And I Wrote This Book.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Flat-Faced Dog Lover, Part II.



Fred and I were going to see each other for the second night in a row – a good sign. (Right?) As I drove to the taqueria, I said out loud and to myself: “I like him, and I’m pretty sure he likes me. I'll likely get a kiss. It’ll be good. Or it won’t be good. Either way, I’ll know if I want to see him again.”

We decided to share a taco salad, and we sat side-by-side – a doubly good sign. (Right? Right?) Fred and I chatted about our respective work days, family, dream travel destinations, other significant and trivial matters. Everything seemed to be going really well.

The salad was so humongous, we couldn’t finish. I agreed to take the leftovers in a to-go container. Fred carried the food and escorted me to my car.

The deciding moment arrived. We stood by the passenger side of my car. Fred handed me the to-go box. I opened the car door, placed the leftovers on the passenger’s seat, and then shut the car door. Kissy, kissy now? “I’ve gotta go let Heidi out!” Fred blurted, dashing to his car several yards away.

I briskly followed him like – I don’t know – a puppy in heat. There they were, man and dog. Fred held onto the end of Heidi’s leash, fully focused on her. “She needs fresh air,” he reported. “Go ahead, sweetie,” he told her, as Heidi explored a nearby patch of grass.

What to do? I pet Heidi. “She’s pretty.”

With one hand firmly grasping Heidi’s leash, Fred extended his other arm to impart a flimsy cold-to-lukewarm side-hug. “I’d like to get to know you better.” (Bad sign. Good sign. Weird sign. Right?)

“Sure, be in touch,” I responded.

Driving home, I said this: "I like…no I liked him…What the hell!? I won’t compete with a b*tch for a man’s affections. Not a b*tch with two legs! Not a b*tch with four legs!"

Flat-faced Fred never called. It’s just as well. I felt inclined to bark at him, and that might’ve turned him on. The man gives new meaning to the term “dog lover.” 

Perhaps there WAS a kiss that night, and I was not the recipient. So it goes.

~the end.~

60 comments:

  1. Oh dear, well maybe Heidi needed to powder her nose, which made Fred realise he only likes girls with big wet noses. Have you tried dating a cat lover, Robyn? They understand women much better than dog lovers and not all of them are gay. :)

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    1. Thing is, GB, I don't want to compete with a p----. I mean, I don't want to compete with anyone or anything else. Why bother? I got batteries.

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  2. If he'd rather kiss a dog, you don't need him.

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    1. No I don't. Thank you, Alex. I can't stomach the thought of where his lips may've been.

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  3. Maybe if you whimpered and made puppy eyes at him or licked his nose he would understand. Then again, maybe not.

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    1. I'd have to sit in a hot car while he has has dates with other women, though, Jono. It doesn't quite appeal to me.

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  4. On the other hand, if you were the dog you might have gotten some... Seriously, someone who brings a dog everywhere has serious "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" issues IMHO.

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    1. Yeah, that dog probably needed a cigar the next morning. Sheesh. Thanks for always making me laugh, CW.

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  5. Willy Dunne Wooters is so in love with Franklin that sometimes I think he comes over to see "Frankie" instead of me. But he does take me out and sometimes I get a very sweet kiss. He pets Franklin and Penelope but does not kiss them. I guess Fred didn't have what it takes to be a Wooters man.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. WDW isn't the "dog lover" Flat Face is. That's a good thing for you, Janie.

      Delete
  6. He coulda kissed you and then gone and let his dog out. It wouldn't have taken THAT long. Oh well. Sorry it didn't work out.

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    1. All the things he could've done to me before the dog died of heat stroke. Oy.
      Thank you, JoJo.

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  7. Awwww, nuts. Oh well, keep in the game, Robyn!

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  8. Better off. Sounds like the type that would let his dog lick his face right after it got done cleaning it's butt. You don't want dog butt kisses.

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    1. Bwahaha! Thank you for that image, Pat. Seriously, thank you. I needed that.

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  9. Hard to believe he'd bring his dog on a date. Keep looking. The perfect guy for you is out there. If not, you're getting great material to write about.

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    1. This is true. It continues to be a win-win-lose situation. Or something or other.

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  10. Since he gave you a side hug and showed more attention to his dog....he's just not that into you. Usually men can't wait to do more than just kiss but they will show a nice kiss and treat you like the lady you are not a side hug. He missed his chance and he can go smooch Heidi...poor dog

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    1. Yeah, poor dog. He's just way into her.
      Thank you, Birgit. You keep it real.

