Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Enter the Green-Eyed Monster, Insecure Writer's Group Post

Because writers might on occasion grapple with insecurities, Alex J. Cavanaugh founded an Insecure Writer’s Support Group for bloggers. We’re posting monthly, exposing our insecurities and/or offering support. Please check out his link to visit others’ posts. It’s a huge group of exceptional writers and authors. This is our second monthly meeting.
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Yawn. Here we are again -- my insecurities and I, sitting in a stupid circle, anxiously subdued, ho-humming as if we’re marginally confident. This quiet tone surpasses last month’s boisterous neurotic thing. Thank goodness Alex permitted our return. He’s a good one, that Alex...Yep, I’ll be fine.  It’s only a 50-minute session, and –why look—4 seconds have passed already.  *Whistle, yawn, arm stretch.*

Slam! The room is shaken as a green-eyed monster bursts in.

Stomp! Stomp! He trudges across the floor and plops down on a seat right next to me.

“Hey. Who invited you here?”

“You never invite me, darlin’, but I’m always with you.” He gives me a wink and flirtatious elbow nudge.

“Damnit. I thought I got rid of you for good.”

“Yeah, right, you mean last week during that Jewish ritual when you cast away your sins for, uh, what holiday? Rush hush hush or somethin’?"

 “It’s Rosh Hashanah, you dumb as—“

“Okay,” Alex chimes in with calm and looks at the monster. “Please introduce yourself to the group.”

“Sure. I’m Envy and I’m related to all of you insecurities.” He stands up to offer high-fives to Fluke Insecurity and “I Don’t Know What the Hell I’m Doing” Insecurity.  “I follow Robyn around.  She hates me but doesn’t let me go. It’s one of those sick and twisted addictive relationships like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, Sylvester and Tweety Bird, Justin and Selena—."

“Stop! Enough already! I admit it.” Robyn tearfully addresses the group. “I can’t get rid of him. I pick up best-sellers and call them ‘trash’ because I’m jealous. I see posts about bloggers’ publications and this jerk takes over, obnoxiously singing ‘Neener neener, it’s not you. Boo hoo hoo.  Too bad, so sad.’  

“Course were I more secure, he wouldn’t taunt me like this. You know? And I’d give all  authors a chance. And what goes around comes around. I mean, I want them to be happy for my successes. I should be more gracious. I’ve had it with this ugly guy (pointing at monster).”

“Hey, you ain’t a prize yourself, lady. And, uh, how long have you been single for? What’s it been, like eight years of celibacy?”

“That does it!”

Robyn yanks him out of his seat and drop-kicks the green-eyed monster across the room. Bruised and embarrassed, he stumbles towards the door with threats of returning. 

Alex cheerfully announces the end of the session and directs the group to the lobby for brownies and punch.

35 comments:

  1. Good thing I don't aspire to be a writer! I deal with enough insecurity as it is.

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  2. WOW!!! You would so have to THERAPY me if I wrote!!!

    Great stuff Robyn Elena!!!

    Love ya tons,

    50 cent!

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  3. I can't believe he had the nerve to mention celibacy, Robyn. You should have asked him how many green-eyed monster chicks he's boinked in the last 500 years.

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  4. Great one as always Robin...you win hands down against all these insecurities. As for celibacy, he is jealous he has to make do with "trash" while you have a clean slate to colour.

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  5. Another very clever post Robyn! I don't think that even Bob Newhart would have handled the Green-Eyed Monster as well as you did! At least you were rewarded with brownies and punch! Julie

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  6. Terrible envy, but we all feel it from time to time. Your blog rocks. I thoroughly enjoy it. I don't see why everyone wouldn't enjoy your writing. I've found myself pulling a book of a shelf and scoffing. It's frustrating to see that others have made it to where we've struggled to go..so I look at it in a different way. If they got there than so can I. Good luck with all your dreams, Robyn. :)

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  7. Oh boy, I totally get that. Did you really drop kick him? I don't think I could...that envy will always be a part of my world...

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  8. The green-eyed monster will always return – be ready with that drop-kick before he’s able to undermine your confidence and self-worth!

