay. I quickly befriended colleagues who joined me on weekend dance excursions. Management consultants adjusted my computer space to assure ergonomic correctness. I participated in free tai-chi classes during Tuesday lunch breaks. Chocolate eclairs graced the conference room table, sweetening the toll of lengthy staff meetings. What more could I ask for?

Slam! She’d come into my office, week after week, abruptly shutting the door behind her. Inching her way to a chair, she sat across the room from me, eyes piercing, both hands clenching the handle of her cane. She opened her mouth and the words cut through me. It was disturbing enough to view her, this woman hailed as the department goddess, much less be subject to her mentorship.

“What you said during staff meeting wasn’t appropriate. You need to watch your words. Don’t speak up until you clear it with me first. You have to learn people skills and I don’t think this is the right work environment for you. You don’t know the first thing about being a clinician…”

When each weekly bashing was over, I resumed my job with a deep breath, quality work and a smile.

Ten weeks into my employment, Mrs. Williams called me in for what she termed “an evaluation.”

“So how are things going with Eileen?”

“Well, we’ve had some differences but we’re working through it. Things are getting better.” 

Mrs. Williams’ eyes pierced me in an Eileen-like fashion. She snatched a post-it from her desk, scrawled some words onto it, then invited me to leave her office. 

The stage was set. My "evaluation" would not be favorable so I managed to transition to a new employer rather quickly.

Three years later, I met Mike who shared an office with Eileen. “Kindly pass on a message for me, Mike. Tell her she’s fat and ugly and needs to shave her moustache.”

I hope she got the message.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Woman on the Verge of Paradise: Disappearing Act

Thanks for joining this Woman on the Verge of Paradise, a chronicle of my transition from the San Francisco Bay Area to Chico, CA. If you're new to Life by Chocolate, or just madly trying to catch up with your blog reading (Can we ever truly catch up?), this non-fictional story begins here. While I strive for accuracy regarding place and time, I alter names as I see fit. Note that Mojo's real and he's a real rascal of a cat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hmm, where’d they go? There were tons of them just minutes ago. I snap my head to the left, scan the scene, and come up empty. A quick take to the right reveals the same. I pat my bed covers and lift the pillows. Nope, nobody’s on my bed. That’s strange. There’s gotta be a man around here somewhere. I squat to check under my bed. Aha! I found one, but it’s just Mojo.

That darn feline glares up at me with an expression of “What?! Somebody’s gotta warm up this room!”

Okay Mojo. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, either you go or I go. And I ain’t going. Got it? By the way cat, what happened to all the suitors? You know, all those men who were emailing and calling and going so far as to actually date me, or to possibly suggest trying to meet sometime before the end of the world, if they have time and because they were really interested. Yeah. It was going on for weeks and there were so many of them, like two.

Mojo offers a “Get over it lady, you’s touched” expression and rushes off for lunch.

I plop onto my bed, lean against the bedpost and reflect on heartwarming memories.

Why just last week, Larry was calling six times a day. He’s a high-powered businessman, perfectly nice, and liberal minded. We enjoyed a pleasant dinner at La Hacienda on our first date and a friendly hike in Bidwell Park on our second.  Phone tag ensued for several weeks.

“I’ll call you back in 75 minutes, after I put the kids to bed,” he told me.

That was six days ago and the last time we spoke. I’m feeling for those kids; it’s hard to stay awake so many days in a row.  Maybe, just maybe, he’ll put them to bed tonight and call me.  [I’m keeping the phone juiced just in case.]

But it’s okay either way, because Paul’s the man. Oh that Paul, he gives good email--prolific in content and devoid of typos. Paul and I have so much in common, like we live in Northern California and I’m sure there’s other stuff.  So after weeks of correspondence, he suggested a possible tentative meet-up for the following week. “I think I can definitely do that,” he kind of confirmed. I was smitten.

“It’d be great to meet. You name the date and time. I’ll work around your schedule.” I couldn’t have been more accommodating.

