Monday, September 13, 2010

Dear Rejecters


Dear Rejecters,

At the risk of jeopardizing our glorious future together, I’ve got a few things to say. What’s wrong with you?! Don’t you know how good I am? I mean, I’m good. I’m really, really good. Just ask me. I’m sweet and smart sometimes. Sure, I’m super short all of the time, but that really shouldn’t matter. It’s just not right to discriminate. I’m still fully capable, energetic, and quite flexible. Okay, I’m a bit older than you prefer, but I do have solid experience. I thought you want that.

But no. You don’t want me. Still, I persist. Yep, here I sit at my computer, night after night, expressing interest time and again. It takes courage and utter indiscretion, you know? The outcome of my efforts: nothing. Not a damn thing! Well, occasionally I do hear back from you weeks later. Once in a while, we actually progress to a phone chat. For that moment, my hopes skyrocket. I start planning to relocate, make a long term commitment, send out the announcements, say goodbye to the neighbor’s dog, and celebrate with European chocolates – none of that cheap Hershey’s stuff.

Alas, we meet face to face. You’re unappealing – to put it nicely. You bore me with your asinine questions, talk in circles about weird philosophies, act self-important and all. I can’t wait until it’s over, though I do well to hide my despair. Don’t I? I’m not sure why. I suppose I’m being strategic, until something better comes along. I’ll take what I can get these days. (Desperate times and all.) Oh, don't act shocked. We've all got our needs.

Still, even when it’s clear (to me) that I’m certainly way too good for you, I never hear from you again. This begs the question: What is wrong with you?!

On the other hand, when I’m excited by you, I never hear from you again. I'm back to begging and asking what the hell is wrong with you.

Yet, despite your obvious deficiencies in the face of my wonderfulness, I keep plugging away. I keep perusing the on-line ads. I maintain faith that I’ll find a match, at least for the time being.

I don't think you have any sense of what you're putting me through, dear rejecters. Did you consider for a moment that I might be frustrated? Did you think that this frustration could, in fact, enhance my performance? Do you have any idea how hard the search has been? It truly is challenging to find a job these days. So hire me, already! I’m good. I’m really, really good. Just ask me.

28 comments:

  1. Did I miss something? Are you umemployed?

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  2. Oh gosh, I was like "dating sites suck"... but... I didn't know you were unemployed. Or did I?
    It blows.


    and holy crap, my capcha was a REAL WORD this time!

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  3. Hey Blase and Miley,
    I'm working at the moment but will lose my job any time now. Lay-off is definitely pending..So the search continues. It truly parallels the other search I'm going through. Thanks for your support! xo

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  4. I would definitely hire you, Robyn. I can tell you're the perfect teacher with your enthusiastic manner and your maternal bosom. I bet you'd be good with adults as well...

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  5. ew, that sucks a lot. Been through that. Twice. best of luck to you on your search!
    Oh, and the search to find a good sugar daddy in the meantime haha

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  6. Too bad they dont have for humans what we do with houses...reversre mortgages. You know all about that. You sell equity (value) in your home now, get out what its worth, then when you die they get the house. Well, in human form this is where you sell your body to science NOW, get some cash, then when you die, they get your body.

    Maybe help you out in lean times?

    Think not huh?

    LOL

    Everyone has an idea that wont work, today, this is mine!

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  7. I know the sentiment. I'm still looking for a job myself. Sucks to the rejecters.

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  8. I've been where you're at and it does suck. You will find a job, that is for certian, it's just the uncertianty at the present moment that is bothersome. You will be fine, I know it :0)

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  9. Hi sweetie, ugh these men don't realize what a jewel you are and there for are not nearly good enough for you!!! So sorry about the potential lay-off...I had no idea Robyn! I am sending you lots and lots of positive energy and happy thoughts! Love and hugs xoxoxo

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  10. Oh no, job hunting is not a fun-filled experience at all. In fact I think I'd rather go back to the online dating saga than have to go out and get another job, especially in the current climate.

    I was made redundant at the start of last year so I really feel for you on this one Robyn. Sending you lots of good karma and positive thoughts! Keep your chin up and keep going and you'll get there.

    T
    x

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  11. It's SO true, finding a job is EXACTLY like finding a mate. SO TRUE! Ugh. What is wrong with them? We all know it's them that are wrong. I'm just about to join you in your boat (job search) and already it's frustrating...

