Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Fat, Ugly Boss With a Moustache: Hate Post

Time to break from all the sap.Tessa's hosting a Blog Hatefest today. Check out the collection of angry offerings here. Mine's dedicated to former bosses, those lacking in scruples and driven by insatiable ego and control needs. You know who you are, and I'm glad to be in a better place (i.e., away from you) but I still hate you. 
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Eileen limped around the office with a cane, moaning about her pained ligaments and fall from the “damned step ladder.” She was 40 then, as wide as she was tall, and utterly unrefined. Plus, most irksome of all, she bore a rather obvious dark brown moustache.  But I was extremely lucky to have her as my boss. That’s what they all said. 

“She has exceptional skills with the toughest of clients, Robyn,” they told me. “You’ll learn so much from her!” 

I said “She’s fat, ugly and needs to shave her moustache.” [I did, and clearly still do, hate her guts.]

It was my birthday when I got the offer. The salary was twice what I’d earned on my last job. 

“Is the amount okay with you?” the manager asked.

“Oh, hmm, yes, it's fine.” I suppressed my enthusiasm. 

“Welcome! Welcome! We’re so glad to have you here.” They were warm and hospitable when I arrived. Alas, I was a professional in a professional setting earning professional pay. I quickly befriended colleagues who joined me on weekend dance excursions. Management consultants adjusted my computer space to assure ergonomic correctness. I participated in free tai-chi classes during Tuesday lunch breaks. Chocolate eclairs graced the conference room table, sweetening the toll of lengthy staff meetings. What more could I ask for?

Slam! She’d come into my office, week after week, abruptly shutting the door behind her. Inching her way to a chair, she sat across the room from me, eyes piercing, both hands clenching the handle of her cane. She opened her mouth and the words cut through me. It was disturbing enough to view her, this woman hailed as the department goddess, much less be subject to her mentorship.

“What you said during staff meeting wasn’t appropriate. You need to watch your words. Don’t speak up until you clear it with me first. You have to learn people skills and I don’t think this is the right work environment for you. You don’t know the first thing about being a clinician…”

When each weekly bashing was over, I resumed my job with a deep breath, quality work and a smile.

Ten weeks into my employment, Mrs. Williams called me in for what she termed “an evaluation.”

“So how are things going with Eileen?”

“Well, we’ve had some differences but we’re working through it. Things are getting better.” 

Mrs. Williams’ eyes pierced me in an Eileen-like fashion. She snatched a post-it from her desk, scrawled some words onto it, then invited me to leave her office. 

The stage was set. My "evaluation" would not be favorable so I managed to transition to a new employer rather quickly.

Three years later, I met Mike who shared an office with Eileen. “Kindly pass on a message for me, Mike. Tell her she’s fat and ugly and needs to shave her moustache.”

I hope she got the message.

44 comments:

  1. I hate these dictator type people who try and rule through fear. Despite what people say they are not great at their job, it’s just people work around them to avoid confrontation. Wise up people, on the whole these people are cowards and if you stand up to them they generally back down…Warning - if they don’t you might be looking for a new job sooner than you had planned

    The odd thing is that these type of people can cause problems even when they are not at a management level – colleagues doing all they can to appease them, with the result that they generally get their own way….

    We spend so much of our time at work it should be a place where we enjoy being not loath because of one individual. If this was the middle ages they would have been burnt at the stake….That’s political correctness for you….

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  2. A women like Eileen must have talents not discernible to the naked eye. I apologise for writing a sentence with her name and "naked" in it.

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  3. Sorry you had such a horrible boss! I once worked for a much younger woman who was also named Julie. One day I called her Jules, and she sneered at me and said, "I hate the name Jules." We quickly parted ways. Great story and I'm still laughing about her lovely moustache! Julie

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  4. Sounds like her broom got stuck up her butt!

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  5. Wow is this story TRUE?? Did you really get chocolate Eclairs at staff meetings? I think I could put up with the bearded lady for free donuts every day! Enjoyable read except I have to be honest you I wish you would have forcibly WAXED her lip before you checked out! W.C.C.

