And I Wrote This Book.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

On Why I Choose Celibacy, Reasons # 72-76: Platonic Tantra


Alas, as I come to the end of my days in the San Francisco Bay Area, I proudly uphold my decision to maintain celibacy. Below are reasons #72-76, taken directly from current on-line dating ads, along with my comments (in bold italics). Enjoy.
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REASON #72: Platonic friend communications are ok. NOTE: You should understand and be accepting of the precepts of Tantra as part of a physical/spiritual relationship. You mean, within a platonic friendship? And I can stay celibate? NOTE: Oh yes, babe. I’m intrigued, in a purely physical/spiritual way.


REASON #73: Lets get hopped up and make some bad decisions lol. Sorry, dude. I’m more tempted by some celibate tantra action. Cheers to your (getting a) sense of humor, though.

REASON #74: Thinking of moving to the pole to be closer to my toy making work. Are you trying to say you’re a fat lonely bearded man in red fur? Cuz that’s not appealing.
1. Live alone.
2. REALLY single. Tell me then, what’s your stance on platonic tantra?
3. No kids. (one is ok) I just don't want to have no time for anything but kids that i didn't help create. That’s a lot of negativity and confusion around the kid thing. I might suggest you abstain from platonic tantra. (Once is ok)
4. I work out 5 days a week & I ride bikes a lot.
5. I can cook.
6. I give a good massage & I'm entertaining.
7. BA-Economics BBA-Accounting Doctorate--Law Certified A+ Computer tech. Alternative Dispute Resolution Certificate. (There's more, but you should get the idea--professional student)
8. Sucessful Business Owner/Investor Buy another consonant, buddy. It’ll increase your sucess.
9. Inventor with Patented Inventions
10.Published Writer. Why am I not surprised?
11.Christian--YOU MUST BE SPIRITUALLY AWARE, Believe in God or Goddess, and not foam at the mouth at the mention of the name "Jesus"
12. Eccentric. Why am I not surprised?
13. Musician/Entertainer--Yes I've appeared on national TV. Yeah, well, so has Pee Wee Hermin.
14. Contrary to my external persona--i am an introvert. What does your internal persona have to say about that?

REASON #75: I am currently looking into Ti-chi, Looking into it for the letter “a” – are ya? Me too, hon. Me too.

REASON #76: Just Checking out the site. I Need about four Sentences. That is so crazy. Here is Four. This is out of control for a free site. Keep reading this. Wow I love to write on this site,Anything I am game love the water. I like Morotorcycles. Wakeboarding. Movies Just Checking out the site. I Need about four Sentences. That is so crazy. Here is Four. This is out of control for a free site. Keep reading this. Wow I love to write on this site Wow, dude. If you’re going to keep repeating yourself, make it marginally interesting. HINT: Try the platonic tantra angle.



30 comments:

  1. All very good reasons to remain single!

    Pearl

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  2. You come across the most random descriptions! I love #73. He was probably on national TV in the background of The Today Show holding a sign that said "REALLY single".

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  3. All of them are good reasons.

    One day we need to do a post with pointing out the "lovely" ladies of internet dating.

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  4. There is a reason these guys are utilizing these services! You are so darn funny Robyn!

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  5. Wait. He's appeared on NATIONAL TV? America's Most Wanted or is he The Situation?

    Awesome stuff. Your commentary rules.

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  6. Ooooh, and I'd say those are great examples of why I haven't fallen in love yet and am still waiting. Seriously, the dating pool is kinda scary. Loved your commentary!!!

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  7. Pearl, thanks for the validation. xo

    Shan, yes, with "REALLY" in bright fluorescent yellow letters, underlined three times. ;0)

    OT, would you, please?! I want to see the other side's perspective. xo

    Pat, thank you. If only they would learn how to utilize spell check and just start acting human. [o:

    Cheeseboy, good one. Given all the options, he really shouldn't publicize the fact he's been on tv. xo

    Frisky, it is really scary. So we must keep laughing. Thank you. =o}

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  8. I'd love to know what musical instrument No.73 plays. I'm imagining a pair of cymbals attached to his knees which he knocks together.

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  9. Hmmm I'm not sure I'm convinced about celibacy, but I'm definitely convinced to stay away from dating sites and men who use them!!!

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  10. I love the Pee Wee and need for a consonant comments.

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  11. I can't stop laughing at #73. Now that guy is a catch! LOL.

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  12. I'm going now to google platonic tantra.

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  13. Judge ye not lest ye be judged...but these guys are all douches! Not even sure they are real people. Be glad you are moving to Paradise!

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  14. The Pee Wee Herman comment is priceless! LOL!! I love these bloggy posts!

