Dear Rejecters

Dear Rejecters,

At the risk of jeopardizing our glorious future together, I’ve got a few things to say. What’s wrong with you?! Don’t you know how good I am? I mean, I’m good. I’m really, really good. Just ask me. I’m sweet and smart sometimes. Sure, I’m super short all of the time, but that really shouldn’t matter. It’s just not right to discriminate. I’m still fully capable, energetic, and quite flexible. Okay, I’m a bit older than you prefer, but I do have solid experience. I thought you want that.

But no. You don’t want me. Still, I persist. Yep, here I sit at my computer, night after night, expressing interest time and again. It takes courage and utter indiscretion, you know? The outcome of my efforts: nothing. Not a damn thing! Well, occasionally I do hear back from you weeks later. Once in a while, we actually progress to a phone chat. For that moment, my hopes skyrocket. I start planning to relocate, make a long term commitment, send out the announcements, say goodbye to the neighbor’s dog, and celebrate with European chocolates – none of that cheap Hershey’s stuff.

Alas, we meet face to face. You’re unappealing – to put it nicely. You bore me with your asinine questions, talk in circles about weird philosophies, act self-important and all. I can’t wait until it’s over, though I do well to hide my despair. Don’t I? I’m not sure why. I suppose I’m being strategic, until something better comes along. I’ll take what I can get these days. (Desperate times and all.) Oh, don't act shocked. We've all got our needs.

Still, even when it’s clear (to me) that I’m certainly way too good for you, I never hear from you again. This begs the question: What is wrong with you?!

On the other hand, when I’m excited by you, I never hear from you again. I'm back to begging and asking what the hell is wrong with you.

Yet, despite your obvious deficiencies in the face of my wonderfulness, I keep plugging away. I keep perusing the on-line ads. I maintain faith that I’ll find a match, at least for the time being.

I don't think you have any sense of what you're putting me through, dear rejecters. Did you consider for a moment that I might be frustrated? Did you think that this frustration could, in fact, enhance my performance? Do you have any idea how hard the search has been? It truly is challenging to find a job these days. So hire me, already! I’m good. I’m really, really good. Just ask me.