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  6. I LOVE YOU!!!!!! I'm fat and finally shaved my mustache!!! LOL Robyn.

    You are the best!

    Love ya mean it!

    John

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  7. HahahHAAAA! I love it. Love it.Love your parting shot. You made my day.

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  8. They say most people don't notice appearances, but a moustache on a woman - I'm going to notice!

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  9. You should've given her the line from Uncle Buck - "Here's a quarter - go downtown and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face!"

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  10. What a great idea for a blogfest! I cringed just reading about your old boss, I have had some terrible ones too and it sure can make your life hell. I love a good "hate post" now and then LOL.

    Have a great weekend, Robyn!

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  11. Ugh. Kind of funny that she had the nerve to tell you YOU needed to work on YOUR people skills.

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  12. A good portrayal of a dysfunctional work relationship.

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  13. I've had bosses like that...minus the moustache...but most of my bosses have been male. I completely sympathize with the poor woman and her loathing.

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  14. That SUCKS! I've had my share of terrible bosses. The worst of which (a while after he retired) tried to "friend" me on facebook. I sent him a lovely reply and told him what I thought of him. He was an A-Hole, who told me on more than one occasion that I "flustrated" him. Yep, flustrated...

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  15. BlackLOG, wow, you really get it. Thanks for visiting and for your comment.

    GB, such an ugly image to erase but I'll forgive you.

    Julie, like that Jules story. Sometimes it's fun to try to loosen these tyrants up because it only makes then tighter.

    MsA, LOL. Thanks.

    WC, the pastries were good. I can't confirm with certainty there were chocolate eclairs. I ate them too quickly.

    John, I love you too, moustache or not.

    Dawn, thanks so much.

    LDWolfe, definitely. You'd have to be blind not to. Thanks.

    Alex, that's a great line. Too bad I didn't know it back then.

    Julie, yeah, I jumped on this hatefest. It was fun. Be well.

    Amalia, true. Thank you for visiting.

    Stu, thanks so much.

    Loralie, I've had a few male bosses but the most vicious ones were females (with moustaches).

    Pat, that's funny. Yeah, often, the evil ones are truly stupid. How fLustrating. Glad you told him off!

    xoRobyn

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  16. Speak your peace Sister Girl. That was very entertaining.

    When I taught with people like that all you could do was just smile and watch the implosion that was sure to be coming. I will tell you one day about the new VP who commanded everyone to the gym for a forced pep rally and punpkin carving contest. Authority mandated fun and some stupid Halloween themed waste of time. But there were the pumpkins and the knives on the stage. This was going to happen.

    Soon it became clear how unfortunate it was that she had made the carving competion a SPEED event.

    The blood was everywhere.

    How does one get human blood out of stage curtains anyways? And some blood seeped down through the stage and ended up on the metal chairs that are stored UNDER the stage. It was a freakin' nightmare that just didn't go away for a whole school year.

    At one point I suggested a voodoo priestess to kill chicken and take the bad ju ju off the school.

    I won't ever start telling you about the time the guy with the giant snakes came to visit.

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  17. Oh Kal, you keep me laughing and I love you for it!
    xoRobyn

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  18. Too bad...for her I mean...she lost you to some moron who may jumped and said yes ma'am even before she glanced at him/her...I hope she got the message...may have pissed of her beautician too...

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  19. LOL OMG brilliant! Did it make you feel better? I certainly hope so. You know they say it's better to let these things out than let them fester... *grins*

    I'm glad you took my blogfest as the opportunity to do so,

    Tessa.xx

    ps pop in friday next to see who won what book!

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  21. Sorry about that ... I HATE typos...

    That was a great story Robyn... Thankfully you left her fat butt behind.... no pun intended.

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  22. Don’t speak up until you clear it with me first.

    Oh Oh.

    You showed much more restraint than I would have.

    Oh No. No....

