And I Wrote This Book.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

On Why I Choose Celibacy, Reason #13, aka Bigotry is Not Attractive


Here’s REASON #13:
NOT SCOTT PETERSON
Nor do I look anything like Charles Manson, or Ted Bundy, or the typical Catholic priest: Which means that I don't fit the profile of the typical serial killer or the typical child molester. This does set you apart from all of the other on-line daters. But! if you park your car in my driveway and leave the car door open with the keys in the ignition- I am genetically predisposed to commandeering it and taking it out for a joy ride; as has been empirically proven on the show "Bait Car". Thus, um, I should date you? But! Should I hide my key in my bra and not in the ignition, when I park in your driveway? Or should I park my car around the block? If so, shall I leave the key in the ignition or hide it in my bra?


His strategy further perplexes.. DISCLAIMER: It is a fact that every woman on every dating site failed miserably at maintaining their last relationship: because if you had been successful- you wouldn't be here. Thus, I should date you - you ass? I mean, you astute man?

He sent me this email after noticing that I viewed his profile: I see you viewed my profile..flattering b.s. here [i.e., “I just want some booty” talk]. Actually, you've misinterpreted my signals. I guess you don’t follow my blog. See, I put idiots like you up for public scrutiny and humiliation. It’s quite fun, really.. But I didn't say hello, because I also noticed that you are Jewish. And I didn't think Jewish women spoke to anyone except other Jews.

With every ounce of my Jewish blood boiling, I responded with the restraint and eloquence of my oppressed people: “Yep, we Jews have even been known to intermarry. We just don't enjoy speaking with people who stereotype us. Good luck to you. -Robyn”

#13 then got a clue (maybe), and apologized (I think):
..though in my heart I know that I was not stereotyping you--as much as I was expressing the 'stated sentiments' of the dozen or so women whose profiles I read and whom listed themselves as Jewish--in reality, for me to express surprise at the fact that you didn't think as they think: that is THE DEFINITION of stereotyping. Once again, I apologize..I now realize that I don't come across as the HONEST and FORTHRIGHT person that I am—but as a bigoted, insensitive, STEREOTYPICAL jerk. I don't blame you for not wanting to be my friend. We’re on the same page, buddy. But you still aint getting any from this gal.
Now, he launches into the “I did the apology, so let me try to score some booty by deflecting attention from me onto your unforgiving nature” maneuver.
But if you can understand that people make mistakes sometimes, a single mistake doesn't define that individuals entire character: do know that I would still like to be your friend..I'm as normal as they come…A truth which is actually borne out by my textual faux pas What the hell is a textual faux pas? in the regards that a 'normal' person becomes habituated to expect a certain action after having witnessed said action manifest.. admits when they are wrong- offers an apology- ..while seeking to turn what could be a negative into a positive. Say what?!


The home stretch, ‘let me try once more to score some booty,’ move: Be nice. Say hello. And you will be surprised at how 'normal' and not inclined to stereotype people that I am. I hope I hear from you. And if not, good luck, and do forgive me for being an idiot.

My response: “I accept and appreciate your apology. Thank you. Still, I don’t wish to pursue a connection. All the best, -Robyn”
His response in the subject line: “Very good.”

PS The kicker: He professes to be (1) a writer and (2) a comedian. That's kinda funny. Wouldn't you say?

All in a day’s work. Oy gevalt!

22 comments:

  1. Okay...your comments from morons win hands down to the ones I got when I was on a dating site...

    WHERE do these people come from???

    And you are so much nicer than I am!

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  2. Once after a broken relationship, a friend told me not to worry about it, women are like buses. I responded with, "I know, if you miss one, another...." He butted in and said, no... they're big and smokey...
    Well, it seemed funny at the time!

    Great post Robyn! The saga continues...

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  3. Hey Robyn,
    I hear what you're saying but I'm too far removed to even comment. Dating today is like you tipped the ball upside down from when I was in that world. Me.... dinosaur.... not Jane.

    But you'll figure it out and I'll be your cheerleader.
    Manzanita

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  4. I can see the comedian in him. He's probably modelling himself on Eric Cartman in South Park.

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  5. The guy is a good comedian. He forgot he was on a dating site as well (second paragraph). Or that's another one of his textual faux pas?

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  6. What an ass. I am not Jewish, yet I have a fair number of Jewish follower/friends....and they're all sweet as heck....and I'm PRETTY sure they don't give a rat's ass that I'm an self-excommunicated Catholic.

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  7. At least this guy seemed to be a more well-spoken and intelligent moron than the usual bottom feeders that haunt the online dating sites. So maybe the quality of the idiots is improving in a small way. Why, with constant improvements, in a few more years he might even be, dare I say, an almost tolerable idiot.

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  8. Oh wait, you're jewish? I guess we can't be friends. I mean, you know, because we wouldn't have anything in common, what with you being sterotypically frugal blah blah blah.
    What a POS!
    Good lord. May God help me in my quest to find a non-mutant to date!
    I think I'm going by referral only from now on. I highly recommend this.
    In the meantime, do please stay on dating sites b/c they make GREAT blog fodder!

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  9. what a comedian! wonder what his stand-up is like...

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  10. Noelle, I was thinking Mars at first. Now, I'm thinking Pluto. Thanks. xo

    Pat, thanks. I think these men are like buses too - short ones with no passengers.:0)

    Manzanita, thank you. I definitely could use a cheerleader. xo

    GB, true, though he's got a long way's to go to be as funny as Cartman. Thanks. [-:

    Sarah, great point regarding another textual faux pas. Thanks. xo

    Marlene, yes, we can be sweet as heck (and snark as heck too). It's all good. :->

    Tgo, you're very kind. Me thinks I won't wait for him to get there. xo

    Miley, girlfriend, thank you! LOL. I thought I was alone in this. I am ONLY staying on dating sites for the sake of the POS fodder. The material is ever-plentiful. :o}


    Baygirl, yeah, I wouldn't even pay for a balcony seat. xo

    BB, I wish I was, BB. I wish I was. (-;

    xoRobyn

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  11. A textual faus pas is when buy the wrong textbook for school.

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  12. Wow, that takes balls. What a jerk! Who says that? It's almost like you really know why these people are still single. What a shame.

    FourthGradeNothing.com

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  13. Holy crap! What a D-Bag! Is this Mel Gibson's son? That loser that was married to Sandra Bullock??

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  14. Oh ummm wow...you sure are finding some real winners...remind me not to ever look at those sites should I become single...

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  15. PTM, that makes sense. I hope you don't make a textual faux pas this semester. Those lines to return books are way too long. xo

    Ally, LOL. Yes, sad and true. Thanks. :->

    Gayle, I agree. xo

    Cheeseboy, you always make me laugh. Good call. (I didn't realize Bullock married Gibson's son! She sure knows how to pick 'em.) Thanks. [o:

    BabySis, you bet: don't do it if you ever become single (but it sure does make for good fodder). xo

    xoRobyn

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  16. Wow! You know the apology trick? BTW...Happy Rosh Hashana. Probably not the way it's spelled, but have a happy one anyway.

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  17. I am so glad Im not in the dating scene anymore.

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  18. ah but he keeps on trying..lol..
    seriously..
    you were very polite though...he probably did'nt deserve a response at all..

    funny shit..

    =]

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