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Sunday, November 3, 2013

Down and Downer, Reasons for Celibacy #277-285

Few activities are as perplexing as sorting through today's "eligible" bachelors. Take, for example, the following fragments of men's Internet dating ads: justifiable reasons why I (or any single, straight woman) would choose celibacy. Please be entertained.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REASON #277: looking for my maybe more
Sorry. I’m looking for my definitely more, please don’t stop anytime soon.

REASON #278: nice gay
What’s a nice gay like you doing on a non-progressive website looking for a woman?

REASON #279: noting to do
Yeah, me too. Lots of noting. So are you a pantser or a plotter?

REASON #280: looking for sexy woman that is down.
Sexy and depressed? I can do that! Call me, honey. Wink.

REASON #281: im down are you down
Wow, I didn’t know so many men liked down women. I am down, sweetie, especially upon reading these ads. Meet me at the Paradise Dive Bar. We’ll do our tax returns, discuss the rapidly growing homeless sector, review Gore’s power-point presentation on global warming, and ponder the inevitable downfall of the Disney child. I can't wait!

REASON #282: some of y'all are more stuck up than tampons
Oh yeah? Well some of y’all are more dense than a Tolsty trilogy.

REASON #283: single cuntry man
Whoa dude. That’s a rather offensive way to say that you only boink one woman at a time.

REASON #284: Lets grab a 5 gallon bucket of fudge and chat!!
Okay. What are you having?

REASON #285:Como estas that's spanish for I like your face
Adios amigos that’s Spanish for “No thanks. Can you tell me where the bathroom is?”

 

Posted by Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com
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32 comments:

  1. Ms. ANovember 4, 2013 at 1:02 AM

    I see there are yet more slim pickings out there. Does this ever make you wonder what these guys do for a living? Not rocket scientists, I'm pretty sure and hopefully not in the medical profession, either.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Alex J. CavanaughNovember 4, 2013 at 3:22 AM

    Sexy and depressed doesn't sound like fun.
    Reason #278 was funny!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Just Keepin It Real, Folks!November 4, 2013 at 3:39 AM

    I am SO gonna use the "you are more stuck up than a tampon" line. If I was single I would be on that dude like white on rice baby!

    ReplyDelete
  4. David OliverNovember 4, 2013 at 3:46 AM

    I was entertained but kind of scared. These people might reproduce at some point.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Rhonda AlbomNovember 4, 2013 at 4:15 AM

    I loved your response to 283. Actually this whole post was hilarious. Too bad its probably true.

    ReplyDelete
  6. JoJoNovember 4, 2013 at 4:36 AM

    LOL!!! There are so many freaks out there. My stepdaughter keeps using a dating site for our region and she's met nothing but jerks on there.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Eat To LiveNovember 4, 2013 at 5:15 AM

    I guess after reading any of those, I would want to be celitate too.

    ReplyDelete
  8. UnknownNovember 4, 2013 at 5:26 AM

    Hilarious. You are down!

    Robyn, these are always so chuckleworthy.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Optimistic ExistentialistNovember 4, 2013 at 5:45 AM

    This post gave me the giggles - of the wonders of modern dating...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Al PenwasserNovember 4, 2013 at 5:52 AM

    I've never had fudge and chat.
    Fudge and popcorn, fudge and whipped cream, fudge and cookies.
    But, never fudge and chat.
    It's GOTTA be fattening.

    ReplyDelete
  11. L. Diane WolfeNovember 4, 2013 at 6:01 AM

    A lot of downer guys out there. They need a clown, not a woman.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Debra She Who SeeksNovember 4, 2013 at 6:02 AM

    Dr Phil did a couple of shows last week about catfishing and how they search for people to rip off on internet dating sites. One of the tips about how to spot a potential catfish was to look for poor spelling. Looks like the catfish pool is teeming!

    ReplyDelete
  13. ConnieNovember 4, 2013 at 6:08 AM

    Noting to do--ahahaha!