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  9. This is my first time reading your blog and there's some good stuff on here, nice post. I'm following for more like this. I'm glad I'm not a writer either. Like Ms.A, I'm insecure enough right now.

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  10. The green-eyed monster has been with me ever since I was a kid and gave away my seat at a school assembly so a short little girl could see. Under that seat was a gold star and that girl won a brand new bicycle. Since then I've been jealous of other people's luck.

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  11. Stephen, that's a great story though it stinks for you.

    YeamieWaffles, thanks so much for the follow and welcome.

    Beth, he is like Freddie or Jason - he always comes back.

    Thanks, Pearl!

    Tera, yeah, one drop-kick doesn't do the trick. Oh well.

    Laila, I really appreciate it. I'm going to work on having your perspective ("If they can do it, so can I."). Thank you!

    Julie, thanks so much.

    ADSL, so glad you dropped by. Thanks.

    Rek, how do you word your comments - even - so perfectly? You're the best.

    GB, that's a very good point. Wish I'd thought of that.

    John, fiddy cents? No but I gotta nickhole. Love ya more.

    MsA, it's not easy. Is it?

    xoRobyn

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  12. funny, terrific awesome!

    you rock, robyn!

    hugs to you!

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  13. Great stuff, Robyn!! You have a way of getting to the heart of the matter while also being so funny, I laughed so much at this post while also acknowledging how much I could relate to it!!

    Loved the twisted relationships, especially Sylvester and Tweety LOL.

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  14. Slam dunk his ass, Robyn!
    Now, is that punch spiked...?

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  15. Awesome! If these are your skillz, no insecurities are necessary!

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  16. I truly hope you are really NOT insecure or envious. You write so well. Like I've said before - I often skim blogs...but when I know the writing is entertaining, I READ them. I always read you. :)

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  17. Spiked punch and double fudge brownies all around. I hear you, my sister from another mother. I get so danged jealous of Nora Roberts and her entire bookcase of titles at Barnes & Noble. It's the damned green-eyed bastard. Of course, I'm so worked up that I head over to the cafe and drown him out in chocolate. I can't remember the last time I bought something non-edible at B & N.

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  18. Haha spoken like a true writer. And a GOOD one.. only the shitty ones aren't filled with insecurities.. you know the ones.. the ones who go around saying how brilliant they are.. yep.. real delusional...

    SO that's how you know you're talented... this was funny as fuck..
    ..and all too true.. and sad.. coz I have a few of those bastards too.. I'm glad you kicked his ass to the curb (her ass?) but as you know, theyre never gone for long..

    Brilliant work darlin. And hang in there. Your turn will come.

    xo

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  19. Alex cheerfully announces the end of the session and directs the group to the lobby for brownies and punch.
    Blimey no wonder they are insecure, imagine knowing that you are going to get punched just for having a brownie…

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  20. “Sure. I’m Envy and I’m related to all of you insecurities.” He stands up to offer high-fives to Fluke Insecurity and “I Don’t Know What the Hell I’m Doing” Insecurity."
    Genius! You are so creative, my friend.

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  21. Great post. Yes, it's so true, these insecurities creep up on us all the time.

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  22. Is this a bad time to tell you my blog will be featured on Jimmy Kimmel?

    SO KIDDING!!!!!!!!

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  23. What an interesting way to tell a story. I think we all carry that monster around, but only you have the courage to admit and confront it. With that fire in you he won't be around much longer!

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  25. Very good Robyn! You are one to be envied, not to envy...
    I know I can write, I just can't get un A.D.D. enough to get organized and actually put it all together. I envy those who take medication for it while I don't...
    I guess I should make an appointment!

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  26. Thanks for your sweet words, my friends. I really appreciate it.

    Have a great weekend.
    xoRobyn

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  27. I may have to join this group next month. I can bring my own monster and we can watch them duel!

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  28. Good post Robyn - I've hung out here a few times I think

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  29. Oh this was GOOD!! Simply brilliant xo

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  30. Well done for showing that jerk what's what. Here's hoping he stays away in the future. :)

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