And I Wrote This Book.

Monday, September 21, 2015

Whence I Dropped the Big Matzo Ball on George's Lap

  Preface: Remember George? Me too, and here's an awkward moment between us. See, I desperately wanted everything to be okay despite our political differences. It's been five months since the break-up, so it's not too soon to embarrass myself with this scene. It's never too soon for that, I suppose...Enjoy.

  Seemingly out-of-the blue, George argued about governmental regulations and all the red-tape involved in running your own business. Or perhaps he was ranting about light-bulbs - that they're not the wattage or voltage or something as advertised. I don't know, but he injected the phrase: "damn liberals who want governmental control."
   "Everyone wants the government out of our businesses," this damn liberal countered. "Less government sounds good to everyone." There. I'd begun to level the playing field. I COULD be a relationship with a R...R...someone on the other side of the political spectrum.
   I continued with confidence and pride. "Stupid incompetents rise to the top in every system. And California loves regulations. That's just a fact, having nothing to do with the political leanings of those who create all the red tape."
   I was on a roll. Thing is, I don't debate well and I hate to argue. But I really liked George, and I needed to prove to him and to me that we could work as a couple. So I babbled about hippie-dippy systems and big corporations, about how slews of regulations govern all. As I heard myself talk, I thought: That's pretty damn good. You're making good points. But then I heard myself say: "And I love you." 
   Holy sh*t and oy vey! I'd dropped the big matzo ball* on George's lap, only two weeks into our courtship. Awkward.
   Within a fraction of a second, George appeared terrorized. He then continued, with calmness and control, and as if he hadn't heard the raucous matzo ball that could be detected by the rabbis lost in prayer at Jerusalem's Western Wall. "Now they have those energy saving bulbs and..."
   "Excuse me, while I go potty," I told him.
   I looked at myself in the mirror, my face flushed with complete and utter embarrassment. Maybe he didn't hear me? "Big, big matzo ball you let fly. Really big," I whispered to my reflection. Gulp.
  
-to be continued sometime.
*Watch this Seinfeld snippet for reference.






52 comments:

  1. Ouch.
    I think that many of us have those moments. Memories of which can turn our faces to beetroot even years later.
    Mind you, it is a sadness when I love you is a matzo ball. It should be a wonderful thing to hear...

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  2. Hey somebody has to make the first move. Shit or get off the pot!

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  3. It doesn't matter when you say it, that first time is always awkward.

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  4. I've never flailed so badly in an argument that I've dropped an, "I love you." But I get it, I live in abject fear of ending a business call with "I love you," because I only talk on the phone usually with my spouse or mom. When you wrote, "I COULD be a relationship with a R...R," I thought you were talking about dating George RR Martin, which is truly inconceivable. Good luck with the fallout.

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    1. The "I love you" doesn't seal the debate victory, does it, Pickleope Von Pickleope? I fear dropping it on someone truly undeserving too, like the comcast sales rep.

      Just looked up George RR Martin. He's a bit too old and too married for me, but I could do (and have done) a lot worse.

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  5. I think we can relate to this scenario or moment in many levels. :)

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  6. hahahahaha Ooops.......Can't wait to hear the rest! When you said it though, did you mean it? Or did it just slip out?

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    1. That's the key question, JoJo. Both. I fell into the shallow end, and stayed there, through our romance.

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  7. We've all been fools for love at one time or another, Miss Matzo Ball.

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  8. Ahh, the first time is as awkward as can be, especially if it just slips out.

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  9. I can so relate to you and (Seinfeld) George. So there it was, the 800 lb. matzo ball in the room. At least you caught the moment of terror to realize the big oops that slipped out. Gawd, I hate those moments!

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  10. First time I did the "I love you" thing, it was totally unplanned and was just as oy veyish. Fortunately, it was my hubs and he was glad to hear it.

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    1. Well, that's a sweet matzo ball scenario. Thank you, Elizabeth. Glad it was your hubs.

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  11. I think this happens to everyone at some point. At least "George" pretended not to hear and sidestepped the issue instead of discussing it and making it more embarrassing.

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  12. what the heck. You were full of passion at the time on politics and throw in some love and it no doubt came from your heart. That's sweet...and yes, awkward on timing...and yes, I feel your anguish. Now you can share the story since time has passed. Kinda funny...have you learned from it. Nah - if you start holding back too much, it could backfire. Be the Robyn you are!!!
    and pooh pooh on George at this juncture.....

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    1. Thank you, thank you, Joanne! Pooh pooh on George.

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  13. 'And I love you' is the title of one of the Beatles' best songs. What a sweet woman you are, Robyn. You can tell me you love me as much as you want!

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  14. So what do you regret, that you're not more calculating and programmed, that your heart is warm instead of cold? Fer chrissake, Robyn carina!

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    1. Haha, thank you, my dear. Perhaps it's merely the fact that I chose another closed-minded one. Oy vey.

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  15. Bless you, Robyn. Taking the high road. I am so sick of people throwing out the terms liberal and conservative like they are dirty words. Just hearing them makes my skin crawl. I'm a person, thank you very much. If it were me, there would probably be an argument starting from that.

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  16. Love is a gentle, fragile word. By mutual consent, it usually hides during a political discussion. Fortunately, it would seem, George was not the arguing type. You and I would kill each other in under fifteen minutes in a locked room, I'd bet money. Martins are the art form of arguing. I watched my Dad and his brother argue the same side of a point for a half hour once. They seemed hurt when their sister told them what they were doing. Laurie has mellowed me somewhat, but it still don't take much.

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    1. Fine points, my friend. We'd shred each other to bits, lovingly and forcefully. George was and is the arguing type, though. I'm done arguing with a romantic partner - been there, done that. It's exhausting and not healthy. I'd much rather be alone. We do invest our egos fully into an argument, don't we? It's pretty funny that it often doesn't matter the point we're making. We might not even know ourselves.