    I can't even imagine what some of these guys are like if they think they are going to attract someone with these lines.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Johanna GarthNovember 4, 2013 at 6:21 AM

    Oh!! Those are so funny! I feel like I want to go on a singles website just for the amusement factor!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Pat HattNovember 4, 2013 at 8:07 AM

    The nice gay just wants to play lol

    ReplyDelete
  16. stephen HayesNovember 4, 2013 at 8:31 AM

    When I was dating the big line was asking a girl up to your apartment to see your collection of etchings. The future Mrs. Chatterbox was quite disappointed when I invited her to my apartment and actually showed her my collection of etchings.

    ReplyDelete
  17. klahanieNovember 4, 2013 at 9:18 AM

    Hi Robyn,

    My human, Gary, has suggest that, REASON #283, should contact the Scunthorpe, England, dating site.

    Pawsitive wishes and doggy kisses,

    Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar! xx

    ReplyDelete
  18. Theresa MahoneyNovember 4, 2013 at 12:36 PM

    I don't know, I think the 5 gallon bucket of fudge guy sounds like a real winner! Si?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Annalisa CrawfordNovember 4, 2013 at 1:41 PM

    #282 and #283 - love your replies to these especially!

    ReplyDelete
  20. OutcastNovember 4, 2013 at 1:59 PM

    I'm actually beginning to wonder why exactly these guys don't bother putting in enough of an effort to spell right, surely if they're going to create a dating account they should at least say they're a nice guy instead of a nice GAY and various other things.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Christian at Point Counter-Point Point PointNovember 4, 2013 at 2:32 PM

    With regards to 282: That guy is wanting to meet women so his strategy is to insult the entire gender as a whole? Bravo.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Gorilla BananasNovember 4, 2013 at 2:33 PM

    I don't know how stuck-up tampons can be, but I'm guessing that line would be far more insulting to some women than others. Could the nice gay be looking for a fag hag?

    ReplyDelete
  23. AnonymousNovember 4, 2013 at 2:45 PM

    Following you already =)
    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Le-Petit-Plastique/473640259360447

    http://lepetitplastique.blogspot.com/

    *Nimli Giveaway Prize Package on my Blog*

    ReplyDelete
  24. Plowing Through Life (Martha)November 4, 2013 at 5:24 PM

    Hahahaha...these are all hilarious! Oh my goodness...there are some really 'interesting' people out there.

    "noting to do" That one just kills me!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Pat TillettNovember 4, 2013 at 7:10 PM

    So funny Robyn!
    I don't see these geniuses on the Match.com commercials.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Al PenwasserNovember 5, 2013 at 6:09 AM

    Maybe it was a misprint? Maybe he meant, "Fudge and chai"?
    After all, a good cup of tea is the perfect thing to wash down some fudge.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comNovember 5, 2013 at 10:56 AM

    Al, I do like chai and wouldn't want to chat with him. So I like your theory.

    Pat, those people on the commercials are gorgeous and normal looking too. Talk about false advertising.

    JustKeepinItReal, if only for the disturbance factor, it's a memorable line.

    Debra, it's difficult to find spelling that's not atrocious.

    Christian, I know, right? WTF?!

    Stephen, no nude modeling for Mrs. C. that night, huh?

    Yeamie, it is baffling that they don't even review what they wrote before posting it. Or do they?

    Cheers, ya'all. Thanks for the chuckles you've given me.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dawn@Lighten Up!November 5, 2013 at 11:45 AM

    ba ha haaa!
    "Okay. What are YOU having?"

    ReplyDelete
  29. CperzNovember 5, 2013 at 11:45 AM

    Holy shit...are there no decent single men left that can spell...and don't use the word "down"?

    Please tell me there is no such thing as a cuntry.

    ReplyDelete
  30. YvonneNovember 5, 2013 at 5:57 PM

    bahahaha! oh my! some real winners out there, i see. sexy and depressed? muahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Empty Nest InsiderNovember 5, 2013 at 10:38 PM

    #282 definitely wins the lowest varmint award. I hope that he's not a frustrated gynecologist.

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  32. Baby SisterNovember 23, 2013 at 10:10 PM

    Wow....282, you're a retard. Loved your reaction to 284. Appropriate. I would have said the same thing. :) And....I'm sure you're aware, but 285 is an idiot.

    ReplyDelete

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