The morning of the prospective possible date arrived and Paul emailed: “The confluence of events has occurred. My dog got sprayed by a skunk, the kids have soccer practice this week, family is coming to town and blah blah blah with no apology…This is the life of a single parent. Sigh.”

Overwhelmed by confluence, Paul suggested I date someone less busy. In turn, I decided to look up “confluence” and avoid anyone who expels such verbiage.

Moreover, I realized my dating life has become one of friends with benefits, without the friendship. Or the benefits. 

At least I’ve got Mojo. 

Hey… Mojo! Mojo! Where are you? A quick take to the left and right again. Nope. I pat down my bed and lift the pillows. No sign of him.

I squat and our eyes meet. His glance says it all: “You’s touched but I’m still gonna keep this space warm.”

That’s my boy!
 

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

On Why I Choose Celibacy Reason #122: Mr. Chipper

Some men think they’re all that and a bag of Cool Ranch Dorito Chips. Some just trudge along with three-ton chips on their shoulders. [Please note that I realize many women are this way too. I just don’t date women...not quite yet.]

Back to my point. Let’s attend to one male specimen. We’ll call him Mr. Chipper. Chipper and I met, of course, on Plentyoffish.com. We exchanged a few standard pleasantries.  I told Chipper about my job, my move from the Bay Area, and some of my favorite hobbies. In turn, the Chipster informed me about his chronic medical condition, unemployment, and fiscal woes. 

Here's the bulk of Chipper’s third email to me: So, you've been in Chico for a little over 5 month and you have a job...I know of someone else who was here under a year and got a job. I'm feeling like the girl on the movie Sixteen Candles, where the town person can't get what the new kid in town seems to have no problem with. Oh no you didn’t. You didn’t just reference Sixteen Candles. Did you, Chip?! UN-pre-pubescent-sexually-confused-girlie- boy-who’s-stuck-in-1984-BELIEVABLE!

My restrained reply: Sorry. I’ve had long stints of unemployment too, and I know how hard it is. The fact that you’re getting interviews is a good sign something will come through eventually. Take care.

Chip fought back with this: Thanks for the reply. I'm not sure you want to continue chatting though. I don't see a question for me to answer for you and you close with take care. So do you want to chat/think there is a possible friendship here? I can make it easy for you. If you want to continue to chat write me back, if not just ignore me.

My reply: Just to let you know, I was a bit put off by your comments about me having a job as a town newbie, as if I don’t deserve it or should apologize or something.  Still, I responded with compassion. 
Given our correspondences have regressed to a pretty somber tone, I don’t wish to continue but I do wish you luck.

Chiphead’s next move? He immediately deleted his profile altogether. 
Shame. I have this dedication ready for him. We'll go with it anyway. 
This one's for you, Mr. Chipper:


Sunday, August 7, 2011

In Loving Memory of Bumpkin, One Year Later

"For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity."  ~William Penn 

One year ago today, we lost a remarkable blogger and woman, Lisa/Bumpkin on a Swing. Full of zest, passion, and generosity, Bumpkin was defeated by cancer at the young age of 40. This post (a re-post) pays tribute to her memory.  If you weren't a follower, I suggest a visit to Bumpkin's blog. Her spirit remains uplifting and ever-present.

Our Bumpkin left the earth more healed, and all those she encountered more loved. Lisa saved lives as an Animal Welfare Activist. She and her beloved life partner, Captain John, founded an animal rescue foundation. They also kept us updated on all of their struggles and successes as they fought to tame the devastating effects of the Gulf oil spill. Lisa and the Captain proudly braved the waters to rescue sea turtles.