    P.S. Please email me your new addy so I can send you out a thank you card!

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  15. That sounds about right, GB. What a clown, if you ever saw one. Huh? xo

    Ca88, it's a good start on the road of self-care. ;0)

    GR, thank you. I'm embarrassed to admit I found Pee Wee Hermin entertaining in the earlier stages of his joke of a career. xo

    Marnie. Yeah, that one is interesting - to put it very nicely. {~:

    Noelle, Oh my, I just googled it myself. Besides this post which actually appeared, there are a slew of links. That's hilarious. From what I've heard about tantra, there's nothing platonic about it. xo

    Chuck, you're such a noble man. But, yes, some realities cannot be denied, no matter how open one's heart is. =~]

    Marlene, I'm glad you like it. That Pee Wee -all those great adventures ended in scandal. So it goes. Silly girl; I'll email. xo

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  16. Hilarious!
    First, I must tell you I had a hard time (no pun intended) pulling myself away from that awesome picture. But, as my vision started to clear, I had the following thoughts: Aren't those two kooky kids cold?, Is there an atmosphere?, If not, how can they breathe?, If so, aren't they cold?, Why aren't they facing each other (which would help the cold thing)-unless they're gay? Could they have picked a SMALLER planet on which to kneel naked?
    Fun With Grammar: The plural of 'tantra': 'tantrum.' Maybe? Could be? I don't know.
    And really don't care. I'm gonna go stare at the picture and see if anything moves.

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  17. I can always count on you to have a good laugh, albeit it's on your expense. I suspect you will soon have a lot of fun (and fun posts) with the mountain guys.

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  18. Wow, there are some winners out there!!! HAHAHA

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  19. Oh good grief, I'd stay single too. Now I understand what my daughter goes through. Ugh! Kat

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  20. Those were all AWESOME, but I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING at the guy who loves "morotorcycles". Haaaaaaahahahaha!!! Girl, I can see your point. I can see your point. See it. Clearly. Wow.

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  21. Aaaand this makes me feel better about not being in any hurry to find myself dating again. In fact, I abhor the idea. No thank ya!

    I shall laugh at others adventures...thank you for sharing and securing my decision to either remain at home in my pj's eating ice cream on the weekends or hanging with the girls. *yikes*

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  22. Al, glad you enjoyed the picture (google images, find it at tantra). Did anything move? xo

    Sarah, I expect I'll have the fun posts without the fun. I'm glad to make you laugh, at any rate. ;0)

    Kat, thanks. Sorry for your daughter too. xo

    Kelley, heehee. I was so bored reading his supposed four sentence ad that I didn't even notice his unique spelling. One does wonder what a morotorcycle looks like. Glad you see my point. [-:

    Daffy, that's what I'm saying. Wish we were neighbors and could hangout out and eat ice-cream together. xo

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  23. And you are celibate why?! Is it cause there are so many good men out there that you don't know who to choose, so would rather play it cool than be a floozie?

    Thought so.

    Rapunzel x
    *Tales from the Tower*

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  24. Just so you know: I don't hate you for not doing the award thingy. In fact, honestly, I wasn't sure if I was gonna do it, either. To me, it's kind of like the forwards you get in your email...you know, the kind you delete. I ended up doing it anyway. So, haha, I'm definitely NOT mad.

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  25. Rapunzel, you got it. I knew we were on the same page. Thanks. xo

    Thanks Shan. I used to do those. Now, I'm pretty averse. Yes, they are like email forwards or, worse, chain letters. Ugh. ;0)

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  26. 74 is an idiot, 75...your response cracked me up.

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  27. #77----Marry me and I'll make you Robin- (NOTICE SPELLING PEOPLE) pie!!! These are calm Tantra Robins.

    I am laughing so hard at your responses right now!

    LYMI,

    J

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  28. Thanks Robyn, needed some laughter today...been a depressing day...
    What the hell is this western fascination with tantra and yoga....I think My country should impose temporary sanctions on its export and demand Intellectual rights...
    I love the last guy...looks like a teen out of school...not yet lost the habit of repetition...
    and to the Accountant...Don't ruin our image by being freaky....
    And can you look into Tai chi?....definitely that's what Wikipedia and Google are for...
    Happy weekend ....If I were still religious would say Goddess Bless...so I'll simply say...may the bay force be with you...

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  29. Funny post, Robyn. All of those reasons crack me up, especially the one about platonic tantra.

    B xx

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  30. BabySis and John, so glad to crack you up. xo

    Rek, I agree. Your country should impose sanctions on people who steal from ancient Eastern traditions and Westernize them in the most sacreligious of ways. It's gotta be insulting. Thanks for your delightful comment. :->

    Betty, thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed. xo

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