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  23. UGH! she sounds like a nightmare!
    I have had horrible bosses. One in particular ran his office like a prison. One day he came to work to find all of his employees had gone to work somewhere else. all he had left was his secretary. I wish I had been there for this but I had left two months before.
    great post!
    Blessings, Joanne

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  24. OMG; way to awesome :)

    ........dhole

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  25. Did you tap into my life to write this? I worked with a troll like her. So glad I am retired now.~Ames

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  26. That last bit made me laugh out loud...such venomous hate!

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  27. Hmmm interesting. It's not fun working with control freaks. I didn't understand, initially, where the animosity for Eileen came from apart from the fact that she wasn't pretty to look at, but as the piece progressed I realised that she wasn't a good boss/ colleague either. It's hard to feel sorry for someone who is such a bitch isn't it? :O)

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  28. Thanks for sharing in the blogfest. I loved the end, with the narrator getting one last little dig in after she's escaped!

    If you get a chance, check out a fellow writer's zombie story and help me make him wear an embarrassing shirt next year! It's the ultimate grudge match between social media and the zombies. Details are here:
    http://kelworthfiles.wordpress.com/2011/07/19/prove-the-zombies-wrong-social-platforms-can-build-readership/

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  29. Thank you. It's fun to hate. (Sometimes a voodoo doll just isn't enough to provide catharsis.)
    Cheers!
    xoRobyn

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  30. Awesome. What an effing bitch.

    Omg. I mean, this story was hilarious (I love that you passed along that message, haha) but it also angered me. Some bosses are just power-hungry control freaks who feel inadequate until they can make someone below them feel like crap. Ugh.

    Glad you're not working there any more! :P

    I hope you're having an awesome weekend. xoxo

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  31. Mrs. Williams’ eyes pierced me in an Eileen-like fashion.

    LOL!!

    That brings back fond memories of Bob, the worst little tyrant to whom I ever had the misfortune of owing my paycheque.

    Ah.. good times... Enjoyed your trip down memory lane, especially as it's now a memory.

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  32. Yikes! She sounds worse than some of those dates you've been subjected to!

    My worst boss ever came up with a reason to fire me after I rejected his advances. This was in the days before women complained about such things.

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  33. Well... I hope she grows a big mole out of her stache, ah ha ha!
    Hope you are having a wonderful weekend Robyn!
    Lots of love
    gi gi

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  34. I hope she got the message, too!

    I once worked for an arsehole doctor who had lots of hair growing out of his ears. I still can't stand him.

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  35. Marlene, OMG, thanks for the laughs. Of course, bodily imperfections wouldn't be annoying if these people weren't such arses. Thanks!

    Gigi I hope so too! Thanks, hon. Happy weekend to you love.

    Beth, that is horrid. Such a low-life. Most of my bosses have been female (being in the social services) so I haven't had that problem.

    Thanks Julia, for the comment and follow. So glad your situation is a memory too.

    Jennifer, thank you. I really appreciate your empathy and description of the power-hungry boss. I have so many more similar stories and I know lots of people do. It's a shame.

    I hope you're all having a great weekend devoid of hate.
    xoRobyn

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  36. Sometimes bosses can be the worst!! I'm glad you got a new job quickly, and that you at least have things with which you can make the situation light. :)

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  37. I have had my fair share of HORRIBLE bosses, downright nasty assholes, so I can relate to your angst!

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  38. Yes times have changed. We would perhaps be able to escalate these things. Young people don't know how good they've got it.

    She must have been very unhappy.
    probably couldn't get a shag, on account on her Mo....

    ;)

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  39. Robyn, I'm thinking giving her a swift kick in the cane would have done you so much good!

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  40. Anthony, you are probably right. LOL. Thanks.

    Chuck, you are definitely right.

    You are all great. Thanks for your comments.
    xoRobyn

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  41. You are absolutely hilarious. Where have you been? O00h, btw, I think I've worked with the mustached bitch, too. I just filed harassement papers against her..... You don't live in MN, do you?
    Love your blog!!! WOW

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  42. A bad boss can be the absolute worst thing ever...

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  43. Never mind her appearance, her actions make her ugly. As they say, most people join the company, but leave their boss.

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