~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #351: what
does a guy got to do to get a gril
Depends
what kind of gril you want, babe. If you’re looking for the kind with a
motorized rotisserie, for thoroughly heating meaty breasts and thighs, try Home
Depot. But if you want a standard cheap and easy, warm-‘er-up-and-plop-it-into-a-bun model, Walmart’s a sure thing.
REASON #352: Do
you think my tractors sexy
Judging
from the fact that I can’t see it at all, and I don’t have a microscope handy, I’m
going to go with a solid “no.”
REASON #353: Im
a smartas...
Smart
as what, buddy?
REASON #354: Hi
their
High!
REASON #355: If
you are out there? I am here…
Sorry,
honey. I am here, and you're way out there.
REASON #356: Let there be cake!!!!!!
Now we’re talking!
REASON #357: headlines
dont work.????
Such
clever ones too.????
Alas,
a man with a good sense of humor:
REASON #358: Parachute
for sale, used once, never opened!!
Note: He appears easy on the eyes, and he’s
younger than me (that would be a refreshing change), but he wants kids AND nothing serious. Talk about an (oxy)
moron.
REASON #359: Don't
half ass two things...whole ass one thing
Write
more later
I
think you just half assed one thing, assman.
Sigh.
ReplyDeleteGroan.
Wince.
My rejection of these stellar candidates is definitely not half-arsed.
That's two whole arse rejections between us smartases.
Delete"L"s are important. In my long-ago dating years, it was embarrassing to get all dressed up only to go out with a grill. People would point and say, "He can't spel."
ReplyDeleteI imagine that was humiiating, Geo.
DeleteSad. And they at least had brains enough to turn on their computers, but it all went downhill after that...
ReplyDeleteKinda makes you wonder how they figured out how to locate the Power button. Right, Alex?
DeleteWell the cake guy has promise. lol
ReplyDeleteYeah, but he's probably pointing at a fruitcake.
DeleteOK, I was pulling for parachute man, until the kids and nothing serious thing.
ReplyDeleteMe too, JKIR. But I don't wanna man who can't figure out how to pull on a cord. That doesn't bode well for his capacity for other things.
DeleteIt makes me sad for dudes. The desperation. I mean, "Do you think my tractors sexy"? What does that mean? "Pardon me, sir, I have a fetish for machinery and I couldn't help but notice you have a large tractor. Do you own or lease and do you actually put it to use or is it decoration? Oh my god, can I check its oil?"
ReplyDelete"Mighty fine girth on those wheels, dude. Can I turn it on now?"
DeleteParachute man started off good, then went into idiot land like the rest of them. And the tractor dude has multiple tractors?
ReplyDeleteI guess so, Pat. Imagine that. Or not.
DeleteGood grief, is that really wants out there. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteEither this or the dead, Rhonda.
DeleteThe parachute that was used once but never opened... what kind of landing did he have? Will these posts stop when you find someone offering chocolate, lots of chocolate (maybe a cocoa baron)?
ReplyDeleteThere was a guy who's headline read "Free Chocolates!" Sage. I responded, "Did someone say chocolate?" He asked what I liked, and I said any kind, then he stopped corresponding. I'm beginning to think he's guilty of false advertising.
DeleteHe's just afraid he won't have any chocolate left at the end of the first date!
DeleteDear oh dear. What else can be said?
ReplyDeleteUntil I see a huge tractor, nothing else, Deb. Nothing else.
DeleteI want to know more about the cake guy. Fingers crossed for chocolate cake! :-)
ReplyDeleteI wanna know if I can have the cake without having to see the guy.
DeleteI'm hoping I can be faster than Annalisa in sneaking cake. Otherwise, those are a lot of decent reasons to remain celibate. Oh my.
ReplyDeleteThe cake was the only potentially valuable thing in this series, Joanne. Thus, I'm skeptical.
DeleteThe parachute guy is intriguing, but not necessarily in a good way. Used once but never opened? That sounds pretty kinky, as does having babies without getting serious. How about asking him if he has a womb?
ReplyDeleteYep, used once, never opened (his womb, that is). It's a strange world, GB.
DeleteOh. My. Gosh. I don't know whether to laugh or cringe.
ReplyDeleteI hope I never have to face the dating scene again. >.<
I also hope you never do, Melissa.
DeleteWow! If I were young and single I would probably just buy an inflatable friend. At least she wouldn't say anything stupid. Even though I have a nice tractor I wouldn't need it to entice her.
ReplyDeleteWhere can I get the best deal on one of those inflatables, Jono, and does it come with a life sized tractor?
Delete"Whole ass one thing..." This guy should be a motivational speaker at my job!
ReplyDelete*Laughter.* He's a real clASS act. Right, CW?
DeleteOh my. What a sad lot. Love your reply to #354.
ReplyDeleteI finished reading your book. Sending you a big virtual hug for all you've been through. It must have been hard to write your story. You are a brave person to be so candid. You wrote it well combining humor and heartbreak.
That's sweet. Much gratitude, Daisy.
Deletehahahaha...This makes for great comedy material!
ReplyDeleteIt's always an easy post, too. I find the material immediately, and there's no lack of it.
DeleteThanks, Martha.
Grils are so sexy... lol Sometimes I wonder if these "candidates" have a clue as to just how bad they sound. They should really read whatever they write aloud, over and over until they hear themselves and how pathetic they sound. -On second thought, they probably wouldn't get it. :)
ReplyDeleteRight. They're humored by themselves, Yvonne. Someone has to be (I suppose).
DeleteGood luck with these guys.
ReplyDeleteNah, I don't think I'll give them one or two half-ass chances, Stephen.
DeleteOh, God! I am dying at your reply to the gril. Yep, you gotta go to the Home Depot and avoid Walmart if you are looking for the classy grils.
ReplyDeleteI guess it depends how much money you're ready to put out, Theresa. Smiles.
DeleteI'm laughing at you and Theresa. But the cake guy could have potential, especially if he's a professional baker. I'm just saying... :)
ReplyDeleteTheresa's comments make me laugh too. She's a witty lady.
DeleteIf he can heat things up in the kitchen, I'll give him a try.
Cake Guy didn't tell enough. Let there be cake, yes, but let it be velvet black, luscious, moist chocoloate-on-chocolate and let it NOT be dry white desert-parched choke cake. Where does he stand?
ReplyDeleteAnd, Margaret, let said cake be not only good cake, but cake for me alone. Not to be shared in Cake Guy's presence. Unless he's hot.
DeleteThe Parachute Guy sounded very promising for a while. Shame it didn't work out :P
ReplyDeleteI know, Michael. So close and yet such a ruthless fall.
Delete356!! He wins!! I think you should pick him. Cake is always a winner. Assuming he has a good recipe. :)
ReplyDeleteThing is, Baby Sister, this could be highly misleading. As Margaret points out, he doesn't specify the type of cake. Nor does he specify who shall eat said cake. I think I'll continue my search for the chocolate chip cookie (or what was it that you highly recommend?) Oreo.
DeleteFrom my own personal experiences and after reading this, I'm going to hug Ray extra tight tonight!!
ReplyDelete