And I Wrote This Book.

Monday, December 19, 2016

Reasons for Celibacy 393-97, Scorpio Day 20

Dears,
I've five final reasons for celibacy this year. Next, the Scorpio saga continues.
I hope the holiday season finds you safe, warm, and with loved ones.
Take good care.
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Taken directly from on-line personal ads, here are reasons #393-97 for a smart, straight gal to remain celibate. And I'll take this opportunity to point out that Celibacy and Suburbia provides 250 rather interesting reasons. It's short, easy, and covered in chocolate - like the author. Wink.
bold font=actual ads. italics=my actual (versus fake) snark. Enjoy, friends.
~~~~~~

REASON #393: Am anice hard working respectfully man thats looking fo his nice lady wich is hard to find..
I can’t imagine why.

REASON #394: hi in just a regular guy nothing fancy.looking for a girl who takes care of herself and me. Keeps a nice home. can drink and party once in a while.in loyal and expect my girl to be the same.all I need is one good one....are you good enough?
hi in fancy in loyal cant drink once in a while not good regular enough.

REASON #395: If you want to play games get an Xbox!  
Dude, what do you have against Scrabble?

REASON #396: Intelegence is sexy.
That’s why you’re not, sweetie.

REASON #397: I do enjoy a good convo n also knoe how to keep one dont let the look decive u im a real awsome n out going person but thats on u if ur wilking to give urself that chance to get to knoe me !!!
Knoe thank you, I ain’t wilking!!!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~back to me and Scorpio
Day 20:
   Scorpio dropped by at 9pm as planned. "Good to see you, come on in." He looked a bit uneasy. "We can stay in if you want, hon," I told him. "But I thought it’d be fun to hear music at the 1078 Gallery. A couple of my friends are performing. D'you wanna go? We don't have to stay late."
   "No, well um," he mumbled and floundered, "Maybe you should just do your own thing on weekends."
   "What are you talking about?"
   "This is all about you." He started pacing around my living room. "You wouldn’t help me clean up my trailer or—"
   Utterly baffled, I sunk into my couch. "What are you talking about? You NEVER asked me to help clean your trailer. I’d be happy to. I'm always good for things like that."
   He turned away from me, confused, lethargic, or something. "You're you're holding me back."
   Whoa! "I’m holding you back!?" I stormed through the kitchen and opened my side door. I then rushed through the living room to open my front door. "Leave! If you think I’m holding you back, leave! I'm not forcing you to be with me."
   Scorpio sat on the loveseat and continued. "You’re a hypocrite. You get all crying and upset when I didn’t call you, and then you didn’t even call me by 8. Maybe you’re not ready for a relationship."
   I felt blood rush through my veins. "Look, I admitted that I was being passive-aggressive. I didn't want to scare you away. This isn't fair. Maybe YOU'RE not ready for a relationship. The doors are open." I pointed, one by one, to each door. "You're welcome to leave."
   He kept at it. "You told me you had a doughnut the other day. You’re a hypocrite."
   "Are you kidding me? You started joking about that stuff. We both did. I want us to live a long and healthy life together. What’s wrong with that?"

   After a while of tense, confused silence, Scorpio opened his arms. "Come here," he said. "I’m sorry I said all those things. I need to think about what I say before I say it. And never mind about the doughnut stuff. That was silly...You’re beautiful. I’m sorry."
   I approached Scorpio, leaned into his chest, and wanted to believe everything would be fine.

to be continued yet again.

31 comments:

  1. I didn't have to wait long for the next episode! You must have sensed my hunger for more information, Robyn. The trainer-cleaning remark is peculiar. It's as if he expects you to cook and clean for him before you've even set up home. Maybe he needs a woman like Kevin Arnold's mom in 'The Wonder Years'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, he needs a woman who likes to "fix" broken grown boys. Not to give a spoiler alert or anything. The story gets better.

      Delete
  2. Sigh.
    Some of the best things in life are chocolate. Which never, ever asks me to clean for it. Or even expects me to be clean.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chocolate equates with the highest level of giving. Such a mensch, that chocolate is.
      B'shalom, EC. And thank you.

      Delete
  3. That is one confused dude.
    Reason #396 wins today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. Thank you, Alex.
      And I think I've seen every possible way to spell "intelligence." But I'm sure I have yet to uncover more interesting twists on the word.

      Delete
  4. He's got a trailer? Well, so much for my theory that he was homeless and living in his car.

