Monday, September 19, 2016

Reasons for Celibacy #384-392 & One Crazed Weasel

Hi, Dear Sillies, 

I hope you're all managing to feel upbeat, whatever life tosses your way. We're entering a challenging time of year for many (me too). But love and laughter are everywhere, including in blogland. Though this seems to have become more of a "Buy my book! Buy my friend's book! Read these 500 books! Buy my book!" place than in years past, a caring and supportive pulse keeps us blogging. 

Here we go with yet more reasons for celibacy. I hope the list brings giggles.

Take care of yourselves.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This one appeared in my email last week:
384) Hellow madam? I just came over your profile while ovr my busness on net en was fantasticated with u? I loved ur profile even i love you to
Hell, low gentleman? I just came over your email in my inbox while at my laptop, which isn’t your busness any more than your hard drive is my busness, and I am constipicated by u? I hate ur spelling and ur pained attempt at literacy. What do you love me to do? Suggest a good short bus for your busness? Prescribe a bright pink liquid medication for your fantasticatedness? Teach you the Cupid Shuffle?

385) A simple act of caring creates an endless cripple Well that's insensitive, though I suspect you might be referencing the night when Stephen Hawking’s parents—you know—giggity, giggity.

386) Looking for me
Hint: Check nearest mirror. See face? That’s you, buddy.

387) Will work for hummus
I like your work ethic.

388) Never make eye contact with anyone while eating a banana! ??
Oh no, honey. I only use—err, eat—bananas in private.
  
389) what ya see is what ya get    
Exactly; you didn’t post a photo.

390) Am Ugly ??
Yes, is Ugly??

391) hi I'm new to this I won't lie I hadhelp
Help? Let me guess: Nigerian spammers, Russian hackers, or Trump University?

392) I'm a single Dad with my kids.
Without your kids you’re a married Mom?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And on a different note, but one I need to share, I found a number of copies of my memoir on EBay.* I never use EBay. Yet EBay sponsors a bunch of Facebook advertising, so my book keeps popping up here and there in Facebookland. I didn't pay for the ads, so I'm thrilled. But . . .
 
I gifted this particular copy to an author-mentor at Cheryl Strayed's Writing Retreat this past summer. I'd inscribed a message expressing gratitude for his "beautiful spirit and kids." He left the book at the retreat center, it seems. He didn't value it greatly, it seems. But CrazedWeasel137 got ahold of it. CrazedWeasel137 is selling it for $15.99 or best offer. Note: Amazon price is $13.99. I can't report CrazedWeasel137 without creating an EBay account. So I'll enjoy the free advertising, however unkosher the sale (i.e., criminal, illegal and certainly not blessed by Rabbinic authority). 

May all men named Steve who have  beautiful spirits and kids start the bidding and may the best Steve with the most beautiful spirit and kids win this copy.

PS If you want my memoir, I'm happy to send a signed one for much cheaper than $15.99. Message me, Rawknrobyn@aol.com. And if you'd like an extra value deal with two or all three of my books (and perhaps a little Happy Meal type of toy but no fries), let me know that too. Despite what I say about me, I'm easy. Wink.


Details about Woman on the Verge of Paradise SIGNED Robyn Alana Engel 2015 PB LN Free
Seller information
crazedweasel137 (1574 )
100% Positive feedback
Follow this seller
See other items
Item condition: Like New
“Excellent condition, some hardly noticeable wear on the front cover, all pages straight and clean.”
Price: US $15.99
Buy It Now Signed by author on dedication page: "Dear Steve, thank you for your beautiful spirit and kids. Savor the verge! [heart] Robyn Alana Engel"

*May karma do its work such that these EBay sellers make the same amount (or even less) than I have for my writing. -Insert evil laughter.- 

57 comments:

  1. OH my gosh, that's awful that he left your copy behind. I hope it was just an oversight! And what a goober the person who found it was to sell it for more than it's selling from you. Geez. On a high note, let's hope the advertising brings on the sales (for you, not him). :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It kinda still hurts. Heck, it definitely causes an OUCH! He didn't have to read it, though it would've been nice had he held onto it until he got into his car. Thank you, Rosey.