I am honored and indebted to our Bumpkin for entering my life in April, 2010. I don't know how she found me, as I don't think we had any mutual followers. In fact, I am like a square peg amongst the glamorous, hospitable Southern belles and fashion divas - nearly 300 of whom have connected with our Bumpkin through the blogosphere. But leave it to Lisa to find me, a Northern California klutz and tacky dresser. She left this comment in response to an Internet dating post:

Bumpkin on a Swing said... I love a lady with balls. In the dating world, you just have to stand up for yourself. I vote for a little Demi. [I wrote that I'll be damned or I'll be Demi if I'm going to have a huge age difference with a man again.] ..You get a bloggy thumbs up from The Bumpkin, and you have a new follower!

I was suddenly energized by Lisa's sass and spunk. Blogging was more fun, and I became motivated to dress better. (Sorry Lisa, I've got a long ways to go, babe. But I'm keeping in mind your motto of "champagne taste on a koolaid budget.")

The Bumpkin's kindness continued when I put out a plea to reach 100 followers:
Bumpkin on a Swing said...I'm working on this for you darling, have you met My Trish, she's a beautiful Cajun Belle who will gladly steal your 100th spot! It's gets worse this obsession we have it gets much much worse.

It's easy to tell why Lisa and Trish spontaneously became the best of friends. Trish embodies so many of the same qualities and was happy to help me out too: Trish said... Hi Robyn! Happy to be your 100th follower thanks to my amazing friend Miss Bumpkin! :) YAY for 100, break out the bubbly!

Bumpkin on a Swing said... Cheers to you my friend! Tink!

This is in response to my post about the beach with the above photo:
Bumpkin on a Swing said... We are soul sistas, sniff, sniff, sniff, my beach, my waves, my sand, sniff, sniff...

My last comment from our Bumpkin followed a post about a seductive massage, (7/6/10): Bumpkin on a Swing said... Firing it [a cigarette] up too! Damn it girl!I looking up massage in the phonebook as we speak!


Hers was a spirit that cannot die.

Hers was a life lived with full passion and purpose.

She is an angel among angels.

Our Beloved Lisa, Our Bumpkin On A Swing 12/29/69 - 8/8/10

“She belongs among the wildflowers, she belongs somewhere she feels free."~The Time Traveler's Wife (This quote is taken from Our Bumpkin's blog.)

Saturday, August 6, 2011

My Warm, Happy Place: A Saturday Centus

Thanks for dropping by this week's Saturday Centus post, an exercise in brevity. Typically, we are allowed to use up to 100 words. Miss Jenny's only permitting 50 words this time, along with a syrupy prompt (bolded below). What could I do with such high-level sugar content but dedicate a poem to my beloved nephew? I hope you enjoy, and check out the other offerings at Jenny's site. They are always worthy of visits/follows. 

Have a sunshiny, but not miserably so, weekend! xo Robyn

My Warm, Happy Place

You tackle the world with a trusting embrace
Snuggle my heart with a smirk on your face
Challenge the planet and win every race.
You are my sunshine and starlight
My warm, happy place!

I love and miss you, Jeremy.
Auntie Robyn

Friday, August 5, 2011

CHOCO-SMARTS TEST SCORES!!

Welcome back, kids! I have this sweet batch of prizes for the top scoring student and one of you got a perfect score! Here are the correct answers:

(1) The all-time most popular Girl Scout cookie is the:    (a)Chocolate chip (b)Thin mint (c)Do-Si-Do (d)Cutie PaTutie 

  (2) All of the following use Fair Trade Chocolate except:
    (a) Global Exchange (b)Divine (c) Toblerone (d)Dean’s [Alex, you should've stuck with TS's original answer. Cheeseboy's wife helps keep Thin mints popular. I don't know how she keeps that perfect figure. She's hot. Have you seen her? Oh, back to the answers...]
 .   (3) Which famous woman threatened to sue Cadbury in May, 2011 for using her name in their slogan: “Move over, *insert first name here*,  there’s a new diva in town.” (a)Naomi Campbell (b)Tyra Banks (c)Jennifer Hudson (d)Halle Berry (Naomi resented being compared to chocolate. Cadbury apologized and I don't think the lawsuit ever happened.)
   (4) True or False: White chocolate contains NO caffeine. Ideally, there is NO caffeine in white chocolate because white chocolate is not made with cocoa. As a few of you ladies astutely pointed out, though, small amounts of caffeine can be found in white chocolate. This is due to cross contamination. So I gave you all credit for this one.

