Sunday, September 5, 2010
On Why I Choose Celibacy, Reason #13, aka Bigotry is Not Attractive
Here’s REASON #13:
NOT SCOTT PETERSON
Nor do I look anything like Charles Manson, or Ted Bundy, or the typical Catholic priest: Which means that I don't fit the profile of the typical serial killer or the typical child molester. This does set you apart from all of the other on-line daters. But! if you park your car in my driveway and leave the car door open with the keys in the ignition- I am genetically predisposed to commandeering it and taking it out for a joy ride; as has been empirically proven on the show "Bait Car". Thus, um, I should date you? But! Should I hide my key in my bra and not in the ignition, when I park in your driveway? Or should I park my car around the block? If so, shall I leave the key in the ignition or hide it in my bra?
His strategy further perplexes.. DISCLAIMER: It is a fact that every woman on every dating site failed miserably at maintaining their last relationship: because if you had been successful- you wouldn't be here. Thus, I should date you - you ass? I mean, you astute man?
He sent me this email after noticing that I viewed his profile: I see you viewed my profile..flattering b.s. here [i.e., “I just want some booty” talk]. Actually, you've misinterpreted my signals. I guess you don’t follow my blog. See, I put idiots like you up for public scrutiny and humiliation. It’s quite fun, really.. But I didn't say hello, because I also noticed that you are Jewish. And I didn't think Jewish women spoke to anyone except other Jews.
With every ounce of my Jewish blood boiling, I responded with the restraint and eloquence of my oppressed people: “Yep, we Jews have even been known to intermarry. We just don't enjoy speaking with people who stereotype us. Good luck to you. -Robyn”
#13 then got a clue (maybe), and apologized (I think): ..though in my heart I know that I was not stereotyping you--as much as I was expressing the 'stated sentiments' of the dozen or so women whose profiles I read and whom listed themselves as Jewish--in reality, for me to express surprise at the fact that you didn't think as they think: that is THE DEFINITION of stereotyping. Once again, I apologize..I now realize that I don't come across as the HONEST and FORTHRIGHT person that I am—but as a bigoted, insensitive, STEREOTYPICAL jerk. I don't blame you for not wanting to be my friend. We’re on the same page, buddy. But you still aint getting any from this gal.
Now, he launches into the “I did the apology, so let me try to score some booty by deflecting attention from me onto your unforgiving nature” maneuver. But if you can understand that people make mistakes sometimes, a single mistake doesn't define that individuals entire character: do know that I would still like to be your friend..I'm as normal as they come…A truth which is actually borne out by my textual faux pas What the hell is a textual faux pas? in the regards that a 'normal' person becomes habituated to expect a certain action after having witnessed said action manifest.. admits when they are wrong- offers an apology- ..while seeking to turn what could be a negative into a positive. Say what?!
The home stretch, ‘let me try once more to score some booty,’ move: Be nice. Say hello. And you will be surprised at how 'normal' and not inclined to stereotype people that I am. I hope I hear from you. And if not, good luck, and do forgive me for being an idiot.
My response: “I accept and appreciate your apology. Thank you. Still, I don’t wish to pursue a connection. All the best, -Robyn”
His response in the subject line: “Very good.”
PS The kicker: He professes to be (1) a writer and (2) a comedian. That's kinda funny. Wouldn't you say?
All in a day’s work. Oy gevalt!