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  12. The Boccia Ball Olympics will certainly provide us the income we could live decently on for years and years to come. Put your best Red, White and Blue lycra back on and meet me on the field! (is there a Boccia ball field, I don't know for sure but I have faith we will be spectacular at this!)

    RR and TIS-- 2012 Boccia Ball Olympian Gold Medalists!!!

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  13. That is the pits!! I hope you can find a job soon!! And a man as well. Hehe...

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  14. I hope you find something soon. (a job and a man with very few issues LOL)

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  15. sorry that there are no offers. jobs are tough to find, maybe a change in the type of job. i wish you the best and hope something comes your way. rose

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  16. I just remember you mentioning chocolate...sorta lost everything before and after that....I think I'm hungry. I'm sorry.

    I'm just teasing...

    I know things are frustrating and rough these days.

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  17. Who are these assbags that wont hire you? Tell me.... I will make them part of my suck a fart wednesday and mail such to them! How dare they!

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  18. You can come work for me in SLC if you want. Unfortunately, I can only offer a teacher's aid job at 10 bucks an hour. BUT I can promise you that every single day would be filled with laughter in my classroom.

    The rejecters be damned! They have no idea what they are missing out on.

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  19. GB, you funny ape. Thanks. I've noticed that you frequently insert my maternal bosom into your comments. xo

    Miley, thanks, yeah I've been here several times before too. Thanks. ;-)

    LarryLilly, I think you might be onto something. I mean, I think you're on something. Please share. xo

    TS, yes, sucks to the damn rejecters. Sorry you're in this sucky place too. (-:

    Marnie, thanks hon. xo

    Trishy, thanks so much, dear friend. I appreciate it. ;0>

    Tuppence, thanks, sweet lady. I like the term "made redundant." But I don't like the experience. xo

    MissNikki, we'll need to keep each other's spirits up. The search is frustrating. Those rejecters are just wrong. It can't be us. ;-]

    TIS, thanks for reminding me we have a lucrative future in the making. How could I forget?! PS What is boccia ball again? love ya! Thanks for the laughs! xo

    Babysis, thank you. {0:

    Baygirl, thank you. A man with very few issues - what a concept. I'm just shooting for one who can spell "issues." Thanks. xo

    Rose, thank you. I hope you're well. You retired from the field at a good time. :-]

    Daffy, thanks. Yeah, that happens to me all the time. I hear my mind say "chocolate," and I forget everything else. xo

    MMH, I love ya for that! Thanks. {o:

    Cheeseboy, you are sweet. That's an offer I would jump on - despite the crappy pay - for the sake of working with you in your classroom. That would be a blast. I don't think I'd do well in Mormon country, though. xo

    Thank you all. Have I told you lately that you are sweet and awesome? Well, you are. I appreciate you! Virtual chocolate kisses and Nestle 100,000 bars all around.

    xoRobyn

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  20. i think this is great.

    i hope everything works out for you.
    xo

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  21. Robyn..Im sorry to hear this.....you had me going for a while...It sure is a terrible time for both...mates and jobs..I just had to take on another job...2 in college...UGH...now we're a four income family..and its still tight.(hence why I cant blog as much as Id like)..I looked outside my field for side work...I dont know where you are located but there are some good jobs for SW in NYC...Im sending positive energy your way...!!

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  22. I know how it is. Everyone in the family here is out of work. Good luck with yourn job search--and with the guys as well.

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  23. I'd hire you in a heartbeat if I had a job to offer! Wishing blessings on your job search!

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  24. you sure had me going for a minute! But then it all became clear to me. You were talking about jobs and not men...

    great and funny post Robyn!

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  25. I too thought this had to be "man related" :) I was about to say "hear, hear", and then it clicked! I can sympathize though. I have so many talented and capable friends who receive rejection letters almost weekly. I just wish I could call the darned company and say to them
    "you are really making a mistake here! this person would be a great match for you." If only...

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  26. That was entertaining! Surely someone with your wit, excellent spelling & wonderful way with words, a job (and a man) is just around the corner. It's just gotta be!! Thsnks for making me smile today. :)

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  27. So lets pray you find a man with a job. Now that would be a miracle! Hey, it could happen. :-)

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  28. You really had me going there, thinking you were talking about online dating.

    But I guess a job search has certain parallels, right?

    Hope you don't have to "kiss" too many more frogs before you find the right job for you.

    =)

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