Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Reasons for Celibacy and the Tiny Dog

Dear Sillies,
Happy Tuesday. I hope you're doing well.
Once again, I bring you more reasons for a woman (for example, me) to choose celibacy in these strangest of times. Taken directly from internet dating ads, in bold, and my responses, italicized, may these bring giggles and a sense of relief for your relationship status.
Take care, my friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REASON #403:
Psst, it’s not a secret once it’s posted on the world wide web.

REASON #404:
hello weird socially-lacking girls 
hello man too stupid to figure out why his life is lacking in female companionship. 

REASON #405:
Solid rep. Not your average jo. Realer than most. Not tryna impress nobody. yet highly intellectual, and well-versed in it.
Well versed in what, Einstein? Tryna be a real solid rep of a Joe with no “e”?

REASON #406:
I’m fairly certain I already dated this one before:
Will only do things that I can do with my dog; after I brush his teeth I let him lick my face. Tiny dog. Ok? Okay. Oh honey, if I’m gonna do a threesome doggie style, I prefer no dogs allowed. PS Tiny is not okay.

REASON #407:
kiss me im fun ??
no thanks im done ??

44 comments:

  1. BWAA HAAA HAAA Wow...these people really expect to get dates with those profiles?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha! I know, right, JoJo. I thought of you too, when I read the "Real Jo's" words. He seems to lack the intellect to know that a male Joe is spelled with an "e". Dateless weirdo.

      Delete
  2. Didn't that guy have a large dog before? Guess it was too much bitch for him to handle...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHA! ALEX, kudos for your funniest comment yet! Thank you for the hearty laugh too.
      I'm telling you, keep working that funny angle. You're very good at it.

      Delete
  3. In other words, the dog comes first! And probably in every connotation of that phrase. Ewww.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't stop laughing. You're all so hilarious. And yes, Deb, EWWWW!
      Oy, thank you!

      Delete
  4. Debra's comment made me laugh. Watch out for tiny dogs.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They're a lot worse than big fat ones, right, Janie?

      Love.

      Delete
  5. They all need an editor. And the brains to hire one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right. They probably think an editor is something you find at the end of a pencil.

      Delete
  6. Tiny dog? Tiny hopes. And tiny hands.
    So glad that these individuals are firmly backing 'truth in advertising...'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They don't even try to hide their tiny hands, EC.
      Thank you for making me laugh.

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. So tiny, they think they're well versed in...something. Idiots. Lol.

      Hope you're well, Fishducky.

      Delete
  8. The highly intellectual one must have typed that standing atop a staircase.

    That kinda takes love me, love my dog to a whole new level. Which one's top dog? Would doggie style then be a dog and pony show? Yeehaw!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Clever, Pat, especially the "top dog" question. Oh my, I'm getting great laughs from my silly readers/friends. This batch of comments is the best. I can't say the same for the batch of dud(e)s.

      Delete
  9. The last one sounds very defensive about his tiny dog, Robyn. Do you think he's dated women who laughed at it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Real Jo's don't like tiny dogs, GB. It's difficult to use a microscope in the dark.

      Delete
  10. I like #405. If male, then he certainly is not your average Jo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good point, Geo. You're good about finding the positives wherein there are none to be found.

      Delete
  11. Oh my...yup I wouldn't bother with these men because you're realer than all of these men...men?? If the guy who owns the dog also owns a sheep then the Himane Society needs to be called. Secretly writing this...I think the guy Who is looking for socially awkward women is probably looking for the guy who owns the dog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. I should do some matchmaking and connect awkward man to dog man, but only if this isn't a sheep involved. That would just be wrong.
      Thanks, Birgit, for joining this silliness.

      Delete
  12. Haha! Oh my. Those are slim pickings, for sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Any slimmer, they'd fall over when I exhale from behind my computer screen.
      =)

      Delete
  13. Some creative person should advertise editing services--they might have a good living (and you'd have to go further to realize that they don't live up to their good grammar).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You'd think someone could profit, but I don't believe these men think they need help. They're "well-versed in it." Whatever it is.

      Delete
  14. Do people not take a second look before they post something on a dating site? Take a second draft, guy who proudly declares his beastiality fetish.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right. Or have your tiny dog give a tiny look before you press publish, moron. Why are people so weird, PVP? Why, I ask. Why?

      Delete
  15. Are they all tryna find their density?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good question, Jono. With a tiny dog, the search is real.

      Delete
  16. Go with the intellectual one. Let him wax the poet in you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd rather let him wax his own poet, Elizabeth - if he can find it. ;~)

      Delete
  17. sometimes it's too "realer". Best to stay home with your favorite chocolate. Are there really that many intellectuals out there? Tough call on the best pick. Thanks for a good laugh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So many well-versed versatile types out there. Oy vey. My head is spinning.

      Anytime, my friend.

      Delete
  18. You're just too 'gooder' for them, Robyn :) I bet the dog is traumatized, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I didn't even think about that, Martha. Poor tiny dog.
      =) Thank you.

      Delete
  19. #405 should pay a visit to Dunkin' Donuts.
    Their coffee is not your average joe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is it your average jo? Well-versed in intellectual real socially lacking tiny dogs? He NEEDS to visit.

      Thank you for visiting, Al P.

      Delete
  20. Let me apologize for the male gender...
    Good stuff Robyn!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh my God - its hard to believe people this stupid exist.
    Real intellectual indeed.
    It's enough to make anyone celibate. Oh hang on, I am. Mmmm.
    Thank God for good people, such as you Robyn dear... and books!

    xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And so many of them. The human species keeps devolving, it seems.
      Thank God for you too. And books and music and things created by the non-stupid.
      xo

      Delete
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