And I Wrote This Book.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Lady Gaga Visits Life by Chocolate! IWSG


First Wed of Every Month     
To all my friends doing both the A-Z Challenge AND the IWSG, I applaud you. I'm also honored that you've stopped by. Thank you, and thanks to Alex J. Cavanaugh for keeping this tradition alive. As you all know by now, the IWSG is Alex's brainchild. It provides a space for revealing writer-ly insecurities, supporting each other, and -in my case- interviewing some of the brightest, dimmest and weirdest of celebrities.

Ladies and Gentleman, today, I present a woman who shot straight to international musical fame five years ago, adding an indescribably unique flavor, audacity and bacon attire. Let's give it up for Lady Gaga! The crowd roars. The curtains part, and a band of oompa loompas marches across the stage singing their theme song. Oompa Loompa Doobidy Di...Then two short, chubby men trudge onto the stage carrying a large animal cage, in which rests a costumed Gaga.As the men approach center stage, we recognize them as Danny DeVito and Jason Alexander (aka George Costanza); we just don't know which is which. 

Lady Gaga is dressed as a platypus skeleton. We know this because of the big graphic that McCaulay Culkin holds up to the audience before flashing Robyn his middle finger. Danny and Jason set the caged Gaga down. They scurry away to catch up with the oompa loompas for dwarf  tossing games.

http://www.platypus.org.uk/facts/det-des-body.gif
blue = Robyn
bolded black = actual Gaga quotes, according to buzzfeed.com

Robyn stares for a moment, studying Gaga's epipubic bones. She shouts at the cage. Hi, Lady! Yeah, um, I like your epipubic bone and girdle and horny grinding pads! Cool stuff!

Lady Gaga: It's art, b*tch! Art!


Robyn: Yeah. Some say Uranus is art. And I did a little research. You're actually a lot more brilliant and talented than I thought. I mean, you played piano by age four and got into Juilliard by eleven. Not bad. Why the need to dress as a platypus and weird sh*t like that?

Lady Gaga: I don't know what you mean. This is who the f*ck I am!

Robyn: Okay. Hey, no problem or hard feelings, Gags. Say, do you have any advice for insecure writers? You've written a lot of books. And you don't seem insecure in the slightest.

Lady Gaga: Yes. She takes a thoughtful breath and looks through the cage walls into the camera, with sincerity. Don't be insecure if your heart is pure. She takes another thoughtful breath and speaks more slowly this time. You have to be unique, and different, and shine in your own way.

Robyn: I like that. I've also read, though, that while you claim to be all humanitarian and stuff, you're not a charitable person by any means. What do you have to say to that?

Lady Gaga: Ignore all hatred and criticism. Live for what you create and die protecting it.

Robyn: That's really profound. I like it. Pretty good for a pus. Robyn chuckles, amused by herself. 

Gaga rolls her eyes. Get me out of this damn thing, would ya?

Robyn: Sure thing. Robyn swings open the cage door, and Gaga crawls out with her skeleton platypus costume still on and intact. Gaga stands up and offers Robyn a half-smile. 

Robyn looks at the camera. Thank you for coming to today's show, everybody.

She turns to Gaga. Do horny grinding pads really work? 

Gaga nods "yes" and the two appear to engage in friendly banter as they walk off the stage.


41 comments:

  1. I'm gaga over your version of Gaga! Love her costume, and how you pieced all of these great quotes together! Do you know where I can find some "horny grinding pads?" Something tells me that you've visited a few of those, Robyn!

    Julie

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  2. Woo Hoo. Though I hope that no platypus were harmed in the making of this post. They have poison spurs on their legs and make revenge an art form.

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  3. That was pretty good for a pus. And every time I see her on the television, I'll call her gags. Helps that's what she makes me want to do...
    Hilarious, Robyn!!!

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  4. I saw a recent picture of Lady Gaga and thought to myself, how is she not on The Walking Dead??

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  5. Hahaha...you make me laugh, Robyn! What an incredible imagination you have. Well, I have to say that no matter how popular Lady Gaga is, I just don't like her. There's just something about her that rubs me the wrong way. There. I said it out loud.

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  6. She's kinda weird that Lady Gaga. i'm not terribly up on today's music but I do like that 'applause' song or whatever it's called. I only hear popular music in TV commercials.

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  7. One look at her and the fish in the sea would all die

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  8. I adore Lady Gaga. I hope she gets back on top soon. Oh dear, that sounds suggestive. What the hell.

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  9. I like her music, but only when I'm not watching her sing. We're pretty much on the same page. She may be hoping to get on top soon too, Debra.

    Thanks, all.
    xoRobyn

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  10. Honestly, I hate it when truly talented people throw themselves on the crazy, publicity altar. Their talent is overshadowed by things like wearing a meat suit or running around naked in public.

