Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Interview with Dr. Phil, back for IWSG!

Hi, Friends,
I stopped doing the IWSG/Insecure Writer's Support Group long ago. But I missed the group and my alternatively factual interviews. Alex is so kind, I'm not sure he ever dropped me from the list. So all things considered, I brought back a biggie. He's 6'4". He's Dr. Phil. And he's here for an interview.
Robyn: Come on out here, Doc! 

Dr. Phil hands his rifle to wife Robin and walks to center stage. "How ya all doin'? I said 'How ya all doin'?"

Robyn: Why do you always repeat yourself, Philanderer? 

Dr. Phil: Look, I don't know what you're talkin about, little one. I said, 'I don't know what you're talkin about down there!'

Robyn: Excuse me, dude. You're not a real doctor. You gave up your license years ago. A questionable license it was, too. You'd hired a client to work as an employee. Hm. The station kept you on as "entertainment" while you pretend to do therapy. Unethical much? And you cheated on your first wife. And you steal quotes from others and pretend they're yours. Yet you don't have an insecure nerve in your body. How do you do it, Philayofish?

Dr. Phil: Look, it's time to get real about your life. I said 'It's time to get real about your life!' If you don't have confidence in yourself, nobody else will. I said --

Robyn: I heard you! I quoted you in my book too. I mean, you're not all bad, but you are an annoying egomaniac, Philosophical b.s.er.

Dr. Phil: Let me tell you, I've conducted an extensive study. It took years of research and the most highly trained professionals. We determined your needs. Our crew looked long and hard --

Robyn starts to salivate at the thought of her needs finally being met in a long, hard way.

Dr. Phil continues: We found the perfect intensive neuro so so psycho facility for middle aged sex starved women of abnormally short stature who are ravenously addicted to - shall we say? - treats.

Robyn's beaming. Oh yes, Phillycheesesteak. We shall say treats! Woohoo! Robyn partakes in fist pumping and frenetic dance moves.

Dr. Phil: Look, just go! I said 'Just go!' Dr. Phil signals two very big security guards to escort a hyperactive Robyn off the stage.

Robyn: Thank you, Philharmonic! Thank you! You're the best! I said 'You're the best!'
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On a different and very sad note, in my eight years of blogging, I've spoken to half a dozen blog friends by phone. One of them is Melissa Bradley. Melissa and I shared men bashing stories and other nonsense, and she'd make me laugh hysterically. When I spoke to her approx. two weeks ago, and she was in hospice, Melly told me: "You know what they served me for dinner the other night? Bratwurst! YOU DON'T SERVE BRATWURST UNLESS YOU DO IT RIGHT. And that means NOT WITH KETCHUP PACKETS!" How could I not laugh heartily? Melissa called me her bloggy sister. She was a feisty, saucy, hilarious, creative, heartfelt and very loving woman who fought a grueling battle with unfaltering gusto and optimism. Ultimately, cancer put an end to that fight this past Sunday.  Among Melissa's final words to me were "I'll pray for you." That speaks to her selfless character. 

I love you, bloggy sis. Your memory is forever a blessing. Thank you for all your gifts to literature, your loved ones, and the world. Rest in Peace, dear heart.
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Take gentle care, my friends.
I love you and life is precious. 
Keep a smile. Better yet, laugh heartily. And repeat. And then some more.

46 comments:

  1. Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring. Some people are too precious to lose. Our world is diminished with their departure - and simultaneously richer for having them in it.

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    1. Thank you for your eloquence, EC. I appreciate you.

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  2. Melissa sounds like a super friend and how kind of her to continue to pass on positive and uplifting words to you when her life's journey was at an end. So sorry for you Robyn. Hang onto Melissa's memories and smile when you think of her. So glad you had her in your life. God bless.

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    1. Thanks so much, Nicola.
      Blessings to you too.
      I appreciate it.

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  3. It was so sad to hear cancer finally beat her down. I'll really miss Melissa. What a blessing you got to speak to her on the phone.

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    1. I know. Thank you, Alex.
      Just so sad.
      Oh and that lady was a talker! I don't remember how I ended the call the first time, but I know it was hard to do. Smiles.

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  4. Awful when a great person dies from that crummy cancer.

    Too bad we couldn't switch it to hypocrites like "Dr." Phil.

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    1. I know. If people lived the lives they deserve, and if we could vex the hypocrites and meanies, that would be pretty awesome. Thanks, Pat.

      PS It really irks me that the "Dr" is still making millions.

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  5. Melissa sounds like she was a gem -- someone who didn't just fall off the turnip truck, to use a favourite Dr. Phil-ism. My condolences to you and her family.

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    1. Smiles. Dr. Phil's every word and repetition is from the turnip truck, I'm thinking. I don't know what that means, but I like the sound of it.

      Thank you for your caring words.

