And I Wrote This Book.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Celibacy Reason #297: My Date with Butte County Assessor Wannabe's Campaign Manager


That pimple’s the size of Mt. Whitney, I thought, as I tried not to stare at my date’s forehead. How did things go so wrong? His ad boasts a “heart of gold,” and our discourse was fun.

We’d only been sitting there for a minute or two, when the waitress brought my chocolate chip pancakes and chocolate chai tea. He’d paid. Thankfully.

“I’m managing his campaign,” my date said, chowing down on french toast. “I always give them great deals. I collect my salary after they win,” he continued. “I got 90,000 after one campaign and now she won’t even talk to me. Local politicians are calling me all morning to find out my secrets. They want me to work for them...”

He spoke in a tone of fast paced, matter of fact arrogance. I sipped my tea and poured more syrup on my pancakes. “So you don’t care if their politics are opposite yours?” I interrupted.

He reiterated that he earned 90,000 from one campaign. My date then picked up his phone. He tapped on its face with his fingertips, studied it endearingly, lovingly, almost lustfully even. He very gently placed it face down on the table in front of him.

“You have somewhere to be?” I asked, devouring my pancakes.

He informed that his boss, who’s running for ASSessor (of BUTTe county), dropped him off. The guy’s six minutes away and will be picking him up. He handled his phone again, eyed it, and then carefully turned it over on the coffee table face down once more. I watched him pat it affectionately, as I gulped down some tea. 

“He’s a good guy,” he spewed. “But I told him he’s going to change. They always do. He said, ‘No I’m not going to change.’ I know how it goes. I’ve been doing this for years.”

Then, my date grabbed his phone from the table and looked at it, saying to me, “Well, it was great seeing you again.”

What the hell? You never saw me before. In fact, you studied your phone more than me. That’s three times now in the last 20 minutes! You’re kicking me out? I haven’t finished my chocolate chai tea, and there’s some lick-worthy syrup left on my plate, rudeASSessor guy!
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Kicked out by a pimple faced haughty campaign manager [for a Butte County Assessor candidate], who’s having a love affair with his phone, I now urge all locals to get out and vote for anyone running against the politician he represents. And try the chocolate chip pancakes at Beatniks on 32nd. They’re delicious.

46 comments:

  1. At least the pancakes were free. Maybe a little syrup on his phone would've been in order?

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  2. They have campaign managers for assessors? Never heard of such a thing. Around here, you usually vote for one person or not. Apparently it is not the same coveted position it is out there.
    Do you use chocolate syrup or maple syrup? Please don't tell me it's pancake syrup.

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  3. I laughed all the way through the post! Great!

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  4. Well at least you got a free brekky out of the 'date'. Guy sounded like an ASShat.

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  5. In some ways those are better. You don't have to wonder if you want to see him again... YOU KNOW YOU DON'T. It is when the date isn't all that great, but there really isn't anything wrong with the guy that you can pinpoint. Those are worse, in my opinion.

    At least you got a free meal and a blog out of it!

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  6. Ouch. At least it was obvious early that this was NOT a relationship with a future. Though dropping that phone in (his ) chai would have been tempting.

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  7. Funny, but i imagine there's much truth in this. I don't understand why people feel the need to be electronically connected all the time. I think you miss much of life that way.

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  8. Sounds like he didn't have time for anymore relationships... the one with himself and his phone were keeping him quite busy.

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  9. Come on. Fess up. She thought of spilling your tea on his stupid phone at least once, didn't you?

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  10. Yikes! Oh well, at least the pancakes were good. :)

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  11. Well...I'm glad you got some nummy food? I hope he and his phone will be very happy together.

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  12. Should have went all hulk smash on the phone

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  13. Politics and their matters .. Lets just have a pancake shall we? and ignore all the world of ASS ..

    Laughed all the way down, very entertaining post!

    See mine! The Browser Games

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  14. Sorry for the not so ideal date. Amusing story. Hugs to you Robyn!

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  15. Thanks for the giggles, and hope you enjoyed the food :)

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  16. I'm glad you got a chocolatey breakfast for your enjoyment because his company sucked. I had chocolate chip waffles the other day. Delish!

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  17. haha funny but infuriating!

    What an ASShole!

    I hate those phone(y) obsessed freaks - he didn't have time to discover who you were - he was too busy disappearing into his own ASS - ASShole!

    Besides, he went on a date with a pimple on his head - cant see the forest though the pus...