      Delete
  2. I hope leaving it behind was an accident. Watch out for crazed weasels - they'll snag and sell anything.
    That last one is hilarious.
    And I'll work for Hot Tamales.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm assuming it was an accident, Alex. The authors gave an involved presentation, and he got flooded with questions and stuff as I snuck out to avoid MY paparazzi (Yeah, that's what happened). Smiles.

      I like your work ethic too. We know what I'd work for.

      Delete
  3. Good ol' Steve may be an author but I bet he's not a mentor anymore, eh? Sheesh. At least CrazedWeasel137 is snagging you some free advertising.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, CrazedWeasel137 is my new mentor. Thanks Debra.

      Delete
  4. lol that last one made me snicker. The first guy hurt my head. Hopefully free advertising gets you more sales and nothing for that seller. eBay sellers will sure grab and sell anything. Hey, can look at it like fame. Better they sell your book than used chewing gum of Elvis.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True, Pat, and the used chewing gum would sell for a lot more.

      Delete
  5. OMG that first one is truly awful. But it made me laugh, and I don't know what that says about me? Karma is gonna get that Crazed Weasel and it will kill his beautiful spirit.

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  6. I love the new verb "fantasticate" in the first example. I am adding it to my in use vocab right now!

    The markup on the EBay price is because the book is signed by a famous author. It will become a much sought-after collectors item.

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    Replies
    1. Cherish the thought. Thank you kindly, Wilma. =)

      Delete
  7. Oh Robyn. Someone far more worthy will get this book and cherish it - maybe love it as much as hummus. These are some doozies today. Got keep smiling.

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    1. Thanks for the uplifting sentiment, Joanne. You're a sweetie. I probably shouldn't watch that EBay bidding, though. There might be none. Or perhaps I should bid on my own book just to mess with Crazed Weasel137.

      Delete
  8. The crazy weasel has effectively ADMITTED he stole the book from Steve! Can't you report him to the Feds, Robyn? He should have asked for more than $15.99 because any copy signed by you is fantasticated!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, right, GB? Thank you. It is fantasticated. It's also constipitated and fornificated and regurgicatated if not eroticated. For all that tatedness, it should be priced at 16.01, at least!

      Delete
  9. I am hopeful that when your book was left behind it was due to some type of tragic over-sight. Your book was a great read and anyone would be wise to purchase it.

    As for the poor unfortunate (and illiterate) men that seem to hang out on dating sites...instead of looking for women they should consider taking an English class or two, or four ...

    It really is quite sad how many of these types of responses you get. There seems to be a lot of dysfunctional people out roaming among us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And they don't know how to use a comma or any punctuation for that matter.

      I appreciate your kind words about my book Cheryl.

      Delete
  10. Oh my, reading these dating ads is enough to make you want to never leave the house. Yikes! As for Steve and Crazedweasel--a pox upon their heads!! Hope you are having a good week, Robyn. :)

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    Replies
    1. I hope you're having a good week too, Connie. Cyber hugs.

      Delete
  11. LOL! Let the weasel advertise for you. You can't plan that sort of publicity.

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    1. I know. It was a shock to my already shocked state to find that particular book on EBay. Go Crazed Weasel. Work it for me, babe.

      Delete
  12. I hope that mentor left your book by accident otherwise he/she is a hycoprit who should disingrate:) OK my dad could never say hypocrite or disintegrate, so I write this in his honour. Now you never know maybe that guy who left your book went to Trump university. I have it on good authority that his speech writers think he is fantastical and they eat hummus.

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    1. Lol. Thanks Birgit. Plus they ugly? And they never make eye contact with bananas.

      Delete
  13. I was just thinking what Birgit said. I do hope this Steve forgot and did not leave it intentionally.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I think it was a mistake, because he didn't throw it back at me and exclaim "I don't want this sh*t!"

      Delete
  14. Those messages/profile things are just awful. I wonder if they get anyone to actually answer them? I can't believe that person left your book behind, and someone's selling it on ebay.

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  15. Will work for hummus? What is our world coming to. I hate that stuff!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess most people either love or hate it, Stephen. I love it, but I won't work for it. I don't love it that much.