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  17. Oh...I've been there and when you hear the crickets chirp you know it's not a good thing. I felt like I was there and this huge gorilla was walking all around and grooming me while I just smiled and laughed like a true idiot. Needless to say,...it went south after that. I can also now say he was an A-hole:) This last time, I waited and my hubby said...over the answering machine-Hahaaaaaa Chicken shit:) Of course I left him a message and said it also and now we are 9 years together. That being said, I saw my Dr this morning and told him about some memory loss etc... and he said there is more to it and asked about my life, when i told him my hubby has severe Rheumatoid arthritis and classic severe ADHD, he looked at me and said "Bingo!" He told me I have quite a bit of stress and it's my hubby who is the root-Hahahaaaa-poor guy but I do agree with the Doc. My hubby is home ALL the time which means I have no alone time and I need that.....but I love him:)

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  18. When someone told me they loved me, I married them, and that was forty years ago.

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  19. This was very funny, Robyn. I also enjoyed the Seinfeld clip very much.

    I guess maybe the lesson here (as in with George) is that when you try to force it, it don't go. It just breaks.

    Like you, I refuse to argue politics with a partner. Of course, that is really difficult for me since I've decided that both the Dems and Repubs are corrupt and it's lose/lose no matter who you choose. That means I pretty much disagree with everyone who valiantly believes in one side over the other. But, I'm not going to argue the point. Sometimes we need to believe there is a "right side" (not right vs left, but right vs wrong). I don't need that, but some people do.

    Anyway, the story was told in a funny way. I'm sure the reality was a bit painful. It's never cool to tell someone you love them and have them respond with the traits of a good light bulb.

    Like you, I'd rather be alone than with someone who drives me crazy. Learned that one the hard way.

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    1. Ah, thank you, sweet lady, for the caring and humorous response. The "good lightbulb traits" response doesn't boost one's ego, that's for sure.

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  20. No one is immune from dropping the big matzo ball at some point in their life, says this damn liberal :) Your heart is very big and there's nothing wrong with that!

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    1. Haha. Yes, matzo balls are tasty, if not messy. Appreciations, damn liberal.

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  21. Ist time I ever said "I love you" was 1967, to a wonderful girl who wisely married somebody else, which example I followed some years later. Last time I said it was an hour ago on the phone to my old friend Willie, who is 78 and having some health problems 60 miles west of here. Saying I love you seems to happen when one needs to say it and again when someone else needs to hear it --and that, I suspect, comprises its whole calculus. Who am I to argue with calculus?

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    1. True, Geo. Sorry about your friend. You're a sweet, caring man to express love for him. I've found that my move to Chico ignites a lot of "I love you"s from me. One of my young clients was on a spree with "Shut up!" I suggested he say something nice instead. He wrapped his arms around me and said "I love you Robyn." It was such a precious moment that made me love being a social worker.

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  22. LOL! Now that was putting him on the spot.

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  23. Well, it's nice to feel love, even if it's not long-term. I think there are all kinds of love, all worth experiencing. :) Wait, I forgot about your penchant for erotica, maybe not ALL are worth experiencing, hahahahaha And HI too, while I'm here. :)

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    1. Maybe not all, Rosey. Depends upon the partner's worthiness, I'm thinking.

      Hi, be well. Keep faith, a smile, and stash of good chocolate.

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    2. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on!
      Erotica?
      Hubba, hubba...

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    3. You haven't seen Martha Stewart in a thong, have you? Wait, that would not be erotica. That'd be horror. Never mind.

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  24. Oy! I would be mortified! I mean, I have no idea what the standard amount of time to say I love you is. I never did the dating game, so I'd probably hold it all in until he said it or hell froze over. Which ever came first ;)

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    1. I don't know either, Theresa, but I'm guessing it's longer than two weeks. Oops. Smiles.

      You didn't date your hubs?

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  25. No problem. I embarrass myself all the time.
    You may have noticed this.

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    1. Nobody does it better than you, Al. Wink. That's what Mrs. P says too, I reckon.

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  26. I think that is a natural time to blurt out such words... you were feeling good about yourself and interested in him despite his political shortcomings...

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  27. Ha...can't wait for the rest but if he did hear it, he did a helluva job covering it up. That's a big ooops but great blog fodder!

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  28. Ouch! Awkward! Didnt stop his rant though.. haha.
    Great story.

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  29. Sorry it wasn't just the proverbial matzo ball! In addition, this damn liberal would have dumped the entire pot of soup.

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    1. Yeah. I really should've just eaten it and dumped the steamy but bland broth on his lap.

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    2. "Unless you're married..." hahahahha!

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  30. At least it wasn't quite as bad a Seinfeld's George's matzo ball. Besides, you don't really want someone with such opposing political views. "Love" only goes so far . . .

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  31. If the Book of Costanza has taught us anything, it's that you should do the exact opposite of every gut instinct you have ever had. Only then will you find success. ;)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKUvKE3bQlY

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    1. Crap. I forgot about that strategy. I loved the entertaining reminder, though. Thanks. Actually, it's best I'd forgotten. He wasn't right for me. (He was too far right.)

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  32. Ah, George…that awkward bald man. God love him. I don't think I could be with someone who had different political beliefs than me. My best friend had opposing views and it made for fun debates but there were times we had to agree to disagree because it could get heated. I could only imagine what it'd be like to be married to someone like that. Who's that couple..hang on…let me think…he's bald..her name is Mary…can't remember. Oh well

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  33. Ouch. That's such an uncomfortable moment. I don't know how I was ever so bold when I was younger. Looking back on things I still get embarrassed.

    Maybe his left ear is deaf too? :)

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