How's March treating you? Even though the bigger picture seems to grow increasingly unbearable, and because of this, may the smaller picture of your daily life be a pleasant one.
As for me, I'm doing fine. I do best, as you likely noticed, when single and not in that crazy zone that I readily enter when there's a man in my vicinity (or body part). It's not as much fun this way, but it's a lot more calm and productive. Since that whole bar brawl saga, too, it feels good and necessary to have quiet weekends to myself.
All this said, to further validate that celibacy is really the most sane option for a single straight gal, I now move us past 400 (WOOHOO!) reasons for this calm and boring lifestyle. They're lifted from real on-line dating ads, flavored by my italicized comments, and posted for your enjoyment.
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REASON #398: K First off I know most of you woman can't read, or your color blind, or just have no self respect. K
most of this woman can tell that your personality and (lack of) intellect won’t
get you a date at the Taco Bell Drive Thru, Walmart aisle 5 (7 maybe, but not
5), or the 7-11 at 12th and Broadway in any city anywhere, anytime. REASON #399:
I_wear_pants.
And
for that, honey, the world thanks you.
REASON #400:
swm
who wants to have the pleasure of worshiping a ladies feet. Ive only had the
expirence once and loved it.id love to be rubbing your feet and massaging your
ankles n heals would make my day . You
mean, like real foot worship? I like to bring a man to his knees, sweetie, but
I toe the line at a foot fetish.
REASON #401:
You’re
almost there, babe. Almost.
REASON #402:
I;m
sure we all have similar stories and are trying to get back on our horse, so
with that Giddy up,, YEEHAW!
Ladies and Gentleman, it’s Punctuation Cowboy!
REASON #403:
I'm looking for forever. Only I want it yesterday. Can we talk today
I'm looking for forever. Only I want it yesterday. Can we talk today
I’ll
let you know tomorrow, darling.
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And do you remember the Flat-Faced Dog Lover? He
brought his dog, Heidi, with him on dates. Yeah, things were going well; I was
certain he’d seal the deal by initiating a kiss at the end of date two.
Instead, Flat Face scurried madly to let his doggy out of the car. [“I've gotta go get Heidi!" he shouted as I prepared to lean in for the pucker.] That was over six months ago, and no barks
from him since. Not until this recent text message:
“Hi Robyn. It’s (Flat-Faced Dog Lover). How are you? Sorry I disappeared
a while back. If you’d like to reconnect msg me back.”
“Thank you for the message. I'm well. Hope you are too. Gonna pass on a reconnect. Best wishes to you” –I paused in a moment of thoughtful
contemplation. . . Do I add what I’m thinking of adding? Yes! No! Yes! Do it
for your readers! So yes, I did add . . . “and your dog.”
Sent.
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Keep a smile, my friends.
Take good care of yourselves.
Keep a smile, my friends.
Take good care of yourselves.