    That said, funny interview. I love your creativity.

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  11. I have mixed feelings about Lady Gaga. I know she's a talented singer and musician but her extravagant costumes often seem to get in the way.

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  12. Lol. Very funny. I like how you put this together. Your interview is amazing. Thanks for sharing.

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  13. I do like most of her songs, but I just can't get passed her bullshit to like her as a person very much. She really does have the talent, but it gets covered up by all the nonsense of her attention seeking.

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  14. That made me laugh. I like some of her music, but I'll take my fashion tips from another source. LOL

    Juneta at Writer's Gambit

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  15. Hah! Oh my. That was epic. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to shake that image for a long, LONG time.

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  16. You crack me up! Also Horny Grinding Pads sounds like some kind of horrifying marital aid.

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  17. I think I would have been staring at her horny grinding pads.

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  18. Now you see why I live in a little repeating loop in the mid seventies. Pop culture today... well, it scares me.

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  19. "Pretty good for a pus." Hahahaha! :)

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  20. I love how you incorporated her quotes here. *applause*

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  21. This was a very good interview. I could imagine Lady Gaga acting like this and the costume is spot on.

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  22. What she calls art, I call crazy.

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  23. Great post! Love the way you weaved actual quotes with fictional.
    As much as I try to dislike her, every time I hear one of her songs, I like it. I have no idea who it is--have to ask my daughter--and I'm always annoyed wiith myself when she says "Lady Gaga."

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  24. Stephen, I feel the same. Kelly Clarkson, who I believe has a better voice than Gaga, says the same about Lady Gaga too.

    Diane, exactly.

    Dawn, I know. Me too. Her music is great. By my definition, if I'm inclined to hop up and dance, and not put off by curse words or noisy instruments, it's great stuff. But I look at her and I feel queasy.

    Thanks, all.
    Happy Thursday and almost-weekend.
    xoRobyn

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  25. Lol! I'm scared by what she will do next!

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  26. You know, the two of us have often wondered if we vomited all over each other during book signings if we might be more respected in the artistic community. But only if we post pictures of ourselves in the bathtub washing off said vomit.

    Lady Gaga Shares Bathtub Photo After Artist Vomits On Her

    It's all for the sake of "art," after all!

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  27. Hi human, Robyn,

    To all those doing that ridiculous alphabet challenge, STOP, I beg you, STOP!!!!! Sorry about that, but I feel much better. Arf! Arf! :)

    Ah yes and I've seen Lady GaGa's latest video. Not nearly as good as your interview. Wonder how her sister, Radio GaGa is.

    Penny, the pawsitive host of the Alphabark Challenge, 2014!

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  28. There ya go, Lady Gaga giving platypus' a bad name.

    ...is that "platypus'" or "platypuses"? It's similar to "Lexus'" and "Lexuses"...I'm just not sure. It's these sorts of things that keep me up at night.

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  29. Beer guys. Wow, thanks for the link. I think she beats (as in, she is even more disgustingly appalling) Miley Cyrus.

    Penny, you are too clever. "Radio Gaga" - I like it.

    Herman, I need to google the plural of platypus before I go to sleep, else I will not sleep.

    Cheers, everyone.
    xoRobyn

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  30. "Life by Chocolate" has been included in Friday's Sites To See for this week. Be assured that I hope this helps to point many new visitors in you direction.

    http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2014/04/fridays-sites-to-see.html

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  31. I saw that video of her playing the piano back when she had long dark hair and looked like a normal human. I think she would have had a Sara Bareilles-type success like that...and that's fine...but I think to get to the international level she is now, she needed to go a little more extreme. Is she still a big thing? I haven't liked any of the songs she's put out with the new album, but I loved all the songs before.

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  32. If she sees this, you may have just given the Gaga an idea for her next award show attire.

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  33. Love the visual image of Gaga in a bolded black bone outfit! Creepy as it is.
    Talented maybe, but I don't fancy her grinding on me!

    Very funny as always..

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  34. Fantastic! So clever!
    And thanks for your lovely comment on my blog, and I'll be glad to be your latest follower!

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  35. I believe the platypus lays eggs, which is something I'd like to see Lady G do. It would make her so different and unique. And we'd get little Gaga chick when it hatched!

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  36. Perfect. That was the perfect Gaga "tribute." I like her music, but....she just ruins it if I watch her. So I don't. :)

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  37. Perfect blog and well explain on the chocolate entails finding sweetness in the light and dark.Thanks for the blog on the chocolates.
    entertainment bollywood news

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  38. All you had to do was find some common ground. I guess the horny grinding pads was it.
    That was good Robyn!

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