  (5)  In addition to the warm and tasty beverage, Hot Chocolate is: (a)A popular Chicago night club (b)   An English funk and soul group (c)A relatively new addition to Crayola crayons (d)A Canadian children’s cartoon character
 (6)  Schokolade means chocolate in what language? (a)Dutch (b)   Polish (c)Danish (d)German
 (7) All of the following are true regarding Devil’s Food Cake EXCEPT: (a)    It’s generally made with lots of butter (b)   It’s Martha Stewart’s favorite dessert (c)It’s very chocolaty (d)It originated around 1900

(8) Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby ice cream includes what?    (a)    Pretzels (b)Cherries (c)Graham crackers (d)Bananas
HERE ARE YOUR GRADES (The star pupil will be announced last):
Joanne, with a near-perfect score: A
PowderedToastMan, with 6 correct answers (Woohoo!): A-
~~~
This smart group gets B+'s:
TS Hendrik, Lisa, Marlene, and Chuck! Great work!
And a sympathy C+ to Al for the test and wardrobe malfunction. [Please see classroom dress code, Al. No banana hammocks are allowed on school grounds.]
The rest of you fail. Have some chocolate. It'll be alright.
~~~
And now, for the student with a perfect score (excepting #4 which was a trick question), she's as smart as she is sweet...Come on up here, BabySister! You get an A+ and the grand prize!! I'm so proud of you! [Click on her name to visit/follow Baby Sister Platt's fun and under-appreciated blog.]
Class dismissed. Enjoy the weekend, girls and boys. xoMiss Robyn

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Back to Basics, CHOCO-QUIZ TIME!

School's just about in session. So let's think about chocolate! In fact, let's test your CHOCO-SMARTS! Oh stop the moaning, boys and girls. You'll have fun. [Maybe not while you're taking this test, but at some point in life, I assure you.] Go on, now, sharpen those #2 pencils. No passing notes or doing that google thing the kids like experimenting with these days. Just put your answer sheets in the comment section or email them to me at Rawknrobyn@aol.com. The top scoring student will get a sweet surprise. (It's a surprise to me too, but I'm quite sure it will be sweet.) Good luck!
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       (1) The all-time most popular Girl Scout cookie is the:    (a)Chocolate chip (b)Thin mint (c)Do-Si-Do (d)Cutie PaTutie 
   (2) All of the following use Fair Trade Chocolate except:
    (a) Global Exchange (b)Divine (c) Toblerone (d)Dean’s
 .   (3) Which famous woman threatened to sue Cadbury in May, 2011 for using her name in their slogan: “Move over, *insert first name here*,  there’s a new diva in town.” (a)Naomi Campbell (b)Tyra Banks (c)Jennifer Hudson (d)Halle Berry
   (4) True or False: White chocolate contains NO caffeine.

  (5)  In addition to the warm and tasty beverage, Hot Chocolate is: (a)A popular Chicago night club (b)   An English funk and soul group (c)A relatively new addition to Crayola crayons (d)A Canadian children’s cartoon character
 (6)  Schokolade means chocolate in what language? (a)Dutch (b)   Polish (c)Danish (d)German
 (7) All of the following are true regarding Devil’s Food Cake EXCEPT: (a)    It’s generally made with lots of butter (b)   It’s Martha Stewart’s favorite dessert (c)It’s very chocolaty (d)It originated around 1900

(8) Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby ice cream includes what?    (a)    Pretzels (b)Cherries (c)Graham crackers (d)Bananas
            THAT'S IT! YOU DID IT (or did you?)! Now, go enjoy recess and some chocolate. 
      Thank you, boys and girls. I'll score your exams over the next couple of days. Bribery accepted. ~Miss Engel