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  6. Terrible news about Melissa. It sounds like she has spirit right until the end.

    Did Dr. Phil leave the address of that facility for you?

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    1. The two big men took me there, Diane. Boy did they regret that trip. But I sure didn't. Wink.

      And thank you.

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  7. So sad about Melisa. Cancer sucks. It really, truly sucks.

    I never knew all that about Dr.Phil. I just assumed when Oprah introduced him to the world, he was a stand-up guy.

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    1. Thank you, ladies. Yeah, and Oprah isn't so stand up either, in my opinion. But her history isn't nearly as shady as fake Dr. Phil's. Their history together isn't all that kosher, though - it started with some meat industry madness and lawsuits against her that really stressed her out. For some reason, though he's not a lawyer, he was involved in representing her. Go figure.

      Love to you both.

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  8. very sad about your blog friend. She sounds like a good soul.
    As for Dr.Philanderer Philaharmonic - funny stuff as usual. I'm sure his "research" is all for the public good, or so folks will buy his books. If you repeat things twice or tweet often, you and your followers might believe it...nuff said

    take good care Robyn

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  9. I am so sorry for the loss of Melissa.

    "Dr." Phil , was he ever a real doctor? He seems like such a phony, but I could be a whatever-they-wanted if they paid me enough. Of course I could be whatever YOU wanted for free. I'm just that kind of guy. ;)

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    1. Haha, you're a generous soul, Jono. Thank you.

      Apparently "Doctor" Phil did receive a PhD in psychology, but I don't know what school, if they're accredited, who he slept with to get it...Maybe it was from Trump University.

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  10. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your friend Melissa. :(

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  11. My sincere consolences for the loss of you friend Melissa.

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  12. I'm so sorry you lost this friend, Robyn :( This is very heartbreaking. May she rest in peace.

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  13. I'm sorry you lost a blog friend. As for Dr. Phil, I didn't know all that stuff about him, but the few times I've seen bits of his TV show, I thought he was a bully.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. He is a bully, an arrogant bully. At least he appears to want what's best for people - while lining his pockets.

      Thank you for your kindness, Martha and Janie.

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  14. I'm so sorry to hear the news about your blogging friend. Wishing you peace and comfort.

    As for Dr. Phil, the nicknames you came up with for him made me laugh.

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  15. Your Dr Phil story is funny (philayofish,hahahaha).

    I'm really sorry about your friend, Robyn.

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  16. My dear woman, you are grieving. My sincere condolences.

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  17. Rest in Peace, Melisa. You earned it.

    Now about that long, hard, PhillyCheesesteak...

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    1. I was enjoying it last night, LD. Or was that a dream?

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  18. Anyone who can make you laugh hysterically gets my blessing, Robyn. I'd probably have to tickle you. ;) Peace be upon her eternal soul. Dr Phil needs some therapy with a female gorilla.

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  19. Philayofish was my favorite part. Do you ever get the urge to shave his mustache?
    I didn't know your bloggy sis all that well. It sounds like she was a fun gal.

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    1. I couldn't manage that one, PTM. He's 6'4" and really, really big headed.

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  20. Oh hon . i am so sorry for the loss of a blog friend. I lost one myself this past January and it still makes me sad. We texted quite a bit and would send packages to each other. What a sweet memory of you and her laughing together.
    Very funny interview with "Dr Phil"! He's obnoxious.

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    1. So sorry for your loss too, Holli. Thank you.

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  21. I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like Melissa was a very special person. I spoke with my dear friend... my college roommate and maid of honor... on the a few days before cancer took her, and if anyone heard the way we were laughing, they never would have guessed we were essentially saying good-bye. Some people have the ability to shine until the very end.

    Your post interview is an absolute hoot. :)

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    1. Thanks for visiting me in response, Susan. Your words are always filled with spunky love, truth too. I'm grateful. I'm so sorry for your loss, but glad you have those final memories of your friend's essence too. Hugs.

      Glad you liked the silliness too.

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  22. Oh that's very sad to hear. You must have been close. Obviously very close if you spoke to her while there. But so nice that you had that moment together. Life takes some far too soon. Often the best ones. Sorry dear Robyn.
    RIP

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    1. Yes, often the best of them are gone far too early. Every day is a blessing. Then again, some are truly crappy, but you know what I mean.
      Hugs and gratitude.

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  23. Hi Robyn, It's great to see you back at the IWSG, and I'm glad you put Dr. Phil in his place. So sad about Melissa. It was nice that you spoke to her on the phone, and unbelievable that she was laughing until the end. I'm sure that she appreciated your friendship.

    Julie

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  24. I did not know this about good ole Dr. Phil but I'm not surprised. I'm very sorry to hear about your blogging friend...cancer is just so nasty

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    1. Thank you, Julie and Birgit. I appreciate you both.

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