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  11. Sigh.
    I expected it after Part 1, but sigh just the same.

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    1. I know, EC. Better to be a sigh-er than a barker, I suppose. (?)

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    2. Or a licker, or worse a slobberer. But...

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    3. Or a pooper on the grass, or a fetcher, or so many other things. Sigh!

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  12. My golly. I always said if I'd go out with someone, he must love dogs. But I think this one's gone overboard. :P

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    1. You might rethink that requirement, Lux.
      Smiles.

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  13. Ew. Trying to not imagine Fred and Heidi.

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  14. Did you split the cost of the taco salad since you shared it?

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    1. Yeah, I went ahead and paid my part so there was no weirdness or "if it makes you happy" sh*t.

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  15. Why would he bring his dog on a date? Leaving her in the car is cruel, especially in the summer heat. He was just a little too attached.

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  16. I had hopes, but alas, dashed a bit. Hey - keep your chin up and keep trying. You never know....truly, you never ever know. Keep smiling kid-o!

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    1. Thank you for the warm-loving support, Joanne.

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  17. I'm of the Bob Monkhouse school of disliking other peoples' dogs: "The big ones always come and sniff your crotch. Little ones are even worse because you have to kneel down for them to do it." There are better prospects out there --there must be.

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    1. The little ones are the most territorial and fierce. Flat face is. Heidi's bigger than him and didn't require kneeling.

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  18. That's pretty odd. Unless the date is to a park, who takes the dog along? I usually leave mine home when I go somewhere. I do turn on the TV for them. I think they enjoy feeling like they're not alone- and that makes my husband think I'm weird.

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    1. That is kinda weird, Elizabeth, but you're long-married and thus expected to maintain a certain level of weirdness.

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  19. I don't think, NO, I Know, that I never spit a salad on a date... Or since. An entree, yeah, but never a salad. That's weirder than the dog.

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    1. You should see him, Sage. He weighs about as much as my pinkie finger.

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  20. Glad you found out on the second date vs. the twenty-second date what a goober this guy is. Thanks for the review! Muchly appreciated, my friend!! Love ya!

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  21. Ah, well, it is better to discover earlier rather than later that his heart belongs to Heidi. It definitely seems like a red flag that he takes the dog with him wherever he goes.

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  22. That would never happen here in Texas. Its too flipping hot to leave a dog or anything else alive in the car longer than 5 minutes. I mean a guy that likes dogs have always had brownie points with me because i'm a dog lover but Come on!! Get real and be a man and leave the dog at home.

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    1. Haha! I don't know why, holli, but the "men" I date seem to forget that they're "men."

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  23. "I'd like to get to know you better?"
    Yeah, adios, my amigo.

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    1. Yeah, adios freakazoid. But Heidi I'd take for a walk sometime. She is awfully pretty.

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  24. Yikes, he left the dog in the car through dinner? And well, he brought the dog on the date, lolol. Best to move on methinks, to higher ground. ;)

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    1. Scary stuff, huh, Rosey? "That's what we do," he says. That is, they date in a pair. Ugh.

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  25. He split a SALAD? Girl, you need a red meat man. And then there's the dog. What next, double-dating with the mutt and some poodle? Good grief, Robyn. Be happy you saw the back of this (I guess) "human".

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    1. Haha. Yeah, even Heidi wanted some red meat.
      Thanks, dear Margaret.

      Delete
  26. Did he have dog breath? I don't trust the guy. The first night he called his dog Heidi, the second night he called her Heather. Hell, if he's cheating on his dog, he certainly would have cheated on you.

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    1. Haha. I didn't even notice that - of course, I didn't. Thanks for calling him out on his beastial, philandering ways, Pat. That's funny. I think I'm using Heather in another piece of writing, so I did a switcherooney.

      Also, thank goodness, I didn't get close enough to check for doggy breath.

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  27. Robyn - This makes absolutely no sense. In part one Fred asked you for a second date two nights in a row. What possibly could've happened unless...
    A) Heidi had a talk with him on the way to date 2, and said, "It's either me or Robyn Fred." OR...
    B) You failed the doggie bag test, by not offering the salad that you paid half for to Heidi. Don't most dogs/lovers like taco salad?
    Flat face Fred probably got that way due to a swift kick in the face! I'm sorry you had to waste time with that weirdo.

    Julie

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  28. Oh man. :\ Seems like the mother was replaced with the dog. At least Heidi won't get the chance to push you out of the bed ever. FFF (Flat Faced Fred) doesn't know what he's missing out on.

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