      Delete
  16. CrazedWeasel is an entrepeneur, who is getting on the bandwagon before anyone else. He will regret only charging $15.99. $1599 would still be good value.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi--this is Steve. I'm sorry it seems as if I didn't give a damn about your book, but the truth is I set it down for two minutes so I could pay for my triple fudge latte with chocolate syrup and someone stole it. I can't belief the thief would dare to put it on ebay. Oy, the indignities of life. I'm so sad I never got to read your book.

    Love ya,
    Steve

    ReplyDelete
  18. You love me afterall! I knew it, I knew it. I mean, two years ago when you were selling books at the retreat and I wanted to buy one but you had no more that day and promised me you'd hold onto one for me, and the next day I brought money and you acted like you'd never seen me before. "I don't have any more, but email me," you said. I emailed you when I got home and you said you couldn't send me a signed book but I could order on-line. Whoopy! I did! I ordered TWO and I sent one to a friend. Plus, I messaged you thru FB about this little fiasco (i.e., you didn't give a damn about my book and left it behind for CrazedWeasel137) and you ignored me. But that was all because you were purchasing a triple fudge latte with chocolate syrup FOR ME!? Hey, where's the latte?

    Dude, bid big on my book. Real big, else another Steve will win the book and my affections.

    Ambivalence and Bitterness,
    Robyn

    ReplyDelete
  19. fantasticated. I think I'll add that to my word list. I like it.

    How sad he didn't keep your book. I'd have cherished mine for sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's because you are fantasticated, Miss Seckman.

      Delete
  20. Will you autograph my Kindle copy? I would be delighticated if you could. I'd be damned impressedicated, too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. An author friend actually somehow did autograph a kindle copy of his book. So, sure, Jono. Send me your kindle, and I'll sign my book. I'd been honoricated. =)

      Delete
  21. I will make eye contact while eating a banana. Of course, I break pieces off and eat it that way. It's just the way it should be done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right, Ruth. Bananas should be savored. I'll say no more.

      Delete
  22. I saw via Facebook about the book. That's awful. I don't ever want to be at a point in my life ala crazedweasel where I have to hawk someone else's signed copy of a book for more than retail price. What an endless cripple.

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    1. And yet it all started from a simple act of caring ala Stephen Hawking's parents.

      Delete
    2. Heck, I'll sell you a signed copy of my book for some magic beans.

      Delete
    3. Okay, Al. I just shipped to you some magic beans. They're refried and make you toot too. I think you'll appreciate them. I can't say that your wife will thank me though.

      Delete
  23. Wow. Don't these people know that their horrendous grammar is a blatant statement of their stupidity? I enjoyed your witty answers!

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    1. No Sherry. It seems they are too stupid to realize this. That's the baffling part, isn't it?

      Thank you.

      Delete
  24. The apocalypse approaches. Thanks for the laughs until the power goes out and we have to start eating slow squirrels.
    If "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" is to be believed, squirrels are high in cholesterol. Oh, the humanity!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let me guess, Al, those squirrels are the highest in trans fats. Am I right? And their nuts are too. We're really screwed, aren't we?

      Delete
  25. I just finished reading "Sin and Syntax". Maybe you should write a grammar book wtih examples of not to write coming from your suitors.

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    Replies
    1. I did that, Sage. It's not called a grammar book, though. It's called Celibacy and Suburbia. Thanks for the suggestion. I'll look into Sin and Syntax. I like the title.

      Delete
  26. That's a funny story. Well you never know where your book will end up. That's the beauty of books (despite of how it ended up on ebay), its your gift to the world.
    And the Dating blurbs are brilliant as always.
    xo

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  27. LOL! I would often just ignore them or mark as spam. This is hilarious.

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  28. Oh my!!! Fantasticate IS kinda fun though i have to admit. There will be no staring or eye contact while a banana is eaten around here. I hate bananas!
    I am sorry that Steve missed out and left his copy of your book. I loved your book. His loss totally!
    Weaselguy is appropriately named because only a weasel would take property meant for someone else and sell it on ebay.

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  29. Wow. That's so not cool. I guess the free advertising is nice, but wow.

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  30. https://kdp.amazon.com/community/profile.jspa?editMode=true&userID=1424531
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    ReplyDelete