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  18. I would've flung his phone. Or asked if he wanted to be alone with it.

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  19. I'm sorry I am laughing. I know I shouldn't.

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  20. I am so glad I no longer have to bother with the dating scene. Pancakes and syrup sound goo though.

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  21. Sorry it took so long for me to comment in response. Your remarks have me so amused. I just love you all.

    Thing that shocked me most was there was no "sorry, i've just gotta check on something" or any acknowledgement that attending to his phone was at all rude.

    Thank goodness for choc chip pancakes.

    Happy Friday.
    Thank you, sillies. This was really therapeutic to write, even more therapeutic reading your comments.

    Happy Friday and weekend.
    xoRobyn

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  22. Hey Robyn,

    I'm thinking you should of stuck his phone up his Butte County.

    A short comment that has reached the BOTTOM.....

    Have an ASSertive weekend :)

    Gary
    x

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  23. I guess the old saw "Politics makes strange bedfellows" is true... even if you don't make it to bed.

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  24. This is my first time to your blog, but definitely not the last. I'm sorry your breakfast date turned out to be a dud, but I'm selfish enough to be glad it happened because it made for a killer blog post. That would be one of those situations where you think of all the good stuff to say after the person is gone.

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  25. Bleh. Such a moron. You're too good for him, Robyn!

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  26. I don't even know what an Assessor does, Robyn. Maybe they ought to assess whether people are ready to go out on a date. You should have told him you know someone looking for a campaign manager who's running for Pimple Surveyor.

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  27. At least the pancakes were good. What an ass!

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  28. Haha, Klahanie, butt I wish I had.

    CW,or to the 1/2 hour mark of a coffee/pancake date. We'll assume he and his phone are strange bedfellows.

    Lynda, thanks much. Welcome aboard.

    Thanks, sweet Martha.

    GB, who knows what an assessor assesses. I only know this guy's an ass. Thanks for making me laugh.

    Yvonne, yes, there's that. Thankfully.

    xoRobyn

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  29. Have to agree with everyone else, at least you got free pancakes!

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  30. I am nearly willing to move just so I could vote against this guy's candidate. What a smuck!!! He actually brought up his pay check amount. I am gagging. As some of the other commenters stated..I would of had to do something evil to the phone. I know you would be reluctant to waste of cup of chocolate chai tea but spilling it over the vile phone could of been nice.

    I have to wonder..why is his boss driving him around? Does he not have a valid DL? Did he loss it after a texting related driving infraction?

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  31. Welcome, Laura. Thank you.

    Oh Cheryl, your comment makes for blog gold. Thank you! Yes, why is a 40 somethinger man getting driven around by his "boss" and boasting about it?

    I'm going to scope out the neighborhood for a room for rent. It'd be worth it to have you as my neighbor and to have your vote against this candidate.

    xoRobyn

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  32. Obviously he's one who loves his work, shirking everything else. It's these poor saps that I feel nothing but pity for...

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  33. But who wouldn't want that kind of man as a husband? I mean, if he ignores you like that now, imagine what it'd be like if you were married!

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  34. What a BUTTe that guy was. Hey, no great loss, right? Free food is always a good thing.

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  35. He's lucky that you didn't take advantage of the fact that you were sitting at a potential torture chamber for his beloved Siri. Between the hot tea, sticky syrup, and gooey chocolate, you could've had him carried out on his ass. What a waste to rush through chocolate chip pancakes that should be savored like a fine wine.

    Julie

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  36. Oh well, the pancakes and tea were free. And it doesn't sound like you had to sit there very long with the jerk either.

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  37. Even I will tolerate a little political company for free pancakes. :)

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  38. At least he didn't stretch it out. Good for both of you. I hope you stayed and finished your pancakes and tea. :)

    Swinging by to say hello from Robin's place (Daily Dose).

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  39. Well, it sounded like a recipe for disaster from the get go. At least you got some free food out of the deal, even if his behavior would make one want to puke it all back up after listening to his nonsense through the whole meal.

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  40. It is scarey how many people love their phones first. Ugh.

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  41. Robyn: I found you on Robin's blog, and I am now your newest follower.

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  42. Great post. Thanks for the laugh. At least it wasn't a total waste. Chocolate chip pancakes beat most dates anyhow.
    As of this moment, I am your newest follower, and happy for that. :-)
    Deb@ http://debioneille.blogspot.com

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