    Scorpios are known for holding grudges, you know. It's not one of their better qualities.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, you're so smart and perceptive, Deb. Not quite homeless, but at this time, he was living in a friend's auto shop. He was fixing up a trailer to move into - apparently I was supposed to know that I was supposed to help him with that. Okay, I have no issues with people who are without a home. I've feared homelessness many time and my heart goes out to people without stable housing. I am purely lucky that it's not my situation. But the man has skills and he's a grown man who could get off his butt and do some work if he decided to. Thanks for letting me vent. Laughter and apologies.

      Delete
  5. Wow, does he have multiple personality disorder with that restless leg thing too? Every time the leg shakes out comes a new one?

    Number #394 doesn't sound like a control freak or anything, pffft.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. I believe you'll realize what his big issues are in upcoming posts, Pat. The story gets more twisted and interesting.

      Nah, #394 isn't fancy or anything.

      Delete
  6. Oh my......is Scorpio expecting June Cleaver? I hear him checking out his voice and singing"me, me, me, me, me"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol. Yes. Thank you, Birgit. Weird stuff. I think CW hit the nail on the head - maybe he was trying to get me to break up with him. Didn't work.

      Delete
  7. Eh? I'm practicing to be Canadian. Probably not so Canadian is that I wouldn't help anybody clean up a fucking trailer.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thing is, Janie, I was excited about helping him decorate. Had he used his big boy words, I wouldn't happily helped him out. But the big boy was at a loss for big boy words.
      Love.

      Delete
  8. Why do I get the sense this is not going to end well? Oh, yeah, it's attached to a "reasons for celibacy" post!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow, haven't any of those men ever taken an English course?
    Clean his trailer? Ugh. Let him clean his own trailer. :\

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wonder if any of them got passed 3rd grade, Connie.

      And yeah, I think Scorpio wanted/wants a mommy.

      Delete
  10. Holy crap Robyn.... that was quite the troubling rant he went on about you. Wow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It'll get better. And worse, JoJo.
      Thanks for the affirmation, though. It was bizarre and mean-spirited.

      Delete
  11. First, is that the grammar school dating site? I could come up with better spelling AND lines drunk on my ass! Maybe I'll shoot you one in a IM one night for demo purposes only, lol!

    Second, if you were ready to open those doors, the only way you should have moved towards him is from behind with a hobnailed boot. Any one this short in a relationship who is complaining that you haven't come over uninvited to clean his trailer is either mentally unbalanced or hoping you'll talk him into "dumping you", so it don't go against his record.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another wise reader, CW. I didn't think about that - the possibility that he was hoping I'd dump him. In retrospect, I believe you're right. And the mentally unbalanced part is a definite.

      Delete
  12. Are there no eligible men that have any grasp of spelling or grammar left in America????? What is the world coming to???

    As for Scorpio...I am getting a very bad feeling about things. That's a very strange conversation. Something is off center.


    I am starting to have a really bad feeling, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Cheryl. No worries, as I was certainly on alert after that evening. More to come.

      I hope you're well and enjoying the holidays.

      Delete
  13. For goodness sake, there is SPELLCHECK these days! How can people have such bad grammar? UGH...

    I’m getting a bad feeling about this dude. His emotions seem to be all over the map.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a good way of summarizing it - his emotions were/are all over the place. It's as though he tried one thing after another to attack me with, but his attacks were pathetic and odd.

      Delete
  14. Maybe it's just me, but I think a nice ladywich with a hint of anise sounds like a culinary gem.

    And oh Scorpio, why do you continue to open your mouth...?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. fo a nice fancy man, fo sure.
      And would've been anise had he kept his mouth shut that wich.

      Delete
  15. #393, I'm sorry, but anise just isn't my type of flavor.

    I have no words. Is he bipolar? Cause he sounds like he's a little bit nuts. Curious...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think it's bipolar. I have other suspicions...

      Happy Holidays, BabySis.

      Delete
  16. Oh this is not good Robyn. At only Day 20. Doesnt look positive for the future. Not alot of mautrity there. Well, I hope you get through it okay, if it ends the way its looking.

    As for #394: all I need is one good one.
    Dont we all mate, dont we all.


    Hope you had a good Christmas Robyn! I ordered your book. I should have bought it from you. The Shipping is twice the cost of the book! lol

    xo

    ReplyDelete